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 Sep 2018 Alie
teni
manic.
 Sep 2018 Alie
teni
there is a fire
burning the back of my throat
and it shows no signs
of being put out.

there is a racecar
doing laps in my head
and the driver can't hear
my cries
begging him to slow down.

there is a bull
trying desperately
to buck off his rider
in my stomach
but the rider is holding on tight.

my knuckles have turned white
from how tightly
i have clenched my fists.
thank god i trimmed my nails
if i hadn't,
droplets of blood
would be falling from my fingertips
leaving an artwork
of my mania
on the concrete.
i cant make it go away
 Sep 2018 Alie
She Writes
I’d rather write than speak
My pen is always responsive
My ink doesn’t judge my mistakes
My paper doesn’t argue
My lines never cross me
My sentences never disappoint
And my words will never leave me
 Sep 2018 Alie
EBTI
Depression shall not get the best of you
Between all of the colors, you chose blue
Tell me what makes you happy if I couldn’t do
All of the books and paper, i wish I could listen to you
You are cutting your wings and I am gluing  them on
With me or with out me, you are going to be strong
If my poems and I didn’t stand tall
We’ll fall with you but, surely later we will catch on
We will crush all of your sad feelings,
We will crush them all
Only sunshine baby, even if your sky was blue
And I am here for you!
 Sep 2018 Alie
chris
reasons
 Sep 2018 Alie
chris
I thought

we’ve been    through it all

but you            threw it all

 away.

-

nothing is left
                             now but
  
my broken pieces
why’d you have to do that to us?

to me?
 Sep 2018 Alie
Samantha
When I Knew
 Sep 2018 Alie
Samantha
I knew I loved you
When you held my hand
Pretending I was your girlfriend in that bar.
When we drove down the
Hill, windows down
Music up, singing along
High as the moon in that night's sky.
I knew I loved you
When you called me crying about your dog
And didn't know what to do.
When you sang to me
"Don't you worry, don't you worry child" in that club
And you told me it'd get better.
When you made me smile all the times
I was down.
I knew I loved you when you
Though my weirdness was cool
And when you let me be my exposed self
You never judged, it was easy to
Tell you my deepest secrets.
I knew I loved you when we took that selfie
And pretended to kiss.
When it turned real as our
Connection solidified through our lips
I knew I loved you when we pretended
It never happened because we
Didn't want to lose each other.
I knew I loved you all the
Times we fought and drifted away for things
I can't even remember.
When our opinions would clash
And our lives kept changing.
I knew I loved you when I hated you
And all your girls because I knew you could do better.
I knew I loved you when you finally met her
And it pleased my heart
Your gamble was finally over.

I Know I Love You
Because I'm smiling as I immortalize our bond.

I Love You
My Best Friend
 Sep 2018 Alie
Eyithen
Girls like her peak in High School
Always thin
Good at everything
Great at sports
Beautiful
Lots of friends
Outgoing
Confident

Girls like me?
A wallflower
I'm not alone
I have sort-of-friends
I'm a shadow in the back of the class
Always silent
Mid-season I'm failing
Getting grades up just enough
for the final report card to say I'm "smart"
Fool the colleges i do
Silently being the only one who doesn't understand
But the class is moving on without you
Crying because I'm "not good enough"
Below/Average at sports
Never good enough for the team
Stuck on the sidelines
Always watching
My life is a TV program
I laugh and watch
But never feeling a part of it
I'm just a spectator

Girls like her peak in college too
Even more beautiful then before
A boyfriend to match
And a petite body that looks great in everything
Flying through college
Instagram model

Girls like me?
Flunked my first year
Home i go
More clueless than ever
"I changed my major" i tell them
I put on the act
"I know what I'm doing"
It's all a lie
A mask I wear
Falling apart inside
Feeling despair
The tears come easy
They come fast
How long will this misery last?
Comparing, Comparing
It's a bigger high school now
Except no one gives a **** this time round
I did this to myself
Want to fix it
Is it too much to ask for a win?
Medication helps the focus
I am making a plan

I'm learning
I'm finding myself
It's okay to take my time
It's okay if I'm a little slow
So why do i feel like I'm just fooling myself?
Everyone has a different path
I haven't given up
I haven't stopped moving
So why i am walking the treadmill?
Moving but still in the exact same spot?

I'm jealous of girls like her
They got it all
Wish things were different
Wish i was given their hand
Cause fate has delt me a rough one

She gets the grassy meadow
I get the stormy mountain
She gets prince charming
I'm still waiting
She uses her wit to defeat the witch
I escape and run through books and other things that distract

What is wrong with me?
Why can't i be good at things?
Why is this so hard?
I wish things came easy.

We were friends
Me and her
And i hate the green monster
that leaves me with this jealous anger

Stay away
Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat
All they do is cause me harm
All the doubts and pain creeps back
I keep reopening the wound.
Those negative thoughts i though were gone?
Well they are buried in the back of my mind ready to resurface.

This is just the beginning of my story
I know this
I am destined for greater things
I know this
I will make it
I know this
I will graduate
I know this

Yet, Girls like her
Leave me with lies that echo...
I have been struggling with school. I want to do well yet i self-sabotage. I am getting better. I have a plan and i am going to succeed and fight through college, yet i see pictures of a friend from high school and that is all it takes till i start to spiral into this black hole of doubt and fear.
 Sep 2018 Alie
Raziel
Habits
 Sep 2018 Alie
Raziel
They’ll check your wrists,
But not your thighs,
They’ll check your smile,
But not your eyes
They’ll avoid the truth,
Believe the lies,
Nothing to sooth,
No reason to cry,
Our smiles are bright,
Eyes are a bit dull,
Wrists are clean despite,
The blade with an emotional pull,
And we’re emotionally unstable,
But they say that’s okay,
We are all a bit of a riddle,
But that’s the only thing we can convey,
And the world will open to swallow us up,
But that’s okay, at least our habits remain,
And when their arms finally open up,
We will show them the reflection they taught us to shame,
So we paint a smile with the color of red,
From the thighs they didn’t check,
And from our eyes we bled.
And they'll only understand,
When the noose hold us by our necks,
And if they had thought twice,

Maybe our eyes they would have checked.
 Sep 2018 Alie
Carebear
That Letter
 Sep 2018 Alie
Carebear
A final letter I'll write,
For everyone to read,
For when I'm gone,
I will no longer impede.

A gun to the head would work,
But then so would a noose -
Tie it, hang it, and leave it for later.
Oh no, this is too loose.

I wish I could unsee it,
I wish I could unhear it,
I wish it never happened -
And I don't want to believe it.

Talking to her,
It's all a blur ,
For during every session,
I weep through her slurs.

I have been debased,
I have been misplaced,
And every time I see her face -
I feel like an absolute.

Disgrace.
 Sep 2018 Alie
Samantha
Me
 Sep 2018 Alie
Samantha
Me
You asked me who I want to be, so here’s my answer:

I want to be FEARLESS & SELFISH

I want to walk above the ground
I want to give my thank you speech
And wear the crown

I want to open my voice
I want to tell them exactly how I feel
And not give a **** about their ideals

I want room to grow from a fraction to a whole
I want my world to revolve around ME
And be able act fierce and carefree

I want to be the woman that intrigues strangers
I want to bravely approach them with friendly banter
And have spontaneous encounters that brings on laughter

I want to be someone more like me
Inspired by someone from this site, when he asked me "Who do you want to be"
Thank You :-)
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