I wanna live an absurd
I wanna live in pain
I wanna feel excitment
And dance in colored rain

You are the one who made me
Feel alive again
You are the one who taught me
Cruel rules of this sweet game

You are my grug, my teacher
My love, my dark champagne
In my dreams you're the torture
My absurd, my bright pain

Your head's no longer on my shoulder
Your breath no longer tickles me
Without you weather feels much colder
And my words are no longer free

We used to sit down by the fire
And of your tears my hair were wet
I used to calm down your desire
To chase what you cannot get yet

I felt like you'll be my defender
And yours forever I will be
You've ripped my page from the calendar
And to another you will flee

I never said how much I loved you
Because I felt no need for it
I thought you knew my life's about you
And now by you another's life is lit

No walls around me, fresh air
I breathe it through my heart
The wind plays with my silver hair
Creates the piece of art
It's over now, the blood-red age
Of fighting and of fear
Of people being put in cage
Of dangers that were near
I lived it all, I lived the deaths
Of people that I loved
My soul has died from the offence
Of ones that I adored
But I've restored myself somehow
For twenty hundred times
But it can hurt me until now
When my body dies
My body dies after I lived and danced on edge of knife
My love, emotions and my faith, please, try to stay alive

I don't need you in my life
You're just my inspiration
You're just a tool with which I draw
The portrait of solvation

"I don't need you in my life" -
That is just a lie
I tell myself to fall asleep
As I slowly die

I'll keep on writing until my hands will bleed
I'll write myself out; my sorrows and my greed
I have replaced some other face with yours
I have denied that you're made of closed doors
And even though at start you were a game
A trifle that will pull me out of shame
A fake reflection of my own revolution
Of the one who seemed to be solution
No matter how long will I grow your seed
My garden craves for it, it is in need
No matter how hard I try to close my eyes
And then wake up next morning, without belief in lies
You are not just reflection anymore
You're part of me now, you're the closed door.

What ****** me off the most is your smell
What ****** me off the most is that look
You give me and throw me into prison cell
What ****** me off the most is the hook
That makes me interested in what you'll do next
What ****** me off is the sound of youк steps
When you walk up the stairs and send a text
To your stupid, lost and ruined friends
What ****** me off the most is your fricking voice
Your tone and the notes you sing out when you lie
It's like a pinch in my heart, it lives me no choice
It wakes up my anger, I wish it could die
What ****** me off is the light in your eyes
Everybody have eyes, why yours seem so special?
But I won't surrender to your spell, my mind fights
With my stupid beliefs that you're my obsession

You won't read me;
Between my lines
There are secrets in disguise.

You won't read me;
Won't face my truth,
Early screams of my bright youth.

You won't read me;
There's a code
Once it's solved, dreams will explode.

You won't read me;
In my soul
Hides a dark and endless hole.

You won't read me;
Nor will I...
My book sleeps peacefully in sky.

The blindness that I live inside
Cuts my dreams like an acute knife.
There's no escape from being lost
Between the values of life-cost.
Once I have tried to find the place
Where I belong, define my race,
The disappointment sinked in my
Yet not matture, but still held high
My childish head, my simple thoughts,
My being, daydreams. Barking shots
Have killed my hopes of joyful youth.
I have been prisoned in the truth,
Cruel reality of wars,
Unbreakable and racist walls.
Why does the World still keep its silence
While orphaned children sink in violence
Of the unknown enemy who came
To their land, but they're the ones to blame?
This enemy has broken heart;
He says that he was teared apart,
And now the shadows of the pain
Turn to a fire-pouring rain
That falls on the heads of those
Who have never stepped that close
To death, that they have never caused,
But to resistance are now forced.
My dear enemy, I have found myself
With serial number on your "victims shelf";
I have found myself between the lines
Of ones whose lives have been turned to lies
By social media of yours,
That eats your food and wears your clothes.
The World is now controlled by the charming sound
Of tingling money in pockets of the croud,
This greedy power leads to blinding ray
Of darkness that cuts my dreams every single day.

I will write you out of my stupid head
On black paper that I have slightly colored
By my bitter-sweet tears that poored on it

My make up's washed away and beauty's dead
My trembling fingers grab a pen I borrowed
From you when you had no need of it

For many months all my daydreams were lead
By your shadow they have obeyed and followed
They're dead now, I have no need of it

The mess is living in my head.
Another step, and I'll be dead.
Should I care?
No, I won't dare!
I won't admit that it has won,
That it has broken wall of stone,
That I am sick, that I am weak,
Emotional, but useless freak.
Inside me all I find is aches
Of my high morals that were precious
To my once full of sweetness heart
That with my hands I've teared apart.
I sympathize only strength
That vanishes inside his depth.
Maybe, the feeling that I cover
For him kills any another.
That's why I am blind, that's why I'm cold,
That's why I leave myself untold.
I wish I could return back time
To know where have I passed the line,
When have I lost myself and how?!
But play is over, I'll take a bow.

Cold fingers softly press on my neck.
Now I realize - there's no going back.
Another wrong move, and my bones will crack
Under your pressure, please, let me go back

To our peaceful beginning and countless smiles,
To hopes that we held, yet not bitter goodbyes.
No misunderstandings, by beauty veiled lies.
Where is that time when we yet didn't hear cries?

My fingers on yours, I'm trying to loose,
Reduce your sweet envy, maybe I will confuse
Your thoughts, and your heart, but it now can't choose
Between love and envy, now I will lose

Just give me the chance to breathe in your air!
My lungs thirst for life, but it fades in nowhere...
You pass your cold fingers through my wet hair,
Last light dies in my eyes. You do not care.

About my strong feelings,  about what I need
You work for your own sake, put poisonous seed
In my soul it groes into black rose of greed,
Your pride gets it's food, and I get to bleed.

Will I ever let go, and find my own will?
It's not you who holds on, but I'm holding still.
I ask you for ******, don't care if you'll ****,
**** me now, in this moment,  and it is MY will!