i don’t know what to do. i want you more than i want to breathe. you set every part of my being aflame and bring chills to my spine at the mention of your name. my heartbeat quickens when you’re near, but in your arms, there’s nowhere i’d rather be but here. your green eyes peer into mine and in that moment, i feel divine. just a bit of your attention is enough to keep me satisfied as i sit and wait all day for your reply. there’s nothing i can do to sate this feeling in my heart, because when we’re apart, i think of you only, and you think of any and everything but me. i can’t get your face out of my head, as you are the first thought on my mind when i wake up and the last before i fall asleep. you are my joy on a good day and my solace on a bad. you are the clock on my bedside table, the first sip of tea i drink in the morning, the keys to my car, and the hollow knock at the door. you are the sun, the moon, and all of my stars. and i know that it’s love like an ache in the jaw, but there’s nothing i can do. you made your intentions clear, but ****. i really want you here.

you haven't always been this way. you haven't always dreamt of death, or thought of a million ways that someone could die. you haven't always longed for death's sweet embrace or packed your clothes into every suitcase, without a clear destination. remember the time your dreams had died, asphyxiated by their unlikeliness and lack of pride? remember when you heard you could do anything, as long as you tried? tell me about the night your ex-lover left, without a trace, and your heart swelled as you longed for their gentle embrace. tell me about all the times you thought of leaving, but couldn't, because you can't escape what's in your mind. tell me about your thoughts, the ever-unpleasant trojans in your head, taking your dreams and striking them dead. tell me about your obsession with the night sky. is it because you can't see destruction in the dark, or because that was the only time you felt truly high? tell me about the night you lied awake with tears in your eyes drowning your dreams and little white lies. tell me about the time you destroyed yourself and picked up the pieces to rebuild someone else. tell me about the lies you spoke and how each one felt like a dagger down your throat. somehow you always have three words flitting from your tongue, you're not afraid to say them, you're only afraid of what's to come, so, tell me about the pills, and how when you popped one in, the world popped out of focus. tell me why you always set an alarm, is it because you're afraid that one day, you're never going to wake up? tell me, do you even want to wake up?

i am the shattered glass, cold on the ***** floor
swept and disposed of because i can't be used anymore.
my pieces are scattered, ruined and cracked, unable to be fixed, unable to revert to intact.
i am a tainted shard, scratching and severing all that i touch
with jagged edges, i seem to pierce and graze the ones that i love.
pieces of me have dispersed left and right, pieces of me that i cannot retrieve nor can i rectify.
and after you swept me off of the cold, ***** floor
you simply selected another glass, so you could break it once more.

with your hands wrapped around my neck,
you choked me to death.
you asked for any last words, and
"i love you" escaped as my very last breath.

the universe birthed you,
you were crafted from the very building blocks of life.
your hair, streaked by the moon and your skin, pigmented by the sun
constellations were loaded in your eyes and the energy of the world in your fingertips
the galaxies fuel your everlasting soul and the trees bask in the light from your illuminating mind
your thoughts are fractals and fragments of comets from far away
and your body, the gegenschein in the dark matter that’s unseen each and every day
the bang that’s said to have begun creation was the pitter-patter of your heart
because my darling—you were the start.
i know sometimes you feel like a dying star,
but my love words cannot tell you how beautiful you are.
and i do know that this isn’t much, but i do hope it’ll make you feel somewhat better—and such because you are the cosmos, the universe, and all that is within it.

she only treated me carelessly, but i loved her endlessly.

i used to dream of our fingers interlaced as we walked towards our home.
like young children playing mommy and daddy, or kings and queens on thrones.
i used to wonder if one day your lips would somehow meet mine.
if someday you'd kiss me, and my knees would go weak, and my eyes blind.
i used to hope that maybe one day you'd somehow like me back.
but then i remembered that would probably
give me a heart attack
because boys like you
would never even take a second glance
at a girl like me,
and sadly i guess that's just how it has to be.

-s.p.

someday i'll rid myself of this awful mask.
i'll pop out of this shell
and leave right out of this personal hell.
i'll make a name great and plan
my escape
i'll swear at strangers and run right off of this estate
i'll kiss the boy i like and let him take me home
and never again will i fear the unknown

i remember how much you loved green, and always hated blue. you liked your toast with a bit of butter, and strawberry jam too.
you always spelled things wrong, and never listened to me.
and you couldn't sing for ****
but to me you were perfect, and that was it.

