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6d · 176
Self Destruct
I hear almost silent whisp’rings
Hist’ry
Tells me you’ll soon be gone
I promise not to cry o’er unspilled drinks
I think
It may be time to move on
This is selfish self protection
Prevention
From pains once felt before
I’ll take my heart from your grasp
Safer that
It just stay on the floor
6d · 49
Twelfth Night
First pleas
Unsaid
Red eyes
Dry riverbeds
Here lies
Happiness
Buried six feet deep in regrets

Seconds pass
Out of time
Speak now
I’ve tried
Spelled out
Words repeat
Words first said as you fade to sleep

Dreamer
I call to you
Thrice more
Beyond veiled view
Same hour
Twelfth night
When fate took you from my life

Questions
Madness drives
To forefronts
Darkness arrives
Forever more
Your deathly dance
Unchained from mortal coil and my hands

Dark night
Fifth on same day
Answer me
In my dismay
Where she
Still alive
Would she stand to be my wife?

Sycophant
To demons now
Here I plead
Hear my vow
Disaster struck
Her voice I know
This pain in me only grows

Heaven now
At my back
Seventh cry
Into the black
Driving words
In my mind
Wond’ring how she left me behind

8:00
On the hour
When hands turned cold
When life turned sour
Thoughts careen
Into the fade
Twelfth night bereft of the day

Knees, you bleed
Heart is torn
My love, a corpse
With child, unborn
Words I read
Pure sacrilege
In hopes to breed words from the dead

Both hands dig in
Fingers trembling still
Hear my plea
Unsacred will
If she would speak
These words to me
Maybe I could finally sleep

All attempts failed
No price to much
Gouge out these eyes
Hands go untouched
One this wicked month
Short of a dozen years
I drive myself to bring you here

Oh Twelfth Night
What terror you bring
As words arise
From Hell’s opening
The inferno rains
Words burned in my head
“With this wedding ring, I thee wed”
Jan 14 · 47
To Walk Again
Nik Bland Jan 14
I looked for you
Amongst the pale and grey
As I saw you fading away
Melting
Into the concrete
Falling to defeat

So I bent a knee
Inaudible prayers for you
Then unlaced my walking shoes
Time
I placed into your cup
Hoping it would be enough

No plan to stop the tears
Inelegant, no grace
Shirt wet where you buried your face
Grief
I lost you in your pale and grey
But I know I’ll find you again in a smile

We’ll speak and measure
Only the amount you need
Contemplating long walks and sore feet
Rising
Don your shoes, pick you up
As you did for me miles before
Jan 13 · 83
Unreachable
Nik Bland Jan 13
Shallow streams
Echo in chambers of fallen dreams
In bittersweet visions she
Comes to me
Memories
That come in eves and carry me

Sail away
Rising, the tides scream that things don’t change
Simple complexities
Seem so strange
Still they stay
While she, pristine, is there but out of range
Jan 10 · 42
Kneaded
Nik Bland Jan 10
It was a parting word
And a kiss on the cheek
That proceeded
To teach
That sometime we
Are only what we are right now
And not what we’re growing to be
And not what we’re capable of being
And never what we intend to be
And she was
Is, and always will be
Sorrowfully more to me
I’m basking in the misery
Of her effervescent glow
One that I’ll know but never truly know
I tell her I love her
And she tells me to go home
I’d say it’s the final blow
But I know better
I’ll be the faithful knight
And act as if I’m all put together
Because of all I’ve weathered
Because deep down I’m fettered
Holding the key that’s binding me
In hopes I’ll be freed by her
And it’s never that easy
I say how I feel
And cover it with something cheesy
To mask the bold taste
And what I intended it to be
Because I know she’d easily let go of me
Reaching for the next crevice on this cliff
As the rocks move earnestly
And maybe I should leave
And I tell myself I could leave
And I know that I have to leave
But every time she says she needs me
I believe
We all want to be needed and it can be our greatest attribute, but there are always those who we let take advantage simply because we want to be taken advantage  of. It’s all in hopes of something we’re not even sure we deserve...
Jan 7 · 35
Pleas
Nik Bland Jan 7
My words echo
And float in the night
Till I’m not sure they’re mine
And there you stand
Apart from me
Each syllable slowing time

It’s a crap shoot
Because I’m far too proud
To claim words birthed from me
But to my surprise
I look at you
And I repeat

“Please don’t leave”

I’m a train wreck
Lack social grace
And a whirlwind of doubt
Why you stayed
So long in my arms
I can’t figure out

You are beautiful
I’ve said it before
I could stand to say it more
But you’ve come to this
And the fact are clear
Your hand’s at the door

So the walls break down
And the rivers run
My pride is all but drowned
My legs are weak
Buckling under me
Knees and tears hit the ground

I am not this man
And this is not the time
I know it hard to believe
But my love for you
Transcends my vanity
So stolen words form a plea

“Don’t leave...”

