While introspecting
I came closer, to myself
Being distanced
I forgot the language
In which scripts were written
Became myopic
And veered farther
Enjoying being away
Lost in the din
Never realizing
I was being swept away
From myself
While my soul yearned
For a rendezvous
I was oblivious
Seduced by the glib talkers
Became gullible
And yielded to the manipulations
Was a hallucinating ride
In the scariest roller coasters
Mind in a jumble
Entangled in the web of lies
Now, I have come back
From the brink of oblivion
To myself
Once more to listen
To my soul and heart
A union
After a struggle

One understands
The fairness of
"Everything is FAIR in LOVE & War..."

Just introspecting that extra dimension
I'm living besides my BELOVED
From morning till night

Wake up with such an uneasy feeling
Of being besides my beloved
Take bath and feel
As if you are pouring water
On my Beloved's body
Look into the mirror
And you see the reflection of your BELOVED
Dress up and try multiple combinations of styles
Hoping it will be liked by BELOVED
On the way, lost in dream of your BELOVED
Whether you are in public transport
Walking or driving
Your eyes are transfixed
During tea-breaks & snacks
Try to be as close and near
In vicinity of your BELOVED's vision
Even an exchange of
Hi-Hello gives so much cheers...
And how about
Taking every opportunity of
Being of some help to the BELOVED
I can lay down my eyes, heart
And even life on BELOVED's path
And when I come back home
And plant so many kisses
On my invisible BELOVED
I carry along with my BLOVED
I talk alone, pamper my BELOVED
Sometimes even scold for no reason
And then apologize and say sorry

During nights, hug to a pillow
Feeling BELOVED is sleeping besides
I become a puppy and curl up
To my BELOVED's body
And I talk of stars and moon
TEll my BELOVED stories
Till we fall asleep
Getting up in the middle of the night
Thinking of BELOVED
Seeing everything in darkness
Searching and realizing
I am still alone

And whatever I'm doing is due to LOVE
"Everything is fair in LOVE and whatever..."

Objectively i step out,
dissecting, inspecting, introspecting,
analysing what is to become of me.

You interpret my words and call it psychology

My main problem is communication,
Inherited from my mother ,
Though i earned a masters in the latter,

My perverseness came from my father
But who could ever blame the parents ?

Since reality is merely a fragment
associated to humans, and i accept that.

Subjectively i dig in , search , meditate and contemplate
i conclude the path is still long ahead however my herritage assures me that i am already there

If Jazz could be committed to ink and paper
assorted with therapy
the results would be similar to my humble poetry


Words Of Harfouchism

Silence
The world around keeps revolving
Standing in the center and seeing it in motion
Faces, humans, people about
Rising and falling
Breaking and making.
I like this spot
Introspecting the humankind.
This silence, it clears my mind.
If we could all talk less
And listen to each other.
Make thus no rambling
Just talk what matters
And listen to what counts.

We could all then listen
To the voices never heard
The cry for a loaf of bread
The little girl who wanted to learn.
The man who never had a roof above his head
And the dying mother, aching for a healing touch.
What selfishness we have taught our children
That only the green can get us through the day.
What hypocrisy we have woven into our legacies of destruction.
Now find ourselves caught in our own web of lies.

Maybe if we could all just hold hands
And keep a moment or two silent
Maybe the cries of help and pain
From far across the desert
Will make its way into our lives .
Maybe then, our eyes will open
To the ignorance we "treasured" all this while
And perhaps then, lend a helping hand.

People know and talk about you all the time
But i don't know you or communicate with you
Is like talking to myself, introspecting my thoughts that never existed

You are like air and wind
People can't touch or feel you
You a ghost
Swerving, interweaving and tormenting
Those who can't see, touch, feel or get closer to know you

I want to meet this friend who is alive but dead
i want to know and understand you but you like a white blank paper
i see people getting closer to you but there is black curtain blocking me
people express their feelings and experience of you
but i'm in another world experience loneliness, joylessness
as i strain my eyes to look for you
the image of you disappear in a thin layer
but how can i see, know or touch you if you never existed

:::¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥:::

Easily, another week went by
11:30 pm, another day's end is nigh
gratitude fills my every sigh...
before bedtime, comes introspecting
...... always leaves me wondering :
:::::
did   i strew new seeds of love today?
did i water the growing ones that sway
so they may harden, spread and multiply?
:::::
did flowers of sympathy and understanding
grow within me this day?
did   i ignore someone crying
did i make a sad face  smile? beaming ,
like  those amazing wildflowers along the way?
:::::
there are nights, i could easily fall asleep
then there are nights that leave me in doubt,
my conscience and my thoughts  debate,  keep-
ing me awake....through  yet, another dawn
:::::
a new day, a new chance for my soul... to heed
a small voice ... to give flowers, to plant new seeds.
to  not trample on wildflowers and unwanted weeds...


Sally

© Rosalia Rosario A. Bayan
March 26, 2019

Condescend to bend the edge of a razor
A half opened door to shaking hands with failure
Emptiness, nothing, heart beats numb
Craziness cunning hard for a kiss of ***
Flashbacks introspecting this Life I lead
Prospects projecting these lines I reap
Would I trade it all for $omething?

**I'd rather die for nothing...!