Jun 24 · 466
Now
John Reilly Jun 24
Now
Don’t go back
And try to compare
Then with now
To superimpose
26 onto 46
A faulty logic
The past will not
Heal the future
The future
Cannot corrupt
The past
What was
Or what will be
Are concepts
To which you owe
No fealty
In the kingdom of now
Jan 15 · 58
Rabbit
John Reilly Jan 15
Little rabbit
On the fringe
Do I frighten you
Is it fear
That froze you here
In front of me
Or are you trying
to tell me
Something
I follow your lead
As you hop
Ahead of me
And pause
You turn to see
If I understand
Is this a game
Always just
out of reach
So close
So familiar
Yet you are
Still feral
Unpredictable
And would rather
Run into traffic
Than except
What I offer
Dec 2017 · 71
Mask
John Reilly Dec 2017
withdrawal
is not an easy thing
my affliction
my addiction
how does it fare
for you
locked doors
secure floors
you can be safe
if you could only learn
how not
to be
you
my support
meets retort
access
affection
all denied
Of course I care
we’ve both been there
i empathize
with your view
while mine
goes black
for what I lack
the oxygen
i call
you
Dec 2017 · 200
Intransigence
John Reilly Dec 2017
What are we
looking for
Lost voyeurs
Scrolling thru
Each other's lives
At breakneck speeds
Time traveling
From Not present
To inaccessible  
An unconscious collective
Our departures marked
By blue screen glare
And a vacant stare
Intelligent phone
Intransigence drones
The United State of
Learned helplessness
Sep 2017 · 79
Untitled
John Reilly Sep 2017
I know where I was
somewhere between
precisely where
i did not want to be
to what look liked
a promising path
to where I wanted to
arrive
calculating
my route
I was
distracted
a thought leapt into
being
I should write it down
take the picture
stop and savor this moment
be mindful
of your mindfulness
living in the moment
non judgemental
listening
watching
with intent
means you will not
discriminate
what you keep
from what you lose
that moment
you thought so important
flew off on a cloud
so this sentiment
will have to do
because I haven't a clue
as to what I have let
slip
away
Sep 2017 · 274
free fall
John Reilly Sep 2017
free fall
but then
nothing is free
just because I
cannot grasp
doesn't mean
I don't
hold on
the insistence
of a grip
lost
what
you and I
were
and what
we
will be
not freely
but bound
and entangled
we collide
and seperate
in flight
stuck
in tense
we plummet
together
and fall apart
an eternity
of the moment
bracing
for imminent
impact
Sep 2017 · 210
Triggers
John Reilly Sep 2017
You're off
Key
Clearly off
Kilter
Drunk
On yourself
A bottomless
Unwellness
Which you
Have fallen
Down
But I'm
Not falling
For it
You're not
Safe
You
Have made
Me
Out
To be
A monster
Not to be
Trusted
Who can't protect you
From the fact
That you need me
Now
But I
Cannot protect
Myself
From your
Past
Or my future
Let alone
Protect you
From what
Should have been
Left well enough
alone
That's what we
Are
It's
True
It's traumatic
It's triggering
And you are
Holding
The gun
Sep 2017 · 188
Building
John Reilly Sep 2017
Out of sorts
At least I am out
New sort of me
In a new part of town
While the same old doubts
Whip about
None of this was here before
Not that I knew of
It certainly did not
Spring forth
Out of the blue
It just feels that way
Unplanned
Yet inevitable
Steel and glass monoliths
Shatter and break
The tarmac
What was
Once a barren streetscape
Neglected opportunity
Now is a grand opening
From desolate
To prescient
A megalopolis
Of mindfulness
That reflects back
The question
What do you want
These vessels
To be
Window dressings
All this
Brand newness
An exercise
Is not an exorcism
Just
A rebranding
Of emptiness
Aug 2017 · 111
Centered
John Reilly Aug 2017
The road itself
Had not changed
But the median
That devided  it
Had shifted
And what had once
Been the center
Brightly defined
Is now
A pair
Of black
Parallel lines
Reflective
Visible
a strange
Redaction
Why was I drawn
to this
I circled around
Ride back
Try to guide the bike
