I can still hear you teasing me
When I'd steal your cigarettes
I only smoked with you
And I miss smoking.

Loud noises in the room are galaxies away
The waves of color on the wall paralyzed me
I lie my head next to them, unsurprised
I hear unfamiliar voices asking ‘why don’t you go for it’
I don't believe in anything anymore
Not the words I pretend not to listen
Not the forms on the wall
Not the green spots in your eyes
I stand in the same place, wanting
Without moving a finger to grab it.

It is too late to sing
‘Wish you were here’
At the park in early spring
Under rainfall and bad covers.
It is too late to ride bikes
To race by the river trail
Fast through flashlights
A thousand stars beneath us.
It is too late to write
About signs and fights
In the drunken crowds
Too late to see a light
I blame this darkened room
Songs, sights, sarcasm, you.

Did I take that text the wrong way?
Am I imagining the feeling when we kissed?
If you liked me you would text every day
If you wanted me you would chase
I hate these stupid games
I want so much more than the wait
I am dancing in my room alone
I want to be Lorelai Gilmore
I want to work better on my own.

I wake up next to you, everyday,
And make you breakfast.
I scratch your back,
Hold my criticism,
Water our plants,
And watch them die.
I laugh with you,
Share with you,
Care for you,
Do I love you?
You hold me,
Tainted with a beautifully worded past.
Do you love me?
Or do I fill a space where she used to live?

I see the lights through the window
Forming shapes in your ceiling
We lie in bed and you look at me
You don't say what you are thinking
But you smile and get closer.

I hear the traffic through my window
Keeping me awake till late at night
Too late to say what I was thinking
That time I wanted to stay
But left anyway.