S oaring over cotton clouds, so close you can feel them
E levation rising, even the peaceful feel butterflies
V ery little leg room, time to pace the aisles
E astward we fly, the Atlantic waves wave from below
N othing compares to watching the Sun rise from a front row seat in heaven

H ow magical, and powerful, to glide with the wings of an industrial bluebird
O ver mountains and skylines, even skyscrapers become building blocks, leaving nothing left to be awed
U ltraviolet rays weave by on their way to scorch soft skins
R estless temper tantrums of rebellious winds cause turbulence

F lying with my head in the clouds
L iterally
I think of how many miles each passing minute puts between us
G ently but surely this machine pulls me away from your embrace
H ow long these next few weeks will last
T il I see you, back home, again

- p. winter

My father was “always there”, but only as an executive. And only when necessary.
He was not one to show up in the audience,
Or to make plans we could bond over,
Or to reach out when we were apart.
My father always “cared for me”, but only silently. And only as much as necessary.
He was not one to be vulnerable,
Or to ask for support,
Or to give it.
My relationship with my father was built on assumption and disappointment.
I assumed he cared for me to some extent, as a father should,
He assumed that I assumed as much, as a desperate daughter would.
We disappointed each other and called it relationship.
And that became the skeleton of what I learned love to be.

I chase my father in every man I choose.
I find him in their failures
To show up,
To reach out,
To apologize,
To try,
To not leave me to assumption,
And I fight to earn their affection,
Hoping to find his along the way.

I choose the men reluctant to love me,
Because their indifference feels like home.

- p. winter

The sun was not attracted
To the darkness in her eyes,
So she brightened them with shooting stars
And twinkling fireflies,
But each morning she would fade away
As he began to rise,
So she made the moon to hold
The mere reflection of his light amid her skies.

- p. winter

I wish that I could tell you where this little train is going,
I wish that I could promise it will make it to the end,
But whatever light or shadow at the tunnel’s mouth awaits,
The journey to my blessing count I’ll wistfully append.

- p. winter

You celebrated my victories with me
Until they become our victories
But now you're gone and I
Don't celebrate anymore

- p. winter

although the butterfly stage is
wonderful in every way,
where hearts race and hands shake
with every second of eye contact,
there is also a comforting beauty
in the kind of love that is
just existing together
in silence
drawing lazy circles on
each other's backs.
no need for racing hearts
and sweaty palms.
i love to love you
in the calm
and the quiet
of your company.

- p. winter

come here
can i take this off
**** you look good
is this ok
good
i like doing this to you
i could do this all day

hey google
cancel my alarm

- p. winter

dont be afraid to hurt me
with the truth

talk to me
scream at me
but baby

please dont lie to me

- p. winter

I dug a knife into her skull
And slowly twisted it
Until her brain was a puddle at my fingertips.

But she would not die.

I threw burning coals into her eyes
And watched her try to cool them
With her tears.

But, despite the suffering, she just would not die.

I held her head underwater
Until her arms stopped flailing
And the bubbles stopped rising.

And though she drowned, she refused to die.

Something inside her
Was fighting to live.

But I owe her my life for that fight.

I guess I'm not cut out to be a murderer,
I couldn't even ****
Myself.

- p. winter

i write expendable stories on paper

but the anthems i can't let myself forget
i carve into my wrists

- p. winter

As dew is to the emerald blades,
So are your graceful eyes:
The refreshing taste of morn
As Apollo wakes the skies.

As snow is to great Everest's peak,
So is your mountainous smile:
Bright and kind but dig and find
What others have defiled.

As thorns are to the rose's stem,
So is your hand's embrace:
Threatening to danger
But, to the flower, soft as lace.

As water is to sailboat's hull,
So are you to me:
Wanted to be happy
But needed to be free.

- p. winter

You ask me why I flinch
Whenever you raise a hand.
Or why I retreat at the sound
Of your voice getting louder.
You tell me I'm too jumpy,
That I just need to learn to trust.
But the last time a hand and voice were raised,
My trust went out the window.

- p. winter

our lips don’t touch, they only sigh,
your arms hang limp, not ‘round my waist,
you laugh and face away, and I
would rather die than know the taste
of what outside my reach does lie

- p. winter

You can hurt someone while loving them.
Just like you can crinkle sheets by hugging them.
You can apologize, yet never change.
Like washing sheets to crinkle them again.

- p. winter

Clouds all whizzing by
As I free fall from the sky.
The ground comes into view
As my eyes search for you.
I pray you're there prepared
To catch me from the air.
But I look to my side and see
You're falling just as fast as me.

- p. winter

Your kiss, without a warning,
Turns to poison on my lips,
As fervour, white with brilliance,
Into sudden darkness slips,
And morality reveals itself
'Neath verity's eclipse.

- p. winter

The monsters he grew up fearing.
The creatures from the closet.

The ghosts behind the walls.
The skeletons under the bed.
He was always afraid of the dark.
But as he grew
He taught himself
To let the darkness surround him.
Seeping into his veins.
The creatures no longer crouching in the corners
But flooding his thoughts.
Riding his mind into the sunset
As it sank on the horizon.
He learned to lose control.
To feel the monsters in his lungs.
To hear the ghosts whisper in his ears.
To let his eyes roll back.
He discovered the beauty in the shadows.
Befriended the silence.
He found peace in the isolation.
He didn’t fear the dark.
He became it.

- p. winter

n
o
  t
h
i
  n
    g

       f
         a
        l
      l
     s

   a
s

s
    u
           r
               e
               l
            y
  
         a
       s
    
  i


         d
                 i

                       d


  
                            f


                  o

        r

­

y
  
    o

  

                   u


                                        .