Between the lines
And picture
Quite literally
What it means
This new
absence
A shift of what
Once had been
Taken for granted
Is it just me
My life
Ghost  road
Ghost ride
From allegory
To zeitgeist
I am your
Poster child
A guy with
Parkinson's
Riding
No hands
Trying to take
A picture
With my iphone
Pondering
meaning
In the middle of
the ******* road
Aug 2017 · 338
Appendix
John Reilly Aug 2017
Follow the colored lines
down the corridors
one by one
they diverge
abrupt right angles
a sharp turn
into acute psychiatry
a long gentle curve
into imagery
we've seen before
we've been here before
this time is different
and the same
old places
and brand new
parallel worlds
perpendicular paths
follow the lines
of this
Kafkaesque
supercollider
hurtling us down the halls
through the partitions
particles collide
and time stands still
which path do we follow
to bring us back
to the beginning
a whole universe
of possibilities
sad depression hospital mental health  anxiety emotion hope catharsis
Aug 2017 · 157
Weak Coffee
John Reilly Aug 2017
The coffee here
or something that passes for coffee
sort of coffee
but watered down
weak
tasteless
benign
unstimulating
that's the best word for it
I guess that's it in a nutshell
where I am
waterdown
unstimulated
some approximation of
me
Aug 2017 · 129
There's no place like home
John Reilly Aug 2017
I am not in Kansas anymore
That much I'm ******* sure of
I'm trying to follow the road
But it seems to lead nowhere
If I walk it long enough
Diligently pace myself
The path should unfold
But I'm tired
And cramping
And there is no wizard
Or witch
Just me
Scarecrow
Tin man
Lion
Aug 2017 · 153
Puzzle
John Reilly Aug 2017
I've always found puzzles
Exactly that
Puzzling
It seemed to me
An exercise in futility
Put the pieces together
From this jumbled chaos
So it looks like the orderly picture
On the box
Hardly puzzling
The answer
is right in front of you
The puzzles here
Are worn
And weary
They have been assembled
And broken down
Over and over
Again and again
The cracks and
Worn edges
Interrupt their picture
Some are missing pieces
They will never look
Like the picture on the box
Others are mostly assembled
Left here
Waiting
For someone to finish then
Some have no box at all
No way to contain them
No picture to show them
What they should look like
Aug 2017 · 133
Words
John Reilly Aug 2017
Words
Are powerful
They teach us
Yes
And no
Love
And hate
They shape us
From the outside
With what we say
And from the inside
With what we think
They can erode us away
And build us up
Bind
Or break
Us
A beginning
Or an end
Ultimately
Starts with
U
Aug 2017 · 152
Irrational
John Reilly Aug 2017
Pick a number
One to ten
Such calculus
I find
Impossible
Uncharted territory
My inverted world
There is no translation
For things that are
Difficult to put into words
Are inumerous
Therefore y
Being undefinable
Makes for an algorithm
Whose sum cannot
Be proven
Logically
A tangent
Of acute panic
An irrational
Conclusion
Aug 2017 · 146
Why
John Reilly Aug 2017
Why
What am I doing
How did I get here
Why bother going on
In your mind
Out of it
A troubled past
Or a bleak future
Yet I am
Present
I didn't see the point
Yet something pointed me here
I thought i can't go on
Yet now I'm writing poetry
I thought I needed solitude
I found solidarity
I thought that I was weak
Asking for help is strong
I've edited this, switching the second part to  "I". Originally they were "you" because I wrote this poem  while in the hospital and wanted to help;My wife (a much better poet!) pointed out that person change and how it's much harder to write from first person....which was part of the reason I was in the hospital in the first place, I needed to learn you gotta put your own oxygen mask on before you try and help others.  I did leave  hand written copies of the original around the ward when I left.   Now I'm not saying I did do it, I'm not saying I didn't do it, I'm just gonna say the coyote outside didn't move in his own!
