He questions me now.
Doubt clouds his every judgement,
Like he can’t trust himself, or me.
Questions drip venomously from his lips
Burning my sensitive ears and making me bleed.
The questions he asks are absurd.
They offend my soul,
Darken my thoughts,
Hide my love in a veil of hate.
The dark shroud closes over me now
And still those accusing verses leave his lips.
Would he still question if he knew
What I held in my hand, in my heart?
The love I carry for him is pure,
The hate ever mounting.
Still, he is a puppet to whispered rumours.
He doesn’t know who to believe.
He doesn’t know where to turn.
Does he know he is turning away the truth?
Will he ever hate himself for what he has done?
The blade sinks deep.
No, he would just keep on questioning...

I remember that night.
That night we danced under the moon
And sung our wishes to the stars.
Back then the stars were our goal.
We would see each other again.
Now I hold you, sleepy and weary
In my long embracing arms.
My writers hands caress your sleeping face
Brushing back locks of the darkest chocolate
From a face innocent with slumber.
I remember that night.
The moon mocked us with its glow
And the stars shone brighter with arrogance.
Everything was bathed in silver, that night.
And now as I look down at your face
I remember how you were then
And again I notice, in my heart
You haven’t changed at all.
You’re still my moon and stars.

I remember that night,
Like I’ll remember this one.

Reflections of the heartbreak kind
The memories left behind, left in lines
Memories of laughter, the lows and the throes
The hi’s and goodbye’s, the sights and the fights.

My reflection stares back at me, a mirror of my life
My heart that has pound from the very start
With fear and longing, from jumping and running
From anger and distain, passion and pain.

My hands stroke crow’s feet seated around my eyes
The door to my hidden secret soul, like a hole through me
Reminding me of who I wanted to be
What I have seen, done and who I have been.

Memories flash in my ever seeing eyes
Things I have tried, the people that have lied
The friends that were there and the problems I have bared
It reminds me never to be scared
In this mirror of my life...

I stand at the brink of illusion
Not knowing which way to trek.
Beyond the barrier is cold, barren reality.
Reality which comes to smack me in the face,
Reality which wakes me from my dreams.
I stand on the brink of illusion
Not knowing whether to stay.
Before the barrier is blissful oblivion.
Illusion that holds me close in my sleep,
Illusion that never lets me wake.
In which land should I venture?
Which should I chose?

Foreign,
The word whispers to me like a long-lost sister.
Things that I long to encounter,
Things that are strange to me, different.
The word makes me dream of better culture,
A language that seems so strange and eloquent,
Rich and exotic food to sample
And a bright orange sun burning the horizon.
It makes me dream of change,
Of how the word is when there is no war.
Country to country friendship and peace,
A universal shake of tinted hands.
Everything tinted different shades, instead of tainted.
I want to encounter the different,
Rub shoulders with the strange
And teach myself... Everything.

Love is a breath after near suffocation
A kiss on long awaited lips
The heartbeat after the fatality

Love is a promise after failure
A helping hand in a storm
The dream after a life of nightmare

Love is a friend after condemnation
A smile on a dreary day
The hand you hold after a fall

Love is feeling you ate too many butterflies
And the sudden irregular heartbeat
The blissful pain no doctor can cure

Love is a rope to hold onto
No matter how much it burns
Love is the wonder of firsts
And the many firsts to come

Shocked moans rent the air.
Your talented fingers pluck my strings,
Don’t they, my Darling?
The man with the silver, bladed tongue.
Not just useful for speaking, Pet.
Your hands stroke silhouetted hills,
Create a storm with a symphony of ****** notes.
The pounding of my heart is the drum,
A background to our orchestra, you said.
You command the stage with no audience.
Just you and me, like always, my Love.
You test the boundaries and break them
Yet you always go back for more?
Our next song is called Slow Dance.
I wait for more,
Hesitant touches, slow moving fingers,
You always make me beg.
This is our symphony, my Dove.
With a silent audience.

Why is it that the rising sun reminds me of you?
The drifting clouds, the ebb and flow of the city sounds,
My heart that trips and skips when I am reminded –
This heart that misses you with each moment.

