It scares me
It's a day when all the monsters
And all the nightmares
And all my fears come true
They're awake
Walking in the streets
Asking for candy
They knock on my door
I hide and shut my mouth
I don't have candy
No, I haven't any

I thought I was over you.
But I still check my messages at two in the morning,
hoping your name will magically appear.
Asking me how my day went,
how I spent my afternoon.
Telling me you missed me.
I'm hoping.
I don't know why, but I still am.

I'm hoping you'll come back,
say sorry that you left me hanging.
I'd probably say it's okay,
that I didn't mind.
That we were both busy at that time,
and didn't really notice the silence slowly devouring us.
But I did and it hurt.
It hurt a lot.
But that's okay because it's you.
I could never be mad at you.

I'll always come back to you.

The nouns of my life are fading.
I'm left standing at an
uncomfortable cliff.
And the winds of
change keep
whispering,
"Do you
fade or
fly?"

Many paths do we take
Many roads in our wake
Many bridges with their tolls

Onward travelers
bless us all
Heroes born to challenge's call

Obstacles vanish within our path
toil not with guiding staff

Wandering travelers throughout our life
we share our stories of good and strife
on roads of signs which way to take
to travel best for all's at stake

Lonely travelers is you and me
we merge at times
on roads
we share
and talk our journeys
of rough and smooth
and find our wisdom
in enlightened mood

I’ve run out of reasons not to hate myself

5 years ago I tried to **** myself but I couldn’t

tie the right knot. I tied it around my neck

but it just kept slipping, like me, slipping like walking

on ice, like my tongue when I talk to you, slipping.

What a slap to my face huh? A suicidal kid

who wasn’t even smart enough to tie the noose

he was going to use to **** himself because

he felt he wasn’t enough, ever.

Failure: My story’s recurring theme

Migraines: My annoying next door neighbor

Migraine medication: His daughters (All 15 of them)

I kept making myself “better”

Stopped the cuts

No more pills

clean

But it came back

I tried to stop it, I really did

Happy. My motto memorized. Happy

Happy. Rehearsed and repeated. Happy

Well, 5 days ago I tried to **** myself. I wasn’t enough

Happy wasn’t enough.

This time I googled how to make a proper noose

wasn’t even that hard, really.

It was ready, I was ready, notes for everyone

tucked away in individual envelopes in my bag

and clear and concise instruction on where, when and to who

they should be sent to.

I would have died. Wrists, thighs, hearts, and eyes

carved

Deaf, I became deaf. From all the screaming inside telling me

to do it and the whispers outside not to.

5 days ago I had my head in a noose, ready to jump

Then you called asking how I was

“Bad, really bad.” I said

“Tell me about it” you replied

5 days ago I was about to **** myself but you stopped me

But you won’t always.

away away, to the salty sea
away away, from all that is we
away away, from men and he
away away, from love indeed

away away, at last from land
away away, even from the sand
away away, from where i can stand
away away, to the sea i am banned

away away, and now i drown
away away, i am finally crowned
away away, at last i am alone
away away, in the pits of the sea on my throne