Aug 2017 · 205
Beached
John Reilly Aug 2017
I stare down the beach
Past the sand
It's gradient
Shifting from light to dark
Dry and fluffy
to wet and hard
Past the water line
Where children Play
summer games
Where summer is
Still a verb
Past the tiny frigid waves
That quickly conquer
The body
Past the buoys
That trigger
Shrill whistles
For errant swimmers
Testing boundaries
Past the powerboats
Racing
towards the  Weekend
Past the improbable *******
Momentary refuge
As temporary
as a beautiful
Summer day
Past the sailboats
And their
Loitering indifference
Past them all
to the horizon
An illusion
Of affinity
A paradoxical
Infinity
where cobalt skies
And azure seas
Conspire
To never meet
May 2017 · 245
Type
John Reilly May 2017
Clack clack clack clack
Bing zzzzzzzzzzzpppp
That's the sound it makes
Not Parkinson's
My typewriter
That's the sound it will make
When I type up this
I really don't know what sound
Parkinson's would make
I really don't care
Ha ha
That's ironic
Apathy is a symptom of Parkinson's
I've just used against it
So yeah, I will sit at the typewriter
And clack this out
It will make my fingers hurt and cramp
It will take effort for us both
Stubborn old machines
I will bend you to my will
And when time comes
To stuff me on a shelf
Broken machine
Obsolete
I will have wrung
Every last bit of creativity
Out of us
**** yeah
That's the type of person
I am
May 2017 · 230
Shakedown
John Reilly May 2017
I don't know when you got here
Or how
I can only guess
Part genetic stowaway
Sure, maybe
Or you leaked in
Through one of a couple
Of cracked helmets
Either way
You're here now
And it's been so long
I can scarcely remember
A time without you
I can scarcely
Remember
Period
It's a fuzzy feeling
Not warm
Mind you
Or cold
I can't handle extremes anymore
Just fuzzy
My memories
When you got here
When I left
What's left that's me
And what's a
Symptom
Or side effect
Who I am
Who I was
How much
How long
Have you been
Orchestrating
This shakedown
May 2017 · 212
Here
John Reilly May 2017
I should shake my head
Yes
No
Give some sign
I am here
Am I here?
Yes
Somewhere deep down inside
It is hard to get out
Takes energy
Energy I do not feel i have
To escape
Outside
Escape
Out of me
Escape
Out of my mouth
Here I am
May 2017 · 236
Shake
John Reilly May 2017
Shake the man's hand
No, not a just a man.
A doctor
A neurologist
Shake the Doctor's hand
He gave you something
He gave you Parkinson's
No, he did not
He gave you what you wanted
He gave you a diagnosis
He is smiling
He does not have Parkinson's
I know this Because
he can smile
He smiles all the time
Not a very big smile
He is hard to read
Not really smiling all the time
Perhaps we are not so different
Apr 2017 · 254
Cognitive Dissidents
John Reilly Apr 2017
Frozen
That's the best I can do
To describe it
This feeling
Mid sentence
Mid thought
I'll come to a standstill
The words I'm certain
I was about to say
Now MIA
Their abscence
Acutely felt
Tiny waves of panic
Ripple thru my brain
Where have they gone
And what will I do
Without them
Or this
Or that
A feeling of being
Tantalizing close
To some sort of epiphany
Only to find myself suddenly
Somehow transported
Extraordinary rendition
To this fugue state
How did I get here
A refuge
From my own thought process
Frantically searching for
Familiarity
A willow wisp of words
That left me stranded
Here
Alone
Speechless
I will not accept defeat
For the words
My tongue cannot reach
I will find them
And they will move
Cognitive dissidents
Poetry is
A daring escape
A window onto my mind
An act of Self defenestration
Apr 2017 · 239
In the middle of the night
John Reilly Apr 2017
It's the middle of the night
I should sleep
But there is no rest
Stillness comes only
in vivid dreams
Where I'm paralyzed
in primal fear
I cry out
racing thoughts
Seeking escape
Scatter about
Like marbles on a ship
Caught in perpetual tempest
On a sea without horizon
I Gather them up
With cold trembling hands
