I dug a knife into her skull
And slowly twisted it
Until her brain was a puddle at my fingertips.

But she would not die.

I threw burning coals into her eyes
And watched her try to cool them
With her tears.

But, despite the suffering, she just would not die.

I held her head underwater
Until her arms stopped flailing
And the bubbles stopped rising.

And though she drowned, she refused to die.

Something inside her
Was fighting to live.

But I owe her my life for that fight.

I guess I'm not cut out to be a murderer,
I couldn't even ****
Myself.

- p. winter

the sun's goin down
as my journey begins
surfin the desert wave of the milky way
on a leather saddle
the wind whistlin harmonies to my lullabies
the stars guidin me to nowhere
the horse's tail swishin
my home village fadin
further into the distance like a tumbleweed blowin
i'm leavin for the desert
you'll find me findin myself
straw in my lips as i hum
my breakup blues

- p. winter

I wish that I could tell you where this little train is going,
I wish that I could promise it will make it to the end,
But whatever light or shadow at the tunnel’s mouth awaits,
The journey to my blessing count I’ll wistfully append.

- p. winter

You ask me why I flinch
Whenever you raise a hand.
Or why I retreat at the sound
Of your voice getting louder.
You tell me I'm too jumpy,
That I just need to learn to trust.
But the last time a hand and voice were raised,
My trust went out the window.

- p. winter

i write expendable stories on paper

but the anthems i can't let myself forget
i carve into my wrists

- p. winter

Clouds all whizzing by
As I free fall from the sky.
The ground comes into view
As my eyes search for you.
I pray you're there prepared
To catch me from the air.
But I look to my side and see
You're falling just as fast as me.

- p. winter

My father was “always there”, but only as an executive. And only when necessary.
He was not one to show up in the audience,
Or to make plans we could bond over,
Or to reach out when we were apart.
My father always “cared for me”, but only silently. And only as much as necessary.
He was not one to be vulnerable,
Or to ask for support,
Or to give it.
My relationship with my father was built on assumption and disappointment.
I assumed he cared for me to some extent, as a father should,
He assumed that I assumed as much, as a desperate daughter would.
We disappointed each other and called it relationship.
And that became the skeleton of what I learned love to be.

I chase my father in every man I choose.
I find him in their failures
To show up,
To reach out,
To apologize,
To try,
To not leave me to assumption,
And I fight to earn their affection,
Hoping to find his along the way.

I choose the men reluctant to love me,
Because their indifference feels like home.

- p. winter

dont be afraid to hurt me
with the truth

talk to me
scream at me
but baby

please dont lie to me

- p. winter

Darling, it's a storm out there.
The winds howl like lonely wolves in moonlight.
Their throaty cries echo through this empty cage of a town.
The shutters shudder in the eerie fog
Creaking as they hang to the windows by a single *****.
In movies there would be dramatic music
But in this weather
The only sounds are the cracks of trees losing limbs
And individual rain drops attacking every surface with the united force
Of the pacific ocean.
It's a deafening silence.

Darling, you're not ready to face it.
You think you've experienced it all
After jumping through puddles
And watching the leaves blow down the street in the warm breeze.
But you don't know what you're up against.
It's never ending, this storm.
It will knock you off your feet and throw you to the walls
It will take your breath away with strength of repressed anger.
You don't know what you're getting yourself into.
The locals have adjusted, they know the drill, they know the signs.
You have much to learn.

Darling, I'm trying to protect you.
It will send shivers up your neck
Because it's not the kind of storm you see coming from twenty miles away.
It will sneak up on you when you least expect it, but you can't blame the sky for the clouds it didn't mean to create.
You will get angry, you won't understand.
I'm not trying to drive you away my dear,
But the longer we know each other the closer the storm will creep.
So let's enjoy the sunshine as long as we can
Until you have to face my baggage.
Because this storm and I are one.
This storm consumes my mind.
This storm is part of who I am.
And I don't think you're ready to fight it.

Darling, for now, just lay with me.
In the eye of the hurricane.
Surrounded by the thunder
But blissfully oblivious.

Darling, one day,
When you promise me you'll stay,
The sun will fade to grey
And it will rain.

- p. winter

You can hurt someone while loving them.
Just like you can crinkle sheets by hugging them.
You can apologize, yet never change.
Like washing sheets to crinkle them again.

- p. winter

come here
can i take this off
**** you look good
is this ok
good
i like doing this to you
i could do this all day

hey google
cancel my alarm

- p. winter

n
o
  t
h
i
  n
    g

       f
         a
        l
      l
     s

   a
s

s
    u
           r
               e
               l
            y
  
         a
       s
    
  i


         d
                 i

                       d


  
                            f


                  o

        r

­

y
  
    o

  

                   u


                                        .

The monsters he grew up fearing.
The creatures from the closet.