-s.p.

there are approximately
7,241,792,162 people on earth
at this exact moment, and out of all 7,241,792,162 i met you, and you made life more than just worth living.
with you by my side i realized the sunshine after rain, and the animals and how they graze, without a care in the world. i realized the innocence of a child, and how ignorance is truly nothing but bliss. i realized that you don't always have to see the glass half empty, because if you let it--sometimes the glass will overflow.
so in the end i thank God that out of all 7,241,792,162 people i met you
because out of all 7,241,792,162, there's no one that could ever compare to you.

-s.p.

i believe in lovers kissing in airports, because they're not destined to see each other again for ages.
i believe in sadness, and the addiction it brings. i believe in unrequited love, because it's the only love i've ever experienced.
i believe that smiles can show signs of weakness, and tears can bring strength.
i believe in dreams, and know that they can't be squashed in seconds, because if you're meant to do it, you won't go without it.
i believe in the infinity that we call a lifetime. for it is the longest thing we've ever experienced. infinity is us. we are now. infinity is the beginning, and the end, from your outstretched palm, to the ends of the earth, to the ends of the universe, and back again.
we are infinite.

this is a secret,
can you keep it--
in your pocket, for a rainy day?
for your eyes only,
my dear, lovely,
i hope that's okay.

it takes courage to write this,
and give it to you.
although my identity is still unknown,
this will give you a bit of a clue.

i lack the courage,
and you could have anyone.
i am lanky and gangling,
but you are great.
i am helplessly awkward,
and you, never cease to amaze.
while i am merely a gust of wind,
you are the tornado.

and when you talk,
my heart skips a beat.
as if an everlasting melody,
has just begun to cease.
and i know, this is clichè,
but i swear, it's nothing but the truth,
okay?

i am not the best at anything,
i promise.
i've been told, i'm awkward and nerdy and weird,
but that only shapes the mold.

i hope you like (bad) poetry,
because i wrote this for no one but you.
you probably didn't like it,
but i hope it gave you a bit of a clue.

you left me.
you're gone.
out of this silly, old town.
away from all of the disappointed faces, and frowns.

you're on to bigger things.
things that you deserve, and
things i could only dream of.
(i hope you enjoy Taiwan, it sounds pretty cool).

i miss you.
you've vanished, like a thief in the night
a bird in flight
and i don't think it's quite right, the fact that

i may never see you again.
but it's "okay",
i guess.

(but, there are some things i never told you, because i've always been too scared.
you have really pretty eyes. and a really pretty smile. and really pretty dimples. and a really pretty laugh. and you're just a really pretty person overall).

you won't remember me.
or maybe you will.
"the girl who admired me from afar".
(or the girl who spent her nights writing poetry about nothing but dead people, love, herself, desire, and you).
the girl who was always too afraid to make the first move.

i hope you know
that i liked you.
and i'll always regret,
not saying "hello",
because i was too afraid of
what might follow.

everything i do
is always done better.
and i understand--
why you'd rather choose her.

she kicks me down
and stomps me into the ground,
because she's not even
competing
in this stupid
competition i've manifested in my head.

i sing, she sings it better.
i write, she writes it better.
she plays it better.
she wears it better.
she cooks it better.
she will always be better than me.

but just know that i have,
and always will,
try my best.

*(but her best is better.)

your heart beating against mine.
our breaths synchronizing in time.

9:57 PM,
she's the numbest she's ever been in her life.
her body aches with a pain that she can no longer feel,
and her mind refuses to rest, to mend, or to heal.

she lies in her bed as she tries to sleep her life away and she hears the voices,
she prays that they will not stay.
she hears them settle, as they begin to loudly talk.
and then she wonders,
"how the **** will i make it to three o'clock?"

he is fire.
a single glance from him sends an ever-burning blaze coursing through my veins.
he leaves me ignited, a flame brushing through the woods, higher than i've ever been before.
he is scalding.
enveloped with heat and light.
a fiery, raging inferno,
a conflagration,
a wildfire that cannot be tamed.
he is consuming.
all that he touches, he burns.
he leaves his permanent mark
etched into the skin.
an everlasting reminder of where he's been.
he is fire.
but he is also the
firefighter.
the only one who can save me from the flames.

i am not a poet.
poets are the sad ones awake at three a.m. mourning over the sad loss of their lover.
poets are the ones yearning to love, and to be loved the same.
poets are beautiful, dangerous and tragic. every word that they speak is a dagger in your side, the slow knife that cuts the deepest.
poets are the ones who realise the power of words, so they choose them carefully (they know they could be choosing their fate).
poets know that the absence of words is just as important as the presence.
poets are born, not crafted.
maybe i am a poet.