Sometimes I drown
But my eyes are dried out rivers
Begging for the clouds
That will never come.
Sometimes I’m not strong enough
To admit that
It’s been forever
Since I’ve shed a tear.

And I don’t know how to feel
Unless my throat burns.

I don’t know how to
At all;
Anything.

But last night I cried
Until I laughed
And I’m still drowning in both.

Your words tuck me into bed
Like a child’s lullaby.
But the ocean waves crash into me
As soon as I close my eyes.
There’s a storm here
In my head
As soon as the lights go out.
The tide goes high
And I’m lost out at sea once again.

Sometimes I’m scared of the archangel
Because he looks so much like Lucifer
I’ve wondered how much he’s fallen from the grace
That God so much wanted him to have

Sometimes I lie in bed and overthink until my head hurts
Because I can’t stand to close my eyes
I’ve always wondered how much closer I am
Than from where I started yesterday

And its days like these
When all I can think about are the sins
I’ve committed
And all the pain I’ve caused

But sometimes I can’t help it.
Sometimes I  just
                              keep
                                       falling
Hoping someone will catch me
Sometimes I
                       keep
                                falling
Knowing no one will love me.
So I’ll just
                  keep
                           falling.

Early minds turn to the sunrise
Wandering souls turn to the map
And the downhearted turn to the knife

Everything I hear is a blurred whisper
And everything I see is so distinct

Sometimes I wonder if you could clean up the mess you’ve caused
In my heart.
And I have contracted disorders
That will linger in every corner of my brain and body forever.

I don’t think you realize the effect you have on me
You make me feel beauty
When I know I have none
You make me hurt
Until I am sure I will never feel again

You’re the storm that’s wrecked my soul
Tossed around my insides
Until I’ve spit up blood
Tore gashes on my skin
That a surgeon couldn’t even mend

You’re the reason this pen
Lingers on the paper
Because I am sure you will ultimately destroy this too.

The one thing I always hated about myself
Is that I don’t know how to start things
But once I do I don’t know how to stop them.

Short on time
Short on love
Maybe even short on friends
Short on patience
Short on
Maybe just short on distractions
From your own life.
Maybe you’re just too short to reach the cabinets.
Under-promised instead of overcompensated.