Bumper to bumper
Traffic
As far as one
Can see
A sea of
Humanity
All together
Alone
Wary
Weary
And yet
unaware
Encapsulated
In our
Collective ideal
Of individuality

When did you
Become me?
Or did I
become you?
Is apathy
Your analgesic?
Stranger  
In a strange body
Did you run away
To leave me frozen here ?

Traffic is coursing
Thru the central artery
A view that’s sliced off
It’s all that I see
But I know the flow
How it pours
Into town
Filling these buildings
I see all around
Window upon l
Windows
On view here
For me
I see
Pain
I see suffering
humanity
I don’t want to go
I don’t want to stay
I don’t want to hide
Day after day
Shuffling around
Scared to make a sound
Take mirame 3x a day
Watch the boy moved
In some freakish way
Twitching about
Like some clockwork man
And the question
Asked daily is
Do you have a plan

America
How did we get here
24 hour news cycle
Veal force fed fear
Reality television
Without any content
Morality supposition
Flaming discontent
Ignored civic duty
We really don't care
Reward the unruly
We like what we hear
Some because
we're better than that
Others because
they want to take back
What never belonged
To only the few
It's not media bias
That you can undo
You've tended a tree
Of hatred and fear
Don't be surprised
By the fruit that it bears
It's become inconvenient
Even you can see that
Calling fact fiction
And fiction fact
It's a grand old party
But parties don't last
Your house is on fire
And you lit the match

Follow the colored lines
down the corridors
one by one
they diverge
abrupt right angles
a sharp turn
into acute psychiatry
a long gentle curve
into imagery
we've seen before
we've been here before
this time is different
and the same
old places
and brand new
parallel worlds
perpendicular paths
follow the lines
of this
Kafkaesque
supercollider
hurtling us down the halls
through the partitions
particles collide
and time stands still
which path do we follow
to bring us back
to the beginning
a whole universe
of possibilities

I stare down the beach
Past the sand
It's gradient
Shifting from light to dark
Dry and fluffy
to wet and hard
Past the water line
Where children Play
summer games
Where summer is
Still a verb
Past the tiny frigid waves
That quickly conquer
The body
Past the buoys
That trigger
Shrill whistles
For errant swimmers
Testing boundaries
Past the powerboats
Racing
towards the  Weekend
Past the improbable *******
Momentary refuge
As temporary
as a beautiful
Summer day
Past the sailboats
And their
Loitering indifference
Past them all
to the horizon
An illusion
Of affinity
A paradoxical
Infinity
where cobalt skies
And azure seas
Conspire
To never meet

Out of sorts
At least I am out
New sort of me
In a new part of town
While the same old doubts
Whip about
None of this was here before
Not that I knew of
It certainly did not
Spring forth
Out of the blue
It just feels that way
Unplanned
Yet inevitable
Steel and glass monoliths
Shatter and break
The tarmac
What was
Once a barren streetscape
Neglected opportunity
Now is a grand opening
From desolate
To prescient
A megalopolis
Of mindfulness
That reflects back
The question
What do you want
These vessels
To be
Window dressings
All this
Brand newness
An exercise
Is not an exorcism
Just
A rebranding
Of emptiness

The road itself
Had not changed
But the median
That devided  it
Had shifted
And what had once
Been the center
Brightly defined
Is now
A pair
Of black
Parallel lines
Reflective
Visible
a strange
Redaction
Why was I drawn
to this
I circled around
Ride back
Try to guide the bike
Between the lines
And picture
Quite literally
What it means
This new
absence
A shift of what
Once had been
Taken for granted
Is it just me
My life
Ghost  road
Ghost ride
From allegory
To zeitgeist
I am your
Poster child
A guy with
Parkinson's
Riding
No hands
Trying to take
A picture
With my iphone
Pondering
meaning
In the middle of
the ******* road

Frozen
That's the best I can do
To describe it
This feeling
Mid sentence
Mid thought
I'll come to a standstill
The words I'm certain
I was about to say
Now MIA
Their abscence
Acutely felt
Tiny waves of panic
Ripple thru my brain
Where have they gone
And what will I do
Without them
Or this
Or that
A feeling of being
Tantalizing close
To some sort of epiphany
Only to find myself suddenly
Somehow transported
Extraordinary rendition
To this fugue state
How did I get here
A refuge
From my own thought process
Frantically searching for
Familiarity
A willow wisp of words
That left me stranded
Here
Alone
Speechless
I will not accept defeat
For the words
My tongue cannot reach
I will find them
And they will move
Cognitive dissidents
Poetry is
A daring escape
A window onto my mind
An act of Self defenestration