These agitated aggies
Mutinous thoughts
Don't abandon me now
In the middle of the night
Apr 2017 · 300
The cruelty of spring
John Reilly Apr 2017
I had hoped for spring
Impatient
For its promise
It's warmth and light
An insurrection of color
To finally topple grey
Such color
That my eyes are transfixed
Quince
My mind knows the name
But cannot contain
So much color
It burns
But the sky opens
Winters wrath
Cold and grey
Merciless
reminds me
Of the frailty of things
And rescinds hope


You had hoped for spring
A new awakening
A promise
Fraternity over fear
Independence instead of
Autocracy
We were transfixed
Arab spring
Our mind knows the name
Yet does not grasp its meaning
We watch warily
As the sparks
And the ambers catch
But the winds change
And you are but
A faraway fire
In a faraway place
So much apathy
Reminds you of the frailty of conscience
And rescinds hope

I wanted to write of spring
Of quince
Such color
That it hurts
The eyes
But the skies opened
And the rain burned
And through the tears
My eyes are transfixed
Such evil
I can no longer see spring
But see children
Side by side
Who will never
Be self determined
Or feel warmth
Or know spring
Again
And this is the frailty of
Humanity
And we must not rescind
Help
The title doesn't even come close up to naming what is happening in Syria. I struggled with the title, but didn't want to leave it  unnamed. I struggled with the poem, but didn't want to leave it Unsaid.  I don't want to  trivialize others suffering,   I didn't write this to make myself feel better but there is no calculus equals the sum of what we have seen. I wrote this so I do not forget .
Feb 2017 · 183
Winter
John Reilly Feb 2017
Winter
I know it's coming
Yet still it surprises
Catches me off balance
It's ferocity
It grinds all things
To a standstill
I step outside and marvel at its might
At a world upended
Abandoned
I am alone
Gale force winds
Are no match
For the crushing weight
Of winters silence

Winter
Is something we knew
was coming
Such dire predictions
Predicated with vague hopes
That it may not come
Or be like this
Still we prepare
For my winter
No, our winter
Although I fear it
Drains the warmth from us both
And shake as I might
I will not be able to warm you
In the cold winter night
I am still
Twitching
Restless and rummaging
For what I do not know

Winter
I wish to run out and greet you
Fly upon your winds
And float upon your back
Flee into your cold
And starkness and silence
Eyes tearing
Heart pounding
Lungs searing as
Icy hands pillage them
My frozen facade
Shattered
Fragmented
scattered
By a laugh
sparkling
bits of me
To show you
I am
still
Jan 2017 · 967
Stuck home syndrome
John Reilly Jan 2017
Four months
Too long
Too cold
Too dark
Too busy
Held ransom
By reasons
No excuses
Idiopathic idiocy
Pathological apathy
Four months
Of pain
Eradicated by
four seconds
Of cycling
Cognitive breakthrough
A synaptic symphony
Endorphin re-indoctrination
Free flight
From myself
Four months
*******
Jan 2017 · 178
Or not
John Reilly Jan 2017
Who are you really?
Hazy collection of cherry picked memories
Sort them as you will
Arrange them to your liking
Till you see what you want to see
Parallax  personality
Expectations supplant reality
Composite sketch puzzle
So many years
So many pieces
So many
you
Missing pieces
Filled in at your discretion
Until redirection
All the world is but a stage
But this is not a solo show
You Strut upon
Well Practiced lines
Their delivery
Outlines
The picture you want us to see
The person you want
To be
But you are no magician
And no acting
Can completely conceal
How you act
The reveal
Your true self
Spilling out
Of your ill fitting
People suit
For the missing pieces
Belong to us
And we shall see you
As we see fit
Nov 2016 · 234
Frail
John Reilly Nov 2016
My words fail
Frail
And
Fearful
Slipping from my lips
To crash at my own feet
Bringing me down
Flailing
A silent cry
In the dark
A hidden monument  
