my eyes shot open and terror gripped my bones
I breathed heavily through my nose, eyes scanning my dark room.
with my chest heaving, my fingers fumbled for my phone;
with a click the brightness illuminated my face
quickly, I found your name but I hesitated,
fearful of disturbing you, bogging you down with my own horror.
but I had no other choice. at that time you were my only source of calm.
the dial rung one, two, three times and when you answered I felt relief.
hearing your voice my breath at last evened,
and my heart slowed.
you comforted me whispering I was okay and you were right there.
the gentleness found in your essence, I relaxed.
your quiet presence held me closely under the bend of tired vocal cords.
without any question you decided to stay with me
and as if I had come and crawled in beside you in your bed,
you planted a kiss on my head and wrapped me in your warm embrace.
soothing me you surfaced the calm within me
and there was no maybe in your commitment to stay.
hushing, quieting, lulling and rocking me to sleep
I felt your protection, I knew I was safe,
and the safety in your arms will never disappear.

I fell asleep listening to your breathing
it sounded like music in my ears
the way your chest rose and fell
the sound of your inhale, exhale
rocked me fast to sleep

sometimes I don’t know
how I am to talk to you
and I’m filled with guilt

why won’t you come find me,
when my eyes clearly search for you,
when you’re the only thing
I’ve been looking forward to?
why don’t you come find me?

medicine doesn't always come in the form of a capsule, powder or bitter tasting liquid. medicine isn't always hard to swallow or a pain to refill at the pharmacy, nor is it made by a chemist wearing a white coat and goggles. sometimes medicine is a heartfelt laugh from the person you love. it's a gentle whisper that everything is okay, a squeeze of the hand bringing reassurance and calm. medicine is a smile with eyes turned up in a grin. it's an hour of time spent in the park with kisses and conversation. it doesn't come with annoying side-effects of pounding headaches and dizziness with fatigue. instead it reaps results: healing of mind, body and soul.

when I called your name
you came running to be beside me
no matter the hour
you’re always there
holding me during my storm
all of my fears fade away
when I’m in your arms and love
you’re my shield and cornerstone
you don’t hesitate when my horror is too much
you whisper gently in my ear that all is alright
that you’re there and I’m safe with you

today I kissed you.
over and over again.
I hope you didn’t mind it,
I just couldn’t help but crave it,
after the first time.
your lips against my own felt so normal.
it felt like my own were molded to fit yours,
I wonder if you thought the same.
it was your first kiss,
you said you didn’t expect it,
and I’m sorry I was impatient,
but you looked so beautiful, so tempting.
my lips still burn with the desire you left on them,
every time I think about it my heart races.
and it’s only one kiss into forever.