Hard liquor on my lips
Still doesn't burn as much as you
You may have left
But your taste lingers on
I drink to forget you
Yet every time i’m back in the same place
With your face plastered on my mind
Contradicting comments
And broken promises
Are all that is left until
Sapphire pools draw me back home
Back to the comfort of two arms
Open wide anticipating my return
But not tonight
Tonight I sit alone
Letting the cold poison trickle down my throat
Wondering what in the world went wrong.

One look was all it took
For my heart to become yours
One smile was all I needed
To know I had found the one worth keeping
Years may have past
But how my love only grows daily
I’m not sure how I can say this
But you are the one I always needed
The one I have always longed for
You were the connecting dots of my broken heart
The only one to really save me.
You are the missing pieces
Of the jumbled puzzle I call my life
You are the light that guides me home
When I’m feeling all alone
For you are my Romeo
My little dream
My life

One more hit is all I need
Then I promise I am done.
For without it reality
Really does weighs a tonne.
Crushing my ribcage
Which used to home roses
But now is bruised
From fists, He stands amused
As he puts his
Hands back around my neck
Without even looking to check
If marks are visible this time.
He is long past caring
My body no longer unsparing
For he has destroyed each part
Making me look like a childs colour chart.
Maybe I am to blame
For why he torments my fragile frame.
One more hit to numb my pain
Though these thoughts I can never tame
In my new found biological remedy
As I blackout I find my serenity
Longing for a new identity
For my body is an empty shell
Storing secrets I will never tell
For fears the words will only spill out.
So I sew my lips together
As my skin looks like worn leather.
When I finally come back through
My body is an array of black, purple and blue.
I take my final hit
Hoping finally this might be it
As the world before me turns to grey.
For now is my time
As I leave the wind chimes
Bringing me into a brand new day.

It still stings when i think of your hand slamming against my cheek
The first time you laid a finger upon me
I was only young at the time, too naive to understand
Little did i know, it wouldn't be the last time you harmed me.
You see the alcohol and the drugs
Were only temporary distractions
Long enough to keep me numb so i couldn't
Feel anything for a little while.

But sadly,
The more liquor i chugged back and the more
Smoke i inhaled into my lungs,
Praying that maybe this next hit would affect me,
That no matter what pills i took or what drugs i smoked
I could never get rid of the feeling of your piercing glare from that night
As you undressed me with your eyes like i was some kind of meat
While you sat waiting for your next meal which laid between my legs

It still burns when I think of your hand wrapped tightly around my neck
As i prayed you would finally end it all for me
That maybe if i ****** you off enough now that you would go ahead and do it
That maybe you would be framed for what you have always been doing
See you killed me long ago
Buried me 6 ft in the ground with any shred of dignity i still possessed
When you found me at 15 alone and afraid you pried upon that
Became my protector until i later realised it was you i should be fearing.

I made a wish once
That maybe one day you would love me.
We would live happily ever after
Just like all the movies.
We would sing and dance
While we watch time fly past
Sit by fires and cuddle
And talk about how we had it good

But no, that wish never came true
Instead you take her dancing
And you sing her beautiful songs
And when the temperature drops
She is the women you sit by the fire with
And think **** we have it good.

I made a wish once
That maybe one day you would love me.
I guess wishes never come true.

It has been crossing my mind recently
How little I can control
Not the wind, or the sea
Or the thoughts running within me
Long drives with no real destination
Always get me thinking
Raindrops trickle down the window
As the world flashes in a blur
Nameless faces of people
Never to be seen again
No time for first impressions
As the seconds dart past
Headlights beam brighter than all the stars
Till they are blinding through the silence
I long to be home
Yet where do you go when even home feels foreign
So this is why I am driving through the night
With no real destination
Only longing to be ‘home’.

Have you ever been so close to breaking
That you feel yourself tumbling over the edge
One sudden move and ****
Everything you know is changed
This happened to me a few years ago now
Just when I felt my world come tumbling down
Someone sent me a guardian angel
In the shape of a friend
Now little did I know
That they would become my world

3 years down and i’m crying on the floor
Gasping for air as reality consumes me
She was there
In the form of my guardian angel
Ready to pick me back up
All she did was call
But that was enough
She glued and pasted my broken pieces together
Unlocking the jigsaw of my broken heart
Once again

5 years on she has her own burdens now
Fighting tirelessly through all the crowds
Sleepless nights and bad dreams
Tossing and turning in her sleep
People around yet she feels all alone
All she needs is someone to call home
I take on the challenge
Knowing she needs me more than ever
For I will be her guardian angel
Forever her saviour

Today I sit here
Thinking of how times have changed
One is better yet one still the same
A heart of gold
And a history of shame
The past is there for a reason
My guardian angel is always there for me
As I try to be for her
There will be happy endings and more memories to come
But for now I am happy that I have found the one

The wind in my hair,
Running free without a care.
Jumping high, roaming low,
Me so bold ready to go.
Adventures never seen yet
Dangers being patiently to be met,
Soaring fly, now I can fly.
A smile on my face
Lets you know that I care.
Cuts and bruises yet to bare.
Climbing trees
Or being chased by bees.
Adventures never far away.
Sitting on the grass
Watching the clouds above.
Parents feeling proud
Knowing we are in love.
For these are the days we cherish
Just before we perish
Into adulthood ahead
Because thats what children are like.

