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Apr 2022 · 316
Penelope Winter Apr 2022
a sadness so sudden
the singer is silent
the poet is speechless
the dancer is still

- p. winter
Apr 2022 · 427
chasing a dream (haiku)
Penelope Winter Apr 2022
the desert whispers…

water, at last, in my reach!

all mirages fade.

- p. winter
Apr 2022 · 188
The Men I Learned to Love
Penelope Winter Apr 2022
My father was “always there”, but only as an executive. And only when necessary.
He was not one to show up in the audience,
Or to make plans we could bond over,
Or to reach out when we were apart.
My father always “cared for me”, but only silently. And only as much as necessary.
He was not one to be vulnerable,
Or to ask for support,
Or to give it.
My relationship with my father was built on assumption and disappointment.
I assumed he cared for me to some extent, as a father should,
He assumed that I assumed as much, as a desperate daughter would.
We disappointed each other and called it relationship.
And that became the skeleton of what I learned love to be.

I chase my father in every man I choose.
I find him in their failures
To show up,
To reach out,
To apologize,
To try,
To not leave me to assumption,
And I fight to earn their affection,
Hoping to find his along the way.

I choose the men reluctant to love me,
Because their indifference feels like home.

- p. winter
alternative title: narcissist with daddy issues
Apr 2022 · 163
Why Night Made the Moon
Penelope Winter Apr 2022
The sun was not attracted
To the darkness in her eyes,
So she brightened them with shooting stars
And twinkling fireflies,
But each morning she would fade away
As he began to rise,
So she made the moon to hold
The mere reflection of his light amid her skies.

- p. winter
man **** these meds why do I have to choose between a peaceful brain and a peaceful sleep
Apr 2022 · 129
Penelope Winter Apr 2022
Curious but reverent,
Like ivy clings to stone,
His hands explore my body and

I wake in bed alone.

- p. winter
Apr 2022 · 128
Penelope Winter Apr 2022
A sunbeam is not bright enough
To match the glowing of my skin,
For when he looks at me and smiles
I radiate from deep within.

- p. winter
30 second speed write bc smiling is lovely and his smile is the loveliest
Mar 2022 · 185
the poem writes itself
Penelope Winter Mar 2022
come here
can i take this off
**** you look good
is this ok
i like doing this to you
i could do this all day

hey google
cancel my alarm

- p. winter
a memory turned nightmare
Mar 2022 · 167
Penelope Winter Mar 2022
women marching left and right
more slender and more graceful
tall and calm and dainty
so astonishingly tasteful
moving like a stormy breeze
both powerful and gentle
i wish they’d come and visit
in the mirror on my mantle

- p. winter
oh to be 5’10 with blue eyes and an hourglass figure
Mar 2022 · 284
walk on, my dear
Penelope Winter Mar 2022
walk on, my dear
left foot then right
for i am cursed
with lover’s blight

amid the tears
i’ll smile for you
you won’t look back
i’ll mourn for two

walk on, my dear
right foot then left
you’ll love again
i’ll die bereft

- p. winter
knowing someone wouldn’t be happy with you but selfishly wanting them to stay but having to watch them go blah blah blah emotions emotions emotions
Mar 2022 · 107
the sculptor
Penelope Winter Mar 2022
his hand so softly stroking my hair
snaking along my neck
pressing in the valley
‘tween my shoulder blades
down my spine
circling each vertebra

he carves my curves out from stone
hips and thighs and flesh and bone
his thumb traces the profile
of the ***** of my nose
and the smirk of my lips
trailing down my sternum
the outlines of my ribs
and stomach
all the round and all the sharp

the dimples
the freckles
the scars
all finishing touches
o’er my body of clay
‘cross my skin of paint
covered in his fingerprints
humming as he works

and i take whatever form he asks of me

- p. winter
Mar 2022 · 260
Penelope Winter Mar 2022
In strength I think I’m ready,
I can laugh and start anew,
But in illness I’m reminded,
At my weakest
I want nothing more
Than you.