I am passionate
And it scares some
But it scare me most of all
I make my plans
Like a foolish man
And watch them as they fall

There’s not much here
I’m too much sometimes
Prices of passion through and through
I don’t act like this
For just anyone
But it pours out for you

Look me in the eye
I see what you see
Too much way too fast
You dictate to me
To speak my truths
As these moments may be our last

And my sword is words
And my shield my art
Vocation I so easily weave
But choking back tears
Floating words then fall
Etched in my heart

“Don’t leave me... please...”

Please.
Dec 2019 · 67
Wonder-filled
Nik Bland Dec 2019
My head is filled to the brim
Packed brainstems
Maybe that’s why I take you straight to heart
Truths whispered and held in cupped hands
Like butterflies, then released
See where they land and the clarity they impart
You words are vast galaxies
Mystical, colorful imagery
Like melted crayons pouring from the fount of your mouth
Dripping into molds making wax elephants
Heavy words trumpeting sentiments
That I may never ever truly figure out
Eyes that speak paragraphs upon chapters upon volumes
Upon libraries
And I am only a syllable in the commentary
Fill the empty crevices of a heart once on fire
Long since expired
And give this charred thing new life, incendiary
Make this full mind empty every bit but you
Clear the queue
So I might feast on more than these offerings of crumbs
Minds will always be filled and filling
And full
But the the choice of what’s ingested is the rule of thumb

Wonder-filled
I don’t think I’ve written a poem that has stimulated my brain so much. This has my head spinning a bit. Hope you enjoy...
Dec 2019 · 74
Sailing Bricks
Nik Bland Dec 2019
You feel you are a stack of mortar and brick
I see you as a sailing ship
So funny how these things contradict
You think you’re still, I say you’re still moving

Shift with me, but standing against the waves
You’re not one for the newest craze
Traditional as you innovate
You and your wonderful “you-ness”

See each time you rise and fall
Ship to sea, not stagnant wall
Consistently moving, never to be stalled
Till your destination is reached

And until you sail again
Nov 2019 · 353
humble goddess.
Nik Bland Nov 2019
You are absolutely the most gorgeous
Modest
Goddess on two feet
Those ambitious
Wished
Auditioned, failed
Had to sign a non-compete
You exemplify amplified
Undeniable
Realism till I’m knocked right off my feet
And meeting you leaves me
Tongue tied
Buy and refund vowels
Because I can barely speak

You are Artemis and Athena
Sometimes meaner
You’ve both the brain
And brawn to back it
Not many times do sights
So right
Prove worthy of me
Being flabbergasted
Mere mortal men’s minds cave in
Bend
And bow at your intricacies
And you blush, turning crimson
Glimpse
As humbleness rushes to your cheeks

You may not feel the heat
But I know the stakes
Grade A
You are prime to me
Prepared, unshared
With utmost care
Rare
And it’s the only time I’ll compare you to meat
I’ll avert my eyes as you rise
Ascend
A gentleman for eternity
Because love was fantasy
Fallacy
Utter blasphemy
Till you made a believer of me
Nik Bland Nov 2019
Ode to those lovely heartbreakers
That bore into my chest and pull out my heart
To smear upon blank canvases
And birth these works of art

The sweetest intentions with bitter aftertastes
That weigh heavy so that words are pushed forth
Not questioning beautiful gold coated wrappings
But they in turn making me question my worth

Ode to those lovely heartbreakers
Their brilliance, their wonder, their tragedy
Who are deserving of words beyond words beyond worlds
And rushing tides of passionate misery

To taste would me both blessing and curse
To know, to attain, but to lose
But is the chance better than the rejection, the hurt
Is the question, but the answer hard to choose

Ode to the lovely heartbreakers
Whose names are etched on my heart, how it bleeds
Open sores that give birth through pain and loss
And unintentionally shaping parts of me

The saying goes that crime rarely pays
And I say love is therein it’s counterpart
So comes past charges of loving each and every one
And so the sentence comes: beautiful art
Nik Bland Nov 2019
What is in your nature?
For what cause do you bleed?
The lights flicker on and off
You smile amidst the scoffs
Darling, you are so hard to read

I’ve got questions for your creator
You continue to perplex me
You’re the moon amidst the dawn
How are you here and so far gone?
I do not know how to proceed

Something is hidden in the inseam
I see the thorns upon the rose
The coolness amidst the heat
The beauty only hides the beast
The more I learn, the less I know

My dear, what is in your nature?
Where do you choose to stand and fall?
I am coaxed and yet afraid
Take so much pleasure in the pain
Complexities within your call

