You can't lose yourself trying to be someone else!

Words come quite easily to me. But whenever I'm trying to write about you... I feel inadequate.
I take pride in being a writer, the notorious person who makes magic with the pen and the paper.
But you render me helpless.. With no words to rhyme.
Do you see, The kind of effect you have over me?
You are turning a poet's life into a poetry.

That Old Drug Checklist? Completed. No Shame. So get over it.

(It's rather colloquial, however, revealings as well. This is what I said to a boy from driver's ed who wanted to be my boyfriend... So I tried to scare him off. Hahaha. **Rationale a la 15-year-old):

Maple: It's not exactly something I talk about, ever, because it just demonstrates my insanity. But, I want to try everything. Every substance, every drug.

Justin: Um, why?

Maple: Why not?

Justin: Well, cause it’s bad.

Maple: If you believe in good or bad, right or wrong. I don't know what I believe except that we're all robots of each other and nothing matters anyways.

Justin: Hmm, that’s a different way of thinking about it. I think that curiosity isn't bad, just be careful. . .

Maple: I don't know if I am, but, meh. Is there really any good reason to do anything?

Justin: Umm, no, not really. It’s what you feel, not what others feel. Well. . . just be careful.

Maple: Safety is a conspiracy.

Justin: Why do you say that?

Maple: Think about it. You can insure everything you own, walk on the right side of the road and follow strong Christian morals that give the illusion of safety, as if you’ll go to heaven if you’re good and hell if you’re bad. But, with one fire, one plane crash. . . well it's all gone. The entirety of you. And who even knows if there is that insured heaven anyways?

Justin: Hmm, you know I think that the way you think is very interesting and mostly true, I mean, nothing is ever completely safe. You can't always be careful, but I also think that you should use this and try to live life to its fullest.

Maple: Thank you. But what is living life to it's fullest? Everyone always says that, but what does it mean?

Justin: Well, like you, I know that what you’re doing is unhealthy, but your not afraid to try different things. You experience more then anyone else, cause most people play it safe in their comfort zone.

Maple: Exactly! Always judging but never trying. Society has made these things into taboos, but are they really? I know that getting addicted is a terrible idea, but everything in moderation. Why always sit on the sidelines making assumptions behind whispered hands and backs? Why not jump into the game?

Justin: Yep, that’s right. You can't sit there say that’s bad or you should do this if you haven't done it yourself. Because if you haven't, you don't know what it’s like and you’re being hypocritical.

. . .

Maple: Um. . . Says the boy who just told me not to do drugs “cause it’s bad.”

It's been 2 years
since we've stopped speaking
to each other
like it's all that's left to do

104 weeks
since I knew how I felt about you

730 days
since I thought about
never telling you how I felt

1051200 minutes
that were spent
on dwelling for what was
than acting for what could have been

63072000 seconds have passed
realizing nights are never long enough
to make myself realize that --
yes, I am through with you
because in the morning
when I wake up,
I'm hoping again

Two years -- and a glance my way
and I've figured that the only reason for the hollow in my chest
is because two brave years ago, I've decided to give you my heart
in the hopes of you doing the same, but what you did was take it in your hand and break it as she held your other

What was there in you that made me want you to stay?
The way that I'm blue
But you made it okay
The way that you gaze
The way I forget
Youre invading my space
But I don't really care

What was there in you that made me need you to stay?
Your laughter
Your warmth
Your smile
that disarms
The way youve turned
My black and white world
to something in technicolor
Now I can feel so much more

What was there in you that made me think you would stay?
The way that you care
The way that you don't
The way I know everything about you
And then nothing at all
The way I'm surprised
Like were meeting for the first time
And when you take my hand
I know I could fly
The way that im losing
My grip on reality
Because you're the first
I've have ever
learned to love fully
And all this thinking has led me this way

What was there in me that made me think you would stay?

Most days
It's longing for your presence
Like flowers need water
Just a looming presence
A cloud over my head
Thoughts of you swim in my head
Your eyes that light up with happiness
The way my name sounds
so different when you say it
Your nose you think too huge
But I think is beautiful either way
The way I feel beside you like
It's where I'm meant to be
Your gorgeous smile that always, always, always
Takes my breath away
All of you, just all of your perfection
But sometimes
It's not a mere cloud looming
Sometimes it's slams the memories back in my mind
The little things you do
Your easy gracefulness
Your kindness
Your happy disposition
Sometimes it feels more like walking down the street
And seeing car coming to slam you
Till you're on your knees
With no controls or no breaks to hit
This is the way I miss you
Painful, merciless, and unforgiving
But the moment
I see you once again
I realize the wait was worth the pain