I adore you
Not as a collector idolizes what's his to keep

You're beautiful
the cusp of your hills
leading to a shallow sink hole
just before the meadows

You're perfect
The circular masses
surrounded by pure white sand
Even when it rains
emotions gleam flawlessly

You're joy
Hide poorly your white city
Covered by soft rose gardens
That part
In a way that evokes happiness
Within me

I adore you
Not the way a collector
Idolizes what isn't his to keep
But as

A traveler...
Lost in another land

...finds himself.

If my love was personified as my hustle
I’d take you into my heart and never let you go.
I’d cling tight onto you  and no matter how hard you fought
I wouldn’t let go
I’d let you know
You. Are. mine
No one elses
Your home is hear
Listen
to the beat reverberating through my chest
Cavity
Rotting me from the inside
You’d make me blind
Like an error  
my mind
I wouldn’t understand how you infiltrated my veins
I’d kiss you like you were my forever
Love you in pure desperation
Because my present without you is bleak
At best I know that if I blink
the moment could pass
A risk I can’t take
Won’t
Never
Losing wouldn’t be an option
You would be my dream
you
the very earth that I walk on
The pillow I lay down on
I’d lay down
What  ever I would have to
To make you my reality
I would blindly dive into the opportunity
to make my dreams come true
THEY wouldn’t deter me
I don’t need  their
approval
permission
opinion
Not to love you
Because the core of me would want you
And the lack of THEM understanding my vision
Means that I’m about to make history
If my love was my hustle
We’d never end
You would be my dreams
And without you I would be nothing

Let me tell you something

I learned Lettin' Go
can be
a powerful show
Of  Wisdom



I always had
this need
to see where each
song leads

Everything I
began...
lovers turned back
to man

I feared I'd miss
forever
I was A slave to
"together"

I became the most
Devoted
You just took love never
Showed it

*though I didn't know it

But you showed me

A wise woman doesn't finish
every book
She knows unfulfilling by
second look

I knew
             I know
                             you showed me

But I hoped If I closed
my eyes

Your words

Your words would
Come true
Passion a new

Ha! You sure showed me

wishing
Loving
Don't change people

I just never thought
You'd
          take
               "no"
                         away
                                 from
                                          me
                                               too

But you sure showed me
                                                and
                                          Yet
                                   still
                            I'm
               stronger
        Than
**you

Grateful
I am
My love
For which
All I was
tryna find
tryna find
Was just
you

Complete.
Isn't...

it seems that my present
Requires your presence
Without you
Life
It is not a present

my present
past
I pray that you're in tomorrow
b/c my life is nothing.. but
sorrow without you

Now you see
I fell in love

My love
All I was
tryna find
tryna find
Was
you

And In time I realized
He was just a road away from you
I found security in his  arms

Love sometimes...

Fear

Oh!
What He was teaching me
The very thought now
sends a shiver down my spine...
the thought!

My heart, I thought he had


he knew that
All I was
tryna find
tryna find
Was Just...
you

He was my excuse
Convinced me Not to follow you

his path

couldn’t include...
My happiness, I can only have
tryna find
tryna find
you...

To have your presence
in my present
You were
an invaluable present

This.

I realized...
after leaving you
I never thought you’d love me again
but

you’ve been right here

waiting for me
to choose to lay with you
tellin me

Searchin...

All I was
tryna find
tryna find
Was
you

When I left Fear
I realized...

My love
always had
Will foreva have
you.
Dearest Peace of Mind,

(Now read it bottom up)

(Follow my cue)
(I’ll tell you when you speed it up)
(Then when to read me slow)

(Fast)
I laugh at the idea of love
this sentimental feeling we urge to
convince us that we’re not just little ants
scattering over mother earth’s back

(Faster)
As if we’re trying to convince our
frightened youth within
that there’s a happier ending
to this tragedy we’re all casted in

(FASTER)
CAST
your fears to the wind
as your eyes run out of breath
keeping up my my poetic prose
my repetition is your oblivion,
and you’ll see that we are in fact
ants
alone

(Faster)
scattering down her spine
she doesn’t even squirm
Giggles at our insignificance
we are alone

(Just Fast)
Isn’t that the truth behind
it all
that we’re alone
that eventually we’ll
fall into an eternal rest
sleep
death

(Slow it down for me )
I am the child of the most HIGH
why should I fear loneliness?
He is no kin of mind
Isn’t my present a gift
within myself
I don’t need more!

