I've painted too many pictures
And all of them, the same
I've painted your face a thousand times
Yet I've forgotten your name
And it is such a travesty
Not to mention a **** shame
For you are the only face
The only inspiration that came
And oh, the colors in your eyes are those of the dawn
Your lips as soft as the brush that paints them on and on
In your beauty, in your grace, I find, in utter shame
The treachery, the irony, of a love's forgotten name
My brush will stay clasped in this hand, my strokes remaining true
Until the memories come back, my paint will remember you
I'll be penniless with all the paint and canvas I'll have bought
All because of a beautiful face whose name that I forgot

I think I need a girlfriend
But maybe then I don’t
Suffice to say
That when the day
Comes I get what I want, I won’t

Waste a minute, waste a moment
A nanosecond or more
I’m by no means clingy
But the joy she’ll bring me
I’ll glady return in scores

I think I need a girlfriend
My hand is far too cold
It speaks to me
(Between *******)
And asks for another to hold

Was that too much information?
If it was, apologies are due
It’s just, you see
The overwhelming lonely
Like *****, sometimes accrues

I need to shut up if I want a girlfriend
My censorship is not the best
My intentions are pure
But my words get obscured
As soon as they leave my chest

Because... ugh... and also... grrr
And ****! And ****! And sigh
I just want... you know
So we can... smile?
And if someone would give it a try

Then I would love and cherish a girlfriend
Id wipe away the tears
From her, from me
And everything
And love her, far or near

I’m distant and I’m awkward
I’m clumsy and sometimes stupid
I’ve been the ****
Of love, a joke
And the victim of broken arrows from Cupid

I think I need a girlfriend
Who sees me for the poetry
Without a word spoke
Nor the ones that I wrote
Just one who accepts me for me

Ramshackled dream
Held together with glue and string
And prayers
Floating as a feather
Yet easily the heaviest of things

What tapestries you inspire
Yet not strong enough the exit my mind
Keeping you hidden
Incubating long term
Until you’re almost over cooked

Make I take a glimpse of you
Never to touch, in fear of the break
Complexly understated
A warming flame
Flickering in this empty cold world

Ramshackled dream
Pretty to most, breathtaking to me
Sitting ever fervent
Waiting to shine
Wait to breathe the air

I heard the bells
From where I laid
And they kept eyes wide as they loudly said
That there were things the heart forbade
I prayed they spoke not of you

I heard the bells
They rang for me
The hand I held falling with the leaves
As noctuous tones rang to the sea
And told me unwanted truths

I heard the bells
Shook them away
Howled at the night, mourned in the day
Spurting hatred to drown out what they say
What mind pushed away, but heart knew

I heard the bells
Each damning tone
That spoke and said you are not home
In the arms of one whose heart you own
And I was haunted by the tears that followed

And I saw candles in the skylight
That forced me to look outward
Their flickered flames in twilight
Made is so there was not an echoed word

I looked upward, onward
At a world ending above me
As if a deaf man’s silence as he hears
The first strings of a symphony

Under that purple and crimson sky
The masses joined my gaze
Looking to horizons, not one eye dry
As endless candles floated in the haze

The sun it set, or did it burst?
A gasp, a rush, then no more
As candles fell from darkened sky
And set fire to the floor

But I will remember the penultimate
The flickered flames in technicolor sky
The beauty near the ending for which I was present
As all and all and all said goodbye

She left in June
Flew
As expected
But she was in my arms
Moments
Only thing I could count on
Because in her nature
As is nature
How could I expect
Even want
Something, someone
Her
To stay
Caged in kisses
Locked in embraces
Chained in the affections
Shackled by the addictions
Of one boy
Mascarading as a man

She was her own creature
A lioness in rabbit’s cloth
No ******* around
Light on her feet
Freely does she run
But she never runs away
She just leaves
As expected
Brightest day turn darkest light
And I
I choose to remember the stars
For even though she leaves
Arms empty, hearts gaping
Eyes wanting, hands shaking
Knees weak, minds struck
She leaves
Moments
Embodied in stars
And I count on each one
As I count each one
As I account each one
And each one
Stays

What if we fade?
What if this existence of clay pots
So fragile
Fades
What if chances are not given
No truths
But just skin, bone, muscle
And knowing

Do you know how roses grow
Much less these fleeting seconds
So few
Could we steal, borrow
Beg?
Asking for more, looking for depth
Hearing nothing
Seeing black
Within you and me?
Everything and anything
Faded

Break this heart of solid stone
Collect these old scattered bones
Warm up what was dead and cold
Then leave it all alone

A hope arising from a glance
A breath that hints at half a chance
A foreign and off-kilter dance
A tear, fear, and sharpened lance

