If I were over it,
My heart wouldn't hurt anymore.
If I were over it,
I wouldn't be scrolling through years and years worth of content
just so I could see my name on your timeline.

If i were over it,
my breath wouldn't get caught in my throat
just by seeing your name on snapchat,
twitter, or even instagram,
fearing that you're with someone who isn't me.

If I were over it,
I wouldn't still be writing about you,
picturing what our lives would be like
if instead of running away,
I actually stayed.
​

​
But the nights are long,
And now you won't even return my calls.
The space between us grows so fast.
What once was love,
Is just a scar.

Fall in love with a writer,
If you want to be granted immortality.
But beware,
If a writer falls in love with you...
They will carve you in history.

It was flickering.
She could feel it.
She watched in awe as the light fought its way through,
Moving,
Just as she thought that it would die out,
That the fight was over,
It flickered again,
Stronger,
Brighter,
Hotter.

It seemed like an endless cycle.
A vicious, painful cycle.
She wondered why the light didn't just give up!
Why was it fighting its way through what seemed like a pointless war?!
Why didn't the light just...give up?
It would be easier, safer, painless...

Then she saw it.
The light stopped flickering.
The flame grew, brighter and brighter,
lighting up the black room,
Illuminating her once dark life.
She saw the flame dancing in glee,
knowing that it had won that dark battle.
She looked down and saw a shadow,
Her shadow.

Just like that,
She had her answers.

The wind had never howled this
Loud.
It wanted everyone to hear its sorrow.
Oh how the mighty have fallen!

And with it came the tears.
Tears of the sky.
The rain fell
Harder,
Faster,
Pelting everyone with its rage,
Making them feel its plight.
Oh how the mighty have wept!

"We were Kings!" She screamed.
"Kingdoms fall." He replied nonchalantly.
"We were happy." She told him.
"Happiness never lasts." He said simply.

"We were in love." She managed to croak.
"Love doesn't exist."
Oh how the mighty are suffering!

​
I know that you'll never be mine,
But you already know that I'm yours
Maybe even till the end of time

I know that we gave it a shot,
And it obviously didn't work out
Cause you're with her now.

I wish I could say that I was really okay,
But from this poem,
I'm obviously not.

You've made it crystal clear,
That you hold her more dear,
More near,
To your still beating heart.

I just think that it's funny,
How months ago you told me not to worry,
But when I caught you with her,
You didn't even bother to say sorry.

You may have this body,
You think that it’s yours
To keep
To do with as you see fit,
To kick to one side when you’re done with,
To worship when you’re bored.

You may think that this body is yours,
That I am but a mere pest
One that is too tired to stand up to you,
One who is so bruised and battered that
she is just a husk of the woman she used to be.

​
I'll take shelter in my memories of a fool.
Because nothing hits me harder then the
Emotions when I see you.

You left me broken and ashamed
Nothing left but picture frames
All I know is that I lost the best part of me
When you left me hanging.

I took shelter in the deepest part of my brain.
Remembered how you were before you changed.
You used to smile.
The kind that would light up the whole room.
Now you do nothing but stand in the corner and brood.

I found shelter in a cramped up space.
Stuffed and overflowing with nothing but memories of us at your place.
Do you remember the day we just sat and talked?
Sitting under the grooves of the wall,
Tracing, memorising every little detail
Lord knows I still go over everything
Replaying it over and over again.

If I could do it all over
I know I'd do it differently.
I wouldn't have let you walk out the door
Even if my life depended on it.
I wouldn't have let you crawl into that dark room in your head
You know the one where it makes you afraid,
Afraid that everything is your doing,
That its your fault we're losing.

​
They tell me that I'm a good poet
That I have a way with words.
They tell me that I can make the simplest things sound beautiful.
That I can make a flower bloom
Just by stringing 26 letters of the alphabet into a sentence.

They tell me that I'm complex.
That they have to read between the lines just to figure me out.
They tell me that I make the easiest things complicated
That I can turn my McDonald's order into rocket science.

They tell me this
They tell me that
They. They. They.
But you,
Oh baby, you,
You didn't tell me anything.
You never felt the need to.
You accepted me.
Flaws and all.

You accepted the way I made gardens grow all around us,
You told me you loved the way I turned the carpet into our personal meadow.
You accepted the way I ordered my mcchicken burger
Even if it took forever for them to understand my words.
You showed me that it was okay to be me,
To be unique.
To be able to turn the abc's into rocket science,
The 1,2,3's into the tip of the iceberg
To be surrounded by metaphors and little jigsaw puzzles that everyone thinks they can figure out
But when they get frustrated they leave, their mood gone south.
But you stayed.
Patient.

To this day I can't get the courage to thank you,
I've tried
God knows I have
But this,
This is my final attempt.
No metaphors,
No similes,
Just me.

