I don't wanna be the best
I just wanna give my best
Why do i have to fit in a box
When all i can see is them being blocks
Why do i strive to act normal
When all i can see is people with no moral
Why do you ask me to get on a level
And then expect me to have something special  


Ask me to stick to where i belong
yet again force me to get along
And then ask me to be myself,
pointing every difference in itself.
Boos me when i compare,
But do the same in the name of standards,
till i despair.
Why do you tell me to just respect and drop
when all i could think is
to embrace as home in swap,
and what you do is hate it all on the top.


You ask me to be the one
One who is casual, formal or normal
But it makes me wanna ask you,
If you are happy being such.
But I'm afraid to do so,
Afraid to lose you so,
I saw me looking at you
And felt you feeling a void in you.
So, i think i don't need to ask you anymore
Cause i can't see you masking anymore.

Looks silly but
it's like the posts and videos
we like on social media.



we think once we pass through it,
it goes away
but only few are aware of the fact
that all the liked stuff are stored in a place.



we were just the same.
though we like and left,
we always had
a tender memories of each other.



where if we wanted,
we can always go back
just start from the "end"
and go through each other's
changes eventually too.



it almost feel impossible to the world
and they say their words.
But again nobody but us know
how they are nothing more than just words.
because only we know
how many impossibles we broke.



we are always
one step away from each other,
looking for anyone's world
to collapse
so that it makes us
completely enter into another.



But at this point of time
I'm afraid that
we will get needy
and destroy it ourselves
to make an excuse



just to say
"I'm enchanted to be with you."

Said forever isn't my word
never knew you would turn it into a sword
digging deeper until it hurts
Though our fights were the worse
cause there were actually never the fights.
But now i see this empty space,
it feels like an ultimate sway just to chase
I told myself it's over, good and enough
but then again i wish it was none

and as you comes by
all my thoughts flys away
as if like they never exist
all my compliants seals away
as if like they were meant to be
all my hurt heals away
as if like it have to be
I'm telling it that was good and enough
and it denys as if it is all rough.
craving and hoping for renewal

In this saga of finding answers for my unknown questions
I sometimes failed fallen and found myself lost
I sometimes felt mismatched out snatched and lonely
But ultimately, all I know is
no matter how many time it felt,
No mater how hard they hit,
I know how to deal with them.
I may be lonely some of the time, most of the time or all of the time
But after I realized that I can deal with it anyway, and then
The span did really felt secondary!

absurd how life's turning into Instagram
flashbacks achieved in heart
overriding from delete
excite to show smiles out
baring painful dms in quite
long-distance short
will for reels of impermanent
everyday searching to deal with a story
and expecting a life of no worry!

This way from paths I love
to the parts I scare & hate
& to the plot which I'm excited to get in!
This way! It's so crazy! I hate it! I love it!
But again I'm scared
so many what ifs
so many butterflies...
yet again I choose to be in
cause it's a beautiful messy penchant!

It felt so real!
those eyes of yours looking for a sunshine
that crumbling body alone to define
telling things went so insane
It felt so real!
that running nose hiding tears boldly
way for optimism fiercely
It felt so real!
when you said you are happy
that smile of yours melting things rocky
innocence in face calming all smoothly
shine in heart jolting agony hastily
those kindest acts leaving trance of humanity
It felt so real!
Immersing in your duality.

Everything about you!
It felt so real thou
even after leaving my pillow!

Doing what you love is ok
but Loving what you do is also equally important i guess...(?)

the more you go ahead
the more you have to things to lose
the more you fly high
the more scary the journey becomes
the more sad you becomes
the more happiness makes you happy
the more you dare to dream
the more you get energy to flow
the more low you put yourself
the more others put you down as well
the more you search for the pain
the more you hurt your heart again
the more you think it's in your hand
the more you get the things hold
the more you make it positive
the more people thinks it as their motive.

I heard those giggles behind me,
You really thought I was deaf?
I saw those whispers around me,
Oh!I'm just making it clear.
I know you are acting up ignoring,
You thought you are good at it?
I saw you looking happy around,
You thought that can really effect me?