I broke before the breaking was ever evident
The weight of undertaking such cracks was prevalent
My hands and legs were shaking yet my mouth stayed oddly shut
Because the words, I found, were inconvenient

I broke before the clay of me had any time to dry
An unfinished tapestry that had already gone awry
And I have no one to blame but me, so I do it every day
And I apologize for the choices that will always be

I broke to show a side of me I’d kept under lock and key
To find I’d lost that key and my escape was breaking
And whether I am a fool is a debate that has come and gone
But I will learn one way or another, later or sooner

I am a compilation
Of complications
A station on the radio
My radar too tuned in
Hearing too acutely
My feelings too wild
Chaotic
It's not your fault
But is it mine?

You stand there
Letting me taste you
And
Leaving me
Here
Wanting more
Feverish in my attempts
Stumbling over my
Braindead heart
It's not my fault
But is it yours?

Sweet, yet bitter
So well seasoned
I have to dull
Myself
Too much too soon
Wanting
Impatient in anticipation
Of another coming and
Picking
You
Up
It's not your fault
But is it theirs?

"Ain't no sunshine when she's gone"
But don't fly to frequent
Don't fly to near
Burns will appear
The wanting is toxic
The passion
Too fervent
Fearful
But still there
A constant
Itching
It's not my fault
But it's all I am

Overflowing or bone dry
No in-betweens
Hot or cold
In a lukewarm
Scene
Consisting of consistent
Changes
But unfaltering
In my wanting
To never
Lose

It's not your fault
But I'll blame us both one way
Or another

If he broke you
I’d try to piece you back together
And you’d cut me
And I’d bleed
And then promise to try a little better

You are weathered
And a feather
Made of steely tears and lead
You are cursed
Because the worst
Place for you is in your head
Making you smile makes me smile
And we both haven’t in some time
It’s upsetting
Your sun setting
And me praying for sunrise

And I will hold your pieces tightly
Tighter still, bleeding no doubt
Till I find it’s lack of blood or tape
That make my heart give out
That’ll make my ears buzzy
Head fuzzy
Vision go askew
But if I die
It won’t be for lack of trying
It’ll be for bounties of you

Did the thoughts inside your head
Compose all of the tears you shed
So much so that your daily bread
Seems soggy and you unnourished

Do sacrifices you once made
Seem like the sins no one forgave
So that you can’t be saved
As you wallow in the day to day

Do storm clouds just exemplify
Your not wanting to see the sky
Because you know the tears you cry
Just mix in with the rain

It seems bleak in the all in all
But you will rise from every fall
A little stronger, heed the call
And know it’s not in vain

What if the words were kind?
The words inside her head
Crazy as it seems they deem her unworthy
Not worth it
Not worthless
But so close that one more mistake my tip
         Her
Over
                The edge
But what if the words were kind?
The words inside her head
What love would she find for others
If she had love for herself
If she had
Love
           To
                 Spare
So much that there were words left
For her
To not only be hear
But trusted. Believed
Words to fall upon
So that she might
           Not
Shatter
                       Again
And be left to pick up tearing words

There are boxes of unopened letters
Some with return to sender
Yet I cannot surrender a single one
A single word
‘Cause though they’re glued
Though they’re sealed shut
They still come from you

And that’s enough to make the boxes
A treasure and a curse
My mind simply at a loss as I avoided it
At first
Then the emotions you bring up
Yes, you know the very ones
Were the unintentional letter opener
Before I knew the deed was done

There are boxes of opened letter
With some tears the have slightly rendered
Certain words unreadable
Words with the power to render
A world of world
Completely moot
You stole them all
And my heart too

If she must fade from you
Then give the Devil what is due
The bridges burned, the gates unscrewed
Have left you gaping, griping

For you saw Heaven from a view
Then were struck blind as if on cue
As it was ripped away, in truth
It was never truly yours

Your state of mind was so askew
That you asked Satan to carry you
To give you favor, did you assume
That it would turn out well?

I see.

Hellfire stuck like glue...

Your skies grey, so you paint them blue

But the Devil is quick to do and undo

And now she’s gone... gone...

Gone.