To dread
And disease
And despair
Built by
Pride and
Stubbornness
Independent
Of reality
Nov 2016 · 523
Matador
John Reilly Nov 2016
Avoidance
And complacency
led you
To this place
Static
Built
this arena
The Matadors
gaze
Fierce
Angry
Scornful
Challenging and
Antagonizing you
Charge
Or have you
Confused
A white flag
For red
Again
Nov 2016 · 185
Glimpse
John Reilly Nov 2016
Dusk and
Dawn
The fleetingest
Of Moments
When
The world
Pauses
Then
Pivots
And reveals
A brief glimpse
The enormity
Of Everything
A story
Told in hues
So that
you may
Understand
Nov 2016 · 174
Sentencing
John Reilly Nov 2016
My Body
Is evidently
damning
I plead for
Clemency
I do not
Wish to leave
Not my time
I do not
Want to serve
My changed mind
An Unspeakable
Sentence
An inescapable
Outcome
Fugitive
In
A fuge state
Pardon me
Nov 2016 · 629
racing
John Reilly Nov 2016
It starts
with a bang
A single shot
Followed by a
Chorus
Of clacking
Clicking
And whirring
As though
The bullet
Tore a hole
In the sky
And now
all the air
Is rushing out
******* us
With it
A spectacle
To witness
Such great pitch
And movement
A steady buzz
Buzzing
rolling
Cacophony
Fueled by
Ambition
aggression
And panic
Elbows out
Jarring
Sparring
Until we settle
Into our rhythm
Carbon and metal
And organic
Mass
Undulating along
Whoosh
Wooshing
Flying
on the ground
Escape velocity
Hurtling along
Pushing
A wall of air
The winds of
Our arrival
Surrounding us
An envelope
Sealing
This new singularity
From the rest of
The universe
Until it collapses
On itself
And vanishes
Until
The next
Event
Horizon
Nov 2016 · 163
Ok
John Reilly Nov 2016
Ok
How have you been?
Sorry it's been awhile
Since I've written
I guess things are ok
Haven't much to write about
It's not fair
I know
That I only write
Of Sorrow and
In desperation
One might think
That's all
I have left
unspoken
I just wanted to say
It's ok
Sep 2016 · 156
Conviction
John Reilly Sep 2016
Conviction is
nothing more than
A coping skill
As we cling
to our Gods
And ideology
Our concepts of
Who and why
We are
A flimsy barricade
To protect us
From the unknown
And unknowable
The impossible
And the possibility
That there is
No reason
No purpose
No intent
a million monkeys typing
How many stars were necessary
To create the sonnet
Of you and me
And everything
An event
As inevitable
As every
Ending
Of this much
I am
Convinced
Aug 2016 · 187
Alone
John Reilly Aug 2016
Bumper to bumper
Traffic
As far as one
Can see
A sea of
Humanity
All together
Alone
Wary
Weary
And yet
unaware
Encapsulated
In our
Collective ideal
Of individuality
Aug 2016 · 242
Vacuum
John Reilly Aug 2016
It was nothing
really
Nothing
I want to admit
Nothing
I'm willful
I don't want
To talk
about it
It's not my face
That gives me away
It's the pause
The fear
Of having
Nothing to say
On the precipice
Of my emotional
Abyss
Trapped in my Silence
Apathy as
Violence
You've Cracked open
the door
My nature
Abhors
A Vacuum
Is Filled
By defiance
Aug 2016 · 3.0k
Time surfers
John Reilly Aug 2016
I watch the surfers
Sleek black forms
Bobbing up and down
Odd cormorants
Flocking here
Waiting
A New England rarity
Good surf
On a bright summer day
How long
have they waited
A life of
Vigilance
And anticipation
I wonder
Why they pass
On wave after wave
Opportunities lost
Having waited so long
From my view
Up on high
Their mistakes are
Laid bare
Future and past
A Rolling set
They wait
Adrift
ocean of time
Until the right wave
Comes
And carries them
Into the present
Jul 2016 · 2.8k
Dawn patrol
John Reilly Jul 2016
I am up
Awake
Before the sun
It's arrival
Heralded by
Colors creeping
Out against
The retreating night sky
Do not mistake me
For a morning person
I do not relish this
Nor do I mourn
For sleep
lost
It could be  
found
But this
is necessary
Not without joy
Not without sacrifice
Without a word
It simply is
A ride
My Fortress
of Solitude
For a mind
Besieged
By thought
At war with
Itself
Do not
retreat
Into the past