- p. winter
You know in movies when the big tough guy is being a big tough guy but then when he’s like about to die or something he wants his mom… lol kinda like that. Like “pfft I’m fine I don’t need-“ and then you get sick and sad and tired and all you want is the comfort you swore you didn’t think of anymore
Penelope Winter Mar 2022
tell me how to bottle up a sound.

would I wear it as perfume,
let the world know I am doused in poetry, and dissonance, and coffee grinds?
or would I dare risk it wafting into the stale, unworthy air?
perhaps I’d wear it ‘round my neck,
never to open and relive the wonder,
only to hold close against my soul,
to feel its magic seep into my skin,
a home to return to
when doubts creep in through my ribs.

tell me how to keep it with me

- p. winter
Mar 2022 · 68
we the forgotten
Penelope Winter Mar 2022
we fade to hazy shadows
     with the darkness and the cold
we acquiesce to blindness
     without lover to behold
we lose ourselves to yearning
     with no prize for being bold
we leak into tomorrow
     with our hearts of rot and mould

- p. winter
what’s it like to live a life you enjoy
Mar 2022 · 63
Penelope Winter Mar 2022
I shall not force your fist to uncurl,
But, should your hand open,
Of its own volition,
Mine will always be ready to hold.
How dangerous, my readiness
To be yours.

- p. winter
I am very sick and very sad and weeks behind in every class
Mar 2022 · 99
Penelope Winter Mar 2022
Maybe he lets me in
Because he knows how I adore him

But at least he lets me in

- p. winter
Mar 2022 · 186
outside my reach
Penelope Winter Mar 2022
our lips don’t touch, they only sigh,
your arms hang limp, not ‘round my waist,
you laugh and face away, and I
would rather die than know the taste
of what outside my reach does lie

- p. winter
Mar 2022 · 161
Penelope Winter Mar 2022
“You will be missed.”
You have been all along.

- p. winter
Feb 2022 · 74
Penelope Winter Feb 2022
How long does it take
To fall out of love?
I count the hours,
With both eagerness
And dread.

- p. winter
Feb 2022 · 186
and so it begins (haiku)
Penelope Winter Feb 2022
and so it begins,
and so healing unravels,
and so i succumb

- p. winter
Feb 2022 · 74
Penelope Winter Feb 2022
perhaps i only miss
feeling desirable
feeling beautiful
feeling valuable

feeling like someone somewhere
looked at me and saw more than
noise and fear

perhaps i only miss
who you made me think i could be

she left when you did

- p. winter
Feb 2022 · 68
Penelope Winter Feb 2022
once upon a time
he would have pulled me down the hallway
away from all their eyes
just to hold me for himself

now we pass each other
without speaking a word
separated by all that we
will never again be

- p. winter
tough week
Feb 2022 · 79
Penelope Winter Feb 2022
more often than they should
my eyes land on you

they see your hair and flood my fingers
with memories of snaking through it

they see your neck and my lips tingle
yearning to kiss it again

they see your waist and my arms long
to wrap themselves around it
to breathe in the comfort
to dwell in the warmth

your hands
your laugh
your eyes
your clothes
your every move
they torture me to see
but i cannot look away

i shiver with want
but watch in silence

just too far away to hold you
for if i could
i’d never let go again

- p. winter
what more can i gain from pretending it does not slowly **** me to be in the same room as him
Feb 2022 · 65
Penelope Winter Feb 2022
How heartbreaking,
They see us now
And think that we are strangers
Who never held each other
High above the city lights.
How sudden are the changes,
How short the autumn nights.

- p. winter
I don’t like change
Feb 2022 · 98
kiss me once again
Penelope Winter Feb 2022
kiss me once again
sing to me
touch me
grab me
i beg you
kiss me once again
pull me in
don’t speak
find me
take me home
kiss me once again

- p. winter
penny presents: the most generic poem ever written
Feb 2022 · 97
The Last to Let Go
Penelope Winter Feb 2022
I swore to move on,
But chagrined I must tell
I still sleep on the grounds
Where you shadow once fell.

- p. winter
Feb 2022 · 28
Penelope Winter Feb 2022
My room was once a mess.