So thank you baby,
My McDonald's order will forever remain encrypted
And my words,
Complicated.
But us...
We're asymptotes.
Destined to come so very close,
But never intersecting

Chipped nails and a bleeding heart,
She sleeps alone,
Waiting for her lover to come home.
She tears at her skin,
Hoping that maybe now he’ll walk back in.

Waist too big,
**** not tight,
Her lover got bored with the same flavour every night.
Too familiar with the small dip of her waist,
Too familiar with those same low moans,
Same generic brown eyes,
Those two ***** that just didn’t bounce right,
Too familiar with the way she wraps her legs around his waist
Too familiar with the way she tastes.

So he left…

And with him, he took her.

Darkest night never felt so bright with you by my side,
The light appears,
Only with you in sight.
Oh darling,
Baby,
My love,
Don’t you see,
You’re the only one for me.
You give me life,
Light,
Guidance.
Something I didn’t have,
Till I met your acquaintance.
Oh sweetie,
It’s so awfully cliche,
But really baby,
I know we’re going to grow old and grey
Together.

So sick of this war,
Keeps pulling me under.
So tired of this monster
And it's brutal force
Keeps pushing me to suffer.

What ever happened to the good times?
The laughs,
The love,
The happiness?
What ever happened to support?

The demons push,
Shove,
beat, bruise, batter.
Making my world a dull one.
Filled with nothing but Crimson liquid and tears
Year after year.

Look at me,
What have I become?
Another victim,
Another pawn for their entertainment.

Warning: Causes Cancer
Splayed across billboards,
Written in the stars,
Tattooed in brains,
Whispered in ears.

Warning: Injurious to Health,
Detrimental,
Almost like poison,
Searing through veins,
Stopping hearts,
Stealing breaths,
Melting skin.

Warning: Will make you fall,
Fall as deep as the sea,
Warning: Will make you cry,
Surround you in an ocean
Of your own tears,
Warning: Will leave you dry,
As dry as the desert
on a hot summer’s day.

Warning: Will break your heart
Into a million pieces,
Shatter it all around you,
Leaving you to mend it.

                                                   All alone.

I’m stuck in between
A nightmare
And lost dreams.
Caught in a place
I couldn’t have even dreamed.
Stuck in a sea of my own tears,
Burnt from the lingering touch you left on my skin.
Skin etched with only your name,
The stains of blood all over my sheets.
Dreams I’ve had for years,
All shattered with 4 simple words.
“I don’t love you.”
“I never wanted you.”
“I’m with her now.”

I want to be Fire.

I want to burn,
To lick and hiss
and defy all odds.

I want to last,
To never die even when a swarm of people
From near and far,
Scream, fling, shout
At me,
Still then,
I will burn,
Destroy everything that works against me.

I want people to stop and stare,
Admire my beauty,
Come so close to it,
But being too scared to touch.

I want to engulf,
To incinerate
Anything that stands in my way.
The smoke from my success
Should paralyse.

I want to be Fire,
Even when I think I’m dying out,
i want my flames to rise again and again.

The ghost of survivors guilt can be so unkind.
It haunts me even in my dreams
Every Single Night,
Taunting me for living and breathing right,
Showing me that this cruel, cruel world
Really is plight.

Dear Mama,
It’s me,
Your little girl.
The one who grew up too fast,
Has her own life now.
The one who you look at so strange,
‘Cause you can’t recognise even her own name.

Dear Mama,
It’s me.
Your angel.
Your baby girl,
The one who needs you more than ever,
The one who you can’t bear to look at because she’s changed.

Dear Mama,
Where are you going?
This is your home.
Home is where your heart is mama,
With me and the expensive new china.
Mama,
Please don't leave me alone, again.
Remember what happened the last time?

Dear Mama,
Please say it ain’t so.
You can’t leave now.
Your little angel needs to be in your arms.
Needs you to hold on to her,
Maybe then her broken pieces will fit back together.

Dear Mama,
I know you’ve gone,
But I also know that you’re still here,
That I’m still in your arms.
‘Cause Mama when I look at the sky,
I only see a bright light,
The star is shining on me,
Lifting me up,
Showering only glee,
Holding me tight,
Treating me right.

Dear Mama,
Don’t be sad.
Here I am,
Next to you,
Not on my death bed.

“Give me a reason to live” He said,
staring into the abyss that moaned his name.
“I can give you a thousand” I said
Grabbing a hold of his hand in an attempt
to ****** the satisfaction oblivion will gain.

The feel of your lips against my skin
Burning my flesh,
Lingering.
Your fingers raking through my hair,
Pulling and claiming what’s rightfully
Yours.

The way my fingers fit
So Perfectly in between yours.
The way our hands move,
Creating a Play with mere shadows.
Our moans
Groans,
Shouts,
Screams…
The way they are mere instruments
In creating a beautiful, sweaty symphony.

