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Mar 2016 · 865
A Place to Call Home
Helen Mar 2016
she wallows in confusion
when she can't express her pain
and every day she can't talk
literally drives her insane
she holds onto her panic
hiding inside her insanity
but every now and then
she decides to break free
She spreads her wings
and calls one number
She know her wings will be tucked
beneath a heart that does not slumber
Where she can rest her head
upon a regular heartbeat
and rest her heart
where it's safe to weep
A nest of Hope
A nest of Peace
A comfortable place
for tired wings to Sleep
thank you for being my sanctuary
Mar 2016 · 553
I'm already dead
Helen Mar 2016
I've tried to talk about it
until I'm blue in the face
but I'm already dead
the conversation left
...no trace
I called at 4am
Left a voice message
followed up with a text,
I guess you didn't get it
My drama is a burden
My tears are hard to take
My words are hard to process
maybe, my friendship
was a mistake

I hesitate to contact you
what if I'm interrupting?
I know that others have a life
at least they have something
I hit dial on my phone
then hope the one who answers
understands my sobbing voice
and doesn't silently judges..
I know I'm already dead
I just seem to keep on
breathing
as long as I have a voice
on the other end of the line
I'll keep on
believing
this life is worth living
and the tears I cry are
real
because appearances can be
deceiving
*I look better than I feel
#anxiety #depression #talk
Mar 2016 · 527
already written
Helen Mar 2016
someone layed a blank book
in front of me, asking
What would the title be?

I looked as blank as those pages
I don't know the answer
I'm not a blank book
I have history, behind a story
but what are the chances
my story has already been told
in another's voice
What if there is another out there
that has made the same choice?
Stories are not unique
there is a chance we are already written
I'd take that blank book
and scribbled my name only
because I've read the stories
of my own life in the sound bites
of snatches of beleaguered songs
I'm not a blank book, looking
for a title
I'm where my blank pages
belong
Mar 2016 · 799
milestones
Helen Mar 2016
today I saw one of my original poems
so pleased I was it hit the 19.0K mark

I'm not a writer nor a literary genius
but this one was written from the heart

It holds all my fears, all my failures,
all my dreams and encapsulates
everything, in a few short verses
all that my life, that's not mine, entails

So thank you for the reads
and the love and the hope
that someone out there
is strengthened
by something I wrote

http://hellopoetry.com/poem/156490/i-am-your-tomorrow/
Thank you all, I can't describe how much this poem means to me and how much I hope it means to those who have read it.
Mar 2016 · 774
paralytic
Helen Mar 2016
I'd like to be able to say
I don't know what tomorrow
will bring...

but I'm scared
Because I know exactly
what tomorrow has in store
and it's everything
that has come
in the days before
and nothing will change
nothing
and that's what scares me
the most
*the never changing everything
sigh... so far down the hole I don't have enough rope for rescue, just enough to hang...
Mar 2016 · 356
Hindsight Memories
Helen Mar 2016
I don't have regrets.
I have fleeting thoughts
of things
that might have been right,
whispered at the wrong time


04.03.15
I call them Hindsight Memories, I hate the word regret :)
Helen Mar 2016
Just so you know, this is really long.... like reallllyyy long :)
Found this while going through some old word docs on my computer. I took my HP Words Used in order and made them into a poem....*