Oh loveliness inside the tempest
Oh endless pit in which I dive
I choose to venture to the depth
Though it may be till death
It’s makes me aware I’m alive
Oct 2019 · 179
Technicolor Lioness
Nik Bland Oct 2019
Girl
No, better than girl
Better than playground crushes
Summertime blushes
Fleeting rushes
And cheeks, those flushes
Not girl
But woman
Etched in notebooks
Eyes that look
Through soul
Grace visions
Pinpoint precision
Woman
In technicolor
Live
Electric, but wireless
In 4320p
High dynamic range
And legs for days
I see you
Cinematic
And wild in you ways
Like watching for the
First time a nature
Documentary
And knowing the lion is king
But the lioness, the hunter
Not cub I seek
But grown
Wonderful
Dangerous
Vivacious
Passionate

Woman
In technicolor
A world not her own
But give it time
As she toils
And breaks
And creates
And tries
And amazes
And blazes
And screams
And relaxes
And I stand in wonder
Under the weight
The awe
Of her
Woman
In technicolor
In worlds lost to the black and white
Of conformity
And distortion
The contortion of which
Make her seem small
But she not
At
All
She is technicolor
Made for IMAX screens
And this boy
Hoping to prove to be
Man’s
Dreams
Oct 2019 · 98
charades
Nik Bland Oct 2019
You left room to follow
Bitter tears to swallow
All your fear came
Cascading down
And you could not feel the ground

Heartbreak stood to greet you
Came close to defeat you
In a penny
In a pound
Your bruises don’t make a sound

It hurts to continue
Love blurry, out of view
How do you save
What can’t be found?
Wish I knew that right now

I cannot repair you
You’d never ask me to
I see bruises
Eyes tear bound
Yet you press on somehow

Darling, you are a song
Sorrowful, but so strong
I’ll whisper goodnight
Kiss your brow
And love the tearful clown
Oct 2019 · 96
Megan
Nik Bland Oct 2019
Words I have are few
With only some the exception
For words just seem
To flee from me
When you look my direction
And I know you are divine
But I know you aren’t perfection
And maybe those wings you have
Are just of my own perception

Your lips are tender pink
Your eyes like amber honey
With untold stories
Of all your glory
Told in a smile that outweigh gold or money
I am well aware you are open box
Slightly used with dents in view
But your worth still shows beyond worldly stains
Each time I look at you

Given the chance, I’d touch your hand
Given time, I find the words
The bonds I’d break
And risks I’d take
To make known, to be heard
In divine imperfections, love
In such complexities, you
Let action dictate everything
And let these words be few
Oct 2019 · 119
nothing lost nothing gained
Nik Bland Oct 2019
You are as you were
No more needing to be said
With eyes that bore tears in joy and sadness
And heart that consistently bled
And mine and your hands locked together
To brave life’s twisted sense of humor
And I knew that, in that, we’d overcome the world

We were never perfect
That’s needing to be heard
Ever present were these jars of truth
Bitter tasting, well preserved
With hands clasped we understood it could not be fathomed
As we locked eyes, yes, words, yes, but never hearts

Maybe that’s the good in it
A gift in cross’ed stars
The reality of a ever present door
That we both know is ajar
The knowing that the hand we hold can build the other up
With the power that so easily can rip us apart

You were the one I’d always wanted
I was the one you leaned upon
With me not knowing what you were
And your faith in your strength long gone
My love for you unending, understated, undeterred
And your love for me one undoubted, but for me undetermined

Each time you speak I hear you
This world’s distraction become blurred
You serve your homemade truths
And I swallow every single word
Can’t decipher lies because I know only what you convey
And in that, you’re the most honest person I know

Our views of each other work
On the level that was stand
Where we get to choose what we convey
As we offer each other a hand
The preachings of the lying tongue and giving of stolen things
An knowledge of the mystery forever kept

Maybe this is not worth the chance
Our self destructive ways
The pure carnage we could leave behind
In our search to escalate
Satan’s aspirations to rise are what led to the fall
So maybe to stay divine, we must stay content

And so we look, we taste, we hear
And we feel that that’s enough
Maybe in leaving the uncertain just that
The relationship is safe from us
Or maybe this is just the lie we earnestly believe
In fear that the rise will be more painful than the fall
Oct 2019 · 143
An unknown but present muse
Nik Bland Oct 2019
I write about you as if doing so will make you real
Haven’t met you, yet I know how you make me feel
Or maybe the reality is I have and the want is from memory
Pen to paper should imitate passion inked on you by me

No doubt that I am foolish, time winds and leaves us scarred
As if contradicting doors with a dozen locks, yet still ajar
Reminiscent of bruised fruit, but the heart only feels hunger
With you satiating the wanting and the ever driving wonder