(Slower)*
I don’t need my hands to wrinkle
entwined with another?
don’t need to run them
through the silver hair of my lover?
Why should an earthly Love be a goal of min(d/e)?

I believe I can be free from you
That the memory of you is less a tattoo
More of a bruise

Painful
Not permanent

Yet a memory
still
Is what you held me
And yet still lingered briefly
was the belief I had in being your wife

Your King’s crown
Only a fool’s gold
from Jill Scott’s script-ure

Karma is my favorite *****
and I won’t even have to wish her on you

Your demise
already Materialized
in the form of Your weakness’s
Imprints on me

To be clear
This is about me now
My evolution
almost makes me want to thank your ***** ***

Because What I’ll do with this hurt
Is God’s work
Breaking generational curses as I
Dare to heal in public
The audacity of me


See...You never understood me
Never bothered
You may have taken my first time from me
But you were the only one slaughtered

You’ll never forget
The night you killed your soul
I’m your tattoo...yet stranger
Judgment day will be your toll

&...
For me?
The ampersand runs deep

A magnolia blooms in my womb
No longer A tomb
for all the Ways
yo mama didn’t love you

Will you tell her you hate her?
Once you do
Will you tell her to
“Get that look off your face you act like you never been in pain before”
Look her in the eyes when you do

That’s your thing right?

It wouldn’t be your first time anymore either
You don’t have **** to lose
Gon head...Let that hate sink deeper

I'm frustrated
with myself
No, better yet with time
Or rather, my count
the amount of times you have crossed my mind

Whether lyrically or in theory
I've imagined our make-up
A love that would spur from 3 simple words
and like a dream
I'm awakened
wiping my eyes and stretching
not fully realizing that my mind's fabrication
has no relation
to my present situation
which consists of
my determination
to get you to accept our relations

I'm frustrated
with myself
No better yet with time
or rather my count
the amount of times
I've uncapped my pen
to let it dance along my pages
yet my hand even as it tires
working to depict my heart's desires
but when I look back at what I've created
all I see is you
subliminally written across my pages
hidden behind poetic rhymes
I hate it
I know deep down its truth

I'm frustrated
with myself
no better yet with time
or rather with my count
the amount of times
I lay my head down to sleep
and can't help but think
of the nights you spent with me
those of tranquility
where I would lie awake to listen
to you blink
Those nights where you forgot your oath to discretion
and showed if only for a second
your affection
The rub of my cheek
or my hands yours to keep
as I pretended to sleep
daring not move
fearing your retreat

I'm frustrated
with myself
No its not time
for he is a figment of my imagination
personified
that I use to describe
distant memories
which still seem
to occupy my mind

When in fact its my own heart
which beats distantly in my past
as if that
will resurrect
my grasp
on another we cherished
my mind pleads the memories to cease
because my time spent on what was
shreds my peace

But I cannot help but admit
that my frustration
or better yet Time
or rather my count
those times
seems to forever briefly
brighten my day

I am the wind along your cheeks
resurrecting
bitter droplets
to glaze
an endless white sea
surrounding
dark brown abyss
covered only fleetingly
by the continued
parting of lips
whose lashes
strike rapidly
in an effort to
delicately
cease
weakness from
reverberating on  your cheeks
Does not the brow secrete
pain?
Is not your agony
flourishing?
Cast my words to the breeze
truth lands heavily on your shattered spirit
I am the wind
that made thee weep
forgive me

I never read what I write
While I'm writing
Because I write from the soul
Which rarely has patience for the limited comprehension of my mind

I felt Life take a hard right
looked out the window
and saw a sign
'WELCOME TO ROCK BOTTOM"
in dim lights
found myself in the dirt
face down to the earth
waiting for someone to tell me my worth
paralyzed
I tried
effortlessly to rise
but it felt like my demise
was so heavy that
I couldn't arise
from that place

Coupled by
darkness in my soul
I saw my story unfold
and it made me want to
release a clip into my brain
or what remained
because clearly I was insane
for allowing my pain to
keep me off my feet
And now as I weep
I wait
hoping that every intake of breath
is my last.