They reach for eternal hands but hold such mortal fears
Praying it will rain forever to forever hide their tears
And yes, they look up to the sky, but with eyes closed and mouths open
Drowning in the misery of rituals unbroken

Converting vivacious minds by bathing them in drudgery
Comforming them to that what has been must always be
And they them, but I am me, and I hope you choose to be you
Closing your mouth and opening your eyes to see what you aught to

And we must see the breaking to realize fixing must be done
For though the rain may mask the tears, it also masks the sun
No new words have been spoken, only broken down and renewed
To still reach for immortal hand, but also skies of blue

Listen
Love
I may not be perfect
Or even perfect for you
But there another horizon
Where translucent is the heart who
Is waiting to just show
That there is perfect out there
Or at least
Perfect for you

Hearing
Sadness
So many hopes crushed
Not broken, but just stepped on
For you to pick up, wipe off
Your heart within your stomach
Scattering the butterflies
To places where you can’t reach
Because of wings
That are now broken

See
Passion
It’s right within reach
The perfection you seek so avidly
Perfect for you. Custom made
To fill ever crevice
To smooth every fault
To laugh, to cry, to agree, to disagree
But most of all
To love
You love

Let them speak
Then let them die
Let truth pour onto lips so dry
Let who be you
No wonder why
And close eyes, lifeless, no waking

No words said after
No lullaby
Post mortum tears in cloudy sky
As echoed truth
Takes creator’s life
To multiply, undertaking

Let teeth gnash
Let silent rage
Encompass those within the day
To pick up words
For which the slain
Found their souls, like eggshells, breaking

Another chapter
One of pain
New but rewritten, again and again
So that words spoken
From those long dead
Find new hosts for the taking

Dear
Hear
The words of a soul 3000 miles away
Dear
Here
Clear as day the words I say, that they might catch the wind
Darling
Wond’ring
Do we look upon the same sky, at the same stars
Darling
Wond’ring
Where do your thoughts take you, do they wander far
Sweetheart
Part
Not from these straining, stretching words
Sweetheart
Part
Of my unending pledge is the promise of you in my arms again

She would vanish if she could
Disappeared and gone for good
But then again she never understood
How much she needed to be

The world a land of passing glances
Fading dreams and phony chances
Made it so I’d find she dances
Betwixt reality and a dream

And there she’d sit in silent splendor
The realest of dreams wanting to surrender
Because of a reality that had rendered
Her unable to fly

And so in silent rage, sadness, fear
The dream wished she could disappear
And soon she’ll be away from here
Without so much as a goodbye

Sometimes I type and late at night
I cannot feel my fingers
But there they are, words on the screen
Filling pages as my body lingers
My ceiling parts and I depart
As I gaze into space
But the stars are far too dull to see
So all I see are your eyes

I think my brain's running away
Hand in hand with my trailing heart
And ****** footprints float from empty caverns
Flowing into my art
And I find the ground long since gone
I am lost and at a loss
My memories no longer mine
Only picture books filled with you

So I sink deeper in the drink
So I float further than intended
Searching the ether for "je ne c'est qua"
Heart and mind long gone, soul unattended
I still can't feel my keyboard
Only the memory of the feel of your skin
My words reflecting all that compose me
And they all fall back to you

My dear, you wound me
As only one who holds my heart can
So unassuming yet so
Sweet
Warm
Mesmerizing
There’s no wising up with
Such a pretty face
Graceful
Wonderful
A subtle disaster
A ticking bomb in my arms
Oh how you wound me
As only one who holds my heart can do

And in the eyes so lovely I see a shade of blue
That makes it so I find I stare when I dare to look at you
For mixed with green I see a hue I wish to always hold
In Montana skies lies lullabies lined with shade of gold

A newer sheen I've yet to find nor one that's so embracing
A wonder within a mystery with the beauty I'm facing
Smiling within layers so that nothing truly hides
And in that truth I find my world with Montana skies

You don’t have to call me home, my love
Just call me, my dear
For it has been too long, too long
And your voice I long to hear

For days have gone like sands in wind
And autumn’s end shook the leaves
Your lips I can see so vividly
But not a word they’ve breathed

Do you fear the towers of waves that lie ahead of you
The threat of the unending black that lies beyond the blue
The roaring of a thousand voices that never made a sound
Do the giants that wait for you make your knees buckle to the ground

Do you fear the powers that crave for your immortal soul
The truths that lie within the depths of a half never made whole
The horrors of a world untamed beyond your comprehension
A tempest in unending sea with no sign of intervention

And could go forward, on and on on how she danced
Within the crevices of my mind to my heart
And I would dance with her if time would only give the chance
But from those days I've found I must depart

The worlds and words of long ago that echo in my veins
A cavalcade of the love that never was or will be
And yet there she dances, oh how she dances
Within my heart and mind's combined memory

You see, she rose like a forgotten dream
And I was witness to her, the loudness of a whisper
The beauty, the strength, the frailty
The fragile words that failed me
Her pale skin echoed in my mind
And since then she has never left
Not a second of her will ever leave
Her softened lips and fingertips
The most sultry of melodies