Just like day  
life will know  
that time will  
make eyes  
at a heart  
Love will depart
night has left  
Gone away  
You want to  
face a world  
inside words  
I think  
in the end  
head is sorry  
to say  
the hand really  
tried little  
to look pretty  
beneath a soul  
Body is not right  
skin is brittle  
breath is long  
thought is lost  
in a cold way  
touch will lay  
in the light home  
lips cause pain  
he's callous  
in his hold  
Try to be open  
perfect is gone  
I wanted, hated trying  
to still feet at the bed  
Sure, you asked  
with a smile and hope  
going beyond
all things death  
dark voice  
tears live inside
a red place  
darkness makes things
small  
sitting doesn't  
mean walk  
My wish is just waiting  
for a kiss to hide  
easy dreams feel  
it’s been years  
since my friend  
became my man  
I got tired of lying  
You came to the floor  
rain was happy to sit  
but it took to the ground  
and hell has hands that
held sleep longer  
than it took to fall  
a song, perchance?  
We pretend to dance  
for hours before the door  
will be ready to close  
The start of the old sun days  
standing gentle, saw hurt  
today, in the mirrored glass  
she's ready to tell  
the blood moon  
mind the lie  
thinking on a broken  sigh  
Even if the door  
looked broken  
it wasn't  
I won't waste minutes  
to stand outside  
I matter enough  
to leave
on a high  
looking free  
Beyond a black moment  
set in stone  
is the dream from long ago  
indeed, all it will need  
is a girl to slowly remember  
the past  
Leaves that are dead  
are hard to beat  
I knew, I felt  
at the table  
I was naked  
but with a good morning  
talk was easy to stay  
I rest on yesterday  
and wonder turned  
and makes me question
If goodbye takes reason  
I hear it does  
Soft hate in arms  
that blind the eye  
drink from the earth  
for fear comes  
to make me forget  
I sleep beneath a sky  
deep in coming memories  
the word of the new  
silky hair and sharp fingers  
don’t care to fly in the breeze  
far from being beautiful  
it sat boringly  
saying ok  
bring me to the baby  
as tiny antidotes
goes to play  
white in the snow,
Wrong is a thing of beauty  
that would not ask for wings  
Don’t miss the woman  
tomorrow where a line  
is crossed and being afraid  
half I died when dirt  
skidded beneath the car  
understand the bare turn  
are just thoughts and guess  
best is the taste
of a single truth
Die for your god  
the fact can be
different  
It sits I believe  
and is best seen  
on a more secular path  
Sweet entreaties stop  
your simple time in space  
caught softly as you walked  
I whisper to your integrity  
in the middle I remain  
demons  cut   oh  
It’s worth leaving  
without an answer  
Gently emotion  
rounds the corner  
step into my headspace  
it knows , It’s tried  
sad that it died so young  
Street hugs the silence  
silently lies are whispered  
Never a mistake  
been left so hungry  
10w fight against the walls  
I gave eyes to watch  
No question, no touch
Warm people are real  
sound and emotions  
are holding friends true  
begin where the door closed  
an angel on the phone  
choice is not in the looks  
rainbow glitter is spent  
on children at the edge  
of a gaze, their scream  
is big, asking to sing  
angry at snow sheets  
bent listening for escape  
You've wondered  
you couldn't tell  
we've all been listening  
you'll spend seconds  
maybe hot  
wanting forever  
to run from Hell
Room for better hearts
pure agony  
for those that fell  
Able fingertips glow  
heartbeats listen  
and actually loved  
piece of blue mystery
Precious lullaby of Love  
yes we cry bleeding  
into an ocean of wind  
I was told you stopped  
to stare  
watching all laid bare
while outside roses  
ancient but never picked  
found sin  
in a riot of colour  
You noticed, janet  
what's her name
was a 10  
Lies sense used words
that break bone  
make you wait  
staring accusingly  
but continue needs  
are watched next to the river  
breakfast was bad  
Times lets us all think
everything is fine  
stars burn, decided reality  
is warmth with a mate  
pick one from the universe  
Memory sits beneath a tree  
second to understanding
mist curls in breeze
bright and tight  
the image in the mirror  
walks with eyes closed  
and watches with ears instead  
Crack is bound to break
a road  
captured and cracked  
My dear  
I claim  
I waited  
seven miles away  
Your date with gabriel  
was met with silent curse  
Tonight was fun  
I mouth in anger  
Kisses from the pocket  
breathe laughter  
I just feed apart  
from the burning lonely cry
I heard form short  
of being born  
strong lives taken  
shed simply  
dropped to knees  
trapped in lot  
of empty heat  
Early I ran  
in a body that holds scars  
point at my pants
dry pockets frown  
Quietly over coffee  
summer fed a knife  
with a grace  
that never cared  
if sisters weep  

19/12/2013
if you go to your profile you can find your words used... Click on your name and the down arrow and click on words used.... It's fascinating what you find, I got bored one day and turned all my words used into a poem... I kept them in order, just liberated with the use of auxiliary verbs, (Don't forget, when you post a new poem the word order changes! This was 'as at' the time I posted over 2 years ago) a couple of years later, I'm nearly at 100 thousand words, maybe I'll make it my next writing project :)
You can find the original here....