The ghosts behind the walls.
The skeletons under the bed.
He was always afraid of the dark.
But as he grew
He taught himself
To let the darkness surround him.
Seeping into his veins.
The creatures no longer crouching in the corners
But flooding his thoughts.
Riding his mind into the sunset
As it sank on the horizon.
He learned to lose control.
To feel the monsters in his lungs.
To hear the ghosts whisper in his ears.
To let his eyes roll back.
He discovered the beauty in the shadows.
Befriended the silence.
He found peace in the isolation.
He didn’t fear the dark.
He became it.

- p. winter

The sun was not attracted
To the darkness in her eyes,
So she brightened them with shooting stars
And twinkling fireflies,
But each morning she would fade away
As he began to rise,
So she made the moon to hold
The mere reflection of his light amid her skies.

- p. winter

my heart is protected by a picket fence
awaiting a strong gust of wind

- p. winter

our lips don’t touch, they only sigh,
your arms hang limp, not ‘round my waist,
you laugh and face away, and I
would rather die than know the taste
of what outside my reach does lie

- p. winter

You celebrated my victories with me
Until they become our victories
But now you're gone and I
Don't celebrate anymore

- p. winter

How miserably
Yet freeingly
I cry

- p. winter

My powerful heart
Lays down all defences, and
Loves you entir'ly.

although the butterfly stage is
wonderful in every way,
where hearts race and hands shake
with every second of eye contact,
there is also a comforting beauty
in the kind of love that is
just existing together
in silence
drawing lazy circles on
each other's backs.
no need for racing hearts
and sweaty palms.
i love to love you
in the calm
and the quiet
of your company.

- p. winter

There is art in crimson bloodshed,
There is music in explosion,
There is poetry in battle cries,
In death, ghostly symposion.
Yet, one can't help but admit
There is venom in war's bite.
Enough to make illustrious soldiers
Cry to sleep each night.

- p. winter

And I can't help but
Wonder if he thinks of me,
Or chose to forget.

- p. winter

and so it begins,
and so healing unravels,
and so i succumb

- p. winter

As fawns become stags
And leaves, fallen gold,
As lakes freeze to rinks
So our hearts turn to stone

For our love has left us
With geese in the sky
But we'll remember September
'Til the day we die.

- p. winter

He saw the enchanting flow'r bed.
Thought: for the girl he had wed,
That a flower he'd pick;
But was by the thorn pricked!
And stained all the white roses blood red.

- p. winter

Save me from my fear of vulnerability.
Save me from my denial.
But mostly
Save me from my manners.
They keep me from honesty,
They fill me with lies
To fill others with comfort.
There is nothing attractive about them.
Please
Save me from myself.
I am my own roadblock
On a road to recovery.

- p. winter

As dew is to the emerald blades,
So are your graceful eyes:
The refreshing taste of morn
As Apollo wakes the skies.

As snow is to great Everest's peak,
So is your mountainous smile:
Bright and kind but dig and find
What others have defiled.

As thorns are to the rose's stem,
So is your hand's embrace:
Threatening to danger
But, to the flower, soft as lace.

As water is to sailboat's hull,
So are you to me:
Wanted to be happy
But needed to be free.

- p. winter

Darling, the world is ours!
We can be anything we want.
So let's be immortal
'Til the day we die.

- p. winter

hey you, deli boy
if you're reading this, then stop
reading my poems

- p. winter

I don’t want to be angry,
I want to run into your arms and tell you all the details of my day.

I don’t want to be lonely,
I want to feel you hold me close and promise me we’ll make it there someway.

But rage hurts less than sadness,
And loneliness I know,
So I’ll continue moving on
The only way I know
And scream your name into my pillow
Just to let you go.

- p. winter

breathe in
the smell of tension
think the words
we'll never say

breathe out
the yearn
to hold me close
then turn and slowly
walk away

- p. winter

Your kiss, without a warning,
Turns to poison on my lips,
As fervour, white with brilliance,
Into sudden darkness slips,
And morality reveals itself
'Neath verity's eclipse.

- p. winter

O wretchēd Love, I do beseech thee,
Free me from this prison thine.
I've felt the cold of hell's abyss,
I've tasted poison in each kiss,
And so, o Love, I ask but this:
Release me now, to heav'n divine.

- p. winter

be still my heart; beat
no more for those who try to
silence your rhythm

- p. winter

I wonder how much I don't remember
That I swore would break my heart forever.

I wonder if times of trouble today
I'll think of, smiling, come next year's May.

- p. winter

you think you're moving on
that i never made an impact
that you'll forget my name
as easily
as you forgot my love.
but i see it in your new doll,
you can't help
that i am etched into your conscious.
her hair and eyes the same chocolate shade as my own.
her dancing the exact mirror of mine.
she says your name and your ears hear my voice.
you think you're moving on
with someone new
but you're just moving on
with your new me.

- p. winter

Three have succeeded.
Two shouldn’t count.
One never knew.
None stayed anyway.

- p. winter

women marching left and right
more slender and more graceful
tall and calm and dainty
so astonishingly tasteful
moving like a stormy breeze
both powerful and gentle
i wish they’d come and visit
in the mirror on my mantle

- p. winter