Jeans and plants and records and books and rubik’s cubes and pens and playing cards and instruments and journals and sneakers and poems and photos and sheet music and candles and

My head was once full of music.

Show tunes and operas and flutes and guitars and jazz and love songs and hate songs and blues and ballads and choirs and organs and drums and jingles and

My life was once summer.

Friendships and ice cream and sunshine and bonfires and family and concerts and daisies and romance and road trips and skateboards and laughter and

Now I am empty.

Silent and wistful and jealous and solemn and broken and burdened and hungry and cold and angry and hurt and forgotten and fearful and weak and

My room is still a mess.

- p. winter
Feb 2022 · 25
Penelope Winter Feb 2022
I wake before the sun does now,
And I work until it sets,
I fill my planner with mundane tasks
To create the illusion of living,
I hand assignments in early,
I eat a healthy breakfast,
I match my socks,
I make my bed,
I brush my hair,
I smile at work,
I do everything I am supposed to do.
I look, at last, complete.

No more sleeping in
No more messy hair
No more mismatched socks
No more passion projects

No more passion

Textbooks sit where stories once did.
My record player has been unplugged to make room for new chargers.
My tap shoes gather dust.
I forget the lyrics to show tunes.
My plants have died in my neglect for them.
The music stand holds study notes.

Every fix I had to make
To become what I am told to be
Came with the sacrifice
Of part of my soul.

I have no time for singing,
I daren’t dance and waste a day,
My friends see less of me,
I make it home only to collapse
And pray tomorrow will hold a spare minute
For dreaming.

- p. winter
Idek if you can call this a poem **** it sounds like something I would have written in high school to try to be relatable. I wish I could say this was a list of metaphors. But I truly have started to lose myself and the things I love. I have no time. I have no energy. I have no space in my mind. I gave it all up to finally be the kind of girl whose parents are proud and who doesn’t get dumped and who achieves her goals and who people want to be friends with and who looks like she has her **** together and who isn’t a walking embarrassment or a waste of a human body. And now what? I am tired. I am lonely. I am quiet. I am miserable. And people keep complimenting me on how well I seem to be doing. “You look so much better, your grades have gotten so high, I’m so impressed you have time for all of that!” I have no time. I am not present during the day. I do not come alive with excitement. I do not seek adventure. I do not choose happiness. I choose practicality. I choose logic. I choose to be somebody else. And I hate who she is.
Feb 2022 · 26
Penelope Winter Feb 2022
as teardrops fall onto the pew,
i bring to Him my love for you,
each prayer from my lips a plea
to guide you safely home to me

- p. winter
sobbed my eyes out at adoration, what else is new
Feb 2022 · 301
Penelope Winter Feb 2022
when the silence of death
is louder than the noise of living
i ponder for a moment
which to choose

- p. winter
update: the fact that this went trending… take care of yourselves and your loved ones goin through it xo
Penelope Winter Feb 2022
leave me once
shame on me
leave me twice
shame on me
leave me thrice
shame to think
i e’er believed
you wanted me

- p. winter
Feb 2022 · 101
Someday I’ll Find You
Penelope Winter Feb 2022
Someday I’ll find you,
Let summer remind you
That, if we’re inclined to
Step into the sun,

The meadows will lead us,
The grasses between us
Will kneel down beneath us,
And to you I’ll run.

Someday I’ll find you,
Let autumn remind you,
The leaves never mind to
Pay yearly the price,

For they know with patience
That nature is gracious
And new life awaits us
With each sacrifice.

The changing of seasons
Cannot be ignored,
But growing pains always
Will come with reward,

So look to the future
And see what I see,
I’ll be there with you dear

Someday I’ll find you,
Let winter remind you
That life is unkind to
The lovers that rush,

And so I will dally,
Through forest and valley,
Til that sweet finale
When I feel your touch.

Someday I’ll find you,
Let springtime remind you
That joy is designed to
Return with the dove,

So when you are lonely,
Remember that only
The seasons can show me
The way to your love.

