(read forward, then backward, line by line)

I ran.
Not knowing what else to do
There was so much blood on my hands
It was mine
The kitchen knife
Caught in my chest
Guilt
Consumed by
Fear
I was heightened by
Adrenaline
But running on
Wasn’t enough
While trying to stay calm,
Losing control
It was me that would end up
Dead. Because
He was
In front of me
The whole time
It was too late
Trapped
I found myself
Locked in chains
My fate was
Death.

So how’s this Valentine stuff work
Must it be a mutual deal
Or can I claim you as my Valentine
If to you it isn’t real?
From afar, unbeknownst,
Someone sending love notes
Every single day
Obviously, whatever the time
You are my Valentine
I don’t have to be yours for you to be mine

I think I actually
Hate this feeling.
You’re not supposed to
Make me nervous.
You’re not supposed to
Plant seeds in my mind,
Strange seeds that grow strange fruit.
Or, at least you didn’t used to.

I don’t know why I bother at all.

I never did say
That it was a good idea
Did I?

You make me nervous in the best way
I'm crazy about you
But I know I'm not supposed to say

We could be best friends
Stay up all night to talk about everything
From string theory to your first ever heartbreak

And it's not romantic in a traditional sense
But there are a million things I want you to know about me
And stories I want to hear you tell

We could take a walk around our home towns through memories
And baggage we try to block out

I could let you in as if it doesn't terrify me
That someone could see all the broken parts
Faded bruises and history

Maybe I could be fragile and you'd still be kind
But it doesn't matter because we never really put our hearts on the line

It's just a small break from reality
A simple little victory

𝐈
𝐍ever
𝐅igured that
𝐀
𝐓eensy tiny
𝐔ndeveloped
𝐀ttraction would
𝐓urn
𝐈nto
𝐎vert
𝐍ausea

i let him read my poetry
as he flipped through the pages,
i hoped
he wouldn't recognize
the ones i wrote about him