A ruthless place
A heckling pace
That tells you
You cannot
Hang on
Give no portage
To fate
For you cannot grasp
What the future holds
Just
Keep moving
Focus
This ride
It is the only ride
That matters
I wrap myself
In its tight fabric
It's sounds
Clicking and clacking
Racing thoughts
Shifting
Centrifugal forces
Sifting
As I order
Myself
Ride
As long
as I pedal
I am
Present
May 2016 · 356
Familiar
John Reilly May 2016
Pause
One moment
Hyper focus
Self aware
redefine time
Blur the lines
Auto
biographic
Abandoning
or genetic inevitability
A story
Pre  written
In Indelible ink
Nothing
Is as
Invisible
As we think
Mar 2016 · 247
Jerk
John Reilly Mar 2016
The moment
I'm still
I start
to slip
Not tranquil
Free fall
fit
I ****
Wide awake
You
Insist
You're pulling
The strings
Mar 2016 · 580
Apolitical
John Reilly Mar 2016
America
How did we get here
24 hour news cycle
Veal force fed fear
Reality television
Without any content
Morality supposition
Flaming discontent
Ignored civic duty
We really don't care
Reward the unruly
We like what we hear
Some because
we're better than that
Others because
they want to take back
What never belonged
To only the few
It's not media bias
That you can undo
You've tended a tree
Of hatred and fear
Don't be surprised
By the fruit that it bears
It's become inconvenient
Even you can see that
Calling fact fiction
And fiction fact
It's a grand old party
But parties don't last
Your house is on fire
And you lit the match
Mar 2016 · 233
Still
John Reilly Mar 2016
Momentarily
I will be still
Eventually
I will be still
Eternally
I will be still
Perpetually
Restless will
Mar 2016 · 541
Sirius A
John Reilly Mar 2016
scorcher
irreverent
cocky
fire *******
such luminosity
defying expectations
suscitavit a canibus
they dominated you
feral pack
left you no scraps
rescued
via one
whom recused
not up to the task
cannot fill in the gaps
teach you the facts
but some teachers trespass
broke free from their fold
swallowed them whole
insoluble
intolerable
Yet such luminosity
Wit
Generosity
Unfiltered
curiosity
Deprived of the basics
A need to know basis
Survival instinct
Relationships
Extinct
In some fashion
An artists
Rendition
Creative spark
Nuclear fission
Compassionate
Empathetic
For all you will listen
Except for yourself
A struggle
Willful prohibition
Mar 2016 · 185
Apathy
John Reilly Mar 2016
When did you
Become me?
Or did I
become you?
Is apathy
Your analgesic?
Stranger  
In a strange body
Did you run away
To leave me frozen here ?
#apathy #sick  #doubt
Mar 2016 · 197
Horror
John Reilly Mar 2016
I cannot read
your mind
And anyways
I'm not a fan
Of Horror stories
Mar 2016 · 190
Space
John Reilly Mar 2016
I never could
Read between
The lines
All I see
Is
The space
That
Separates
You
From
Me
Mar 2016 · 286
Stuck
John Reilly Mar 2016
Hit the brakes
Jaw drop
Come to a
Short stop
Stop motion
Mystery
Stick man
In front of me
Staggering
To watch you cross
Such a will
I'm at a loss
Pondering
As you pass
Steadfast
On your path
How long was it
To get to here
Atlas shrugged
He could not bear
The crushing weight
My future fears
An audience
Of just one peer
Time lapsed
In this spot
Freeze frame
Racing thoughts
Self flagellation
Shame on me
Marching cross
That may
Not be
Mar 2016 · 246
Conspiracy
John Reilly Mar 2016
A thought
Contemplated
Corrupts
Controls
And conspires
To be free
A word
Given breath
Breath taking
Independent
Indiscriminate
Unstoppable
No other word
Will
Catch
Or
Contain
It
Write down
The names of
Your accomplices
Here
And we
Will let
You
Go
Free
Mar 2016 · 204
Non medicinal
John Reilly Mar 2016
To be clear
An anecdote about
All the suffering in the world
Is not to be confused with
An antidote
For the pain
Of the person you
Are telling it to
Mar 2016 · 245
In tense
John Reilly Mar 2016
When I look at you
Myself
Who I see
Looks back
Intense
So far from
Me
That I can't recall
What you looked like
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