And the poetry has gone on so long I know not if your real
I have no regrets, as the pen bleeds only what I feel
My mind like a drunken witness with an unreliable memory
With that in mind, I paint dripping words with my visions of you and me

Whoever you may be
Sep 2019 · 225
Woman
Nik Bland Sep 2019
Machiavellian in the way you step
Sultry temptations
Slow drag on the coffin nail called life
Slight correlation
How sweet for the world to bend for you
Scuffed to the knees
With a smile reminiscent of crocodile
She walks dangerously
At threat in every sense of the word
Fluent in her wiles
Innovation in internal investigation
Transcends the mile
Deliberate in the introspective
Oil and grease the machine
Poised and confident to represent her perspective
Effectively
Sep 2019 · 42
Vows
Nik Bland Sep 2019
Dearly beloved
Bless’ed the fall
The unbroken fever
The irrational action

Deprive yourself
Transcend your need
Disregard shaking weariness
Stand so they may rest

Drown in the flood
Pour our more than you consume
Value in the poverty
Worth in the humility

Warm with the sticks
Support with the stones
Build from broken pieces
Take note of blood and blister

Twisting tongue, rest
Worried mind, ease
Torn heart, stitches
At a table with room for just two

Dearly beloved
Death due, all parts
Gather these feeble visions
Make something greater from the least

May this be the vow
Sep 2019 · 93
Blink
Nik Bland Sep 2019
Dot my skies with car lights
Zooming in from light years away
Stain the night with moon beams
Put me amidst the cool breeze
Let me sing songs with you

You sing slightly off key
Showing me imperfect perfections
Melody through the trees
The earth is breathing softly
To not impede the smile of you

Nighttime holds me closely
Not as well as I hold you
Putting this moment to mem’ry
Brain silently etching
In this way I won’t let go of you

Things are always fading
Nothing last in the passage of time
So chart the dotted car light
Nothing forever, nothing finite
Only fleeting breath with you

Is this not the greatest gift
Blinking seconds spent in song
Notes in between the moments
What it all represents
An investment worthy of you
Nik Bland Sep 2019
Shades of purple
Come out easily
Purple displays strength well known
Those types of arms that feel like home

She writes in cursive
Unique calligraphies
They translate in depth, you sink
Leagues and oceans upon paper and ink

Fights the wild things
They mistake her for one of their own
And though untamed she may be
She stays vigil, her own she oversees

Shade always seems the same
A book in volumes under lock and key
If you read what bled through you might worry, so
She gives you only what you need to know

Always purple
Different hues now and then
She will always be your solid ground
Even when her world is crumbling ‘round
Sep 2019 · 338
Thursday
Nik Bland Sep 2019
I will be broken on Thursday
It’s a factual thing to say
You may try to dissuade me
But I know, ‘cause I’m broken today

Offer your words and your sympathies
The cracked, the chipped china cup
Lips try to kiss back missing pieces
And so often they end up cut

I will be broken on Thursday
In filled rooms or all alone
Proclaim how you empathize
But it’s a burden I bear on my own

The smile I project onto my face
Is not to repair me, but you
Love is never lost in the efforts conveyed
But there’s only so much you can do

I will be broken on Thursday
A consistently cracked state of mind
Tuesday disappointing, Wednesday disjointed
But Friday has yet to decide
Aug 2019 · 183
Mortality
Nik Bland Aug 2019
Gasping
Lack of breath
Grasping
Scared to death
No defense
Don’t even know what’s wrong

Listless
Feather in the gale
Distress
Existence so frail
Please don’t blink
I’m afraid that you might miss me

Unkempt
Unorganized at best
Present
Yet behind nonetheless
Minutes written down
In a ledger I will see too late

Run down
Try to keep together
Sinking ground
Trying to be better
Humanity
Catching up more and more
Aug 2019 · 361
Ghosted
Nik Bland Aug 2019
Prevailing
You were supposed to be there
Five foot three with brunette hair
With eyes that held the kind of stare
That could strip these walls down

Bring me back to ground

Sounding words out to make sure the emphasis
Is on the feeling I found I missed
Which you showed me within a kiss
That was some thing new
Temporary bliss

And now you’re this

Prospect
There’s a new perspective
Mission statements paint directives
As I dive into introspective
To make sure intents are pure

Is this intense? Well, sure...

