she is beautiful
because
she is
funny,
intelligent,
strange,
and
she's helping me out of a dark pool
and
she may be mine.

i don't know
if i want her like that,
or just as friends.
either way would be nice.

i love her so much,
but i don't know
which way.
there are so many lanes to take,
but i am one car,
and one car only.

all i need to know,
is that i love her.
and she's my best friend,
or something.
and
i think
that's that.

Thirteen years ago, something changed.
It altered my personality and made everything a stressful decision.
I let fear take control and I became a shell of my former self.
I must admit; It nearly broke me.
The important word there is, nearly.
It didn't break me and I won't let it.
I control my life.
I will not be controlled by fear and negativity.
I have one shot at life, I will not take it for granted and I will push myself.
Whether it's by writing or raising mental health awareness, I will try and show that mental health isn't a life sentence.
There is help out there.
It does get easier.

I'm tired.
Tired of everything.
I just want to sleep,
And never wake up again.

No, I'm not lazy,
I'm not running away from life.
I'm just tired of the world and myself,
And too tired to change anything.

I keep telling myself that being sad is a huge crime, because I have everything I could ever ask for in order to be happy. Yet I feel like something is missing. Like if there's a gap waiting to be filled. It's killing me, because despite all the loving friends and family I have, that gap is the thing that is keeping me from being truly happy. And the thing that makes me more confused is that I don't feel it during the day, it's at 3 am when I'm dying. I guess you can say this is my biggest crime.

If tomorrow was my last
I'd do nothing.
I wouldn't skydive
I wouldn't travel
I wouldn't do everything
I've ever wanted to do.

If tomorrow was my last
I'd do as always.
I'd get up
I'd read my bible
I'd go to school
and have an average day.

If tomorrow was my last
I'd act as normal.
I'd smile to others
I'd say "hello"
I'd do my best
as I try every day.

If tomorrow was my last
I'd tell no one.
I wouldn't shout it
I wouldn't scream it
I wouldn't sing it
from every single rooftop.

If tomorrow was my last
I'd never know it.
That's why my usual
day to day consists
of all things I love
the very most.

If tomorrow were my very last
what I do today would be enough.
It would make me smile
It would make me laugh
It would make me happy
Because I have learned always
to be content in the ordinary.