Yes I heard you calling me cling
But, ever know about my 'never knew how to not care' thing?
Ever thought about
How it feels to be hurt by the other?
Facing these all, now
I wish I could read this on your face & make you feel one.

If people loves,
they can do anything for it
and if they hate,
they can do everything to it too...

I don't know who cares for me and
I don't even care for the words which been said
But when ever it comes to you
It all differs

All this joy of yours makes me happy
All your surprises makes me jolt
All your tears makes me weak

Sorry that I'm a cold bug
But trust me-
Hope is all what I can do
Under the pounding heart smiling like an idiot
But let me ask this,
can u still see my eyes shining?
Did u found anything in it??

You are a temporary person
who made permanent scares in my life
whose wounds are still so fresh
like a beaten flesh
Even now after everything
the excitement you give after a long time text
Is so fluttering
And then
you like and leave my message
Making me pale and drain again
Breaking this heart again and again
Now all i can do is
Embracing the imagination I had
Regretting the confession I made
Hating the fact which I hold
That i still make my heart to wait
Just for you!

i wish i could be a writer of my own character
who can cherish the happy
and abolish the sad moments as dream
still bearing the pain
getting the lesson to gain.

i wish i could be a writer of my own character
who can disappear at a threat
and pop in at an urge to meet
but again
wasting no vitality on the feet.
  
i wish i could be a writer of my own character
who can skip the casual boring days
or can pause on
some busy tiring nights,
just breath forgetting all fret.

i wish i could be a writer of my own character
who could wipe away people and garbage
and replace mind with some more savage,
add few more memories
and make a life of no worries.

i wish i could be a writer of my own character
who can make out any reality as an expectation
and expectation as an illusion,
removing regrets at least from the heads
just to lessen the sleepless nights.

but wait!
at the end
I can anyway be a writer to eligible
but can that book be a legible?

Sometimes all you need
is the same warmth in the hug you gave
the same care you shown on someone
same words you said to give strength
the same consolation you made

Sometimes all you need
is to get the same thing you gave
to someone on someday
which could make heart a better thing to have
and earth a better place to live....

Anything unlike normal
eventually feels sad and vulnerable
Perhaps ends up making people proud

Found herself
when she found out that she lost herself while chasing

DAYS ARE LONGER
BUT YEARS ARE SHORT

This feel of sadness without any reason
This tiredness without any work
Burning eyes without any tear
Hurting heart without any incident
Why? why is it all happening??
Is it ok to be like this for this night?
Am sure I gonna wakeup with a charismatic smile tomorrow morning
Then why is this night seems like a long achy summer day??

Nothing got changed
sleeping on couch &
waking up on bed
from the scolds with spoon feed
to the endless calls of worried food cycle

Nothing got really changed
still the same smile knocking
the same warmth caressing
since from the return after school
to returning after weeks

How can something get changed
from happy calls
to anxiety rush dial asking out for that peace for soul
I only reach out you
who can really give the same even if they are the best

like even after their dreadful day
they are the one lying down and thinking
"he must be going through alot these days am so proud him"
How can really something get changed in this case?
well...I say! every heart knows the answer

From the time of
feeling alone in a crowd
To the days of
not alone anymore even being alone
it's you!
only you! who made some magic in this heart
without even getting in...

how can I say a person hating me that
"forget about hate even now, I still can't stop loving you"?
how can I take that, all this hate is
happening just with out any reason?
and how should I face the fact and then you that
one day we gonna see eachother on a reunion...

In the part of growing up
I realized that
crying is not a sign of weakness
anger issues are never an excuse
out spoken is not attitude
introvert is not an abnormality
keeping secret is not a matter of pride
being busy doesn't count under fake
choosing alone doesn't mean hating people
being sad doesn't mean you are not happy
and feel of home doesn't always need a house

meaning of words always do differ beyond people
time really do heal everything eventually
choices doesn't count with any friendship
mistakes are meant to be done just to learn
and perfection is almost an illusion

in the way of growing up
I tend to cherish the stays than crying on lefts
love these abnormalities which were always nah's being a kid
feel happy in dark days just remembering
the proud time of future remembering this today
I tend to thank my trauma which I used to hate the most
I tend to accept the reality just while am writing being lost!