I wouldn’t say that I’m in love with you
More the idea of you
The memories, the emotion
The time spent together
That has all changed now
For you no longer look at me the same
The love that used to gleam in your eyes is gone
And all that is left is sour kisses
Placed upon my cheek
In the passing moments we have left together

You’re under my skin
And I can’t seem to let you go
Gripping tightly, controlling my every move
You are always there
Lurking in the back of my mind
As if sitting on my shoulder
Demanding to be listened to

Why do I come back?
Why do I come running back to the thing that causes me pain?
The one who has always had control?

I thought I could trust you
Told you my deepest darkest secrets
And what did you do?
Spat your venom back into my face

Every lie you told I believe
You even had me thinking I was special  
Made me feel something for once
Yet all I feel now is empty

You are a parasite
I never can get rid of
Because there will always be
Some part of you
Left in me.

I wouldn’t say that I’m in love with you
More the idea of you
The memories, the emotion
The time spent together
That has all changed now
For you no longer look at me the same
The love that used to gleam in your eyes is gone
And all that is left are sour kisses
Placed upon my cheek
In the passing moments we have left together
If I could have a do over
I would turn around and walk the other way
I would save myself the pain and confusion
Because no one has ever made me happier
Or sadder
Than you.

Stolen kisses linger on
I can’t believe you’re really gone.
Shadowed figures cross my mind
Both our bodies are intertwined.
Hands gripping tightly around my neck
From the past night I won’t forget.
Gentle fingers caressing my skin
How did this all begin?
Flashbacks dance on freely
How can I be loving you so deeply.
Only a short time has gone by
Now all I want to do is cry.
Why did you have to leave so soon
I’m still staring up at the moon
The stars remind me of you tonight
They are shining oh so bright
They remind me of your eyes
As they dance in their disguise
I wish you were here with me now
So we can take our final bow.
Can I hold one more time
There’s no mountain we can’t climb.
You are the only one I love
Now all my feeling I shall shove
To the back of my mind to keep
Until the next time that we meet
I say my final words to you
Before the night is really through
I will hold this love forever
Nothing compares to when we are together.

Welcome to the island of misfit toys
We are just like you
Except we are a little more broken

One sits chugging a bottle straight
As the burning fuel trickles down their throat
Moments before they black out from the world once again

One sits scratching their arm
Craving their next hit
Of whatever drug is strong enough
To numb the pain of reality for long enough to regain his breathe

One girl takes her last breathe
As the colour drains from her face
Without anyone realising
Cause they are all fighting their own demons

A new one joins everyday
Joins this hell we call home
No one stays long enough to get to know them
They are just background noise to the blurry haze

Welcome to the island of misfit toys
I hope you don’t end up here

Have you ever wondered what the rest of the universe looks like? All of the galaxies, stars and planets. Do you think life really exists out there? If so are they thinking of us? These are some of my thoughts that drift through my head as I lay beneath the stars. They shine as though they are all competing for my individual attention. One stands out, piercing brighter than all the rest. I stare at it for a while contemplating if it is a sign or not before my train of thought shifts to be preoccupied by something else, or more someone else. He always manages to cross back into my mind, consuming my thoughts until I feel both numb and ecstatic at the same time. How can someone manage to control every sense in my body and destroy them simultaneously. I am like a doll which he was always determined to string along until the next time he got bored or another much prettier model came along. So I would get thrown to the side and forgotten until he got bored of the most recent one and returned to me. He always returned to me. After a few years I began to realise that he had a type. Slim girls with piercing blue eyes and the sickly bleach blonde hair which fell just past their shoulders. They all came and left again yet I was different. I never understood why he kept me. I contrasted dramatically from the usual girls he would swap me out for with my rich chocolate hair which fell to the middle of my back and dull and lifeless emerald eyes. From all the pain I have endured over the past 5 years it’s a wonder I’m still sane… Well i’m currently still questioning if I really am or not. Any sane person would have left the minute they were first discarded like junk but not me. I was always there waiting with open arms for when he returned.

I snap out of my train of thought to the driveway becoming illuminated as he pulled in. He slammed on the brakes and threw the car door open, slamming it closed behind him before walking straight past me to the house. How can he be so cold? How can he walk straight past me without even a simple hello or even a glance. I can say i’m surprised now though. It’s the same routine every night. It always ends the same. He will act angry now and then at around 3 am he will crawl back into my bed, snuggle up to me with his head on my chest or wrapping his arms around me and like the fool I am, I will return to feeling complete because in that moment he loves me again. That is all I have ever wanted and if he has to be feeling lonely or drunk to feel anything for me then so be it. I would rather that over nothing at all.

Morning begins to draw nearer as I slowly drift off to sleep. I was up all night tossing and turning, contemplating what I actually meant to him.