http://hellopoetry.com/poem/1066324/hello-poetry-words-1/
Helen Mar 2016
I can be violent
I can be calm
I can wreak havoc
I can cause harm
I can be wishes
I can be dreams
I can be hope
I can be screams
I can be a lover
I can be war
I can be nothing
I can be more
I can be anger
I can be hate
I can be an enemy
I can be a mate
I can be a song
I can be a book
I can be a moment
I can be a look
I can be a quote
I can be a word
I can be silent
I can be heard
I can be Woman
I can be Wife
I can be Mother
I can be Life
found in one of my scribble books... I have dozens of them floating around the house, which incidentally, was found down in my garden today... how it got there? Well, that's the mystery... but I flicked through it and found this one, circa 2010...
Mar 2016 · 856
every corner looks the same
Helen Mar 2016
**** something
or phone a friend
bury the past
or find an end
contemplate suicide
or running scared
decide if you pay cash
or leave your credit bared
take a lot of pills
and drink a lot
cut yourself properly
just to make the pain stop
sweet talk your alter ego
to go just another day
or choose which way to go
if you can't stay
drive for miles
in a direction you don't know
ask the street signs for guidance
even if it shows
where you won't end up
but isn't it a game?
you'll look for guidance
on every corner
that starts to look the same
around and around it goes, where it stops? Nobody knows...
Feb 2016 · 423
What's New on HP this Week?
Helen Feb 2016
Read a poem about anti bullying online
Noted the writer wanted to be impartial
Pointing out those that continued their assault would be dealt with
by 'serious' threats all of their own

When called out they disappeared....
All. On. Their. Own.


Met a couple of Daily plagiaristic personas
It was a shock to see two in a row

One disappeared with little to no fuss
(It is nice when the trash takes itself out)
The other continually claims what they don't own...
Deleting comments but hopefully suffering guilt, no doubt!

There's been a few snipes, some gripes,
some snaps and grabs of other sites
But you have to be quick with them!
They disappear quicker then what's
acceptable as a modest lady's hem...

Overall?

There has been fantastic poetry
Some marvellous writes
A great deal of Awesome
you can take to bed at night

So much to read and to ponder,
to listen to and contemplate

I'm going to give HP
a 9 out of 10 this week

It's the best I can rate!
In all seriousness, seriously? We can all appreciate the silly ;)
Feb 2016 · 759
burn
Helen Feb 2016
I sat there, burning
I was the Fire to your Ice
Even in my yearning
You never looked at me twice

So now I'm out of control
Scorching a path to Damnation
Recklessly down the road
to your soul
You can't even see your own Salvation
flicker to inferno
*snap*
Feb 2016 · 533
LIFE is Like
Helen Feb 2016
when Life gives us lemons
we make lemonade*  (1)
when Life shoots us with arrows
we bleed from the wounds
it made
when Life is just a rainstorm
and we discover
a Rainbow
It's like Life
is trying to tell us
which way we need to go...
(1) an old saying we can all relate to :)
Feb 2016 · 552
Phantoms on the Rise
Helen Feb 2016
They sit so silently upon a perch
Watching, waiting for our demise
Cackling with insatiable mirth
Those phantoms on the rise

They wait for us to be broken
Crashing upon a jagged shore
Whispering words left unspoken
Collecting bones for evermore

They disdain the truly fleshy parts
They have no use for real
They pick and pluck for the heart
Believing it can heal

Except it's just another dead *****
Dripping blood and spilling lies
Reality is truly distorted
to the Phantoms on the Rise
Feb 2016 · 941
My Valentine
Helen Feb 2016
Watched me
secretly
Forgot me
purposely

Met me
Harried me
Regretted me
Married me

Made me a Mother
Made me a Wife
Gave over all others
Gave me a life

Loves me in Happiness
Loves me in Anger
Loves me in a dress
Loves me naked, with Hunger

Counts me as a blessing
Counts me as a prize

Relies on me when stressing
Relies on me to tell no lies

Lays his head upon my lap
Lays his demons upon my sword
Lays his dreams upon my alter
Lays his problems outside the door

Sits in Silence at my tears
Sits grinning at my Triumph
Sits still in between the years
Sits complacently inside Love

My Valentine is not a day
not just one inside a year
He's everyday I live and breathe
He's the salt inside each tear
He's the foundation stone
of this Temple I call
My Life
My Valentine is
My Husband
and I am
His Wife
Happy 26th Valentines Day my Husband... Thank you for making the other 364 days of the year just as special :)
Feb 2016 · 484
Tide
Helen Feb 2016
she shall stand upon the sand

and bravely meet the wave

upon a shore of lonliness

bowing unto a new day

she shall feel the gentle kiss

of lapping water upon her skin

kissing spray of a repeat greeting

that continues to ask her to stay

she will sit upon the shore

to gather unto her side

repeating visits from

a retreating lover

that comes and goes

with the tide
Jan 2016 · 2.4k
My Sister
Helen Jan 2016
see me sitting
on the floor
see the cracks
inside the flaws
feel my anger
live my pain
I'll never be
the same again
while I exist
inside life's twister
my anchor will be
*My Sister
I love my Sisters... being one of 5 girls, I'm lucky to have them all in my life, no one knows anybody else quite like a sister knows a sister :)
Jan 2016 · 373
Word Difference
Helen Jan 2016
I'd describe it as

mercury exploding
from an antique gun,
diamonds dripping
from broken eyes,
rubies melting
upon the sun,
crystals evaporated
on a lengthy sigh


but reality goes

you pointed the weapon
and pulled the trigger
I cried tears from eyes
that never saw your depth
the blood that spatters
against your fingers
will be able to trace
words of my last breath