So long a heart obscure
Feelings, malady and cure
Potent potions cause commotions
That I must endure
In an analysis of myself
So I might be worthy of the wealth
That comes in the form of a girl
Of a gift beyond this world
Coveted amongst any and all
The darkness broken by creeping dawn

A hope that you may text back
But a knowing that you’re
Gone
Aug 2019 · 137
Weight
Nik Bland Aug 2019
There was
Dismay
In the everyday
And a wishing
That the wind
Would
Carry her
To another life
Where the world was
Less than
The backpack of
Rocks
That she carried
That she carries
Uphill
To
This
Day
Double loaded
Packed so tightly
That it could break
And break her
Any moment
And take time
That she never had
In
The
First
Place
One of a million millions
Scattered faces
Nothing special
To anyone
Especially them
Especially
Her-
Self
In a moment
It would replay
In the morning
But still she
Gets
Out
Of
Bed
And for that alone
Dismay is her weight
And she’s strong
Aug 2019 · 46
Nostalgia
Nik Bland Aug 2019
Distant memories
Fluctuating crescendos
I would let them go
But they’re already well past gone

Is this moving on?
Involuntarily ripping
Steady stripping
Of all I deem near
Of all that seems dear
It rises, then falls
Like thoughts of the shore

When was the last time
It filled your lungs
The scent of a happy day
The taste of that fleeting moment

Who was there that made it all
Worth it

Perfect

And do you chase them?
Though they’re nowhere in sight
Aug 2019 · 38
Given, Taken
Nik Bland Aug 2019
If I break my heart then I can share pieces with you
And with the state of mind I’m in, it seems the thing to do
But what if you take the biggest one and leave the rest of me behind?
Will my eyes open wider or will my intentions leave me blind

What if I were to give my best as so often we are taught
Only to find that your affection is not one gained, but bought
Will my pockets imitate my hands, my heart, and emptiness ensue
For me to come to the conclusion my best is not enough for you?

You left me scatter brained from the first, the very sight
A consistent fact that proves itself by keeping me up at night
Losing someone requires that you had them in the first place
And the silence insists on lessons gained and pieces gone to waste
Aug 2019 · 56
Breaking, Not Broken
Nik Bland Aug 2019
These are broken days
Breaking days
And we succeed
By simply keeping
It all together
It mostly together
Some of it together
Seconds tearing us apart

I want to be there
How is your heart?

Parting words in days
Quickly departing days
As we succeed in
Doing something
Finding somewhere
Wanting enough that
The doing gets done
When eyes open
And we choose to get out of bed

And out of our own heads
Amidst the stress and lonesomeness

Rise from the lonely days
Though lonely, lovey days
As we succeed with
Each breath
Each breath taken
And those we donate it to
No matter the task
No matter the mission
To look at a world of spiraling hate
And to choose
The shortest distance
Between a supply and demand of love

To find the straight line
Love as the crow flies
Aug 2019 · 52
Losing
Nik Bland Aug 2019
He won a long time ago
Something I failed to see
And I lost what I never had
Foolish, persistent me

There was no contest
Yet the loss feels the same
A simple slip was all it took
And it’s an utter shame

And I’ll blame me though you will it not
These are how these things go
Three word meant you were lost to me
As the fight came down to blows

He won a long time ago
It was never up to me
You love was written, you heart was given
And it took up to now to concede
Mar 2019 · 155
Work in Progress
Nik Bland Mar 2019
The symptoms, I can see
What’s hard’s to find the malady
There are problems arising
And the thought so paralyzing
I fit in perfectly
In the drawer of expired batteries
Can’t find a use, but I’m still working
Though I don’t mask well the hurting

There’s no mistaking me
A 6’2” catastrophe
Not the favorite, but I’m up there
Just don’t read my list of errs
I no longer apologize for myself
Though I’m not opposed to some help
These wings are malting, I don’t fly
But I aspire for the sky

Can you see me falling
Though on air seems like I’m walking
The open wounds masquerade as scars
I’m walking strongly, but not that far
Partial truth are still lies
Yet they’re sung lullabies
I’m trying to find truth in me
And am sometimes left out to bleed

The only apparent cure for this
Is to live my life and do my best
But life looks soft, but rubs on rough
And sometimes best is not enough
A prophet for thing in hindsight
A tympanum of unjust and unright
Crawling from the weight of memories
To hope and find the malady
Feb 2019 · 216
Haunted (Song)
Nik Bland Feb 2019
(Verse 1)
Part
Ways

I would have bet my last dollar
You’d
Stay

Hues
Fade

Feeling things that you once
Delayed

Suffering
I’ve had my share
Before

But what do I do (do I do)
If you’re not there no more

(Verse 2)

You were composed of
Sun
Rays

Lighting up my kitchen
Floor

Fingertips graze
Places you won’t be
Memories

(Chorus)
I know that your dead and cold
So why won’t you leave?

Buried with my heart long ago
Give it back to me

(Verse 3)
Tear
Dry

Only because I’ve none left
To
Cry

Oh
You’ve gone yet you reside

Doors shut
But windows wide

Weakness
I confess
I’ve felt these things before

But what I went through
Does not compare to
What I go through
Without you anymore

(Chorus)
I know that you’re dead and cold
But I don’t want you to leave

This isn’t how this song should go
A “me” meant to be “we”

I know that you’re dead and cold
Why can’t you be with me?