Darling, if not for me,
Or our memories,
Live for yourself,
Live to create new memories,
New favourites.
Live to be something,
Someone,
Forget thousands of reasons,
Baby,
You just need one.

You say I'm capable of nothing,
Not success,
Not writing,
Not passion,
Nothing exciting.

You put yourself on a pedestal,
The world can only revolve around You.
It must start and end with only You.
With no one being above,
Everyone only below
You.

You hurl your words like a bayonet,
Not Caring who You hurt in the process.
But when my sharp tongue betrays me in the name of self defence,
you sulk and shout
and stab me with your own two hands.

Oh brother,
Why don't you see
Who you're meant to be to me?
A protector against all evil,
A shield to my little, fragile body.

My brother,
Why don't you see that you're the one who is hurting me?
The sharp sting of your words will forever remain etched in my little, tiny, non-existent brain.

Forgive me father for I have sinned.
His hands were on my hips as we swayed to the beat
Our lips danced together,
Our moans creating a hymn.

He was kneeling above the altar created specially for him,
Caressing his devotee,
Appreciating her beauty.

Forgive me clergy, for I gave him my ring,
How many Hail Mary’s will wipe off this sin?

Father, you told me my purity was all I had.
If this is what Hell feels like,
I would gladly sin again and again.

Buried in Wonderland
I picture you here with me,
Us,
Together once again.
Forever.
I still remember me begging you
“B-baby, please save me,”
But you didnt.
You never did,
So why?
Tell me, Darling,
Explain why I’m still pining for you
Still dreaming,
Still fantasising us together,
Maybe on a picnic while you caress my face,
And tell me how I’m the most beautiful person you’ve ever laid your eyes on.
But for that to happen,
I have to wait
And for you baby,
I'll wait forever.
I'm comfy here sweetie,
I'm warm
In Our Bed
Waiting in your Favourite coloured dress.
Longing,
Only for you.

It’s my 18th birthday today, love.
I beat you.
I finally did it.

Remember baby,
how we used to fight,
We used to play and compete
And how I used to whine,
Never gaining a single victory.
You always gloated,
Always rubbed it in my face.
In the end you always told me,
“My biggest achievement is you babe”
and tears would fall down
Staining my cheeks.
These tears never went away,
But you did.

Baby you promised!
You said we were forever!
So why did you leave me defenceless?!
I don’t like this game baby.
You win, I lose.
please don’t let my agonising anguish continue.

I wanted to win darling,
But not like this.
Not with you sleeping
Six feet
In a ***** damp ditch.

To her he shone,
Shone like the moon in the darkest night,
Like the sliver of light at the end of a tunnel,
Like the ray of hope in a pool of her own tears.

To him she was just another friend,
Just another toy for when he was bored,
Another text he had to answer,
Another face he had to put up with.

Black and white,
Light and dark,
She could never be apart
From the one who holds her still beating heart.
Unaware of the power he holds,
Every time he clenches his fist
Her pain persists.
But, to her,
None of it mattered.

She will wait,
Wait for his annoyed text
if it meant she could hear from him again.
Unaware of the agony he puts her through,
unaware of the forgiveness that she’s imparting.
Despite, the writhing pain.
She stays.
Because he’s the one who will forever have her beating heart.

Darling,
you were made for Me,
We are each others
Destiny.

Baby,
your soft, gentle touch
Is forever going to be
hot to my skin.
Nobody else can ever feel
your caress - it's Contrived
For no one else but
Me.

Sweetie,
you. are. mine.
Only mine.
Don’t you dare go looking
For something else.
someone else.
They can’t give you what I can

I can give you love,
Baby.
I will fulfil your every desire,

I’m going to treat you the way you deserve to be treated.

“Baby, What are you doing?” you screamed,
Screamed ****** ******.
Those words will never leave my head.
The crimson liquid won’t leave my hands,

Darling.
You just gotta understand.
I didn’t mean to hurt you, my sweet.
I was angry and it’s all so concrete,
So you can see why I had to treat you like a piece of raw meat.

But the thing that scared me,
Scarred me,
That wouldn’t stop bugging me…
Is that if I had a chance,
Given the circumstance…
I would do it over and over again.

Here I am sat
At 2am.
Thinking of you and me
And our short lived romance.

Our little story
Wasn’t enough for me.
Darling didn’t you see
How we were puppets
Faking our glee.

Little plastic dolls,
Set up perfectly,
To do what makes them merry
While we drowned in misery.

But baby,
I was wrong.
I never should’ve broken it off.
Because here I am
At 2 in the morning
thinking about you and me
And our Short little Story.

A silence like death,
Tears unable to take its own course,
Trapped.
( Just like I am )

a Prison called faith,
I am unable to face
Anyone.
( Can't tell them anything. Or Else…)

Isolation is the only solace,
The only one I am able to take calm breaths.
( don’t let them in)
( don’t allow them to see)
( I’m drowning in a pool of my own imagination)

                 *Serendipity.

