his bags were packed & ready to go
but his clothes still hung in the closet.
he had his plane ticket tucked away
but he said he wouldn't be leaving yet.
he didn't care much to put in any effort
since he knew he'd be long gone soon.
careless about the messes he made
reminding himself "i leave at noon".
his body was there, laying on the bed
but his mind was ever so far away.
physically here, but had already left
unable to reverse our loves' decay.
i remember his bags were ready to go
months before he packed them.
i remember his feet had left me
weeks before he moved them.

for just a moment in your eyes
i swear, i felt the packing begin
i look at them now, unpacked & empty
& i pray they never get packed again.

I've laughed the good laugh
and I've giggled and snorted
and I've loved and been loved
beyond fear
and beyond beauty
and I've been broken
and shattered
and lost and found a reason
to laugh the good laugh again
despite the pain and misery of life
and I've been stupid
and done stupid
and I'm not done with my own stupidity yet
and I'll laugh at the joke of my unfunny life
and I'll laugh with death
at the end of it all
and it will be a good laugh
at a good life that had been filled
with good love
and good misery
and good company
that knew how to laugh
and giggle and snort
despite the pain and suffering
of living a good life