you can see smiles on all the faces
of people pretending to be alright
but if you look hard enough
you'll also see
their lie in being
polite

- p. winter

i fear to let go
to close my eyes
and wake to find you
gone

- p. winter

a forgotten soul in a noisy room
looking for someone
anyone
who remembers

- p. winter

my dignity dripped down my cheek
racing towards the floor
as you wiped it e’er so gently with your thumb

i let myself be overwhelmed
by sentiment once more
then slowly felt my heart again go numb

as i always knew it would
as it always has before
as it always will for many years to come

- p. winter

“You will be missed.”
You have been all along.

- p. winter

I remember the period
Of rich, suffocating gloom
That I've written of
Millions of times before.
But more than that
I remember when
Flowers bloomed
And I laughed for the first time
In two months.
I wish I could remember
What was so funny
Or with whom I was so content.
But I remember
That the feeling
Inside of me
Was dangerously wonderful.
So I promised
Right then
To never go a day
Without a giggle
Or two
Again.

- p. winter

A sunbeam is not bright enough
To match the glowing of my skin,
For when he looks at me and smiles
I radiate from deep within.

- p. winter

you kissed my freckles one by one
til they no longer were imperfections
but artwork marking who i am
worthy of being displayed

- p. winter

His laughter accompanies hers like harmonies you've never heard
Their hands fit together as if moulded to do so
Her eyes look into his with more love than he has ever seen

They're perfect for each other
Now if only I
Were she

- p. winter

I’m your marionette
You pull my strings
With all the force you like.
My head will nod
My feet will trod
Whichever way you like.
My body lies
In your control
Just the way you like.

- p. winter

kiss me on the hand
erase the pain i used to know
and
take me
on adventures
never minding where we go

- p. winter

Time plays in reverse,
Even the light adjusts her hue,
All the universe is silent and
The world hears only you.

- p. winter

too afraid of lo_ing you

- p. winter

I am exhausted of merely being put up with.
Of men saying that I am “worth the wait” and leaving when they have to wait for me.
It will always come to a point where suddenly my company does not outweigh the desire for more of what other girls can offer. Always.
I have vowed to myself that I will wait for one with which I will wait.
Who doesn’t look at me and imagine what he’d do if I weren’t so complicated and adamant about depriving him of something that “everyone’s doing”.
I am enough when I laugh at their jokes and sing them songs and hold their hand and take off the mask I hide behind.
But I only have to wait
And eventually they will want more from my mouth than laughter and song.
They want to hold more. They want me to take off more.
They usually mean no harm, they’re human after all. The desires of the mind are dangerously powerful.
I don’t blame them for not understanding, it isn’t something they’re accustomed to. The good ones tell me no means no and I know they would never push.
But I see it in their eyes when their pupils dilate and it is not because I am beautiful.
I hear it in their breath when they kiss me once and then kiss me twice and kiss me again and again and again and press further and deeper and I yearn to give them what I know they wish they were building towards.
I cherish my innocence but I fear what happens when they are told to stop.
The exasperated sigh of frustration, the collapse beside me in disappointment.
After all these years I still don’t know how to say it.
I’ve mastered the art of holding my breath while their hands wander and telling myself as long as I take nothing off it never happened.
I got a good one once.
He made me laugh and sang me songs and held me close.
But even still I know I let him down.
His racing heart and curious lips never asked for more, but I knew they would take it if only I allowed.
They all would take it.
If only I were fun.
If only I were easy.
If only they didn’t have to take matters into their own hands when I went home.

I hate having to find out how long they can last before I am no longer endearingly but enragingly pure.
It is always shorter than I wish.

I know there are many who want my heart.
But there are so few that want nothing more.
Nothing more than what I have to offer.
Nothing more than to wait.

- p. winter

When did “I am beautiful”
And “I am skinny”
Become the same thing?

- p. winter

my only hope left
is that you're looking at me
when i look away

- p. winter

I loved you so much
I still look for the ones who treat me like you did.
That's why
I keep getting hurt.

- p. winter

In summer clouds
My mind will dream
'Til white lips kiss
Earth's cheek of green.

In flowery dress
I'll twirl my hair
'Til sighs pirouette
Through chilly air.

In grasses tall
My footprints will grow
'Til their stories are
Erased by snow.

Until each flake
Begins its dive
In fire and fireflies
I'll thrive.