You know his favourite smell,
The colour of his eyes when he’s happy,
The curve of his lips with each emotion he feels.
You know him on the inside and out.

He only knows you in the dark.
He knows only the shadow of your bones
The dip of your waist,
The curve of your legs wrapped around his.
He’s mapped out his favourite places to caress,
He’s marked it as his.
His.
His.
Only. His.

You know him.
You know his breath on your neck,
You know his words in your ears,
You know his short breath on your stomach ,
And the feel of his hair.

But you don’t know his gentle touch…
Only his bruising fingers...
You know nothing of his sweet words,
Only the profanity's and curses
You know the purple on your skin,
But you've never felt his burning, lingering touch.

You've always been an escape ;
A Fantasy.
Darling,
you know you deserve to be a reality.

Don't fall in love with a girl who writes
Don't fall for her words that she calls
A song.
Don't fall in love with what she uses as an outlet for all who has done her wrong.

Don't fall in love with a girl that spews her emotions on a paper.
All of her poems will be about you. You and.
Only You.
Don't fall for her seemingly pretty words that in reality tear through flesh like a bayonet.  

Don't fall for this girl who writes.  
Don't tell her about your thoughts that keep you awake at night
Your conflicting emotions of do I text her or not?!

Don't tell her how you feel

Don't tell her anything...

Anything that you tell her
She already knows.
This girl who writes only writes for you.
This girl who vowed never to fall
Has already fallen for you.
Her fragile heart betrayed her and a million unspoken promises.

She vowed never ever to fall for a boy that she can't call
At 4 in the morning with a cheesy pick up line in mind
She vowed never ever to fall at all.

Don't fall for anything or anyone at all.
Everything that falls only gets shattered into a million
Little pieces.

It looked up at me with grey eyes of disappointment
Of words spoken, and promises broken.
It's skin damp with tears of anger.  
It's skin red with coloured tears of destruction.

Deteriorating on the inside,
She thought she might not live to see another day,
But with the power she held in her dainty hand,
Who knew if she would live to see another second.

She'd sit in her room for days at a time,
Wondering how she had let that tiny blade take over her life.
Contemplating ending that life forever;
But which one. That is the question.

You asked me if I believed in soul mates,
If I believed that there was someone out there
Meant for me
Who isn’t you.

I asked you if you believed in destiny,
If fate somehow brought us together,
You nodded and laughed
Mocking me for believing that fate was real.

I told you the Truth, Darling.
I didn’t believe in fate,
Neither did I in soul mates.
I didn’t believe in what I thought was
Fake.

Then I laid my eyes on you,
Saw the way your eyes crinkled
When you smiled,
Saw how my heart kept racing a million miles,
I knew I couldn’t get you out of my head,
Not even if I Tried.

That’s when I knew,
I was always destined to be with you.

Fate isn’t my friend, my darling,
It puts me in a constant state of aching.
Because I know that you’re meant for me,
But I’m not meant for you.

The day I learnt I was broken
I didn’t cry at all,
Instead a laugh escaped my lips,
As I leaned against a wall
and laughed and laughed
as I began to fall.

The day I learnt I was broken,
I started to look around,
But I saw nothing,
Didn’t even hear a single sound.

The day I learnt I was broken,
I didn’t have anyone.
Not a single person to turn to,
No one could be found.

The day I learnt I was broken,
I also learnt that I was alone.
                 With no friends, no heart and no place to call home.

If I ever wrote romantic poetry, it would go something like this,

He told me he loved me,
That he saw stars in my eyes,
He told me that green was his favourite colour,
Until his eyes met mine.
He told me he’d never seen a smile
Quite as beautiful as mine;
That just looking at me could stop time.
He said that he loves me,
Loves me more and more everyday,
Tells me that I absolutely take his breath away.
he said he'd never believed in love till he laid his eyes on me,
Never thought his heart could skip a million beats.

The thing with romantic poetry is,
That none of this,
Not even he
Is real.

Words mean nothing
Nothing at all
If your word is going to be like a glass after it falls.

Broken
Empty
Only spoken

Truth versus illusion.
That seems to fit.
Where the illusion was that I was perfect with him
When the truth is that I couldn't stop the tears from leaving the brim.

"Goodbye," She said
And with one swift swipe,
Slowly, she bled.

She waited, for the pain to surge,
For hand to bleed,
For her to scream,
For her body to writhe.
But she felt nothing.

All her pain was coming from inside.

She stared there and watch her arm bleed,
While her eyes just stared with greed,
She gazed as the blood starting seeping out,
Watching as her life slipped from her palm...

She knew her whole world was coming down
But she wouldn't even let a single year slip out
She took in a deep breath from her nose

And slowly... she let everything go