Never knew you have The truth untold behind
to make you Hold me tight
am just loving this Serendipity
that you are the cause of my Euphoria
Begin during my Epiphany of Fake love Tear days
made it went smooth like Butter

you are the only Butterfly of My time that
I can't Let go on what Your eyes tell
Promise you never to Lie despite of any Purpose
let the rhythm of our Heartbeat make out a Magic shop
where memories can Stay Forever young

Love like Life goes ON Still with you
heart said I need u even
when i imagined being you Like! Pied piper Filter
even when it went all Blue & grey

now after all this Love maze
I know i can Make it right
there is no 00:00 needed to Fix you
let me be you're Anpanman
Stay gold....i found my Home
let me show you how it looks like
when it comes to a Boy with luv

ugh! Everythingoeson Just one day my Paradise!
but for now let your Inner child
sleep like Winter bear under the Moon Light,
Tomorrow let's Awake with a cup of Spring days Coffee
where i gonna Film out with The eternal smile of yours
& do anything For you!

IMAGINE
Just imagine loving someone just looking at them
observing their smallest gestures and acts
& getting excited like a kid
where you never found yourself like this before

laughing just because they are laughing
getting touched with their words which were actually so usual

sometimes being lover feeling proud
sometimes feeling like a mom who is proud of her child

finding the cuteness in their hotness
finding the vividness when everything was blur
finding the similarities knowing more as if like a serious PHD

and
and that smile when you watch their pic
where one day suddenly finding out that you can hear pictures
finding out that their name had became an emotion

and finally accepting the truth that
they actually don't even know your existence
but also accepting that this will be the love till eternity

neither wanna do something
nor wanna stay here still
then suddenly these tears shuts awaking all the past
uselessly where even knowing it is
still heart feeling those thorns

regretting the regret of wasting the now second
every time failing in a war facing being alone
can I get some strength to prove doing alone?
coz I know I can succeed when there is an helping hand

being low is ok until you get to know
that you are depressed
with depressed mind
suffering from so called depression
starting from there everything hits so differently
even the tears which fall down asks more for it's successors
tips of curvy smile's feels like thorns
hitting through tiring all the whole day
feeling the feel of being fake
hating the hate of loving yourself
still couldn't stop any!

when the first time I loved you
even unperfect things felt like perfect
it just went, not letting the hands go apart
but this is the only thing I couldn't realize

when the first time I loved you
the trust you gave was so mesmerizing
that I still miss that wore off newness
but this is the only thing I couldn't realize until it left

when the first time I loved you
the vibes that my heart gave
with those butterflies in my stomach
but the only thing I didn't even imagined
was this not being forever

why is it always me
who realizes the value after the moment leaves
"it was not the same"
but still stubborn heart says STAY
you are born for this
though time making it harder
destiny is cheering up to hold on that hand

things might not be the same
the beauty may starts to fade out
but instead of letting go
just hold those hand while finding the things concealed
there's no way that your soul was wrong in this case!

life: make me look smoother;)
me: huh! well...what about trying for more good memories and least regrets
life: yahhh!! Am done T_T

I didn't knew that you became my shadow.
when I ran away from you
seems like you were before me
where bright light of your love was felt behind

the shadow on me
when the happy light showered
& filled all over the room holding
during dark days
where I actually thought you weren't

I didn't knew that you became shadow of mine
protecting
holding
reforming
molding in the way now I'm
now!! let me promise
To be human version your shadow
that can never be left

This so called life
is not the same to everyone
where it is unfair to many
at times too fair to many more

This so called life
is not the same to everyone

There are some who never gave up
even after the dark buries
there-some who just gave up think off once

There are people who gave another chance to make them fall
who once broke them
there are some broke up just on the point of suspension
where once an obsession

From the bond of no words like forever but still holding
to some having the scars of memories holding up lies

From the self-wreck of regrets for little things
to the people who never looks back even after great sins

And for everyone of us
it is justifiable in our own ways
that's where the magic of life lies
SAYING
Just forget what world says and
to go ask out your heart instead what to be done

