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I am asleep on the couch

Everything around me could collapse and I wouldn’t have a clue

It’s all roses and sunshine inside my weary head

Dreams are not honest and I don’t wish them to be

I am ready to wake up
Written 10-29-18
You don't make it easy.

I'm not an easy person to be around.
I make that clear.
Still, they shrug it off going, I'm sure you're not that bad.
No, I am.

I have cheated, I am abrasive, argumentative, opinionated and spiky

But everyone likes me when I have some use
And that, at times, breaks me.
I love him
I tell myself
I know that
We will be together forever
I don’t believe that
We could be separated
My thoughts tell me that
He’s the love of my life
Sometimes my heart lies and says
I could live an eternity
Without him
Like my friends say
“We’re perfect for each other”
And you can’t tell me
He’s not the one.

Now read from bottom to top.
 Jan 2019 Salem Emerson Reid
Umi
I will disappear,
When the night strikes once again,
And spirit away.

~ Umi
I am used to this behavior
Can handle it most of the time
Blame it on your addiction
Excuse each careless crime

Consumed by selfish desires
Try our hardest to succeed
We don't seem to be capable
Of being what the other one needs

Don't want to spend my life
Chasing after half-hearted attention
Had enough of secretive ways
Living in continuous suspension

Empty days filled with lies
Make me question everything
The sky knows you better than I do
How real is your flimsy suffering?

Feel this is all a game
It is wrong to play my heart
You are apart from me the majority of the time
The one emotionless from the start

You swear I am the one
Argue the point you love me more
There are times you treat me like
Just another dope *****

Know you care for me deeply
Can feel it when we kiss
I know from experience you'll find
Someone to provide temporary bliss

Wish my face consumed your thoughts
Wish I was what you longed for the most
The one thing that will always come first
Ahead of me; your next dose

You assure I am all you want and more
Why do you talk to other girls?
Is it because you sell them ****?
Or are they prettier with hair that curls?

Each time I feel used and neglected
Blame it on your habit
Tumbling down a dark endless hole
Following a cursed white rabbit

What if it isn't the drugs
Causing your interest to fade out?
I need to accept your priorities
I will never be what you care more about
I am always making excused for everyone I care about
Night 1:
I spend my last, and hurting days
Attempting to erase your face,
And the memory of your last hug:
Fingers tugging on the lace
of my dress,
and the purple velvet of the blanket,
Covering both our skins,
Our vulnerability,
And passion.

Night 2:
I am trying to forget,
But you stained me like ashes from a cigarette
On the white fabric you used to wear.
Or still do... who knows?
You haunt me, but I come to trace your silhouette,
And ****, you’re gone again—
Maybe protected in the shadows.

Night 3:
Where are you today, my joy?
Where am I?
I hopelessly wander the empty, sandy dunes,
Watching the full infinite moons
Pass by.

Night 4:
I never thought I would be the one to leave you—
I always thought it would be the other way around.
I am truly lost...
The sandy dunes are, in fact, hills of beige frost,
And I am scared;
I am scarred.
You’re an irreplaceable piece of art,
And I’m too far from where you are.

Night 5:
My hands are shaken, and are bruised.
I am ashamed; I am confused.
Clearly, the only way to **** off a memory is through abuse.
I learned to take a pill—
It does claim to have my pain reduced!
And the velvet,
And the lace,
Are appearing to erase.
Then goes a smudge of colour;
Next, leaves a seraphic face...
What was the purpose of a greyish-blueish gaze?
Who knows?
Who am I?
Who are you?
Who is who?
  I am no one anymore;
  For there is no one to adore.
Ultrabored & ultrarandom.
today, my best friend’s
boyfriend pulled a bag of
coke out of his jacket
pocket at the restaurant
table. i asked him if he wanted to
****
himself. he said drugs have never been a
dial tone, the only people they
do any damage to are the ones who don’t know what they’re
doing. i was born holding these names in my
mouth: river, jimi, darby, amy, jim… and
i’ll die knowing how much they
weigh. drugs aren’t a
privilege. i knew this long before my best
friend found her boyfriend on his bathroom
floor, blood dripping out of his
mouth like a lost
lifeline, like a wounded
animal she could never have
saved. i know i’d rather kiss junkies than
angels but i don’t want to taste that
pain, i don’t want my
mouth to mean something more than it
does. drugs bring you to the
top of the tallest thing you know
of, then strike you like a lightning
bolt until you crash into the
ground like the grey sisters in nyc
did once. i asked if he wanted to ****
himself, and he never even
heard me.
I wonder if I will ever understand
You destroyed everything good
You sit there and blame the world
Claiming you are "misunderstood"

You whine that no one gets you
Yet don't bother to explain
You won't let anybody in
You have zero right to complain

Do not say nobody has tried
To open doors to your mind
I personally wasted years knocking
Genuine thoughts I have yet to find

It is hard to accept what someone won't give
Even harder to listen to words they do not share
I tried but it is difficult to love
A person who's presence isn't actually there

You act like I am the one in the wrong
As if I would have jumped ship if you told the truth
My loyalty has proved to be enduring
Been dealing with the same ******* since our youth

It's unfair to make me feel guilty
For taking the course I thought was best
Know I'm sorry for hurting you
But I will not apologize for all the rest

You excel at playing victim
Done it so much you really believe
The universe is conspiring to get you
In denial of the fact you deceive  

My biggest frustration with your fake facade
Is the time you spend fooling yourself
I'm powerless to flip your tired ways
Expose flaws you forced to hide up on some shelf

Fairytale you began fearing is finished
The easiest failure to flee
Freedom pushes frantic fingers further from you
Life to you is but a fading foolish fantasy

Satisfied spinning us round and round
Still I followed your dizzy path
Sedated souls stumbling over obstacles
Sickening secrets revealed without a polygraph

Our twisted relationship takes the most room in my heart
The bitterest sweetest disappointment was you
Though fleeting, this beautiful love was rare
I just wish I knew reasons behind the pain you put me through
I guess I'll never really get it
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