A thought
Contemplated
Corrupts
Controls
And conspires
To be free
A word
Given breath
Breath taking
Independent
Indiscriminate
Unstoppable
No other word
Will
Catch
Or
Contain
It
Write down
The names of
Your accomplices
Here
And we
Will let
You
Go
Free

Conviction is
nothing more than
A coping skill
As we cling
to our Gods
And ideology
Our concepts of
Who and why
We are
A flimsy barricade
To protect us
From the unknown
And unknowable
The impossible
And the possibility
That there is
No reason
No purpose
No intent
a million monkeys typing
How many stars were necessary
To create the sonnet
Of you and me
And everything
An event
As inevitable
As every
Ending
Of this much
I am
Convinced

We're in this together
At least for now that is
Too soon to say
When we will finally decide
To go our separate ways
Routine
Ebb and flow
As we traverse hallow ground
We make it look easy
Together yet apart
Fluid in symphony
Floating soap bubble
Stretching
Swirling
Waiting to erupt
Make no mistake
Should you falter
I will fly
Unleashing such
calamity
You will hunt me down
Crush me for my
Ignominy
Swallow me whole
Embrace me in your fold
Act as though
It never happened
Sweet indifference
My insolence
My impotence
Click back in place
Smile disguised grimace
Hold on
For
Just
another
Turn

I am up
Awake
Before the sun
It's arrival
Heralded by
Colors creeping
Out against
The retreating night sky
Do not mistake me
For a morning person
I do not relish this
Nor do I mourn
For sleep
lost
It could be  
found
But this
is necessary
Not without joy
Not without sacrifice
Without a word
It simply is
A ride
My Fortress
of Solitude
For a mind
Besieged
By thought
At war with
Itself
Do not
retreat
Into the past
A ruthless place
A heckling pace
That tells you
You cannot
Hang on
Give no portage
To fate
For you cannot grasp
What the future holds
Just
Keep moving
Focus
This ride
It is the only ride
That matters
I wrap myself
In its tight fabric
It's sounds
Clicking and clacking
Racing thoughts
Shifting
Centrifugal forces
Sifting
As I order
Myself
Ride
As long
as I pedal
I am
Present

I see you clearly
You cannot hide it
Not like me
Like me
Although you do not know
We're both in the same show
Every cell in my body
Buzzing
An Atomic level
Of anticipation
Waiting for their big
Debut

Silent explosion
Not a sound
To accompany
The detonation
Fragmented
Bits of life
Strewn around
A place
That can no longer
Contain
It's concept
Unsafe
Unwelcoming
Too tired
For triage
Tired of stumbling
Through this
Endless
Minefield

warm winds
come and tickle at
my frozen skin
a taste of what
might be
a vision
of salvation
if  they could
only
see
would they not
storm and howl
and lift me
out
help me fly
though all this
doubt

1:11 AM
Hiding in
A cake
Riding out
The terror
Basking in this light
Blind me to it all
Capture all my fears
Envelope me
My temerity  
Save what’s left
The few words
That struggle
To be free
Of the
Terror
That is
Me

Though we may only meet
in a dream
it is for now
enough it seems
but some day
i  would really like
to touch your skin
in the real life
until that day
does come to be
you’ll be the only
one
for
me

Monochromatic monotony
An absence of color
I fade
And fall back to
The familiar
Unknowingly
Is it comfort
Or complacency
To find myself altogether
Alone
Staring at the sea
A life spent
Bottling feelings
So that I might stay
Afloat
Has left me but a vessel
With neither heart nor note

I am what was given
and what was taken away
what was joyously received
and unceremoniously  discarded
I am trash
that was once
treasure
I am what needs
forgetting
the regretting
a story
redacted
its final act
retracted
by a kind
stranger
who
saved
me
from
the
brink

...and they lived
Happily ever after
Funny
That's the end of the story
Happily ever after
Is not a story in and of itself
At least not one that people
Are interested in
Libraries and museums
Crammed with works
Volume upon volume
Detailing the suffering
Of the human condition
Happiness ever after
Is banished
To the remainders table

Pause
One moment
Hyper focus
Self aware
redefine time
Blur the lines
Auto
biographic
Abandoning
or genetic inevitability
A story
Pre  written
In Indelible ink
Nothing
Is as
Invisible
As we think