I never read what I write
while I'm writing
because I write from the soul
which rarely has patience for the limited comprehension of my mind
and in my mind
I reached my end in Rock Bottom
I calculated
0% chance of success
even at my best
my demeanor was too shattered
to unearth
any type of power
a little voice
welcomed me to my final hour
It dug a grave for my soul
wrote my will in the earth
and asked me to sign

But I never read what I wrote
because my soul finally spoke
assuring me that
this hour
was mine

Though I still couldn't stand
I pushed up with my hands
knelt in the sand
at Rock Bottom
and though I still couldn't lift my head
I saw it bow instead
hand clasped
time passed
I waited
there at Rock Bottom

I never read what I write
While I'm writing
because I write from the soul
and right from the soul
I saw the limited comprehension of my mind
which could only see
Rock Bottom as my final resting space

When it was in fact my birth place
where I would take
every pain and tear
not to be cast away
but kept safe
a reminder of what I can take

or rather
what He can make
grow from the corners of despair
for repair
Rock bottom
was the most
painful
loving
dark
illuminating
crippling
strengthening
chapter in my life

But I learned so much about his might
that all I could do right
is write this
beautiful
tale in Rock Bottom

As I read what I write
at a time in my life
where my might
appeared broken
know you
are chosen
by his grace may you face
Rock Bottom
because with time
he will take you
to peace
and shape you too
his will
a blessing that is both yours and mine

You will find your
most powerful enemy
may dwell
above the brow
below the crown
Mind
who cannot see the finish line
because its limited comprehension
resides
only in the calculated present
which compared to
a prayerful soul
is always 3 steps behind

So I never read what
I wrote
until now
because my soul
found
strength
wisdom
and courage
knelt
in the sand with praying
hands

through mental abyss
from which
I arose
forgiveness in tow
a story to be told
thank God
I died in Rock Bottom

This is For Poet
I find delight
in those who engage
in limitless moments of
Expression

so watch
my prose
dye this page
to life
as i write a tribute
to poet

Who else can take life’s
most valuable lessons
turn them into a
collection of words
Bled
from soul?

this IS for you poet

from whom
life’s greatest lessons
gleam from their faces
always and forever
never hidden

a permanent tattoo

I ink as I speak
life’s truths
to each of you

Dearest poet,

Thank You
for your gift
expression

Your souls
cast
under the glaring light
of perception

as they smother
it
with meager understanding
confined by society's  definition
of norm

locked minds
try to find meaning.

This is for poet

fearlessly fearful

never questions the words
we ourselves barely make
sense of

as we expose
our deepest held truths
hoping that someone
will misunderstand us
enough
to find clarity
in their own depression

This is For YOU poet

Vulnerability?
we have
NO choice
our passion seeps
like a perfume

always naked
our thoughts
gleam on our skin
offering no barrier between us and them

This is for TEOP

Keep Writing
There is light in your pen

Silence
No brilliance
not a sound
not even my heart pounds
I  hear only what I've done
The past
Regrets
They echo in my ear mockingly

As the darkness encompasses me
I'm alone
I feel a truth run down my bone
and I know
my time has come
this fight is done
and I lay down in defeat
my most precious commodity

And Wait

Unaware of a lover turned thief
in my chest it once remained
now given away
my fingers numb, cold in pain
I wait for him to do the same

I wait

My heart no longer mine
I am but a shell of myself
empty
and with time
bitterness sweeps
I feel naked

Yet Still I wait

As I realize he will not do the same
my sacrifice in vein
selfishness to greed
he denies me what I need
still a flicker of hope
for a better fate

I wait

In silence
not a sound
not even my heart pounds
I hear only what I've done
the past
my most recent mistakes
punishes me
with this hopeless
Wait

Breath Shallow mi amor
Your iron lungs
Forever need rest
Here
Let me
take your next breath

I cling to now
Ignore was...and then

Please Smile slowly
I'll try not to blink
Except to
Ward off
Salty streams
I just...
Don't wanna miss
a thing

like Those lips....