When you were in a stage
remembering all those memories you had
with your old friends
Crying out yelling in your mind saying
'I regret joining here'
When you were suffering in
and acting out that you don't care
but deep inside you were all alone
All those days
you thought no single creature was looking at you
you thought no one really care for you
where couldn't handle the situations well

But the little you forgot to look at
is your own friend
who saw those eyes which were pretending
like they never know how to cry
who saw that heart which couldn't bear the pain
regretting like you had done the world's biggest sin
who saw you being abnormal unlike you used to..
still tried hard to look as cool & normal
sometimes underestimating sometimes overestimating
the things you were going through

you thought no one was looking at you
but I was just beside you looking at the things
trying to help out in a way I could do
& finally am glad that I made it done

now I just wanna say the same words you said
on the day you were laying beside
"nothing is permanent in our lives"
now tell me?
are you done with your temporary trauma??
are you happy on this birthday like I always excite for mine??
cause I do :)

I never knew that you are the cure
until you entered into my life
the one who can make some magic
removing all the doubts filled in
the one who made me realize that
I can give one more chance to trust someone
there is no way that world is wrong
instead I where the one to whom it show all the wrong

Then, the day I realized
I promised my self not to leave you no matter what
I knew you were cold but
that was far better than promises they made n left like a stranger
I knew you were not much into talking but
fortunately the best listener to my depressed mind
I knew
I knew you were not an attention seeker but
the now me #idon'tcare is all learnt from you
There were times where life bought me down
but in the bad rainy days YOU TOOK ALL MY WORRIES AWAY

To my bestfriend who made my life glow again
entered during my dark days
I wish I would get a word greater than 'thank you' to say for everything

That gasp you let out while smiling
looking into my eyes
Like answering all my question unasked
Virtually patting through the hug
on the hope of asking out for trust
Talking to this soul
having no movement at lips
Standing out there one meter away

And then she chuckled & said
"Today I think I found those eyes which I have been craving for"

I never knew that
those hidden giggles under the blanket
will one day turn into
silent tears hugging my pillow

Never knew that
those obsessive thoughts about you
will one day make me cry
not to think about u still couldn't help myself

Never knew that
those fantasies of my routine preplans
will **** me
every time I do something new

I never knew that
those words from heart
will suddenly flash out from your mind
soon as you delete the whole chat

I literally never knew that
I'll write these all one day sitting out
with a messy hair and a messy mind
or else  I  would have never even allowed you in my life
Nah
I would have never even born to say you that I love you!
yeah! I know
I know that I am talking more but,
don't you think that time made us more worst than this?

Isn't it?

Heart bearing the pain of a selfmade thorns tag with regret
Mind blaming each and every second boxing itself
Body left with all kind of anxiety chemicals
And then they said " it's okay to be not okay"

I mean...
What kind of **** is it?
I am not okay facing this stuff
I am not okay even if everything happened because of me
& I am enough with this quote

Now let's say
It's not okay to be not okay
It's not okay to be not okay
Because it is bleeding not knowing how to get wounded
I just need to heal
It's not okay to not okay
Cause we live only once in this life
And only way to live is to smile

Life gives us lots of trauma
Just to remind the passed out good day
So instead of suffering in that trauma
Let's have smile and face it
As someone said
"Nothing is permanent in this world"

Achy winter days have passed through
Bad rainy days are still on its flow
How can I say that those burning summer days are only mine
Where actually you are the one who started our Jinx January
And then shown me how blossoming a spring can be
I never asked you for anything
Even you to come into my life
Every time you came and went I thought at least you are the stable one
At last you made it all autumn leaves falling down
Just wanna know
Why I can't move on just the way you did so easily??
Now all I hope is nothing but waiting for my December

You left me
But my feelings are like being left
Hoping for no January to start again

Sometimes I’m scared!
I’m scared that in the way of running to be more matured
I might loose all that innocence in me!
I’m scared that in the way of
loving people owing them more & more
They might get owed someday!
& I’m literally scared that
In the way of feeling “I’m scared of heart breaks”
I might loose chances to meet some most amazing creatures ever
I’m scared that one day these
Intrusive thoughts will eat up all my mind
& make me feel empty again!!