- p. winter
oh you have valentine’s day plans? what’s it like to be God’s favourite
Penelope Winter Feb 2022
how many losses can I bear
before I lose myself

- p. winter
There is no particularly dramatic, traumatic event taking place. But enough little things add up. Losing people, losing your job, losing marks, losing your mind, it’s only a matter of time before the little losses consume you completely.
Feb 2022 · 107
Mourning Mama
Penelope Winter Feb 2022
Papa lost his papa to a poison in his veins,
Then followed in his footsteps, heading straight toward the grave,
But papa lived to watch my mama grieve her very own,
And I learned in early childhood that the hospital was home.
Now papa’s oldest sister, and his second from the last,
Are forced to sit and watch as their own bodies fail to last.
Meanwhile I’m watching mama cry into the telephone,
‘Cause her papa’s ‘cross the ocean and he’s dying all alone,
And she’d give away her soul to merely kiss him once goodbye,
But the flights are too expensive, and the oceans are too wide.
I yearn to take their suff’ring, pray it kills me in their place,
But I couldn’t make my mama claim another lifeless face.

- p. winter
Ever wanna die so you don’t have to deal w being sad but then you remember that you dying would make your mom sad and you’d rather live sad than know you made your mom sad
Penelope Winter Jan 2022
Her kiss upon your cheek is but a petal in the wind,
And should you rid the feeling of it brushing ‘gainst your skin,
Do pray you ne’er forget it, lest one evening you begin
To miss that love so tender, for to hers is none akin.

- p. winter
Jan 2022 · 81
Penelope Winter Jan 2022
Your presence, twice the pain of what
Your absence e'er could be.
A ******* of sorts am I
To keep you close to me.

- p. winter
sorry if you thought anything interesting was happening in my life but this is literally about having a pet cat even though you're allergic
Jan 2022 · 94
Penelope Winter Jan 2022
mama needs security
and papa wants maturity,
but grateful as I am for their
abounding generosity,
in giving me the world
they took my only world away from me.

- p. winter
just your classic "I care about nothing but the arts but my parents want me to make money and unfortunately I got good grades in high school so now I'm stuck as a miserable stem major"
Jan 2022 · 81
Pain by Association
Penelope Winter Jan 2022
Fascinating, isn't it,
How the sight of you was once all it took
To melt away the wax inside my knees.
How your eyes locked with mine and, without fail,
Monarchs took flight inside of me,
And the afternoon sky filled with stars.

And yet
I see you now
And my joints stiffen in the cold.
With every step you take,
I feel you leave
All over again.

- p. winter
I find it so weird how the sight of someone can change how you feel depending on their history in your life. You could look at them a month ago and your whole day became light and easy, and now they walk into a room and you have to fight off the feeling of worthlessness your mind automatically associates with them. Like a weird kind of muted ptsd. They don't even look any different, and maybe they meant to hurt you and maybe they didn't, but either way they remind you of feeling broken. Being happy around people you associate with pain is an olympic sport I swear.
Jan 2022 · 114
Unmet Expectations
Penelope Winter Jan 2022
He looks at me
Only to see
The lover I
Could never be.

- p. winter
Jan 2022 · 69
Penelope Winter Jan 2022
To breathe in phrases never said,
How woeful is the drowning.
To bleed only unspoken thoughts,
How painful is the sting.
No longer is my body filled with
Blood and bone and bile,
Only dances we will never dance
And songs we’ll never sing.

- p. winter
Jan 2022 · 166
3:36 AM
Penelope Winter Jan 2022
and here i am again
not letting myself fall asleep
but picturing instead
your skin upon my silken sheet

despite what you have said
i daren’t face reality
tonight you’re in my bed
if only as a memory.

- p. winter
nothing profound just tired and very sad about many things in my life rn and letting it out as a depressing love poem bc what else is hepo for
Jan 2022 · 20
Penelope Winter Jan 2022
the day i see your face again
and watch you turn away from me
i know my heart will not recall
that ever once you cared for me.

- p. winter
Dec 2021 · 386
Too Busy Falling
Penelope Winter Dec 2021
How easily you say the words,
Exposing what is true:
I was too busy falling,
To be sure it was for you.