You were my ultimate goal
So now I’m just losing

(Verse 3)
I can’t remember how to sleep
Without you beside me
You’re imprint
In my mattress
In my soul

My heart took so much time
To let you inside
Tell me a secret
How do I
Let you go?

(Chorus)
I know that your dead and cold
So why won’t you leave?

Buried with my heart long ago
Give it back to me

I know that you’re dead and cold
But I don’t want you to leave

This isn’t how this song should go
A “me” meant to be “we”

I know that you’re dead and cold
Why can’t you be with me?

You were my ultimate goal
So now I’m just losing

Just losing...

Just losing...

Losing you...
Feb 2019 · 317
A Learning Sensation
Nik Bland Feb 2019
You will never break me
I can do that by myself
I’ve seen in my life’s undertaking
There’s very chances at help

Every moment is waking
Even when eyes are closed
As I slumber, the ground is quaking
What I’ll wake to, I don’t know

There will always be this fear
Just in different increments
Anxiety dwelling near
And the things it presents

No pity is wanted
This is said for understanding
There caverns of my mind are haunted
By wound, by weight, by branding

Don’t even try to push me
I am falling just fine
I’m not expecting any cushioning
But there’s a slight hope I’ll fly

The wings have yet to sprout out
Whether they will or not, who knows
We all crash, of that there is no doubt
But from it, not all of us grow
Feb 2019 · 426
Just me...
Nik Bland Feb 2019
Hello
Hi
I know
It’s me again
Sans the smoke and mirrors
Away from spaces in my head

And again and head don’t rhyme
But I didn’t need to say that
My self analyzing ways
Were in a haze
But made their way back

And I’d be impressed with myself
If there was some sense of pride in me
For each time
I grab said prize
It forces insides outside of me

And rhyming me with me?
Come on, man, that was simply lazy
Hazy
Crazy
Amazing
Maybe
No, you’ve got it, baby

Use it to the maximum
Forget minimally
But what if
Amidst these rhyming riffs
They see the real me

Do they see the real me?
There’s not a chance
It’s blasphemy
Because my armor, then would be
A holy one... almost gaping

People often ask me what my poetry’s about
They point like
“Oh?”
And I’m like
“No”
And they just question
As words pour out
And they move and they burn
And they twist
And I’ve learned
Not matter which way they’re turned
They’re about things that don’t last

They’re about loves torn asunder
About fires, rain, and thunder
Like that song
By Stevie Wonder
They’re the “Joy Inside My Tears”

And they lower and boost my fears
With all of their rusted gears
So I feel movement
A shift I hear
And yet I find it just still
Here

Hello
Hi
I know
It’s me again
This same ******* rut
That undercuts
These roots from sinking in

And the smoke and mirrors
The music
The light show they all go dim
I throw them to the floor
And the mirrors
Show me him
And he is me
But who am I
And...

...I’m sorry... I didn’t mean to shout
The truth is I’m not sure who my poems are about
They always hold some part of me
Hoping, despairing, living, dying
Some are etched
In stone-thrown rage
And some just leave me crying

Potential wins and consistent loss
They’re what fill my pen
Some acknowledgement to
A God who is always good
But a world that’s not my friend

And the struggle of my color
And the ripping of my heart
And the feebleness
Of my intellect
As I play this brief part
As I suffer
As I benefit
As I laugh
As I bleed

As I say hi
Hello
It’s me again
Just me
Jan 2019 · 204
raindrops on her pillow
Nik Bland Jan 2019
Does moonlight impede you
Do you get the full view
Of the
Sun that lies within

It’s so hard to read you
You see, in the read-though
Of the
Book the dialect changed

Your shoulders are heavy
And you never feel your ready
Slow and steady
Slow

This isn’t a race
So why is your heart still racing
Beats seemingly replacing
Time

Time is a construct
Look towards the home front
It is
Always somewhere near

The night brings such sorrow
You feel no hope for tomorrow
It is
Storm clouds in your head

Raindrops on your pillow
Jan 2019 · 150
Unwritten Last Words
Nik Bland Jan 2019
And I will give this parting word
Knowing you’ll never hear it
But love, as they say, is a verb
So my action’s to lift your spirit
To know that breath escapes my lungs
To do what I must to meet you lips
The twisting of unspeaking tongues
The grazing of unworthy fingertips

Parting is an ever aware
And unwelcome party guest
A weight that drives and despairs
Bringing tension to my chest
Though I would press ten times such costs
To say these vocalize such words
Of love, of want, and of inevitable loss
Of things ceasing to be heard
Nik Bland Jan 2019
You are more
Beautiful
More brilliant
Reminiscent of stars
And librarians
With their glasses
Hooked on strings