Ecstasy

When I slip my slightest print
Over them
I Can feel the
deepest cracks
Peeling
Dead
Soft scales of death

Beautiful

Breath Shallow my love
I'm clawing
At now
But was
Continues to take
From us

f*ing *******...

Oh My Sampson
Unbreakably shattered
Your bones pierce
Through your tired leathery
Skin
I lust
Its lack of luster


With Your head
Smooth
A barren meadow
Not how you like it
But you love
to let it
Blow
in the wind

Mi amor
Calmase!

If I could
lay here for you
I would

You know...
You see my
Longing twinkle
In my youth

Sometimes I think
You've let go

Just
.....
to free me
You keep breathing deeply

I've gotten lost on Lovers Lane
So many times I've played this game
With each encounter I've sought change
Realigning my last name
I've found beauty here
Even
In
Pain
Each end... none the same
I've realized it isn't the Him to blame
I could've long gone back the way I came

Take what you need and go
And let me be the blame
Don’t tip toe
Please run
I will hide the pain

Take What you Need and Go
And Let my fire hiss
Let it remain All that I own
What you will soon miss

Don’t peak over your shoulder
I never called your name
Just keep moving forward
As if you never came

Let the present wisp
To past
Draw the future nearer
Let me be a distant memory
A mistake
You now see clearer

Take what you need and go
As always I’ll be here
Don’t cry for me
Don’t look back
You will never see my tears

Let me wash across your back
Remove every burden and stain
Let my love lift you to your feet
Let my kiss remove your pain

Let me salvage your sanity
Let me return to you your pride
Let me reconstruct a broken soul
And return vision to your eyes

Come let me be a pillar
Until you have the strength to fight
Then do as
You always do
And toss me to the side

Take what you need and go
Leave me here
Just I
Let me be a bitter memory
In the present I do not reside

An unpleasant thought,  a blemish where
Your vulnerability could not subside
Let me be that moment
You bury deep inside

I know now the truth is
you were never mine
Just one of many
who crossed my path
And used my heart to hide

Just Take What you Need Please
Shameful truth lay in my eyes
How you used WE
to construct a place
better for only I

Take What you need and go
You will see no pain
I will continue to walk my path
Bearing the burden of a woman’s shame

Lets play a game
Write whatever comes to mind
...no editing
watch your soul

speak

Here's mine:

Sometimes I'm as delicate
As a rock
And as timid as a lion
Sometimes I hold my breath

For a breath of fresh
Air

Most times I lay awake at night
With the silence of my voice

Thoughts

Finding joy
In the beauty
Of my contradiction

The Common deception?
False sense of protection?
No.
An admiration of…

The little things
Joy creasing your skin
The way our day begins
Your melanin

I could find
A million excuses why
Why this could never last
Why my heart won't let this pass

But not one has
Any equivalence
Despite
My ambivalence

To the feeling
I have
When I'm
With you

Monè
@_heyMone

An unrequited love
Is a drought.

That seeks the comfort
Of the sun

Dear comet turned thief
Run. I feel no grief

I’m the rib that won’t break
I’m the light the moon fakes

I’m the drought
That forgot she was the sun

I
I
I

am tired
lost in the world off axis

been stuck
in a rut
watching you stuff your face with earthly desires

fill voids
with imaginary cement

you giggle
as I stand vigil
on eggshells over our relationship

you spat on it
the games...
#you'rehappy
#sad
#mad
#romantic
#mad
#mad



you search for joy that you yourself chose to sacrifice

I do everything
I fight for us
I'd give my life for us

but your (everything but clinical) obsession with
kissing Depression
strolling Pessimism through parks..
while simultaneously
******* Love into physical attraction

I'm tired

You continue to put assimilation on a pedestal
letting it...
dictate pleasures,
still your joy,
define beauty and then lock it away

if I call you baby

will it prove my love for you?

baby...I'm tired

of...
running in the circles of your first emotion
trying to prove my devotion

of...
building you a smile

I'm tired
you'll put me 3ft under in a shallow grave
I'm tired

but...
I love you
what do you need? What's wrong? what can I do baby? what can I do?

