loving you is

big city dreams

walking downtown with your arm around my waist

invincible

loving you is
missing my bus stop
not once
but twice
this week
(its only Tuesday)
because I'm too busy daydreaming
about the next time I might see you

loving you is
twisting my ankle
slipping on black ice
distracted
writing poems about the way you make me feel
(that just happened)

loving you is visiting all the places that you took me
hoping I might run into you

loving you is ordering old fashions from eric at bdubs just to have a taste of our last kiss

loving you is silly love poems
and sappy love songs
attempting to gather a group of words to explain what exactly it is that I'm feeling

loving you is reading the letters you wrote me all those years ago
over and over again

longing for a sign

that one day

you'll come back to me

I want to smother your lips

with my own,

to kiss you so hard

your lungs beg for air,

and spots dance in your vision

like fireworks on the Fourth.


I want you to forget.

Forget your name

and where you came from

because in that moment

it will only be

us.

He made sure I knew just how lucky I was to have him
But he never hit me
He played games with my emotions repeatedly
But he never hit me
He made sure I didn’t leave the house in a skirt above the knees
But he never hit me
He knew the words to say to make me feel so small that I could not breathe
But he never hit me
He tossed me in and out, in and out, until my mind was in an out of control tizzy
But he never hit me
He messed around on the side late at night while I rested in our bed
But he never hit me
He made it clear that I wasn’t to go out at night with the girls
But he never hit me
He told me over and over again just how hard it would be to find anyone else to deal with me
But he never hit me
He fell asleep safe and sound as I laid in bed trying to catch my breath through tears
But he never hit me
He needed to have the password to every device, app and account
But he never hit me
He knew the power he held and used it over my head to weaken me
But he never hit me
He made jokes at my expense in front of friends and family and we all giggled together instead of cringed
But he never hit me
He assured me the women he texted were coworkers or colleagues but I could never know what they spoke of
But he never hit me
He made it clear that my interests and goals were not of pertinence
But he never hit me
He knew the exact words to say to take my entire day downhill
But he never hit me
He broke my heart over and over and over again until it was minuscule shreds
But he never hit me

my sheets know your secrets
my pillows, your thoughts
my blanket misses your warmth
and i,
i miss your touch