******** i n g
      b a s t a r d
Poetry v Reality
Jan 2016 · 696
Swan Song #hpfriend
Helen Jan 2016
So I stumbled upon HP one day,
not really, I fell face first
with a glass of wine in my hand
giggling like a school girl
except that uniform hadn't fit in
30 years so it was kinda more like
a 50 year old stripper pretending
she can actually still giggle without crying.
I made a few friends, well, I say friends but we were all ******
working the same lame dead corner

Of course, some of us went on to marry well and some just felt they
could no longer worship a vengeful
God and probably stuck a knitting
needle in their eye, or something.
I'm not going to name names here!

Let's just say one went onto fame,
self publishing was cool way before
YOU ever thought of it and another
just yanked the chain around their neck so hard you never even heard
their spine crack and then one dear
friend got ganked by their own self importance.

Trust me *******!!! THAT is a loaded gun.

But this is all Ancient History to the
those that were born during the
I Love Myself with Hate or
I Cut Myself with Love era.
I'm talking about friendships
that fossilise over time
creating deeper bonds than
I love you, no, I love you, no I love you times

So, watching all those that couldn't hack the pace of the streets died
one by one.
Marriage, Suicide, Shot in the Foot
until the brain bleed out,
they all fell like over bloated flies
gorging on the rancid meat left lying around.
A few survived the sickness by purging,
You know, when you stick your fingers down your throat and expel the garbage from within except,
that kind of concept can be deadly
when you have blood red ****** nails...
The remaining 'Oh Heavenly Father, why do you forsake me' ones
retreated to the HP Elysium Fields, passing on their wisdom to a baby kind that will never care about anything but their own grandiose style of taking a dump in the wilds of cyberspace.

So ****** days sadly came to an end at the fork in the road,
yes peeps, pun intended
until one day, I met a guy that ran me over,
literally hit me with a car and left me
a ****** mess, stood over me and said
"How much ***** and you better deduct dollars for the dent in my front fender"
As I chewed on my blood red ****** nails and spat teeth into the street
I offered him a hand and he said
I'll take that and your mouth and
let's see what you can do with
that heartbeat
We drove to the Motel Dive
and I asked him if he knew where all the other hookers had gone from the same lame corner where we all carved our own slices of heaven and he threw me down to the ground and ripped off his shirt.
Upon his flesh was carved each of those names that I had once kicked up heels with, ****** around and laid under the street lamp with,
watching all the little preppies in their pretend Oldsmobiles cruise by without a single worry on their shoulders except for the boulder sized chips and
their own inadequacies riding shotgun on their lips.
The one HP friend that threw me to the ground and carved my name upon their flesh is also the one who resurrected me.
But I think he may have killed all the other ones but, they were dead before they knew it!
But hey!
Hell is where all your friends are right?
taught me everything I know (and a lot I didn't) would gladly follow my friend into the fire.
Jan 2016 · 706
at all times
Helen Jan 2016
In storms
she is your anchor
In blindness
she is your sight
In sadness
she is your laughter
In darkness
she is your light
In weakness
she is your strength
In nightmares
she is your dream
In kindness
she is your weakness
At night time
she hears your screams
In low times
she is the mountain
In dry times
she is the stream
At all times
she is the rock
Never pretending to be
anything else
than what she appears
to be
Jan 2016 · 485
can't hide the cracks (10w)
Helen Jan 2016
imagine if you
were supa glue
to someone's
broken past
Jan 2016 · 772
"they" are so wrong
Helen Jan 2016
"they" say it's easier
to rip off the bandaid quickly
presumably because the pain
is so fleeting
but is it okay by "they"
if I scream my hurt
drawing out every syllable
loudly, complete with raging
spittle and seething emotions
throwing buried truths
into a stunned face
that can't wake up
or shape up, or shake off
shackles of an insanely lost
predisposed personality
Is it okay with "they"
to hurl obscenities
to those that have been defeated
in their own mind
"they" say to rip off the bandaid
quickly
but I've found, by doing that
the wound bleeds more profusely
and it's harder to heal
for the bandaid,
"they" reviled
was the only ******* thing
holding
the deepest cut together
It's not okay to lose your **** at someone who has lost grasp on reality... It's really not okay, not like "they" say. You really can't just rip a bandaid off a hemorraging person :(
Helen Jan 2016
Neem mijn hand
wieg mijn hart
Geef me leven
Laten wij niet deel
Als wij vallen
Terwijl verdeeld
Wij mogen nooit
worden herenigd

