The paint is flaking and falling off
splotched edges
discoloration
stormy days
weathered years
creaking and leaking
cracking from heating
the physics of aging
and seasons of raging
the terrible toll
they are taking
makes you think this old house
needs replacing.

But listen to the voices
of laughter and loving
hear echoes of weeping
and promise keeping
poems that were spoken
being whole and broken
see the tears that were shed
the glories in bed
sighs and lies
some of them said
inside the house that was home
these many years.


Inside spirit reigns
with angels unchained
where heart and soul
on a journey bold
through seasons of pain
where demons were slain
new life was greeted
death was cheated
souls were enrolled
in miracle courses
treasures discovered
of higher forces.


This old house of seventy six years
holds joys along with fears.
The structure isn’t new
but inside
there is
youth.

Toss myself out of bed
Peel myself off the floor
Drag myself out of the house
Push myself to the job I hate
Force myself to face the world
Command myself to not melt into a puddle that oozes through the pores of the couch cushions to become a useless incompetent waste of my own **** self

Demand more of myself
To keep myself myself

I'm at a point in my life where I am to wake up
This has happened once before
This metamorphosis from depression to desperation
to acceptance and knowing
It hurts
It seems soul destroying
But in all actuality it is soul enlightenment

Dear child,
When I die,
Do not grieve for me,
Do not mourn me,
Do not give me the best burial,
I will soon be a carcass.
Instead,
Call all relatives and friends,
To:
          CELEBRATION OF LIFE
           -----------------------------------
     Please join us
      at-------------------------(address)
     To celebrate the life of
            SALMABANU HATIM
      from-----------------------(time)
      to share her stories,memories
       And laughter.

R.S.V.P -----------------------
Refreshment provided.

Let the 
taste & smell
of the alcohol
possess you to
numb the pain
that he gave you.

  -He donates pain though.

I have honestly never met anyone so wonderful in my life,
I used to talk all the time how I would long for my childhood back...
And now it definitely feels like I have it
With you I feel like a little girl again running around the house with you
Tickle fights
You joking being mean to me and I run away
But you still manage to catch me everytime
Cause I'll always give into you
You've always just been there since year 5 in school just always there
in the background of my life and its so crazy!!
You were just there the whole time and I had no idea
that you out of everyone would mean this much to my heart

You have no idea do you
I may be in love with you
And no matter how hard I try
To push that away
To block out all those feelings for you
To move on to some other man
That would love me so much
I just can't seem to
No matter how hard I try
I just can't
Your always in the back of my mind
Reminding me of what we had
The beauty of it
The first time you hugged me
The first time you held my hand
When we fell asleep together cuddling
When you scared me only to hug me and keep me safe
The first time you saw me cry
You just held me and said it would all be alright
The first time we walked home just you and I
The first time I leaned my head on your shoulder
The first time you helped me dance
I felt alive you brought me back to life
You made me feel free genuinely happy
Genuinely safe
And it hurts
**** it hurts so so fucken much
To think what we had then
Is nothing now
I want to cry so much
It hurts so badly
You weren't even really an ex
But maybe your were an ex maybe
An ex something
An ex possibly
It felt like we were dating
You held my hand
You let me sleep on your chest cuddling me tightly
You told me to stay safe
You told me you had my back
You held my in your arms and kept me safe
You watched me cry and held me
You told me you'd never let anyone hurt me that as long as you were there I'd be safe
But here you are hurting me yourself your there I'm hurting so much and you have no idea
How much I love you

I go 0 to an 1,000 degrees
Flow like getting stung by an Thousand bees
Got an 1,000 bars
For any Thousand to spar
I write on top of Earth lookin at 1,000 of stars
I got to go an Thousand times harder
The goaline a 100 yards
But it feels like it's an Thousand times farther
Thousand times thousands of cells charged up
Flames enraged on a rampage harbored
Heart and Soul on fire
the burning desire
is ready to Conquer
I dont even believe this fire can be put out by water
Im the Summers Sun
An when i spit that mean Winter begun
Venomous Tongue
You lookin at Venom
Bringing carnage with Lyricism
I can go head to head with Thor
With my Holy Sword
Thunder god vs A Son Of God
Being hot i call that a Summer job
You rappers need a Hot Rod
I turn the booth into a Hot Box
You rappers better play Hop Scotch
To get to the Top spot