It wasn’t meant to be this way,
My mind missing you everyday
My heart reaching, having things to say
And I promise you; I promise you’ll hear it one day.

The fresh air caresses my skin and I am reminded
This warm-bloodedness I long to share with you
In this life I want to hold you, and never let go
So you know how much I love you…

But I know you’re in a better place,
When I close my eyes I see your smiling face
Watching down at my old and new mistakes
In this life I call my own.

So when I come and join you
When I’ve had my laughs and loves,
We can laugh and smile together
And gaze down on everyone.

A night of sin planned ahead,
A candle lit room for two.
Dining on the fruits of seduction,
A table of satin sheets,
A plate of welcome, needy flesh.

Some might name this torture,
The way your touches make me scream,
But my shivering body knows better
And I say it’s pleasure for pain.

Your pinned and open butterfly,
Like a willing slave to your gaze.
Hot eyes like coals heat me,
Hands soft as silk please me,
Moans your reward for such patience.

Our pleasure hot and heavy
And still you wait willingly.
You’ll get your reward
If you appreciate my sin.

On my knees I beg for more
Hands searching, hunger flaring,
Begging for a taste of the forbidden.
Head bowed and always subservient
I come to you in need, my Torture.

The nights don’t appear so long with you
Until you go to sleep
Your peaceful face placates me some
As jealousy floods my heart
How can you sleep with a smile
As I while away the hours
Imagining you surrounded by flowers
And many cloaks of black
Wreaths of crimson red roses
As a tear falls at my choices
What I did while I was shaken

I hate how you sleep...

Oh mother, I’m scared of you
Of that false smile you so expertly carry
The words you speak are so wrong they deafen me
And inside I know you’re not complete

There’s something inside that frightens me
I know that somehow you’re broken
Those tears on your cheeks are tainted
I fear you, and it’s not your fault

There’s something inside that shakes me
I know you’ll always be broken
Those tears are red with hidden anger
I fear you, and it’s not your fault

Oh mother, I know you’re healing
Slowly, bit by bit every day
But the wound will scar, I’ll always see it
It’s a constant reminder of what you are

Oh mother, it’s breaking me in every way
My heart so strong doubts it all
I don’t think you’ll ever be the same
You’ll carry that smile while I expect you to fall

There’s something inside that frightens me
I know that somehow you’re broken
Those tears on your cheeks are tainted
I fear you, and it’s not your fault

There’s something inside that shakes me
I know you’ll always be broken
Those tears are red with hidden anger
I fear you, and it’s not your fault

Oh mother, you’ll always be broken to me
You’ll always be a horror carbon copy
And as these tears roll down my face
I know you’ll always be a mother... To me.

Blood on a show white landscape
Grace of the dancer in silk wrapping
She seduces, sleek and ornamental
Wearing a masterpiece of the sunset
Burnt orange and gold adorns her
My Geisha, my ultimate Queen
With eyes like the sea, she flows like water
She’ll break down my **** without exertion
With her sash of mahogany around her stomach
Binding back her heart and free will
Eventually I will cage this fluttering bird
Steal her and keep her in my guardian walls
With eyes averted she keeps the sake flowing
Giving me a quirk of lips before fleeing
A sigh escapes my wary body
Will my white dove ever follow me home..?

So when I walk through that door
Will you greet me?
Smiles and spitted lies that will pass
I remember when you said that you would miss me
But now that I have grown up
I now know that there’s no fun
In going home to a mom
That talks nothing but ******* about me
She’s always telling me to grow up
Yet she is stuck in the same little ******* rut
That agitates the **** out of me
So which direction, ******* mother, should I go?
Tell me if you think that you know
This heart that beats inside of me
That tells me what I can and can’t be
Will not take instructions from the
Worst ******* mother I see
So now that I have figured where I’m going
Picking a direction and not knowing
Whether I’ll ever see you smiling at me
So I’ve left you with my brother
Left him with the mother
That I never really knew
But one day I know
That every day he’ll show
More intelligence and potential then me
So goodbye for the last time
Remember that I’ll be fine
Like I always have been
So if we meet again
I hope we can be friends
And I hope you’ll see the better side of me...

