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 Apr 2017 maledimiele
ARI
I scratch at my rib cage
Nails clawing at my skin
As if I could scrape away
The extra weight I feel I've gained

It's like the devil's inside of me
He's disfiguring my bones
I fall to my aching knees
God make him leave me alone

Trapped inside my eyes I'm  screaming
The numbers on my scale are screeching
Their maniacal laughter devours my dreams
Someone save me I'm afraid to sleep


-ARI
she's a bag full of twigs,
a bag full of bones and liquor
her stomach always caves in
and she walks with the weight of a gun
to her chest,
she drinks with a smile and smokes
while she thinks,
he doesn't know if there's anything
more perfect than her smooth porcelain skin
and they never thought she'd be the one
holding a gun six feet underground
but life can be hard and it's tough to just get by
and he never thought she'd leave him that
night but now she rests in the dark  
underneath the garden where they had their first kiss
he lives his life on blank canvases and dreams
of the girl who taught him how to breathe and not
a day goes by he doesn't think of her because
she's everywhere; she's that song on the radio, she's
the band on his walls, she's that picture in the hallway
she's his fear of the dark and he tries to paint her but he
can never get it right, because the girl that he loves he
never really knew and when he steps on the cracks in
the street he remembers her,
he always remembers her
remember me
because i'm a bag full of twigs,
a bag full of bones
filled with a smile of explosives
and a stomach that always caves in
i smile when i drink,
i smoke when i think
and every time i try to breathe it feels
like a gun to my chest and time is my trigger
most times it feels like i'm walking on a
rope above the water
and i can only last so long before i sink and fall

(h.l.)
i really like this actually, i'm glad how it came along
 Apr 2017 maledimiele
claire
Girl No. 1 wears her jeans cuffed and hates everyone but the Jets. Her voice is honey-thick around biting words. Smiling does not come easy to her. She wears her face like a mask—big glasses, big eyes, big quiet. When I see her, she lifts her hand in a grim wave, delta creases in her brown palm. Her excuse for her silence is that she’s boring, but she’s not. She dots her eyes with tiny stars and listens to German orchestra whenever she can. She thinks she has buried herself well, but bits of her still protrude from the topsoil, aching to be known.

Girl No. 2 is grey flannel and deliberate sentences. Her hair covers her face, yet when she speaks about trees and animals and the hole torn in our atmosphere by ultraviolet, ultraviolent rays, she is thunder. I gave her lotion for her cracked hands one time. When we smiled at each other after, we knew at once we were part of the same club. Girl No. 2 never corrects people when they forget her name. They say Kaitlyn, Kaleigh, Katie…let the word drop as if it were no more important than a used napkin. I hate it. I pick her used napkin name from the floor and smooth it over my lap. I say it right and she replies, with perfect seriousness, thank you: Thank you for the correct pronunciation of my identity.

Girl No. 3 is a hard one. Look at her once and you’ll see Maybelline lashes and a glass-cutting face. Look twice and you’ll see more. The sag of her shoulders, the stinging weariness of posturing for people far beneath her. I startle her. I’m too inquisitive for her taste. She does not want the world knowing her mother drank three liters of ***** before driving off a bridge, that her favorite color is celery green, or that anorexia and anxiety stalked her through the halls of high school like a pair of vultures. She wants to stay in her castle of ice, but it has imprisoned her. You poet, she teases me. You right-brained heap of color and sensitivity. You’re too much. I don’t know what to do with you. I ask her who she is and she recites her answer. 130, 125, 2315. But this girl is more than her IQ, her weight, or her SAT score, and when I tell her so, her Maybelline lashes are ruined.
Like two scorpions in a bottle,
The two wolves continue to fight.
One holds never-ending dominance
Relentlessly mocking and scolding.
The slanderous one, better known as the chief
The master, better known as my back bone.

The other wolf; the sufferer,
Facing the horror of the fire.
Like luscious, vibrant air filled with beauty and self-worth
With the intensity and beauty of a glowing golden sun,
Glittering as it beams among the surface of the waters.
The lustrous one, better known as my daydreams
The lovely one, better known as my pure naked self.

Like two scorpions in a bottle,
There was a fight between evil and good.
The winner; the one the operator chooses to feed,
The winner; a display of my blindness.
Blindness, lacking the sense of sight; sightless.
Blind to the naked beauty and worth of the lovely wolf,
The starving wolf.

Like two scorpions in a bottle,
The two wolves continued to fight inside of me.
The delightful became liquified into dark raw evil,
Leaving me drowning, gasping
Gasping the slightest bit of that air of self-worth.

(C) Emily Mckusker 2016
This was written from one of my grade 11 students, who struggles with anorexia.
Her poem touched me; I had to share it with my HP friends.
She has given me permission to post it publicly.
 Apr 2017 maledimiele
Racquel Tio
liquids take the shape of their container and I am 70% water,
I can only spread into the fishbowl my mind pours me into,
a free bird cannot exist without being let out of its cage and I was told to do everything except fly,
I am a home without walls and without any structure I begin to measure what is not there,
i measure the diameter of the space in my earlobes,
they speak for me when I am silenced by all that is louder than me,
they try to shout over the voices of teachers and coworkers and parents and all those that have as much faith in me as I do,
they tell the world that I can't fathom a future for myself where I would be valued enough to be expected to look respectable

I used to measure the space between my thighs,
that space spoke louder than I did on a stage,
a stomach growl felt more like an applause to me than what an audience would do after I pretended some words on a raised floor,
it was louder than my mothers voice,
when my thighs didn't touch nobody told me I was too much for them,
it was how the world heard me when the words that I needed to express started drifting away like the inches of flesh,
the inches that had taken my entire youth to collect on my bones and protect my skeleton from the cold

I am the spaces where my body used to be.
I am the negative space in the silhouette of who I once was.
and in losing myself I learned that when your own body feels like a foreign object,
it becomes pretty easy to destroy it.
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