hypocrite.

is this word even in your vocabulary?
have you ever experienced something that has actual substance?
does it bring you joy that you destroyed someone?

no...no...yes.

you lie to me on a daily basis that i've come to believe that you feed off this rather than oxygen.
you deal me your scraps along with false hope that i treasured because i trusted you.
you got inside my brain, my heart, my blood..
now that you've decided you're done with me, you'll stab from my insides.

my deepest thoughts that are open to you.
you used them against me.

my hopes and aspirations that i shared with you.
you've crushed the possibility for me.

my memories i have experienced with you.
now the only thing that is a memory, is you.

and through all of this, you held your head up high with that disgusting dimple and grim smile knowing all along that you broke me.

who knew it was going to be this way?
for you to believe that your life is amazing and nothing can break this stream of happiness you are drunk on.
for you to only then realise that this is a world you have created as an illusion for this dystopian world that surrounds you.

no one can hurt you.
or so you thought...

you've only ever been open to everyone around you.
this is the source to your ultimate weakness.
and you're the only one to blame.

you're vulnerable and have no opportunity to fix this.
maybe this fact isn't a bad thing; we're just viewing through a negative perspective.

on the road to self-destruction...
and i didn't even notice since i've been blinded.

Why is this happening to me?
My mental state is only decreasing and I'm slowly going insane.
I'm getting fat because i don't know my limits and constantly binge.
I'm pushing everyone away so i don't hurt them.
I'm only hurting myself in doing so.
I put words in everyone's mouths because they apparently don't tell me what i want to hear.
I'm not comfortable in the way  i present myself in any way, shape or form.
I do not know what happiness is anymore.
I'm constantly stressed and right now i'm completely stressed and i don't even know what about.
I'm coming to realise i will never be loved and i guess i will have to be okay with that because
I'm falling apart.

I've only ever relied on someone else for my happiness.
Looked to them to answer any question i had.
Until the moment they were no longer there to guide me out of my perceived darkness.
But i was stuck.
I waited on you but you only walked away.
So thank you, because i believe I've figured it out.
How to be happy and not dependent on you.
You're the one that has gone and replaced the role i used to play in your life.
So i guess you can ultimately say that you have done this to yourself.
And I'm not really sorry.
Sorry.
I am focusing on me and you are now playing an insignificant minor role in the way my life develops.
Thank you.
I love you my best friend.

What am i supposed to do when you're basically screaming in my face to "not care"?!
Am i to act like that's amazing and that my best friend is finally pushing me away?
Do i go against your word and then worry more about you since this act out of the blue?
What am i supposed to do when you say all of this to me and i know you're right, i just don't want to believe you.

So it looks like i've won.
were you even trying all along?
So it looks like you're denying.
do you actually believe it isn't true?
So it looks like the sun is setting.
will you be dreaming on cloud nine?
So it looks like you haven't seen the damage you've made.
is this fake smile too noticeable?
So it looks like it fits in with everything else of yours.
do you even know how to feel something genuine?
So it looks like the answer is no.
Because I've won.
You said i love you, i said i love you more.
You said impossible.
no, darling, its very possible.