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Today I lie in bed
Wondering if there will come a day,
when I will no longer shudder at your glance,
when my skin will no longer crawl
just at the sight of you
of you looking at me

See, I have this fear
that my skin
will always be soiled by your touch
that my lips
will always burn from your kiss
that my heart
will always hurt from your love
that my mind
will be always scarred from your words

See, I have this fear
that my next love will love me how you did
that my next love will hurt me how you did
that my next love will abuse me emotionally and verbally
how you did
how you made me lesser
how you took from me
and gave nothing in return

See, I have this fear.
But lately as I lay in my bed
I've begun to realize that one day
my skin will be fresh and new
and it will be skin you have never touched
that my lips will have peeled
and they will be lips you have never kissed
that my heart will have replaced the broken pieces
and it will never have been loved by you

See, I have this dream.
That one day I will be loved by a man
Who never thought of me
how you thought of me
Who will love me
how you never loved me
Who will kiss me
how you never kissed me

And that recovery will make me
A person you will have never known.
 Feb 2017 Maggie Rowen
Daphne
You can ignore me,
but remember that you once loved me.
Yes, it hurts me sometimes,
but then I remember what you've done.
Taking screenshots of my loyal love,
and making fun of me for my feelings.
Thinking my heart was just a pawn,
a pawn in a board game that you'll forget about.
This bitterness against you isn't me being a crazy ex girlfriend,
it's me being human and having feelings.
I just don't understand how you could tell me that you loved me,
but leave me for the girl whom you told me you couldn't stand,
and do this all in one day.
The land I was born in,
is crumbling fast.
The civil war took it,
Into its cold grasp.
We had no defense,
Though we had a forecast.
Perhaps if we pray we'll unite at last.

The place I was brought up,
Is now just a hole.
the bombs they where dropped by...
our own flagpole.
The Reds they did nothing,
in fact they helped pray,
perhaps if we join them we will mend someday.

Though no war was declared.
I know history'll tell,
the cities were roaring,
you could hear every yell.
The guns they got fired,
the guns made of gold,
I know if we wait dear, we'll survive the cold.

We used to have battles,
to get to the moon.
But now we start wars just,
to earn silver spoons.
The battle you can't win,
but if we all die,
just know that we tried hard, to fight the good fight.

The chemicals we spread,
they hurt God more.
when he sees us suffer.
And start backyard wars,
He has a good reason,
to not pick a side.
The reason our side fights, is to stay alive.

If I am alive when,
the world war three comes.
I know that in battle
is where ill become:
just a brick of carbon
in a world full of life
the war zone is ready, we live in its strife.

A bullet that comes from,
your neighbors handgun,
it hits you and tells you,
that your life is done,
but we will all destroy,
this battle of hate,
there's nothing we can do, perhaps we just wait.

the old time America,
has breathed its last breath.
The Communists and all,
the racists face death.
If I was to be there,
I would say no way,
we've seen enough death now, to last a decade.

The court rooms are empty
the laws have all died,
if we could rebuild it,
this country could thrive,
but let us not make all,
the same old mistakes.
This land that I love is: facing an earthquake.

It is over in most ways,
in  others its worse.
the temper of those man,
has cast a a new curse.
There's nothing that's been won,
when death is so rich.
I hope we learn lessons while digging the ditch .
Some nights I can see that same star,
The same star we stared at together.

How could we be so calm staring at the dark blue sky next to each other?
My heart was raising, my eyes were dilatating,
But, the thought of having you by my side,
made me calm.

Some nights I think of that night, those kisses,
Those hugs, those "I love you"s , oh darling, that night.

I want you back, because your bones are made out of stars,
Your heart is made out of the nebula, and your brain, oh your mind,
It's made of a galaxy. A bright, big, beautiful galaxy.

Shall I keepm on staring at that star? Or should I wait for you?
Stars keep on showing up, but you haven't.
 Feb 2017 Maggie Rowen
Tay
"Tell me what you're thinking right now."

He stood a few feet from me now, like he wanted to come closer, wanted to know what demons I was harboring.