Take my hand
Cradle my heart
Give me life
Do not let us part
If we fall
while divided
we may never
be reunited
5th January 2011 ~ a Facebook Memory
Dec 2015 · 757
just one line
Helen Dec 2015
As sure as I am that I'd need several paragraphs to dance across the page it simply occurs to me that I'm not only a single player upon the stage but one of many that dance within this troupe and if I had to say something I'd have to step outside the group and pronounce soliloquy except that's not what this is about because I'm not the star upon this stage and I've never really studied the page but in this single sentence I've bought about a truly remarkable find insofar as I find it's easy to write a single sentence and make it work almost as easily as Miley Cyrus can twerk except it's December you see and at the end of the ignorance and loneliness it's just me.
Dec 2015 · 627
'tis the season
Helen Dec 2015
'tis the season
to be holy
'tis the season
to be jolly
'tis the season
to have fun
'tis the season
to be done
'tis the season
to feel stress
'tis the season
of such duress
'tis the season
of such renown
'tis the season
to seek ground
'tis the season
for the ultimate test
'tis the season
to seek final rest
this Christmas, I think, I will grant myself the ultimate gift of Silence
Dec 2015 · 674
To Whom I Owe the Honour
Helen Dec 2015
time zones and timelines
endless times on wifi
phone lines and emails
plotting packages
through snail mail
sharing lives in tidbits
being comfortable with habit
chasing smiles, producing laughs
sharing tears inside silence
knowing without having to ask
messages and photos
jokes and remarks
making sure the night time
is not swallowed by the dark
saying good morning or
saying good night
is such a blessing
knowing tomorrow is coming
in a message
for you, my friend, my confidante, my reason to keep on writing
Dec 2015 · 1.2k
Every day and Every night
Helen Dec 2015
everyday she asks
Are you alright?
Do you have a headache?
You're very pale, are you hungry?
Would you like a cup of coffee?
Do you feel okay?
What's wrong?

and everyday he says
I'm fine!
and gets frustrated with her asking.
Everyday she opens her eyes
her first sight is him
breathing next to her
Everyday she proceeds with
housework, bills to pay
jobs to find, demons to slay
Everyday day she will ask
Are you okay?
While every night
she lies quietly
while thoughts riot
with tears on her lashes
and screams in her soul
waiting for his voice
to question the toll
Every night she lies silently
waiting for the axe to fall
Every night she hears
*nothing at all
Dec 2015 · 565
Down the Hole
Helen Dec 2015
You tripped into the rabbit hole,
but let me tell you,
I didn't trip!
I purposely fell after you,
just so you didn't travel
a new universe without me.
There are so many fantasies
that you skip upon
the light fantastic
but you never thought
I'd follow you
just to bring you back.
I've seen where you've been,
sitting with your Cheshire Grin
all I can do is hold your hand
and coax you back to reality
which I know for you is ******
We walk a fine line
between each other's truth
You tripped over
into the rabbits hole
**I threw myself
wherever you go I shall follow... even in your madness as I pretend I'm sane...
Dec 2015 · 1.0k
no one ever
Helen Dec 2015
no one looks at me
like you do
no one takes my fingertips
and slips them between lips
to lick off my essence

no one knows me
like you do
no one takes me inside them
like a simple hymn
simply undressed

no one touches me
like you do
no one ever wanted to know me
no matter how I sat simply
but you do

no one wanted to know me
until you undressed me
now it simply comes down to
two words
*I Do
It's sometimes impossible to tell someone how you feel about them unless they tell you how they feel about you....
Nov 2015 · 593
scars
Helen Nov 2015
I feel the itch,
I try not scratch
scratches can heal themselves
cuts are not the answer
especially cuts made
by someone else


picking at the scabs
only creates a scar
now I only wonder
briefly
where you are

pick, pick, pick
scratch, scratch, scratch


you're just a memory
of an unwelcome rash

I run my hands
upon my skin
and try to exorcise
foreign anomalies

That would be
the traces of
your fingertips
which I continue
to feel upon me

pick, pick, pick
scratch, scratch, scratch


you're just a scar, upon my skin

I wish you were just a memory
Helen Nov 2015
so today I said see you later
to a huge piece of my heart
I said talk to you later
and then my world fell apart