My words fail
Frail
And
Fearful
Slipping from my lips
To crash at my own feet
Bringing me down
Flailing
A silent cry
In the dark
A hidden monument  
To dread
And disease
And despair
Built by
Pride and
Stubbornness
Independent
Of reality

free fall
but then
nothing is free
just because I
cannot grasp
doesn't mean
I don't
hold on
the insistence
of a grip
lost
what
you and I
were
and what
we
will be
not freely
but bound
and entangled
we collide
and seperate
in flight
stuck
in tense
we plummet
together
and fall apart
an eternity
of the moment
bracing
for imminent
impact

Dusk and
Dawn
The fleetingest
Of Moments
When
The world
Pauses
Then
Pivots
And reveals
A brief glimpse
The enormity
Of Everything
A story
Told in hues
So that
you may
Understand

I should shake my head
Yes
No
Give some sign
I am here
Am I here?
Yes
Somewhere deep down inside
It is hard to get out
Takes energy
Energy I do not feel i have
To escape
Outside
Escape
Out of me
Escape
Out of my mouth
Here I am

I cannot read
your mind
And anyways
I'm not a fan
Of Horror stories

I should write this down
Before I forget
Because I know I will
Forget
And you will
forget
And
it
I
You
will be
Forgotten
Unless I nail it down
Here
Now
Forever

When I look at you
Myself
Who I see
Looks back
Intense
So far from
Me
That I can't recall
What you looked like

It's the middle of the night
I should sleep
But there is no rest
Stillness comes only
in vivid dreams
Where I'm paralyzed
in primal fear
I cry out
racing thoughts
Seeking escape
Scatter about
Like marbles on a ship
Caught in perpetual tempest
On a sea without horizon
I Gather them up
With cold trembling hands
These agitated aggies
Mutinous thoughts
Don't abandon me now
In the middle of the night

What are we
looking for
Lost voyeurs
Scrolling thru
Each other's lives
At breakneck speeds
Time traveling
From Not present
To inaccessible  
An unconscious collective
Our departures marked
By blue screen glare
And a vacant stare
Intelligent phone
Intransigence drones
The United State of
Learned helplessness

Pick a number
One to ten
Such calculus
I find
Impossible
Uncharted territory
My inverted world
There is no translation
For things that are
Difficult to put into words
Are inumerous
Therefore y
Being undefinable
Makes for an algorithm
Whose sum cannot
Be proven
Logically
A tangent
Of acute panic
An irrational
Conclusion

The moment
I'm still
I start
to slip
Not tranquil
Free fall
fit
I ****
Wide awake
You
Insist
You're pulling
The strings

A groove
Cut too
Shallow
A shoulder
Too high
Unsupported
Raw layers
Veneers
Exposed
Rocking
Back
And forth
Till something
Splinters
And cracks
No amount
Of glue
Will hold this
Together
Rabbet
Rout
Remove even
More of
The material
Myself
Repeat until
The pieces
Hold fast

Houses
Houses Cars Mortgage Kids
All of the Reasonable Things that We did
For security
And for
doing what’s right Be a good
Husband
Be a good
Wife
Defer happiness For another day Hope For good
Luck
Gamble away
When love
Turns to lack
And attack
attack
I must persevere So much on
My back
For me
To stand up
And say
It’s not ok
For you to
Erupt
Ignore
And dismiss
me Away
Would be me being Selfish
So I struggle on It’s not about me This isn’t my song Stay in discord Life is but chore Swallow my pride Learn not to
Cry

I signed up for this So I have to stay
In a home
Without warmth
Joy
Stripped away
Someday luck
Will change
And bestow
Upon me
The happiness
Joy
And love that
I need
Maybe they’ll change Or they could leave me Someday they’ll die Then I’ll be free
To finally collect
The love I deserve
If only I had
Any reserves
You say
I’m too old
To gamble on
Crazy love
Then why do
You do this
I’ll tell you
Because
Your mind knows
You’re trapped
It concocted this plan With you unaware You’re making a stand A light in the dark You shone unto me
Your winning number In the love
Lottery
1-617-852-0041
Call me
Now.

withdrawal
is not an easy thing
my affliction
my addiction
how does it fare
for you
locked doors
secure floors
you can be safe
if you could only learn
how not
to be
you
my support
meets retort
access
affection
all denied
Of course I care
we’ve both been there
i empathize
with your view
while mine
goes black
for what I lack
the oxygen
i call
you

Avoidance
And complacency
led you
To this place
Static
Built
this arena
The Matadors
gaze
Fierce
Angry
Scornful
Challenging and
Antagonizing you
Charge
Or have you
Confused
A white flag
For red
Again

wait
be patient
waiting room
out patient
hospital remainders
bland art walls
endless beige carpets
down narrow clinic halls
door after door hiding
other peoples lives
suffering
white noise
appointment to appointment
slowly cycle thru
the medical digestive system
please hold
describe your pain
numerically
so we can assist you
mathematically
your story
your self
one to ten
in under fifteen
this is not a bill
but you may be reprehensible