And yet I am
Here
Wait for you
To notice me
To find me
To love
Something
About me

And you speak to me
And post your
Little
Self deprecating
Harmful
Hurtful
Thoughts
Of how you’re
Unloved and alone

The room
You’ve locked yourself
In
Is shut
Unopened
Do not disturb
With walls lined
In black

But with
The light off
And your hands
Over your
Beautiful
Wide
Tear-filled eyes
You fail
To see me
Wanting to
Love you
Jan 2019 · 100
No One Special
Nik Bland Jan 2019
And by her eyes you know she’s curious
In a world jammed full and furious
How she could be something more to anyone but herself

How her voice could be heard amongst the crowd
Or her head be kept under the clouds
How she’s more than just one of the a billion on the shelf

She would sit ever so properly
Trying to be the best that she could be
And the days would leave and greet her where she’d stand

But the princes were for fairytales
In a world that crushed things that were so frail
If they didn’t turn to dust in her own hands

The dragons growing more real each day
With breath of hot terminal dismay
And she was no hero, she was barely her

No sword appearing in her hand
No puzzle in which to understand
The reality that existed, so absurd

And she could give it all up now
Fade to black and take her bow
She could exit such things and just be gone

But she was very curious
In a world of the superfluous
What exactly kept her moving on
Nik Bland Jan 2019
Some days
She finds
Herself
Vacant
One
Self-destruct switch
Away
From
A life
Her own
But different

The steps
She takes
So delicate
As not to
Hurt
Still leave
Craters
In living room
Floors
Unmistakable

But better
Are craters
Of shrapnel
Than to be
Stagnant
Feet embedded
In a place
Where she
Finds
Only vacancy
Jan 2019 · 257
For Monique
Nik Bland Jan 2019
She paints such things
That the world thought it knew
But in such a way
That each color, each hue
Each texture, so surreal
It transcended the real
And gave off the feel
Of Monique

Born of the embers
Of undiscovered stars
With eyes that would shine
Amidst streetlights and cars
And then outshine the day
With a brilliant array
As if this world, it spake
Of Monique

Emulating sunrises
With beauties of sunsets
A smile on her face
That no soul would forget
Each whisper a symphony
Embedded in history
The untold, renowned mysteries
Of Monique

Prophet and poet
Both will rise and will fall
The words of greats and kings
Will then fade, all in all
Yes the universe sings in praise
Compilations all raised
On the beautiful shades
Of Monique

My voice is cracking
My eyes filled with crust
These fingers will curl
As I venture to the dust
But I would wish nothing more
Than to write a score
Of the love that is stored
For Monique
Jan 2019 · 78
Downpour
Nik Bland Jan 2019
Does the falling sound like waterfalls?
Can you hear your heart longing
Every note she wrote, she wrote to you
Pen fervent, pulse stalling

Does the falling sound like waterfalls?
Are you drenched? Are you dry?
Amidst the rushing life, stand still
See what so often eludes your eye

Does the falling sound like waterfalls?
Is the calling drowned and out?
Float like reeds or sink like stones
As words tumble out your mouth

Does the falling sound like waterfalls
When it echoes in your soul?
Will you let the floodgates open?
Or by the depths be swallows whole?
Nik Bland Jan 2019
I looked for you
Amongst the pale and grey
As I saw you fading away
Melting
Into the concrete
Falling to defeat

So I bent a knee
Inaudible prayers for you
Then unlaced my walking shoes
Time
I placed into your cup
Hoping it would be enough

No plan to stop the tears
Inelegant, no grace
Shirt wet where you buried your face
Grief
I lost you in your pale and grey
But I know I’ll find you again in a smile

We’ll speak and measure
Only the amount you need
Contemplating long walks and sore feet
Rising
Don your shoes, pick you up
As you did for me miles before
Jan 2019 · 102
Said Aloud
Nik Bland Jan 2019
Say aloud who you are
Is it who you pretend to be?

If happiness is such a lofty goal
Then why’s it’s aftertaste misery?

The shoes are on you feet
The road ahead of you is long

It’s time to take first of many steps
Don’t worry if they miss you when you’re gone

Say aloud what you see
And don’t believe it for a second

So many things in your memory
So many more worth forgetting

If love was all it took from you
Then we’d all be better creatures

Remember that even the strongest love
If not maintained, is still a feature

Say aloud what you feel
Feelings are leaves upon a changing wind

So many look to end it all
Because they’re too afraid to begin

Tie yourself to the firmest vow
Be what your wildest wild, your freest free

Say aloud who you are
Is it who you pretend to be?
Jan 2019 · 150
Self
Nik Bland Jan 2019
There was ground under me
That now I can’t seem to find
A love within my grasp
That might have just been in my mind
A blooming flower
That turned out to be imagination
And a reason to live
That was of my own creation
I hear the ticking clock
And realize it’s my beating heart
I’m scared to find the source
‘Cause it might be ripped apart
So much life in front of me
If I could only live it
So much love in front of me
If my heart would just forgive it...

