insecurity killed the cat.

I want us to get lost in forests together.
to make sweet love under the dew soaked leaves of the trees.
for our bodies to be steaming in the cold unknown.
to create a rhythm with our bodies to the melody of our moans.

goosebumps, lip biting, shaking:
all of the signs that you're a bad idea,
but i've never been the one to make good decisions

it's a monster that can't be controlled
forever changing shape
forever being "unreachable" to many:
beauty

imagine if every puff of smoke from every person was their sad story,
their misery.
imagine if as we inhaled their smoke we experienced what they once did,
their suffering,
their pain.
how beautiful it would be to read all of these sorrows
and realise
that you're not the only one
with tarred lungs
because of a broken heart.

I was walking down the beach today in hope to collect a few beach curiosities.
only just a slice of the most exquisite shell I have ever seen was sticking out of the sand, so I did what was expected, I dusted away the sand in the expectation of uncovering something completely spectacular.
it didn't fulfil my expectations, as all it was, was a slice of what once was a complete, unbroken shell, so I threw it back on the sand.
my mind pounding with thoughts, I soon realised that was wrong of me.
who am I to pick up something that was expected to be perfect and whole and then just throw it back to find out that it's broken and only one piece of it is still whole.
It then hit me that this is what too many people do to each other,
they look at someone and expect everything to be perfect, but then they start dusting away the sand that covers them and then they realise that this person is broken and so they just throw them away to break more.

your freckles form constellations all over your body
and i'm the astronomer
connecting each dot with my lips

what if life is just a dream;
good or bad
& when we die, it's just us waking up
in a paradise we have longed for since we fell asleep

& suicide isn't an escape from reality,
but merely forcing yourself to wake up from a nightmare

sometimes I wonder how I look through your eyes,
if I look like this breathtakingly beautiful human that makes your heart pound,
not only from the love making,
but from my presence.

and

sometimes I don't even want to know how I look to you,
too scared that you see me
how I do.

you intoxicate me more than the ***** I drink every weekend just to try and get you out of my head,
but even while I can barely walk
you are still the only thing I think about.

I want to become your drug
I want you to be addicted to me,
to the feeling I give you

I want you to crave me as soon as I've left
I want you to need me,
need me to be flowing through your veins at all times

I want you to feel how I do about you

If love were a place,
it would be somewhere I'd never been.
It would be like a destination
at the end of a very long road;
I'd be able to see it the whole
time,
but I'd just never quite arrive.

i crave the taste of your tongue on my sweat-speckled skin
as you run your hands down my body
and pull me in harder

grabbing. moaning. scratching.

I have no control
over what my body is doing
when it's under your spell

"pass it"

I take a drag, filling my lungs with the sweet Mary- Jane

I see your eyes, your hair, your freckles as if you are a newly discovered galaxy

I watch your slow, drugged movements in awe

your fingers creating poetry on the tips of mine as you remove the blunt

I see your face dopily moving towards mine

my mind is rushing in the lustful kind of way

"do you feel it?" you ask

and if by feel it you mean the unavoidable attraction I have to you, to your body- the craving I have towards your lips

"it just hit me real hard..."

you say you'll protect me from anything that hurts me
and every time I look at you I think of the tears a shed every night
alone in my bed

you say you love me
and I know you do
so what do all those other girls mean to you?

you say you will protect me from anything that harms me
but how can you protect me from you?

It's the way that even though I know you are so poisonous;
so harmful
you leer me in every time

and the worst part is
is that I don't even put up a fight

you draw a straight line down my spine
barely touching
but i can feel
your soul spilling out of your fingertips.
the taste of your salty sweat on my tongue as I leave my purple print in a place only for you to see.

wake me up with your sweet touch
eyes glistening in the crack of sunlight sneaking in between the curtains
watching us in envy of what we have
dancing on your skin as if to take part
in the love we share

tell me everything about yourself.
I want to know what is hidden in every corner of you.
tell me your darkest moments
and
tell me your brightest.
for I want to relive every single experience you've had.
to understand you.
because
I love you.

we're here in this wondrous universe,
located in the spectacular milky way galaxy,
living on this magnificent planet Earth,
and all we do is **** everything up.

all humans can do is either control or destroy.

not many of us are capable of living in harmony with nature surrounding us.

we've become accustomed to these concrete jungles,
living and breathing the factory fumes.

we need to open our eyes and help nature reproduce.

if only everyone realised that we were lucky to be put on Earth,
maybe then we could do something great.

if more people realised that there is so much more out there and in actual fact we don't know anything,
maybe then we'd be able to make peace with what once was and move on.

if only everyone realised
we are just a speck amongst billions of stars.

the smell of the smoke replaces your unfading scent on my clothes,
removing you slowly with ever puff.

the burning in the back of my throat from the uninterrupted smoking of the cigarettes that never leave my fingertips;
it's just like the burning I had after crying over you,
screaming for you to come back down a never ending hallway.

it's the way I poison my lungs,
my body,
just to try and get rid of you.

but even you know,
that will never happen.