It’s gripping, its hold on me growing tighter
I can’t keep it out much longer, it’s flowing
This fog is creeping through my mind
One of a kind, it’s there to remind me
To hurt me, heal me, shield me
Pure insanity sends me reeling, am I healing?
It rends me in two, leaves me checking on you
I don’t know what to do with you,
Two of a kind, birds of a feather
A daughter and a mother, struggling to recover
Struggling together, together will they stay?
Though this hurts, my heart barely beats
I’ll be there to dry your tears and kiss your cheeks
As I feel the insanity setting in
Don’t worry about me, it’s you that’s worsening.

Sometimes I wake up
And I don’t know how to start the day
My heart beating away
My breath coming out in bursts
Like waking from a fresh nightmare
Then I remember... You’re there...
My eyes close with the weight of fresh tears
And my tearing heart closes down
But I’ll keep on living
Because I know you’re around
The stutters and breaks don’t hurt anymore
And the nightmares are all smiles
Gruesome smiles that haunt the shadows
That keep me awake beside you
That make me think without you...
I just wouldn’t know what to do
And so what if I watch you sleep
Heart heavy as I weep
Over the obvious change going on in me
From love to hate
From now to what was meant to be?
So I go through my day like any other
Picking no direction to walk in
I just take one step, then another
And stop when the road ends
And when I walk through that door
You’ll be there
Smiling at me from in front of the t.v
And I wonder why it is I am there
Watching something that obviously
Doesn’t interest me
The lights in your eyes
And the smile that passes by
That vacant expression once you turn away
So I’m stood in the doorway
Not really knowing what to say
To the person that cares nothing about me
And it suddenly occurs to me
That at which velocity
Would it take to throw you down the stairs
And when you hit your head
How many years would I get
For such a crime of the heart...
Because you’ve already killed me...

Four long years, embedded in a dream
Motionless beneath the fog, held under the stream
My heart and soul gripped, night after night
Losing my sight, dropped from the greatest height
Into a dream, or maybe a nightmare
I’m beyond caring, daring to wake up
Daring to dream, applying a mask like daily make up
I hide myself until I slumber
I hear the rumble of passing traffic, peoples voices
These vices mean nothing to me, I live the day
To sleep the night away and imagine I’ll be in your arms some day.

But the brightest colours hide the darkest lies
You’d promised me everything, awaiting the goodbye
Did I mean anything to you, as I saw the world in vibrant hues
With a smile on my face, hiding the disgrace that was the disgraceful place
Where I would pace beside you
I would beg for something more, to be more than just your *****
I can’t stick around anymore, I abhor you, adore you
I want to slit you open and watch you bleed
Dragging your remains by your makeshift lead, your hold on me
This lead was your claim, your steady climb to fame
We’re not the same, I’ll never bow to your will
I’ll make the ****...

I stare down at your ruined body, a smirk painting my lips
My heart does flips in my chest, I did my best
I stamped your blood across our butterfly crest
Like the wings of love, your soul took flight
I won the fight.

I won’t be your second best, left to rot with all the rest
The pain in my chest is gone now you’re no more
Now you’re spread across the floor
Like your broken body is begging for mercy
Something I can’t give and can’t see
You would never be with me
And now I can’t see for the ****** scattered remains
Of your torn apart disgrace of a body...

A new era of imagination.
Days and nights spent swallowed up
Devoured, consumed by a new world
The pages fall open and I am overcome
The smell of books, new and old
The texture of the paper inscribed
With sarcasm and witticisms, pain and longing

Those wee hours replaced by cold detachment
This shiny new thing that carries books
Gone is the sound of rustling, flicking
And the resounding clap of a satisfying ending
The thump as you fall back into your pillow with a smile
And the hunger for more and more and more

I miss the smell of yellowing pages
Of second hand dog-eared bargains
I miss the heavy feeling in my hands
My tears caressing the scripture

My fondest memories are out of this world
Please swallow me up, swallow me whole.

Sometimes it feels good to watch someone cry,
If only to know that you're not the only one
That hurts.