I wanted him to be a man
to celebrate the right of passage
instead I texted him within hours
only to receive this message

I am here in Room 203
Tell Chell that I love her please

(because he loves his baby sister
above all things)

and I know I have to let go
of the man that sent me those words
but if anything ever happens to him
they will be the last words I heard

He is my baby boy
a bird, just learning his wings
I'll forever be, Mama bird
wanting to be his *everything
My 18yr old son is at Schoolies, his first night away from me in an environment I'm not comfortable with... Trust is a fragile thing...
Nov 2015 · 764
Turn (perpetual Winter)
Helen Nov 2015
Winter brings crystal tears
that forms on eyelashes
that never once blinked

Eyelashes upon eyes
that stare silently
at your retreating back

Unblinking in a snow storm

Winter brings a quietness
where I stared at your back
and yelled

Don't walk away, please stay
I'm so cold without you
Landscapes of white are faded
taking away the sparkle of the jewel

Don't walk away, please stay


I'm screaming silently
to a retreating back
in a snowstorm

a back with shoulders hunched
a back which has no face
a back which is retreating
from an unmarked time or place

as snowflakes fall upon hair
they melt beneath the burn
no breathe could I take to lie
The cold I expected would make
it a lesson that I should learn

Instead the mist of Winter
escapes my frozen lips
all that came out as a whisper
was this,

*Turn! Please, just turn.
It's less cold if you look as you walk away otherwise you leave the other in a perpetual Winter
Nov 2015 · 454
Can You Talk?
Helen Nov 2015
I've got no one to see these tears
any one who cares to wipe them away
I'm afraid they'll just drip down
from my eyes and I'll simply drown
because I don't know who to talk to
If I had a friend I might be able to call
I'd struggle with what to say to them
Sure, I've got family, with their own problems
who would only want to say
You'll be okay, it's alright
I don't really know what to say
I just cry and cry and cry
the tears won't stop falling
they're like Winters hug
and Summers kiss
they fall hard and fast
until they are just mist
that glass my eyes
just a hint of sadness
that people find easy to ignore
but they continue to fall
while I wipe them away
they fall silently and blindly
to those that look away
but yeah, if I had someone
to talk to...
The tears would burn less
like acid and maybe, just maybe
they would evaporate
and go away...
Nov 2015 · 363
breaking up (in 6 words)
Helen Nov 2015
Dear Life,

*you're not worth it
Helen Nov 2015
you stood beside the closed door, hand outstretched, ready to turn it but, I'm the only one who noticed
her perfume that lingered, lipstick
stains upon your fingers and hair
that I once ran my fingers through
but true, you stood there silently
head bowed, eyes lowered,  
shoulders held so very proud
and you owned it! You owned
every second of the last dance
and as you pulled away from my
embrace you stopped, tilted you
head and said,
I never wanted
anything less more, than to walk
out this door

I laid my hand over your fingers that continued to grasp the door and kissed lips that I've kissed a thousand times or more
and tasted only your regret, wondered if what I had to say was topical or simply emotional and I asked you the most important question I had left inside, a dire need to be said
Don't forget... A ******* thing

I twisted the **** until the door opened wide, put my foot on your **** and kicked with everything I had left inside
I saw you tumble, I watched you fall,
I photographed into my memory
the instant you realised
*you had it all
Nov 2015 · 1.4k
I Know My Best Friend
Helen Nov 2015
I know the little boy
that walked for miles
in everybody's shoes
and I know the Man
who speaks only
when he chooses to

I've met the laughter
I've wiped away the tears
I've sat silently
as he diligently walked
through broken years

I've met the comedian
I've met the larrikin
I've met the musician

I've met the old soul
that tells tales of woe
but cries silently
counting every tear

I've met the body
that wakes up every day
angry with the universe
but with nothing to say

I've met
the troubled heart
the irreverent lark
the messed up kid
but comforted
the messed up adult


I know my best friend
and I'll be the one
to tell those
that just saw
one side of him

That they didn't look so deep
they have no right to keep
their memories that are shallow

I've met my best friend
and...
you're wrong
just so you know

I know him
he's so strong

Stronger than the shadows
that haunts him in real life
I know him,
*he's stronger than you or I
dedicated to my best friend... you understand why I had to share... I hope you do...
Nov 2015 · 1.5k
the words don't fit
Helen Nov 2015
I wanted to write about
all of the emotions
that sit inside
my un beating chest
but perhaps I'll sit still
and ponder the demotion
of the feeling they have left

Because we don't always get
what we're asking for
and even if we are left
looking for more

We wander beside
a wordsmith
begging for his left overs
even though we don't know
exactly why we crave it

I'll just ask this?
What are we writing for?