I have a theory. My theory is that being in love and falling in love are two different things. You can be in love with as many people as you want. You can fall sleep in the arms of a million people who you think you love. But then in the morning, it can all be gone in an instant."

"So, what about falling in love?" He whispered, inching closer.

"Falling in love is like jumping off a cliff. Meaning, when you jump, you end up with scrapes and cuts that never go away when it's all done. It hurts, so you learn to never do it again."

Now his hands hung just inches from me.

"I have a feeling you've jumped once before, haven't you? And you can't do it again? Not even for me?"

I looked him in the eye this time.

"No. I've never jumped. But, I pushed the one I might have jumped for off of that cliff. I hurt him. He'll never be able to jump again. And I'm afraid karma's a real theory, much more real than mine."

His hands grazed my arm, then dropped to his sides. The room went cold, and I left the windows open.
I don't quite know how to start off this letter, as I don't really know how to start to say goodbye. How do you say goodbye to somebody you've loved your whole life? How do you say words you never thought you'd have to say?
Never in a million years did I think that this is how you would go,  that this is how you would be taken from us. If you had caught me back when I was 15 and asked if I thought that my beloved aunt who had devoted her life and soul to the lord would be fighting cancer, I'd tell you it could never happen.
But, I learned very quickly that cancer does not discriminate. Cancer will take whomever it chooses, despite the amount of prayers, love, and hope we send out into the abyss.
I still remember the day I found out. The night before, everyone was gathering at grams for an extremely rare occasion - a visit from you. It was exciting and terrifying when I heard the news that you were coming down from the Monastery and staying the weekend, as typically Nuns are not allowed to leave the Monastery for any general reason, let alone for leisure. At the time you were coming down my cousin and I were not speaking, though I can barely remember why now. That night while I was working and you spent your first night home with your parents in very many years, I received a text from my cousin that read "Hey, when you talk to Aunt Sally tomorrow, text me. I know we're not on the best of terms but just text me, okay?" So then the worry became more prominent and it seemed as though I was being terrorized that night as I dreamed. The next day I went to my grams, and soon enough the world was crumbling around me. I was not prepared in the slightest to hear what I was about to hear, for nothing in this world can prepare you for the news that cancer has riddled it's way into your loved one. No one and nothing can prepare you for the news that the cancer isn't just at its beginning stages, but that its just nearing its end. That, from the moment the cancer formed in your body until the moment you noticed an abnormality and went for a doctor's visit, you had not even the slightest clue that cancer was taking over your body. I thank the Lord that your disease was, for the majority of the time before this past year and some, painless. I thank the Lord that we were lucky enough to have so much more time with you than what was originally thought. I thank the Lord for the many blessings already bestowed upon my family; for my amazing nephew and niece, for the wonderfully supportive family we are, and so much more.
But now, with each and every passing day, I wake up knowing full well that the time span of two weeks to two months left for you is only a number, that this means nothing. The Lord will take you when he pleases, and no amount of prayers to Him, to Mary, to Joseph, to the Seven Martyrs, or to any Saint, will change the Lord's mind.
When his lips met mine,
When I gave in to this other guy,
it all felt wrong.
His skin burnt my skin,
my hands burnt in his grip.
it all felt wrong.
There was nothing there anymore,
nothing there for me to want.
I thought maybe I could get over you.
I'll do to him what you did to me.
But it didn't turn out that way.
Because I wanted to tell him no,
to tell him I'm in love with someone else
to tell him he can go to hell.
But I realized something.
I realize that no matter how many times I say that I love you,
that I'm in love you,
that I want nobody else to know me how you do,
that none of it changes the way that you feel.
How you're never going to love anybody ever again.
How you don't want to love me,
how you want to deny me.
And no matter if I see that you do love me,
you'll deny it.
So when his skin burnt my skin,
I let it burn.
I did not try to extinguish it.
Because you wouldn't care if he had me or not.

But once he left, I fell into my own arms.
I fell into my own arms, and I cried.
Because he will never matter to me.
Because no matter how badly he wants me,
I do not want him.
I want you.
My tears fell, and I held myself.
Because you weren't there to hold me,
and you never will be able to.
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