Step 1: Get out of bed
Step 2: Look in the mirror
Step 3: Practice your smile
Step 4: Eyedrops to hide the red eyes
Step 5: Conceal the dark circles
Step 6: Breathe
The curtains are almost up
Step 7: Lock down the pain
Step 8: Ignore the weight on your chest
Step 9: Silence the screams inside of your mind
Step 10: Choke down the sobs
Step 11: Ignore the stinging in your eyes
Step 12: Swallow past the tightness in your throat
You’ve put on this show a million times
Step 13: Don’t let them see
Times up. Curtains up. Camera rolling

She's the good girl

in front of her parents.

She's the popular cheerleader

in front of her school.

She's someone to take for granted

in front of her boyfriend.

She's someone who tries so hard

in front of her test papers

She's someone you ***** about

in front of all your best friends.

She's someone you kissed for just one night

because she feels lonely.

She's someone whose body was lowered into the ground this morning,

because nobody ever knew.

She's the girl with a thousand faces,

in front of everybody.

I can’t write what I wanted to write,
For my head is empty like a room painted in white
Or maybe it’s just so messy, that I can’t think.
I can’t even produce sentences that I can perfectly link.

I forgot to feel nothing,
Cigarette pressed to my lips,
My only comfort from myself,
Your name imprinted in my head,
Unable to forget
the touch from your soft hands against my aching body,
I do my best but it is not enough,
Trapped inside a tired existence,
My body screams your name,
A tortuous cry from within,
I forgot to feel nothing again.

Your naked body
Pressed on mine
We kissed

I thought that
I should feel
Something

Thrill, euphoria
Lust, love
Or bliss

But no
I felt
Nothing

It took me seven years
to realise
the words in my mind
were too deep for
my mouth to dig up
I thought it was easier
to open my skin
and let the truth
pour down my arms

It took me seven years
to realise
nobody should be allowed
to touch parts
of your home
or hold pieces  
of your heart
that you don't yet understand

It took me seven years
to realise
I will wear these scars
forever
I'll carry them
through every smile
every kiss
every concerned gaze
I'll carry them
to my grave

It took me seven years
to realise
the pain carved
into the walls
of my castle
etchings of
attempting to disappear
are not a story of weakness
but a tale of
how I survived

"You flinch a lot"
Yeah I know
There's a reason for that
You may be joking
But that doesn't mean everyone in my past was

"You always cry when someone yells"
Yeah I know
There's a reason for that
I've had threats screamed at me
And words that can never be forgotten

"You forgive people easily"
Yeah I know
There's a reason for that
I've given out a lot of chances
Everybody deserves a second one

"You're a cold ***** sometimes"
Yeah I know
There's a reason for that
Numbness used to be the thing that kept me alive

A painful tear leaks from my eye,
It screams a terrible sound,
A sound so loud but unheard from all around,
It flows down my cheek and seeps into the ground,
“Help him”, it cries “he wants to die”