You never really know how strong you are until you're alone,
crying and forced to pick yourself up off the floor.
That is when you can truly see how big your emotional muscles are
and I promise
they are bigger than you ever thought possible.

Lust, pain, depression, lose and love are my muse.
lust's passion which knows no bounds frees me.
pain's intensity and relentlessness push me.
Depression's depth, which out class even the sea, teaches me.
Lose like a loaded gun keeps focus and flashes what is important to me.
love with its fickle sway like a new flame ignites my page for all the world to see.
My muse are not new they are not uncommon they are rusted and jagged but they are the pillars on which all life and poetry now rests they guide us-
No they control us.

i’ve never had feelings for anyone who could be good for me. i’ve never been interested in someone where a good, healthy relationship could’ve resulted, and maybe that’s why i’m so jaded, because everyone i’ve ever liked has just been a distraction or a house on fire— someone i know i shouldn’t be involved with, but i’ll give myself just a few more days to run around frantically with my hands over my eyes, peaking through the cracks between my fingers, searching for things i know i don’t really need, and then i’ll dash out and run down the driveway and the smog will linger for a little while, and the neighbors will complain, and i’ll sit on the curb with my forehead on my knees, holding nothing but intangible regret. next, i’ll either get over it, or obsessively think about him and the ashes smudged on the inside of my eyelids for longer than my sanity. i’ve never really liked someone and been able to daydream about the real possibility of us turning into something greater; of tire swings and painted mailboxes and overgrown, green lawns. it’s always been pretending and fake hope and melodramatic doom. i think it’s messed up my perception of having feelings for someone, because i can never take it seriously— either i know he’s not right for me, or i know the circumstances prohibit the possibility of us. it makes me never want to give anyone a chance (i can’t even see anyone worth chance-giving) because i know how it ends. i don’t like having this closed off heart so early on; i’m too young to be this bitter.

A
        ghost, ghoul and demon
live where my
        trust,love and happiness
used to be, their names are
        past,present and future.

Heavy hearted human beings
They're souls weighing on they're mortality.
Death a slip a bash or a crash away
Looming, praying you ****** up.
You lose your humanity
And pick up your insanity.
Those who lay in the path
Making life painful **for us.