...self
Jan 2019 · 186
Beautifully Broken
Nik Bland Jan 2019
Cracked is all I’ve known
Frayed lines my only home
My soul is pouring out like yoke
I find I’m not whole

I have yet to find a “why”
Too poor to live, too young to die
A tightrope walker hanging by a thread
A teacup continually chipping

And the audience applauds at such
My measures to see I don’t break too much
These words of crimson color pour
From gaping crevasses

I form each tearing truth to roses
Each biting ache I self compose
Compressed into symphonies of diamond
The wound unhealed, but heard

The piercing dagger now my pen
My mind plunging it, twisting again
To find the joy of my head sorrows
So beautifully broken
Dec 2018 · 190
Passion
Nik Bland Dec 2018
Beautiful girl
Untamed woman
A tapestry amongst the grey

She lives in technicolor
Her lips a plethora
Each shade lingering there

Her legs were bows of colored light
My fingers gracing her inners thighs
Reaching in so gently
Yet with purpose
Yet with passion

Watercolors
Dec 2018 · 178
Flawed and Admired
Nik Bland Dec 2018
When I look at you and you close your eyes
I think in mine you may see your reflection
And you close your ears when I call you beautiful
Because it makes you think of your imperfections

The smile you wear as you clear your hair
Eyes bright as summer weather
Have me seeing your prim, have me seeing your proper
When inside you’re barely keeping it together

And I will never know a thing
And you will never say a word
Masking behind breathless charm and beauty
Terrors, tears, and woes unheard

Therein will lie the fear that always lingers
The fear that my feelings are lies
As I look at your shell and you see your reflection
And so you’ll close your eyes
Dec 2018 · 151
Fallen Failures
Nik Bland Dec 2018
Tears fell from eyes that reflected unseen days
Crashing to the floor, one by one
Like fine china upon rocky ground
And Heaven fell with them
Propelled to take the plunge
Stars submerged in saltwater
A sound I’ll never forget

And I chased every tear that fell
Cupping and collecting each shard
Not know that as I held them in my gaze
That I let Heaven shatter
That I forever lost things irreplaceable
For things that simply
Mattered
Nov 2018 · 538
Her
Nik Bland Nov 2018
Her
She was the one for whom worlds were broken
One for which volcanoes long since slumbered suddenly had awoken
Rain would fall and rain would flood to prove she walked on water
Men falling for her with widened eyes as if lambs to the slaughter

And she would whisper and tornado and tempest would answer in castrophany
Kingdom, king, prophet, poet, in her midst, crumbling to distant memory
Will I stand behind, beside? Better still, will I stand at all?
For what chance does a single heart stand against one for whom worlds fall?
Nov 2018 · 164
Necessary Violence
Nik Bland Nov 2018
Shoot
Aim at me
And litter me with stars
I feel like I
Need to be
Aerodynamic like cars
To go faster
As I wonder
Do astronomers dream of astronauts
It’s ringing
In my ears
Make mine a holy heart

Blow
Me away
Make things diff’rent than they seem
Push me past
The today
And help me see past the temporary
Of the seconds
Of the minutes
Of the hours I count on fingers and toes
Make this limbs
Stretch the distance
Break apart this hole

Pierce
Into me
Make me feel a heart forgotten
I feel I
Need to be
Torn into to get rid of the rotten
Through the muscle
Crack the bone
Let me be opened, inside out
Open lungs
Rush of blood
Let internals eternally pour out
Nov 2018 · 123
Breaking
Nik Bland Nov 2018
She was the composition
Of a breaking of many things
All the pieces forming a mural
Of an angel with a broken wings

Wilted feather grace the earth
More than her arms can carry
Creating art like stained glass floors
Gracing eyes, hearts, souls, long since buried

Eyes like those of olive orchards
A deep green that kissed the sky
With feet not accustomed to harsh earth
And muddy wings that were once known to fly
Nov 2018 · 89
Rocket Love
Nik Bland Nov 2018
I pull my heart from off my sleeves and put it in a locket
Shooting the key out on a star as if a foreign rocket
Hoping that they might come across it in all the rubble
Then find me and hold my heart, saving me from search and trouble
Call me foolish and call my wrong to test the hands of destiny
But I value love and know heartache has played its role in testing me
So I will rise to the occasion and let love swing favor to me in the form of fate
For I have found the key to love is to vigilantly watch and wait
“You came riding in your rocket and gave me a star. But then, a half a mile from Heaven, you dropped me back down to this cold cold world...” -Stevie Wonder
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