A sunbeam is not bright enough
To match the glowing of my skin,
For when he looks at me and smiles
I radiate from deep within.

- p. winter

I don’t want to be angry,
I want to run into your arms and tell you all the details of my day.

I don’t want to be lonely,
I want to feel you hold me close and promise me we’ll make it there someway.

But rage hurts less than sadness,
And loneliness I know,
So I’ll continue moving on
The only way I know
And scream your name into my pillow
Just to let you go.

- p. winter

Darling, it's a storm out there.
The winds howl like lonely wolves in moonlight.
Their throaty cries echo through this empty cage of a town.
The shutters shudder in the eerie fog
Creaking as they hang to the windows by a single *****.
In movies there would be dramatic music
But in this weather
The only sounds are the cracks of trees losing limbs
And individual rain drops attacking every surface with the united force
Of the pacific ocean.
It's a deafening silence.

Darling, you're not ready to face it.
You think you've experienced it all
After jumping through puddles
And watching the leaves blow down the street in the warm breeze.
But you don't know what you're up against.
It's never ending, this storm.
It will knock you off your feet and throw you to the walls
It will take your breath away with strength of repressed anger.
You don't know what you're getting yourself into.
The locals have adjusted, they know the drill, they know the signs.
You have much to learn.

Darling, I'm trying to protect you.
It will send shivers up your neck
Because it's not the kind of storm you see coming from twenty miles away.
It will sneak up on you when you least expect it, but you can't blame the sky for the clouds it didn't mean to create.
You will get angry, you won't understand.
I'm not trying to drive you away my dear,
But the longer we know each other the closer the storm will creep.
So let's enjoy the sunshine as long as we can
Until you have to face my baggage.
Because this storm and I are one.
This storm consumes my mind.
This storm is part of who I am.
And I don't think you're ready to fight it.

Darling, for now, just lay with me.
In the eye of the hurricane.
Surrounded by the thunder
But blissfully oblivious.

Darling, one day,
When you promise me you'll stay,
The sun will fade to grey
And it will rain.

- p. winter

and so it begins,
and so healing unravels,
and so i succumb

- p. winter

my heart is protected by a picket fence
awaiting a strong gust of wind

- p. winter

How miserably
Yet freeingly
I cry

- p. winter

Save me from my fear of vulnerability.
Save me from my denial.
But mostly
Save me from my manners.
They keep me from honesty,
They fill me with lies
To fill others with comfort.
There is nothing attractive about them.
Please
Save me from myself.
I am my own roadblock
On a road to recovery.

- p. winter

And I can't help but
Wonder if he thinks of me,
Or chose to forget.

- p. winter

hey you, deli boy
if you're reading this, then stop
reading my poems

- p. winter

As fawns become stags
And leaves, fallen gold,
As lakes freeze to rinks
So our hearts turn to stone

For our love has left us
With geese in the sky
But we'll remember September
'Til the day we die.

- p. winter

My powerful heart
Lays down all defences, and
Loves you entir'ly.

“You will be missed.”
You have been all along.

- p. winter

breathe in
the smell of tension
think the words
we'll never say

breathe out
the yearn
to hold me close
then turn and slowly
walk away

- p. winter

women marching left and right
more slender and more graceful
tall and calm and dainty
so astonishingly tasteful
moving like a stormy breeze
both powerful and gentle
i wish they’d come and visit
in the mirror on my mantle

- p. winter

There is art in crimson bloodshed,
There is music in explosion,
There is poetry in battle cries,
In death, ghostly symposion.
Yet, one can't help but admit
There is venom in war's bite.
Enough to make illustrious soldiers
Cry to sleep each night.

- p. winter

Three have succeeded.
Two shouldn’t count.
One never knew.
None stayed anyway.

- p. winter

He saw the enchanting flow'r bed.
Thought: for the girl he had wed,
That a flower he'd pick;
But was by the thorn pricked!
And stained all the white roses blood red.

- p. winter

It's crazy how you were my entire world.
My entire universe.
And I was not even a speck of dust floating around the glorious stars in yours.
It's crazy how my world didn't revolve around the Sun, it revolved around knowing that somewhere out there, you were smiling your beautiful smile and with those captivating eyes of yours you admired the wonder around you in your world.
Your world.
The world in which the flowers blossomed, excited for the new adventure and every morning the birds sang their enchanting melody as the never ending forests rippled with vibrant shades of green.
And the dew drops sparkled on every blade of grass like the sparkling stars light years away from my universe.
My universe.
The universe where without you the sky became black as ash and the tiny embers forming constellations above me were glimmers of hope that one day you'd return and together we'd flourish in my world.
My world.
Where every day of the year it rained.
Not the soothing rain that brings nourishment to all nature as it trickles down the window on a warm summer evening.
But the persistently pounding, pouring rain that floods homes and shoots bolts of electricity across the sky like scratch marks etched into space as I frantically try to claw my way out of this universe.
It's crazy how some say the universe is expanding but mine was shrinking and shrivelling up without you.
For the mere thought of being without you exploded my stars and crushed my planets until my universe was a cold and empty hole.
Because you were the light that kept my universe whole.
That brought daisies to my gardens and songbirds to my trees but now they have left me.
Left me alone in my collapsing universe because while your world revolved around the Sun, mine revolved around the memory of feeling your strong, protective hands clutching my delicate fingers and telling me that the day you let go is the day the world stops spinning.
And when you let go,
My world stood still.
Still as the ocean resting after a storm,
Still as the tulips waking up in the morn,
Still as my body curled up on the floor.
Because it's crazy how heartbreak leaves you alone with your thoughts.
And I thought that it's time my world starting spinning.
It's crazy how you depend on your universe.
But I am letting mine go.

- p. winter