Do you see the brighter side is an illusion?
All I see is bright
The grass aint greener
Its just ******* green
We don't need to chase peace
It never leaves
baby
please
see


stop ignoring my needs
feed me
save me
please

From:Soul
To:Mind

I ******* know who you are

I've known for a long time

I just...pretended to discover your faults

I pretended to be surprised

The petty ******* you put me through
You're a story to tell
A "look what they did now"
and **** my peers for
swallowing these emotions of hurt
**** them for not telling me that I'm brilliant
That I'm a ******* poet
That I knew you before you knew yourself

No better yet **** me

I chose to put my heart on a platter
B/c I figured its beauty would blind you
into accidentally growing up

I used my insecurity with myself to reason
That if I tried hard enough my love
would cocoon you into the person you could be

How dare I have such a low regard for myself

How dare I focus energy into being a foundation for you
Everyone spits  on the ground

How dare I pretend that loving you is out of my control
**** me for that dumb mentality
for making excuses
for displacing blame
for writing this poem

I walked into your soul and asked that you love me
offered my heart out of loneliness

Weak
Is not what I am
Life is what I make it

You will be a distasteful blemish on my crown
kept only as a reminder that
my love isn't a tool to be manipulated in an attempt
to fill a nonexistent void I've created
its something I afford everyone
Its beautiful
Its biblical
Its peace

So excuse me while I
grow the **** up

Have you ever screamed
until you were out of breath?

And kept screaming

Like getting you to see the want
in my eyes

I thought it would stay like it was

Now I find myself
yelling after the wind

There's something wrong
When I cannot
recall for which
mass "never again"
my flag glistens at
half mast

Do you love him?

No...i Just...am happy when I see him

But do you love him?

Nah ...i just..Feel his saddness like it's my own

So...You love him

Yes. But like...in a more than friends but less than lover kinda way

You love him.

I dont. I just...i just care deeply. And we've agreed this isn't going anywhere so we're friends with benefits...im not in love yo..****..i just-

You just love him

Of course. He's important to me. His peace and the lack thereof is forever on my mind

Bc you love him

BECAUSE as a female I refuse to refuse the more than average king my affection or love as you call it.

Lol...oh really?

****...YES OK I LOVE HIM..but im not "in love" you know?

Genius...bc that makes sense...

We decided we won't!!!. So I'm just loving him from 10000 feet in the air. With no future between us this I'm sure of...

So why love him?

Because God built me this way

No he didnt...you chose to love a man who won't love you back...why.?

Bc I don't love myself and one word texts some how these days feel like a kiss on the forehead.

So you're lonely

Watch your mouth. Im a Queen deprived and this is all I know. I'm just holding him down.

So you're lonely, and lack the discipline needed to only afford love to he who returns it.

Or she

Right.

I just want to love someone with out the ****** caveat. Unencumbered, untailored, unscripted- free, I want to fall in love...for once. Just once... in a spiritual manner I have yet to see or feel.

But you can't.

Why Not?

You're too busy loving your friend.

I miss you
And I love you

I’m not sure which
should cross my lips first

Ha! What a funny hyperbole
We only text.
-Side ***.

It was unintentional
Everything
Circumstantial at best
Nothing deliberate about the way he loved me
NEVER deliberate
Always...
it just happened

I’ll never forget
That night in bed
I lay wanting
real love
Sheets wrapping
my Screaming Queen
to silence
Spiritual
Suffocation

No...
I’ll forget that ****

But
One thing
I’ll never Forget
Is the last time
I chose to
lay wanting
Any
*******
Thing