Momentum
moving
keep moving
around
circling
mustn’t stop
for a moment
I’ll get stuck
keep moving
running away
til
I am moved
to stop
by a thought
bringing me down

To be clear
An anecdote about
All the suffering in the world
Is not to be confused with
An antidote
For the pain
Of the person you
Are telling it to

What are you thinking?
Eyes fixed on mine
Your pupils
Pulling mine own into focus
From a million miles away
Their gravity
The gravity
Where was I?
A vast wasteland of a universe
Footsteps upon footsteps
Feeling I've been here
So many times before
Feeling I've been here
Too Long
I forgot to stop
Treading along
This path
This earth
The gravity
Finally pulling me down
Pulling me out
What are you thinking?

nothing

Don’t go back
And try to compare
Then with now
To superimpose
26 onto 46
A faulty logic
The past will not
Heal the future
The future
Cannot corrupt
The past
What was
Or what will be
Are concepts
To which you owe
No fealty
In the kingdom of now

How have you been?
Sorry it's been awhile
Since I've written
I guess things are ok
Haven't much to write about
It's not fair
I know
That I only write
Of Sorrow and
In desperation
One might think
That's all
I have left
unspoken
I just wanted to say
It's ok

Who are you really?
Hazy collection of cherry picked memories
Sort them as you will
Arrange them to your liking
Till you see what you want to see
Parallax  personality
Expectations supplant reality
Composite sketch puzzle
So many years
So many pieces
So many
you
Missing pieces
Filled in at your discretion
Until redirection
All the world is but a stage
But this is not a solo show
You Strut upon
Well Practiced lines
Their delivery
Outlines
The picture you want us to see
The person you want
To be
But you are no magician
And no acting
Can completely conceal
How you act
The reveal
Your true self
Spilling out
Of your ill fitting
People suit
For the missing pieces
Belong to us
And we shall see you
As we see fit

Words
A thousand of which
Crash
Trying to escape  
from my Jumbled head
Only to be
Trapped
In my mouth
Until pressure
Bursts them to
Spill
Upon the table  
For my epiphany
I hate puzzles

They say
Your  life
Flashes before your eyes
In the moments before death
Your mind
Slowing the perception
Of time
Struggling to piece together
How your entire history
Led you to this
I look back
Wistfully
On a youth wasted
Looking forward
Wishfully
How did I miss
Their junction?
I think
Death will be
A moment in time
For which I will be
Present
And accounted for

I've always found puzzles
Exactly that
Puzzling
It seemed to me
An exercise in futility
Put the pieces together
From this jumbled chaos
So it looks like the orderly picture
On the box
Hardly puzzling
The answer
is right in front of you
The puzzles here
Are worn
And weary
They have been assembled
And broken down
Over and over
Again and again
The cracks and
Worn edges
Interrupt their picture
Some are missing pieces
They will never look
Like the picture on the box
Others are mostly assembled
Left here
Waiting
For someone to finish then
Some have no box at all
No way to contain them
No picture to show them
What they should look like

Little rabbit
On the fringe
Do I frighten you
Is it fear
That froze you here
In front of me
Or are you trying
to tell me
Something
I follow your lead
As you hop
Ahead of me
And pause
You turn to see
If I understand
Is this a game
Always just
out of reach
So close
So familiar
Yet you are
Still feral
Unpredictable
And would rather
Run into traffic
Than except
What I offer

It starts
with a bang
A single shot
Followed by a
Chorus
Of clacking
Clicking
And whirring
As though
The bullet
Tore a hole
In the sky
And now
all the air
Is rushing out
******* us
With it
A spectacle
To witness
Such great pitch
And movement
A steady buzz
Buzzing
rolling
Cacophony
Fueled by
Ambition
aggression
And panic
Elbows out
Jarring
Sparring
Until we settle
Into our rhythm
Carbon and metal
And organic
Mass
Undulating along
Whoosh
Wooshing
Flying
on the ground
Escape velocity
Hurtling along
Pushing
A wall of air
The winds of
Our arrival
Surrounding us
An envelope
Sealing
This new singularity
From the rest of
The universe
Until it collapses
On itself
And vanishes
Until
The next
Event
Horizon

Two
from
Four
Half
of what
ought to be
remains
so much more
than I
can
carry