Oh Darling, there are two sides to me.
There's the side that is strong, soft, courteous and loving,
And another side that I never want you to see.
It's not distinguished by internal and external.
It's not a split personality.
Inside, there are two voices,
For description's sake, I'll name them both.
I'll call the side that you know, Bright.
And the side you don't, Dark.
You'll understand the name choice with a little more insight.
Inside me they're in constant battle.
They hijack my every thought.
They agree on most things, usually.
But, on this, they're caught.
Bright is the one to sit back,
And smile no matter how much she's in pain.
While Dark stands up and speaks out.
Most of what she does is all in vain.
Bright feels tears swell up, and a lump form in her throat.
Her hands begin to tremble, and she can feel her heart ache.
While Dark is gulping angrily, and is clenching her fists.
She is embarrassed of her weakness. She refuses to let her heart break.
Dark is considering her options.
She analyzes all she knows.
While Bright is putting on a brave face.
But her pain is so strong, it shows.
You wrap your arm around me,
And Dark starts to go off in a rant.
She says; “Bright, come on, you know better!”
Bright shakes her head and says; “I can't.”
Dark is so infuriated, she begins to tear herself apart.
She is reckless. She doesn't think. She just goes straight for her heart.
Bright tries to calm Dark with soothing words of care.
But it proves difficult to find any, when there aren't any there.
Dark lets out an evil laughter that bounces round inside.
Bright becomes so afraid she searches for a safe place to hide.
Your fingers drum gently on my rib cage,
And your image fills up my mind.
Bright steps out into the open,
With this incredible, golden find.
She says; “Dark he loves me. He's the one for me in life.”
Dark does not interrupt Bright, but instead just shakes her head.
“You're a foolish girl, Bright. Do you know that?”
From Bright, not another word is said.
“Bright, what has happened to you?
Can you not see him in that state?
How low have you let yourself fallen,
To allow yourself to love the thing you hate?”
No response comes from Bright now,
Dark can see she has become numb.
Nevertheless, she continues talking.
As your fingers continue to beat me like a drum.
The tensions swiftly rising as Dark continues on.
She tells Bright of all her stupid wishes, wants and dreams,
And how she has given up on all of them.
Dark is right, it seems.
The tears in Bright's eyes glisten,
And her heart is slowly beginning to drop.
She's become so numb inside now,
She can't even tell Dark to stop.
Just as I begin to say my own little piece,
Another voice cuts in with something better to say.
Dark shakes her head again and says;
“Come on, Bright, give me one good reason to stay?”
Bright just stands there looking helpless.
Tears begin to throb beneath her skin.
Dark feels no mercy.
To her, this is a win.
Dark takes full control of me.
As Bright has no choice but to step back.
Dark is stronger than Bright,
Fuelled by emotions Bright does lack.
The vision that was once distorted,
By the tears Bright brought to my eyes,
Is cleared up in an instant,
As Dark happily says her goodbyes.
Goodbye to your beautiful face,
And your wonderful mind and heart.
Goodbye to your open arms,
That have held me up since the start.
Goodbye to your great smile,
That special one, just for me.
Goodbye to all our memories,
And to the future we'll never see.
Bright takes her position beside Dark,
To join in with the farewell.
She decided she can no longer fight Dark.
But this is something she doesn't tell.
As I take a final look around me,
I think about the past year.
I think of all the things I could have done,
And all the places I could have been instead of here.
Regret dominates me.
Even Bright can feel it now.
Dark urges me to leave as quick as I can.
But I'm still trying to figure out how.
What excuse could I possibly make up?
And where on Earth am I going to go?
What are they all going to think of me?
My heart's beating so fast, I fear it may blow.
You look concerned as you ask me if I'm okay.
I smile and say; “Yeh, of course I am” in my best disguise.
Dark knows you're content with my answer.
But Bright hopes you can see the truth within my eyes.
You continue your jolly conversation,
With everyone else around us.
Bright can see who you truly are now,
And she doesn't make a fuss.
You whisper a soft 'I love you.'
And Bright stays silent as I say it too.
She dreams of an alternative world,
Where the words you've said are true.
Bright's heart shatters like a glass,
As I finally build up the courage to go.
But just as I'm beginning to take to my feet,
Inside, Dark is screaming; “No!”
7 September 2015
© All Rights Reserved Joanne Heraghty