- p. winter
time to play everyone's favourite game: ~do i miss the person or just feeling special to someone~
Dec 2021 · 179
Penelope Winter Dec 2021
Your kiss, without a warning,
Turns to poison on my lips,
As fervour, white with brilliance,
Into sudden darkness slips,
And morality reveals itself
'Neath verity's eclipse.

- p. winter
Dec 2021 · 75
Penelope Winter Dec 2021
Some people in the world are simply loved.
By everyone.
And usually they are the people who will become whomever the person in front of them wants them to be.
But even still, they walk through life and know that, whatever happens, they will be fawned over.
And it’s annoying but it’s true.
And they don’t always deserve it.
And sometimes you watch them change right before your eyes and think “how could I ever know which one of you is real?”
Like watching a chameleon change colours so many times you forget what it truly looks like.
But regardless, you fall for the version you get.
Because it is hand crafted for you.
And you wonder how you can be sure you love something so uncertain.
And then you lose it.
And you think… oh.
That’s how.

- p. winter
Brainstorm over for now, I wrote nonstop without thinking for a couple min and now im over it lol.
Dec 2021 · 77
Loving You is a Reflex
Penelope Winter Dec 2021
I want to yell and cry and break something when I think about him.
But I accidentally happened upon a photo of him.
And I smiled.
Without thinking, I smiled.
And my first thought was
“There he is. Look at him go.
Look at how he can, just by sitting,
Draw the attention of the world.
As if the sunlight changes direction
Just to keep him from the shadows.”
And then I remembered.
And I yelled
And I cried
And I broke my favourite mug.
Because, despite my best efforts,
I cannot hate him.

- p. winter
Hang on still brainstorming
Dec 2021 · 94
Penelope Winter Dec 2021
For years I closed my heart
And, in turn, my arms as well.
But you held me once
And now each day
Without your touch is hell.

- p. winter
Two years ago I went through a very painful breakup. I didn’t let my own mother hug me for almost the whole two years. Nobody was allowed to touch me anymore. This year I finally found someone I couldn’t get enough of, and I let him in. But then I started letting everyone back in very quickly. Way too quickly. My family and some close friends were shocked that I was suddenly asking for affection. I couldn’t let go of him. I felt safe with him. I hadn’t felt safe under someone’s touch in two years, especially a man’s. I understood again what I had been depriving myself of. He never believed I wasn’t a touchy person beforehand. And it was so brief that it shouldn’t have gotten to me the way that it did. But it had been so long since I was held. Anyway. He doesn’t hold me now. I don’t know if I could let him if he tried.
Dec 2021 · 377
Penelope Winter Dec 2021
affection is the wooden horse
naïve gates open for,
but sunset comes eventually
and love breaks into war.

- p. winter
Penelope Winter Dec 2021
I don’t want to be angry,
I want to run into your arms and tell you all the details of my day.

I don’t want to be lonely,
I want to feel you hold me close and promise me we’ll make it there someway.

But rage hurts less than sadness,
And loneliness I know,
So I’ll continue moving on
The only way I know
And scream your name into my pillow
Just to let you go.

- p. winter
it is very hard for me to be genuinely angry with someone. because angry means you think you deserved better. and usually i accept that i got exactly what i deserved. and yet here we are.
Dec 2021 · 572
Penelope Winter Dec 2021
you steal so many nights from me
by leaving me alone
to weep and grip the sheets
and know you won’t be coming home.

- p. winter
lol I have to be up early but I keep crying oops
Dec 2021 · 172
Four Lines
Penelope Winter Dec 2021
Three have succeeded.
Two shouldn’t count.
One never knew.
None stayed anyway.

- p. winter
my birthday is in like two and a half months and I’m not sure if by now I should have figured out what love is yet… cuz every time I think I got it, it ends with me very angry and my good friend hindsight makes a 47 slide powerpoint on all the reasons why it was in fact not love and I am simply an idiot. maybe I just want to be loved so badly that I will call anything love. or I just love so easily I refuse to call it love when I’ve been hurt and look back on how quickly I gave my heart away. young and stupid and desperate to matter to someone the way they matter to me. and by golly is that a pitiful desire to have.
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