See, because we like to fight
and the words don't
come out right
It leaves one of us
laying, on the floor

those upon the floor
see the cracks
we'd like to pour
our angst
into the ground
We're the ones
that miss all the fun
whilst laying down


So, hopefully you'll remember this
sitting on the bed,
even with your legs spread
I wasn't standing in between
your text message
to your next squeeze

I'm just going to be
mistakes you can't erase
*so easily
Oct 2015 · 601
no more, (baby)
Helen Oct 2015
She sits in the rocking chair
steadily rocking, to and fro
She peers down into her arms
Knowing she won't ever let go

blowing gentle kisses
from her lips
She trails her hand lightly
over silken blankets
with over bitten fingertips

She dreams of lazy walks
in parks of sunshine
and reading little books
after bath at bedtime

She fantasizes about
golden hair and pretty skirts
about skipping time
and graduation
until it almost hurts

She completely breaks
with reality, testing faith
against mortality

She sits in the rocking chair
steadily rocking, to and fro
She peers down into her empty arms
Knowing she won't ever let go
Oct 2015 · 1.2k
don't you dare weep for me
Helen Oct 2015
don't you dare shed those tears
that you've been holding onto
for so long, in all these years

don't you dare mutter in grief
the single moment you sagged
in overwhelming simple relief

don't you dare cry out in pain
or tear your clothes, nor rip your
hair beneath a perfect summers rain

don't you dare try for sympathy
holding another's hand, randomly
for she is not random but your
epiphany

don't you dare weep for me

if a single tear drop falls
and burns a path so endless
let it be your downfall
you wept at nothingness

don't you dare weep for me

I'm may be the willow tree in winter
the barrenness that left you blind
I'm may be the heat of summer
that sweltered you so unkind

yet you dare to weep for me

when the seasons decide to change
it's not your tears that bring relief
it's the history you try to rearrange

Your tears are crocodilian
steeped in lies and treachery
sitting like empty salt lakes

don't you  DARE  *weep for me
Oct 2015 · 547
#fml
Helen Oct 2015
Today
I finally realised
what love truly is
then discovered
after 21 years
I don't have it
#fuckmylife
Oct 2015 · 415
you should have known!
Helen Oct 2015
I left you
seven hundred miles ago
with a note that read,

I'm done with this ****

you should have known

when you woke up upon sheets
that were soaked with our final weeks, and you realised, that you woke alone, it wasn't just a joke,
that one thing should have made you know,

seven hundred miles later,
your bare *** is alone...

you should have known

and now I'm down the highway
seven hundred miles away
from you
checking out the sunset
wondering if you
see it
as blue as I do
are you seeing the splintering
and fracturing of the lightening
that splits between clouds
of such a perfect grey?

Do you even remember that day?

I do!

you should have known

how the ventricles in your heart
clip clop at such a slow pace
how the neurones that fire
within your brain
stitch together memories
so laconically

you should have known

that seven hundred miles
down the road
I was going to be more open
More free to be me
Less inclined to practice
this inhumanly farce

Seven hundred miles ago

You should have known

*It was never going to last
Oct 2015 · 551
Her Husbands Thoughts
Helen Oct 2015
She's mine to have
mine to hold,
mine to love
until I'm old
He held her hips
beneath his palms
grinning wickedly
with his charm
he pinned her down
with  a whispered
Be still
anticipating the thrill
of loving the ever after
out of the fiery flame
that set alight his body
**she who honoured his name
this is an addendum to Her Husband, His Wife :)
Helen Oct 2015
He kills her
he's a murderer

She kills him
she's a victim

trying to survive

her word against his
but he's dead

his word against her
still leaves him dead!

domestic violence
is not gender based!

It's gender biased!

We all to quickly judge
with haste

Those that are just trying
*to survive
As a woman, I will quickly stand up for domestic violence against women, but as a human being, I will be just as quick to stand up for the men that suffer in complete silence... as a woman, I know, we can be utter *******... and that can have the same effect on a man as the opposite can be on women...We are all potentiality victims....
Oct 2015 · 357
no one cares
Helen Oct 2015
they can peel the same DNA from the bottle that we both drank from,
but no one will care who died first, only the position of our bodies will tell the tale. I'll be laid out beautifully, like a tragedy that failed, you'll be sprawled so eloquently, it will appear so definitely that you killed me but,
no one will care, our positions are neither here or there all that's left
is what they hear on the record player
*playing our song
It's in the music we hear our heartbeats
Helen Oct 2015
The bottle and old thoughts haunt me all the same
In whispers of what was and should never be did we lose our way
or just vanish as quickly as the night before the day?

