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RC Mar 2020
It’s halfway through March
which means I’ve been lost since I don’t know when
I used to call it a life binge
but I can’t seem to stop spinning
think I’ve lost my footing
still can’t see the ground
wonder what sound I’ll make if I fall
so used to catching myself
I wonder if I’ll fall at all
RC Dec 2019
Oh but Mama, the liquor feels so good in my system
so warm in my blood
I'll bet you never thought I would've listened
but now look at me
filling your shoes, so lost in my boots
I look a little something like you would've
I believe I would reckon.

And Mama have you seen
what a mess I've let these men make of me?
Most of them built on apologies
but they mean what they say
and they like to say it when they're mean.
Oh, Mama,
you should see the things you didn't mean to teach me.

Mama? Please don't be sad,
or hurt, or guilted, or shamed,
you did the best you could with what we had to our name,
My heart's bigger than most
and my eyes are wider all the same
I'll hold it all on my shoulders
I've learned to balance peace with the pain.
RC Dec 2017
He was a good man when he could be but love is not about convenience.
been cheated on for almost two years, so there's that.
RC Dec 2017
It's like I'm fighting time
never have enough but always wasting too much
waiting on time to fix the broken parts of "us"
wondering when things will feel right if they ever will

I'm still stuck on moments people said would heal
been struck by the realization that learning how to accept
is to learn how to deal
but acceptance comes with time
and through time wounds have been revealed

These days my words ring empty, my voice remains low
I've been made of broken promises
over the months it's started to show
Commitment to my future is all too rooted in my past
I need to let go of comfort
this time around I have to make the changes last
Just needed to get it out.
RC Oct 2017
We're lights in the middle of the night
luminescent but not all that bright
yet still guiding each other home
A grip in the middle of the cold
strolling tight side by side
won't admit we're lost in the city
Skipping through skid row
I let you take me home
Past Whittier boulevard
towards the old houses
and past my favorite park
where we ran screaming from
the city's heartbeats pounding through the dark
a mix up of city memories
RC Aug 2017
When do you think we'll stop drawing swords
and stitch the others wounds?
Would you fall for me again
if I fell for you?
After everything we've said and didn't do?

I'll stop crying
when I stop bleeding
and you'll stop leaving
when I start listening
And you'll restart your loyalty
like it's something you can play with
but this pain can be crippling
we're just raising inhibitions
and I can see my ego leaving blisters on your heart.

Why do we keep tearing each other apart?
Don't you get tired of burning each other down
while insisting that it's building each other up?
RC Aug 2017
Somewhere between meeting you and loving you I stopped writing.
I've built up so much to say I don't know where to start
with everything you broke or all the times you broke my heart.
I could begin with your secrets and their names
shed light on the pain, the shame
and talk about how much it still weighs.

I could go on about our begin-agains and epiphanies,
spiritual connections and energy,
adventures that will go down in history
but those things don't consume me
I need to bleed out these other feelings,
I want to work on forgiving.

You know this isn't all your fault.
Scared to love you I bittered my heart
and you hated the taste;
didn't believe in letting your time go to waste
so part of you let go.
I'm not sure that part ever came back...
Maybe I've seen it but it never stays,
and neither do you.
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