Is it wrong that I feel like I'm breaking?
I seem fine, I act fine
--but am I subconsciously faking--
these feelings; my emotions
happiness: a dreamer in disguise
or sorrow laced with lies

There are tears in my eyes
Threatening to spill.
An empty,  broken part of me
I desperately need to fill
Torn between love and hate
My world is crumbling
Is there a better fate?
My voice cracking
With each word spoken
So many thoughts attacking
My already feeble heart
Feeling so incomplete.
We're on the verge of falling apart.
It's killing me inside
The secret you
The one you try to hide
You're drifting away
Like the oceans tide
I no longer have words to say

I am the monster of my own destruction;
and the slave of my own chaos.

I often find myself alone
And that's when my mind starts to probe
Why no one cares
Why my heart is cold
And hard as stone
Why I become unhappier as I grow
And why my heart is
Blacker than the night and a crow

Maybe its because
I have no friends
No one who cares
Enough to stop the tears

I have spent many nights
Sad,searching for a friend
And the people I find
Always leave me uncertain
Lord,Father
Help me
Please stop the hurting
Shelter me from my enemies' eyes
Please be my curtain

Fill me with the strength
I need to keep moving on
Cause with a twisted life like mine
I have no choice but to be strong
I try to let them in
Let them break down my walls
But once I do
That's when it starts going wrong

They leave me
Continue with their lives
And don't look back
And I remain here
Thinking bout the lack of trust
That I have
All I've ever wanted was a friend
To make this sorrow end

Maybe I should stop loving
Because it never lasts
Stop building castles in the air
Cause they are not there

I cannot deny what is real
Its clear I don't appeal
And I always face this ordeal
And this weakness I conceal

My loveless heart has had enough
I don't know where to start
But let me tell you
My heart has the deepest cuts
One more heart break
Will tear it apart
I don't know why
They don't understand
That I'm a human being
Who needs love

Don’t tell me being numb
hurts less than a scar.
Don’t tell me feeling nothing
hurts less than a bruise.

After a while nothing
is, but not caring
turns to more pain
than you can imagine.

The only reason not to feel
is because of pain.
I’m told to feel nothing
because words don’t hurt.

Words hurt more than anything
the names I was called
changed who I was
and still hurt now.

You may say it once
but I repeat it.
over and over
until I believe it.

It turns to reality
my whole life story
'till it’s all I see
when I think of me.

And you can say it’s me
who picks up that knife
to hurt myself
but it’s not my fault.

It’s your words
that lift that knife.
And it’s your words
that put it in my arm.

And it’s your words
that I repeat
as I search for death
in everything.

It’s your words
that make me hate me.
And it’s your words
that made me this way.

Your words
take the form of a knife.
The knife that hurts me,
The knife I now need.

And I stand here
wondering how
you could possibly
not know.

Am I really that good
at pretending I’m fine?
that the words you’re saying
aren’t cuts in my arm?

Or is it just
that you don’t care?
That I’m really a no one,
just like you said?

Because to myself
I’m just your insults.
I’m just what you call me,
a person to hate.

All I am is your cruel words.

In dreams
he loves me ~
he looks at me with those seductive eyes
that take me on flights along emerald skies

In dreams
he touches me
and I melt with desire
his hands and his kisses light me on fire

In dreams
he takes me
on trips to France and Italy ~
we dance the night away and
dine on the finest cuisines,
sipping champagne
in chauffeured limousines

Then I awaken…
…and have to get ready for work.