So many times I thought of lines
now simply I cast shadows where the blank spaces do reside.
Tomorrow cannot promise so why should I?

Let the words hold there own where I never could .
We all have a cross to bear and me?
I prefer to simply drive in the stake

But make no mistake,
what's nailed upon
an empty cross
is full of regret and loss
and underneath a barren plain
is buried pleasure and sadistic pain
self recriminations and needless blame,
but all the same
we build empires of shame
to live inside as truly insane
we drink from memories
that stoke a flame
to burn eternally, assuring fame
and comfort in a well of regret
we drink to forget, tomorrow
was just a promise made to us
by those that sit at our feet
when they crawl upon our laps
we are beat, we are trampled beneath
our own demise, we hid beneath
our own disguise
and we expired, when we desired
surcease from our wickedness

As I walk a red card in my jacket and miles of empty thoughts long cast aside
No words find solace were the demons cling to their vices.
All things decay as if to remind the living of the walk we all must bear

I find no guilt in my pleasures just more scars to bare in happiness to none.
Whispers of once was lay in empty thoughts.
I speak with a mouth full of razors all to eager to cut down the meek .
No words hold me in chains I simply but as I will nothing speaks clearly as a pause of silence.

And the old thoughts that linger to grow into rumours
Now they are all that is left of me .

Rumours of old bones that litter
the path to ruin are spoken by
those that whisper to dead ghosts
and kiss bloodless lips
inside crumbling passages
of age old keeps, on windswept
moors where bleeding eyes leak
tears weeping for something more

Down the streets cobbled with fear
slicked with garbage and the stench
of ever rotting verbiage,

Speak no more in silence, cry no more in penance of an oft abused
life that only walks alone under an
ever present thunderstorm of
howling winds and lightening strikes
and icy rivulets that trickle upon skin

This walk of sin is where it begins
I've held onto this as long as a could. He is a master of words and I am but his slave... It's always a pleasure to walk upon the path of sin with my best friend
Oct 2015 · 1.1k
Her Husband, His Wife
Helen Oct 2015
He pinned her up
against the wall
making sure
She wouldn't  fall
She held on tight
to her wishes
and her scream
all the while
hoping
it wasn't a dream
He carried her
to the counter top
and whispered to her
I can not stop
I never want to stop
I will never be done
with my only one

She inhales his kisses
and his sighs
She feeds her desires
into his eyes
She lays pinned
upon a counter top
and breathes into him
*I hope you never stop
Oct 2015 · 352
Just Because
Helen Oct 2015
I said to you I Love You
As plain as words can be
You whispered back softly
Why do you love me?
Hesitating ever so slightly
How do I form the words?
Expressing a lifetime of happiness
Into just one tiny clause…
To turn the world upside down
With only a small smile
A light inside the darkness
To make it all worthwhile
A laugh to capture the moment
Where happiness is complete
A smile, a shrug, pride in hand
A solid stance against defeat
A tear that’s shed for all that’s lost
A heart with a room for tender
A sigh for all that has gone before
A place of all remembered
You ask me why I Love You
Three words that gave me pause
A secret smile will touch my lips
To utter…
Just Because

~21.07.2010~
The Lost Collection
Oct 2015 · 531
reassembled
Helen Oct 2015
Today
may be
the day
that breaks you
but
Tomorrow**
will be
the day
that remakes you
I and other co workers lost our jobs today. One of my co workers is feeling dismay. This is my advice to her and maybe a reaffirmation to myself
Oct 2015 · 552
Inner Music
Helen Oct 2015
I don't want to be
just a single note
in your life
I want to be
the whole song
not really a poem, more a quote... let's call it free verse and we are all happy :)
Oct 2015 · 656
love/ləv/ (10w)
Helen Oct 2015
heed over heels
*** over ***
I fell for it
Written August 4th 2012
found while scrolling through my Unlisted poems
it made me laugh over 3 years later so I finally made Public :)
(more likely I just forgot it was there) :D
Oct 2015 · 748
another's happiness
Helen Oct 2015
I've spent a lifetime
suggesting solutions to others
to ensure their happiness
even though my suggested solutions
mean more heartache for me.
Just once,
I'd like someone to repay
back my kindness
so I don't have to live constantly
with the repercussions
of another's found happiness
*because it's rarely
happy for me
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