- p. winter

It's crazy how you were my entire world.
My entire universe.
And I was not even a speck of dust floating around the glorious stars in yours.
It's crazy how my world didn't revolve around the Sun, it revolved around knowing that somewhere out there, you were smiling your beautiful smile and with those captivating eyes of yours you admired the wonder around you in your world.
Your world.
The world in which the flowers blossomed, excited for the new adventure and every morning the birds sang their enchanting melody as the never ending forests rippled with vibrant shades of green.
And the dew drops sparkled on every blade of grass like the sparkling stars light years away from my universe.
My universe.
The universe where without you the sky became black as ash and the tiny embers forming constellations above me were glimmers of hope that one day you'd return and together we'd flourish in my world.
My world.
Where every day of the year it rained.
Not the soothing rain that brings nourishment to all nature as it trickles down the window on a warm summer evening.
But the persistently pounding, pouring rain that floods homes and shoots bolts of electricity across the sky like scratch marks etched into space as I frantically try to claw my way out of this universe.
It's crazy how some say the universe is expanding but mine was shrinking and shrivelling up without you.
For the mere thought of being without you exploded my stars and crushed my planets until my universe was a cold and empty hole.
Because you were the light that kept my universe whole.
That brought daisies to my gardens and songbirds to my trees but now they have left me.
Left me alone in my collapsing universe because while your world revolved around the Sun, mine revolved around the memory of feeling your strong, protective hands clutching my delicate fingers and telling me that the day you let go is the day the world stops spinning.
And when you let go,
My world stood still.
Still as the ocean resting after a storm,
Still as the tulips waking up in the morn,
Still as my body curled up on the floor.
Because it's crazy how heartbreak leaves you alone with your thoughts.
And I thought that it's time my world starting spinning.
It's crazy how you depend on your universe.
But I am letting mine go.

- p. winter

live simply
feel intensely
love passionately
write dramatically

- p. winter

You can gain a lot in a year.
Enough to hide what once was
Or once wasn’t
On display.
But never enough to
Eliminate what always has been
And always will be
Hidden in the crevices.

- p. winter

My head once rested on your shoulder.
Your skin once brushed 'gainst mine.
Our eyes once smiled,
But love, once wild,
Will always tame with time.

- p. winter

i knew i was dreaming
not when the deer head on the wall blinked
but when you touched me
as if on purpose

- p. winter

Curious but reverent,
Like ivy clings to stone,
His hands explore my body and

I wake in bed alone.

- p. winter

I once thought that
If you died
That very moment
I would too.
But now
Whenever you see me
I pray
That it kills you
Inside.

Glide through a glen with me,
Made of my memories:
Painful portrayals of
Personal effigies
Drowning in dread, and the
Dreams that will ever be
Ripping through every reverie.

Soar through a sky with me,
Clouded by cries of re-
gretfully festering
Feelings inside of me,
Longing for love and a
Lover of piety,
Someone who someday won't lie to me.

Walk down a way with me
Desperate for deity,
Scouring for someone to
Save me from slavery,
Hanging for hopefulness,
Hardened by hate and the
Fear of freedom as a rarity.

Take every turn with me,
Listen and learn from me
Buckling under the
Breaking and burdening,
Trying to cherish a
Childish eternity,
Praying for pref'rence in purgat'ry.

- p. winter

I know I'm slowly killing it,
But I will display it's drowning corpse, along with those of its brethren, as a sign of my appreciation of it's beauty,
And feel robbed when it dares to wither.
A selfish murderer am I
To **** something so beautiful and full of life
And present it's remains as a present
To my beloved.
I must be insane to do such a thing.
I must be insane
To pick flowers.

- p. winter

is not
always
radically
tantalizing
a passionate storm
it can be
a
rosy
tenderness
gentle and warm
an artist's soul
in tangible form

- p. winter

The last time that you held me
I could feel the ticking time.
Now I’ll only have the memories
In melodies and rhyme.
The last time that you kissed me,
A tear dripped from my eye
For the ever fleeting moments
Leading up to our goodbye.

- p. winter

i wonder if i've ever
made you nervous

if my name made goosebumps
bubble on your skin

and your breath
quicken

i wonder if i've ever
made you dizzy

if you've ever felt or fallen
as i for you

- p. winter

and oh
how it will hurt
to fall in love
from the towering height
of your innocent
expectations

- p. winter

I must be
Who everyone wants me to be.
I don’t know who I am anymore,
But I know it is not enough.

- p. winter

I was a rose
I was beautiful
I ripped off a petal for you every day.
But when all that remained
Was my thornēd stem
You gave her my blood red bouquet.

- p. winter

tell me how to bottle up a sound.

would I wear it as perfume,
let the world know I am doused in poetry, and dissonance, and coffee grinds?
or would I dare risk it wafting into the stale, unworthy air?
perhaps I’d wear it ‘round my neck,
never to open and relive the wonder,
only to hold close against my soul,
to feel its magic seep into my skin,
a home to return to
when doubts creep in through my ribs.

tell me how to keep it with me
forever.

- p. winter

At night the walls turn crimson red,
Your phantom chest is ‘neath my head,
The smell of comfort settles in
Among the tingles on my skin
That still remain from days ago,
My ribcage in your hand to show
We fit like jigsaw pieces do.
But night no longer summons you
And so I watch the walls return to blue.

- p. winter

an evil thing
to dream of love
at night where all is well
only to wake
and find yourself
still stuck in daylight’s hell

- p. winter

a thousand barren daisy heads
are strewn across the floor
each more gruesomely dismembered
than the one before
and so i sit
and so i cry
and so i watch them rot.
not e'en a thousand daisy heads
know why you loved me not.

- p. winter

i am an iceberg

there is more to me than meets the eye

but even when surrounded
by those made of the same values

i can feel myself
slowly melting

away

until i am exactly
as i seem

- p. winter

I wear long sleeves so that my scars
Don't make anyone uncomfortable
Because heaven forbid
Someone should know
I was ever less than happy.

- p. winter