Time plays in reverse,
Even the light adjusts her hue,
All the universe is silent and
The world hears only you.

- p. winter

Darling, the world is ours!
We can be anything we want.
So let's be immortal
'Til the day we die.

- p. winter

I remember the period
Of rich, suffocating gloom
That I've written of
Millions of times before.
But more than that
I remember when
Flowers bloomed
And I laughed for the first time
In two months.
I wish I could remember
What was so funny
Or with whom I was so content.
But I remember
That the feeling
Inside of me
Was dangerously wonderful.
So I promised
Right then
To never go a day
Without a giggle
Or two
Again.

- p. winter

Glide through a glen with me,
Made of my memories:
Painful portrayals of
Personal effigies
Drowning in dread, and the
Dreams that will ever be
Ripping through every reverie.

Soar through a sky with me,
Clouded by cries of re-
gretfully festering
Feelings inside of me,
Longing for love and a
Lover of piety,
Someone who someday won't lie to me.

Walk down a way with me
Desperate for deity,
Scouring for someone to
Save me from slavery,
Hanging for hopefulness,
Hardened by hate and the
Fear of freedom as a rarity.

Take every turn with me,
Listen and learn from me
Buckling under the
Breaking and burdening,
Trying to cherish a
Childish eternity,
Praying for pref'rence in purgat'ry.

- p. winter

be still my heart; beat
no more for those who try to
silence your rhythm

- p. winter

His laughter accompanies hers like harmonies you've never heard
Their hands fit together as if moulded to do so
Her eyes look into his with more love than he has ever seen

They're perfect for each other
Now if only I
Were she

- p. winter

O wretchēd Love, I do beseech thee,
Free me from this prison thine.
I've felt the cold of hell's abyss,
I've tasted poison in each kiss,
And so, o Love, I ask but this:
Release me now, to heav'n divine.

- p. winter

When did “I am beautiful”
And “I am skinny”
Become the same thing?

- p. winter

you think you're moving on
that i never made an impact
that you'll forget my name
as easily
as you forgot my love.
but i see it in your new doll,
you can't help
that i am etched into your conscious.
her hair and eyes the same chocolate shade as my own.
her dancing the exact mirror of mine.
she says your name and your ears hear my voice.
you think you're moving on
with someone new
but you're just moving on
with your new me.

- p. winter

I wonder how much I don't remember
That I swore would break my heart forever.

I wonder if times of trouble today
I'll think of, smiling, come next year's May.

- p. winter

i fear to let go
to close my eyes
and wake to find you
gone

- p. winter

Curious but reverent,
Like ivy clings to stone,
His hands explore my body and

I wake in bed alone.

- p. winter

kiss me on the hand
erase the pain i used to know
and
take me
on adventures
never minding where we go

- p. winter

You can gain a lot in a year.
Enough to hide what once was
Or once wasn’t
On display.
But never enough to
Eliminate what always has been
And always will be
Hidden in the crevices.

- p. winter

a forgotten soul in a noisy room
looking for someone
anyone
who remembers

- p. winter

you kissed my freckles one by one
til they no longer were imperfections
but artwork marking who i am
worthy of being displayed

- p. winter

my dignity dripped down my cheek
racing towards the floor
as you wiped it e’er so gently with your thumb

i let myself be overwhelmed
by sentiment once more
then slowly felt my heart again go numb

as i always knew it would
as it always has before
as it always will for many years to come

- p. winter

I am exhausted of merely being put up with.
Of men saying that I am “worth the wait” and leaving when they have to wait for me.
It will always come to a point where suddenly my company does not outweigh the desire for more of what other girls can offer. Always.
I have vowed to myself that I will wait for one with which I will wait.
Who doesn’t look at me and imagine what he’d do if I weren’t so complicated and adamant about depriving him of something that “everyone’s doing”.
I am enough when I laugh at their jokes and sing them songs and hold their hand and take off the mask I hide behind.
But I only have to wait
And eventually they will want more from my mouth than laughter and song.
They want to hold more. They want me to take off more.
They usually mean no harm, they’re human after all. The desires of the mind are dangerously powerful.
I don’t blame them for not understanding, it isn’t something they’re accustomed to. The good ones tell me no means no and I know they would never push.
But I see it in their eyes when their pupils dilate and it is not because I am beautiful.
I hear it in their breath when they kiss me once and then kiss me twice and kiss me again and again and again and press further and deeper and I yearn to give them what I know they wish they were building towards.
I cherish my innocence but I fear what happens when they are told to stop.
The exasperated sigh of frustration, the collapse beside me in disappointment.
After all these years I still don’t know how to say it.
I’ve mastered the art of holding my breath while their hands wander and telling myself as long as I take nothing off it never happened.
I got a good one once.
He made me laugh and sang me songs and held me close.
But even still I know I let him down.
His racing heart and curious lips never asked for more, but I knew they would take it if only I allowed.
They all would take it.
If only I were fun.
If only I were easy.
If only they didn’t have to take matters into their own hands when I went home.

I hate having to find out how long they can last before I am no longer endearingly but enragingly pure.
It is always shorter than I wish.

I know there are many who want my heart.
But there are so few that want nothing more.
Nothing more than what I have to offer.
Nothing more than to wait.

- p. winter

tell me how to bottle up a sound.

would I wear it as perfume,
let the world know I am doused in poetry, and dissonance, and coffee grinds?
or would I dare risk it wafting into the stale, unworthy air?
perhaps I’d wear it ‘round my neck,
never to open and relive the wonder,
only to hold close against my soul,
to feel its magic seep into my skin,
a home to return to
when doubts creep in through my ribs.

tell me how to keep it with me
forever.