You see, she rose like a forgotten dream
The flower encased within a falling star
The soft definition, the piercing tenderness
An oasis in a desert of duress
With every eye saying the very same thing
Hearing each footstep as if they’d sing
Such wordless wonders were her everyday
Her sweet perfume littering the room
My love, my hope, my arisen dream

Eyes transfixed, care to take a second look
Lies spill like oil out of the picture book
See the ever present glazed look in her gaze
The levels of misery just might amaze

The smile superglued onto a falling face
This plastered image in a foreign place
A trick of light, my love, and that is it
Photographed half-truths, often edited

Bind them together, for a story we must fabricate
Smash the window to see the masterpiece we make
Distort and contort a slump into paradise
Hear the people wish for a second they had your life

Look back on smiles and then upside down
See the dull eyes behind the makeup of the clown
The lights are on, my dear, paint on a pretty face
So we can reminisce fondly of the happy fakes

If the sky should fall for me and, from stars, make a tapestry
Mind mind would have the audacity to still drift to your smile
For all the gifts the sky could give could not compare to having lived
Within the reach of your tender lips and unflinching guile
With soft hand wrapped tightly round mine, the sky's claim to me is empty, benign
A hollow promise that would ring once and fall flat on the floor
And I would find you past these fickle things to give a foolish boy his wings
For you've given me the stars in your stare, my dear, and so much more

I have been here on your side before the line was drawn
Drawing my sword in the blindness that emanated before dawn
Pushing out the pretenders with your hand clasped to mine
As blood and sweat, bone and flesh met with my blade in time
I defended you, befriending you amidst your lows and lifted you high
Shared in the echoing laughter as well as the tears you've cried
Sung to a thousand ears your praises in unending song
I have walked this path with you... don't prove my efforts to be wrong...

Trembling vision and quivering knees indicate your world is shaking
A sinkhole beneath the concrete once thought of as a foundation
A tapestry of normality ripped violently to pieces
As you find yourself falling once again

A bleeding heart within my sight, a glass wall in between
As you pour your insides onto the floor and I look on helplessly
And I would offer a healing word, but the world drowns them silent
As I find you there, falling once again...

Foreign are the footprints on a road long ago tread
A memory of what once was, an ode to those now dead
Buried under the leaves laid down by surrounding maple trees
A blanket that has nary piece disturbed

These multicolored maples have seen and whispered so
Of many a wearer traveler who chose this quiet road
But long ago was this and time has laid the cards
With feet and body laid to rest, never to walk

And so the silence takes the land in an eternal embrace
As raining leaves float softly on, failing to leave a trace
None to stand to revel in the beautiful tapestry
The footprints buried with those who molded them

I see your face in stages
As I flip through the pages
Following your story as the war around you rages

Significant in elegance
A cruel world's recompense
But fervent in your rarity and ever present subtleness

In no history books are you written
A blip in a grander vision
A story of mistake and scars from varying decisions

But I flip through and see you
And in this your story rings true
And I see the flaw and wonder that only living can accrue

Woefully, Viola sings and beautiful are her cries
Calling lovers, come and gone, to flash before her eye
Shimmering upon the dust filled air, touching her gentle frame
Each a note of mournful bliss, each one known by name

Strong and clear does her sound ring in solitary company
Uncomparable and unconquerable, untamed in all heartstrings
Cascading in a sorrow that moves the soul to break
Viola bends and tells her story, what music it does make

Crimson is the sheen that covers every inch of her
Melody in tragedy deplicted in each word
Echoing through mind and body, Viola misses not a cue
Lovely, deeply, sensually, Viola calls to you

I bleed such colors in excess and run them, focused, through
Until you face such wonders I've painted in front of you
Burning words entangle and burn indentations in your mind
Finding things you once never knew you could find

My regrets have taken me to place I'd have never seen
Violently away from you and past the blues, yellows, and greens
And though time has been somewhat kind, the gentle things I leave behind
Look back at me with burning eye as they seer their way into my mind

And I whisper secret words and think of you...

Boil down the excess of me
Taste the essence of me
I beg of you then not to leave
Accept the bitterness of me

Love every single part of me
See into the heart of me
I am a thing forever unclean
Take me regardless of me

See the cuts and burns of me
See the tears you've earned from me
View the me that I could be
Love me for me. All of me.