- p. winter

you can see smiles on all the faces
of people pretending to be alright
but if you look hard enough
you'll also see
their lie in being
polite

- p. winter

I’m your marionette
You pull my strings
With all the force you like.
My head will nod
My feet will trod
Whichever way you like.
My body lies
In your control
Just the way you like.

- p. winter

too afraid of lo_ing you

- p. winter

my only hope left
is that you're looking at me
when i look away

- p. winter

I loved you so much
I still look for the ones who treat me like you did.
That's why
I keep getting hurt.

- p. winter

i have tasted gold
yet still i return to coal
in hopes of diamond

- p. winter

My head once rested on your shoulder.
Your skin once brushed 'gainst mine.
Our eyes once smiled,
But love, once wild,
Will always tame with time.

- p. winter

In summer clouds
My mind will dream
'Til white lips kiss
Earth's cheek of green.

In flowery dress
I'll twirl my hair
'Til sighs pirouette
Through chilly air.

In grasses tall
My footprints will grow
'Til their stories are
Erased by snow.

Until each flake
Begins its dive
In fire and fireflies
I'll thrive.

- p. winter

i knew i was dreaming
not when the deer head on the wall blinked
but when you touched me
as if on purpose

- p. winter

live simply
feel intensely
love passionately
write dramatically

- p. winter

is not
always
radically
tantalizing
a passionate storm
it can be
a
rosy
tenderness
gentle and warm
an artist's soul
in tangible form

- p. winter

I must be
Who everyone wants me to be.
I don’t know who I am anymore,
But I know it is not enough.

- p. winter

I let the wind-churned surface gently raise me up
And set me down again.
If I am travelling at all I am unaware of it
For I look around and seem to be
In the middle of the same sea as yesterday.
I swim in protest of sinking but every once in a while I go still
Just to let my head fall under for a bit.
The water in its mercy keeps me afloat,
But the winds pick up
And my ankles grow heavy.
The ocean floor looks so peaceful in my mind.

I let myself dream of an anchor
Guiding me to the creatures below.
They welcome me with their faint glow
But I am blind here, accustomed to the sun.
The salt tastes different.
My lips do not complain.
Already I feel a burning in my chest,
Still the anchor continues at a steady pace,
Further from the wind and the waves.
I fight to keep the little air I have left
And begin to wonder:
If I were to drown on the journey down
Would my body float
To the surface again?
Or would the depths claim me,
The anchor tightening its grip,
Ever sinking…
Ever sinking…
Ever sinking…
Ever…

The cry of a gull wakes me.
I come to and inhale the familiar taste of ocean air.
For a moment, the waves are still and I float in silence.
But I look around and seem to be
In the middle of the same sea as yesterday.
And soon the winds will pick up
And my ankles will grow heavy.
The ocean floor looks so peaceful in my mind.

- p. winter

I once thought that
If you died
That very moment
I would too.
But now
Whenever you see me
I pray
That it kills you
Inside.

At night the walls turn crimson red,
Your phantom chest is ‘neath my head,
The smell of comfort settles in
Among the tingles on my skin
That still remain from days ago,
My ribcage in your hand to show
We fit like jigsaw pieces do.
But night no longer summons you
And so I watch the walls return to blue.

- p. winter

He looks at me
Only to see
The lover I
Could never be.

- p. winter

Papa lost his papa to a poison in his veins,
Then followed in his footsteps, heading straight toward the grave,
But papa lived to watch my mama grieve her very own,
And I learned in early childhood that the hospital was home.
Now papa’s oldest sister, and his second from the last,
Are forced to sit and watch as their own bodies fail to last.
Meanwhile I’m watching mama cry into the telephone,
‘Cause her papa’s ‘cross the ocean and he’s dying all alone,
And she’d give away her soul to merely kiss him once goodbye,
But the flights are too expensive, and the oceans are too wide.
I yearn to take their suff’ring, pray it kills me in their place,
But I couldn’t make my mama claim another lifeless face.

- p. winter

I know I'm slowly killing it,
But I will display it's drowning corpse, along with those of its brethren, as a sign of my appreciation of it's beauty,
And feel robbed when it dares to wither.
A selfish murderer am I
To **** something so beautiful and full of life
And present it's remains as a present
To my beloved.
I must be insane to do such a thing.
I must be insane
To pick flowers.

- p. winter

his hand so softly stroking my hair
snaking along my neck
pressing in the valley
‘tween my shoulder blades
down
down
down my spine
circling each vertebra

he carves my curves out from stone
hips and thighs and flesh and bone
his thumb traces the profile
of the ***** of my nose
and the smirk of my lips
trailing down my sternum
the outlines of my ribs
and stomach
all the round and all the sharp

the dimples
the freckles
the scars
all finishing touches
touches
o’er my body of clay
‘cross my skin of paint
covered in his fingerprints
humming as he works

and i take whatever form he asks of me

- p. winter

The last time that you held me
I could feel the ticking time.
Now I’ll only have the memories
In melodies and rhyme.
The last time that you kissed me,
A tear dripped from my eye
For the ever fleeting moments
Leading up to our goodbye.

- p. winter

Maybe he lets me in
Because he knows how I adore him

But at least he lets me in

- p. winter

I swore to move on,
But chagrined I must tell
I still sleep on the grounds
Where you shadow once fell.

- p. winter

kiss me once again
sing to me
touch me
eagerly
grab me
i beg you
kiss me once again
pull me in
don’t speak
whisper
find me
take me home
kiss me once again

- p. winter

Fascinating, isn't it,
How the sight of you was once all it took
To melt away the wax inside my knees.
How your eyes locked with mine and, without fail,
Monarchs took flight inside of me,
And the afternoon sky filled with stars.

And yet
I see you now
And my joints stiffen in the cold.
With every step you take,
I feel you leave
All over again.

- p. winter