I have never seen such tears or heard such gentle cries
And never meet one deserving of the tears that leave your eyes
No lover, right or wrong, worthy of the sobs that bury joy
No creature that encapsulates the beauty you employ
Yet hear I stand gazing on this artistic travesty
A trifle that has broken you so undeservingly
For mere mem are not worthy of the tears that angels shed
My only wish that wings will rise from all the pain you've bled

These changes were not warranted
Unwanted, strange, and cruel
A twisting plot that transformed me quickly from king to fool

My life was not the same, a shame
A spring that sprung to winter
A tree that I had nursed and fed that grew, flourished, then splintered

And if these plans were indeed planned
The planning was not my own
And I see now the broken bough that forces me to grow

My bones they creaks and groan, I've grown
Forcing me to learn from the wrongs
And now the fool must start again to see he was a fool all along

I am more than these broken dreams that compose the depths of me
A stifled lamplight that can still burn amidst dark forces unbeknownst, unseen
I have yet to be claimed, though maimed, though torn, though bruised, battered, not broken
There still lies a slumbering giant in me that has yet to be woken
I am a culmination of a divine creation, tossed in the mud of the real and flesh and bone
And shooting star that has touched the ground with such for as to shatters what others assume to know
Amidst the roaring waves I am a drop, but still I scream, I roar
I may be among broken dreams, but in dreaming anew I am more

I do not paint poetry so much as it has painted me
A piece, a portrait calling me until all I can seem to see
Is a pale precarious wonder whose sanctimonious spell I'm under
A creature who seems to outdo even the grandest of nature's wonders
Till all I find is clarity of mind as I can clearly see
That all I stand to sit and see is her poetry that's painting me

I failed to read this book beyond a certain chapter
I saw the happily, but failed to recognize the after
The days they seemed to meld together in one large fairytale
Until I turned the page and you were gone

I found that spring would then sing and leave in haste
As if to torment me with a hint of a taste
And I would be left there wondering what could have become
Of me if I could have stay in spring before the song was done

And summer it blazed as it always has and always will
And fall was so nice but left me with winter's chill
All of the seasons that tried but could not fill spring
So I sit and wait until once again I hear it sing

I could never find you in the ever present day
Even though your cries seemed a simple whisper away
The grey, it overcame you and the sun refused to shine
And all my efforts came back to tell me I was out of time

And I found that all I could do was get on bend'd knee and pray
With fret and woe upon my face and words that ran away
Could you hear my pleas for you and would you know they were mine
Or is this helplessness a prison to which we're both confined?

Here I am amongst the clouds
Over the sea
Under the sun
And I am not the only one
No, you and me make two

And here we float along, along
Over the minutes
Under the influence
Hand in hand and head in song
As sky, we float on through

And here I see and hear the sea
Overwhelming
Underappreciated
From the clouds that float along with me
No, along with you and I

As I am kissed by the sun and you
Over and over
Under a trance
And amidst the wonders of my view
Still you captivate on my eye

Pieced together, weathered, worn
Is the individuals amidst the swarm
With no concerns to scrapes or burns
No lessons learned and too far gone

The teeth, the maw, a lion roams
As we withdraw, so far from home
We value metals, bricks, plastics
To distract from what's going on

Another done, another day
As our eyes focus on the display
Of phone, computers, tv screens
That thin out all our hopes and dreams

As we careen and bend and break
Our souls, half full, get no intake
And output that which molds and rusts
Ashes to ashes... dust in dusk

When did love entangle you and change your face my friend?
When last we spoke your heart had broke and you were at your end
A dagger in one chamber and a longing in the next
With thump and bump, you seemed equally stumped as you were vexed
Perplexed at how love complicated and inebriated you
To see an elixir when there laid a poisoned brew
And in your worry and haste-filled flurry you drank the vial dry
They byproduct the misery that pushed tears to your eyes
Yet here you stand, with love in hand, the grim and grime wiped away
With a smile and tune in tow that gleams in the day
Dare I say hope for the hopeless, friend? I dare not jinx the malady
For love it seems has made a dream from a catastrophe

Each step I took was watched silently
Hands quivering, legs shaking violently
As quietly they stared at me
A newborn lamb amidst wolves

And I looked up with tear strewn face
Too far from help, parted from grace
A thousand eyes stare, ****, and poke
Alone but not alone

I watched my heart sink into you
And knew not what I was to do
To retrieve such a precious thing
That away from you I could not bring
And so love locked at the sight of you
'Till it overtook my blurred view
And I was left with nothing right
As my heart was unjustly stolen that night

My dear, I called you late in June
I wandered through the many moons
And I stood tall and I ran long
Before I questioned where you'd gone

You told me you would be back soon
That March you sang a different tune
A parting hands and parting lips
Left all our promises eclipsed

And so I let you go away
Doting on your return someday
And someday came and someday went
Until I found my patience spent

And so my dear, I call to you
A wanting on a waning moon
I poke upon the dying embers
And wonder where you'll be December