it's licking at my toes
eventually it will
consume me
who knows?
what will burn away
with my sanity?
Sure, it will take my flesh
it will even steal
my last breath
But who knows!
If my bones don't go
I'll forever be
just another skeleton
in your closet
for all to see
When you open it
to hang the cloaks
of the ones that strip
for you
it's not jealousy
Only the fire
can cleanse
*you of me

I once sewed into your pocket
all the hopes and dreams
I wanted one day, for you
inside of those seams
were wishes
for your happiness
hopes for a better future
and a line of text
that can only be read
as you put hand in pocket
and pull it inside out
and it said
remember this empty pocket
it was once full of hope
pulled from the warmth
of a jacket, it represents
the slippery *****
of coldness
that you once shivered beneath

inside the empty pocket
of the warmth of this coat
is all the love I hope you'll keep

I sneak inside your mind
and tiptoe amongst
the broken glass
skirting around
disassociated thoughts
watching arguments
you thought you lost
sitting in the bleachers
of the upper reaches
of your subconsciousness

I find
I'm not the only spectator
that dwells within
your mind

you sit next to me
****** bare feet
you whisper softly
you're in for a treat

See that white knight
upon that fiery steed
that's you
waiting, for me

Waiting for the battle
sitting so calm
here I come
upon the darkest horse
ready to do you harm

I sat quietly in the stands
of your twisted tournament
holding onto your hand
waiting for spears to rend
skin from flesh
tear flesh from bone
waiting for blood to pour
from an empty wound

but the white knight
did not advance
just sat quietly
in saddle
waiting for a chance
for the black knight
to fall, stricken by
a ghostly lance
It was the white knights
chance, to catch him
as he tumbled
and fell

and there I dwell
inside your mind
you tumbled and fell
*I caught you in time

do you know what it's like to be the only sane person to live inside insanity? To know that your world is not tricked out by delusions or illusions of normality? do you know what it's like to awake to cries in the night, waking with a heart pounding, dry throat, wretched hope knowing that your throat is unaffected but you lie next to the displaced, affected in their nightmare and all you have is two arms to hold them tight and one heartbeat to place beneath their ear giving them a semblance of life? do you know what it's like to know reality and wanting to wish someone normal only to realise that your normal could be more damaging to a mind that broke at the apex of their life? those of us who think we are sane as we hold the hand of those that have been proven into insanity are more broken, as we look into the mirror suspended above the vanity that leaks with a faulty faucet, we picture ourselves as saviours, but let's face it, we're as faulty as the hand we hold, as the tears we dry, as the tormented screams we hear as they cry except, we are the Sane, the undiagnosed saviours of the souls that we love, we just find it easier to hide our pain

I've got your kids
I've got your wife
in a stranglehold
I've got your life

I've got your joy
I've got your smile
I'll take it all
in a small while

I'll take it all
in a measure of time
through the splits
in your heart
and the cracks
of your mind

I'll mask all your grief
with a tiny white pill
I'll set your loved ones
free
once you lay still

I've got your family
I've got your friends
they were easier to
persuade
the feelings should end

I've got your hopes
your wishes, your dreams
locked inside a prison
crafted by you, it seems

I've got your mentality,
your morality,
your questionable
standing within society
so, don't dally
What's it to be?

Signed

**Your Anxiety

we had different opinions
but the moon set us right
we see the same silhouettes
under the same filtered light
we saw different shadows
but the sun saw new meanings
we danced beneath the moonlight
in shadows that were fleeting

so I'll just say

see ya

maybe next to the swings
or sitting on the bench

both places
we used to like to sit
and cry

he sat in the chair
beside her bed
gently holding her hand

she stared at a face
withered fingers
could not trace

as he whispered

I Am Your Man

he sat by her
as she dreamed
he held her
as she screamed
he bathed her sweated brow
repeating his sacred vow

I loved you at first sight
Even though I didn't
get it right, but even now
as the sun sets, I'll get it
right now

She heard his words
riding the glittering rainbow
of Pain
she knew the same
she had given the same vow
to him long ago
she knew in the now
it was time to let go

Her last words to him
wrapped in delight
and delivered on a first kiss

She said to him

if you remember nothing,
remember this...

*I loved you in darkness
I loved you deep
I loved you in sorrow
in happiness my heart keeps
your soul, which I shall borrow
but to my shame
I'll keep it until tomorrow

I liked everything about you

your body, your soul,
your poems, your kiss
your not so gentle touch
your brushing fingertips?
your secrect smile,
your irreverence
your ability to sing,
your inability to dance?
your shy way of smiling
your angry way of
communication
your cute way of saying
*I'm not your exhale
but your inhalation?

do you know how hard it is
to shake yourself
from a near death experience?

it can take a lot of alcohol
and staying up late
just to watch
a loved one breathe
so soft and evenly
in sleep

it's hard to calm hands
that continue to tremble

it's hard to close eyes
that picture them tumble

it's hard to equate
they are lying by your side
when just a small amount
of different circumstances
meant they could have died

I don't understand the universe
or if cosmic chances
are a real thing
all I understand is
the warm body that's lying
next to me tonight
is testament to a life
I'll never take for granted
he's lucky to be alive tonight
I'm lucky he's here beside me
continuing to be
*my everything

said the Spider to the Fly

tonight you'll be my dinner

said the Fly to the Spider

so who here is the winner?

said the Spider to the Fly

well, that would be me

said the Fly to the Spider

sorry to leave you hungry

*breaking from the Spiders web
to fly free

when I dropped
your favourite mug
and it shattered
into a thousand pieces
when I spoke
your name
and only silence
was my greeting
when I played
your favourite song
and I couldn't hear
your voice
singing
when I laid down
in bed alone
I didn't feel your touch
just the raw stinging
when I showered
waiting for you
to peek
I stepped out
mute
wrapped in
aloneness
wishing your ghost
could speak

Just had to cut open
my pack of cigarettes
**with a knife

there is an initiative
on Facebbok
for the Black Dot
to be displayed on a palm
of those suffering with
Domestic Violence
who can't speak to you
because the cause of their angst
is standing behind them
fist raised, aim true
they're not allowed
to speak to you
but if you see that
Black dot,
and their eyes are bleeding
at you, please call the police
if you know them, if you don't
ask for their phone number
which is traceable too.

Supportive entirely
to that end
I propose an initiative
in support of a Blue Dot
a dot on the hand, of those
that suffer just as quietly
every single day
Those that live in denial
those they love and live for
might get better some day
I would like to place
a Blue Dot
on both my palms
and any who see it
on me
would just hold my hand
in theirs
letting me feel a connection
Knowing they understand

Black Dot/Blue
unable to speak truth
there is no doubt
Suffering is a real thing
the coloured dot
needs you to reach out

I knew it was wrong
but if I stayed any longer
I would be lost
and my weakness
would just get stronger
So with just a small bag
that was lighter on my back
than the memories I left behind
with all the emotions I lack
I wandered down the road
with my thumb stuck in the air
I hoped that nobody stopped
while I fretted that nobody cared
Mile after mile my feet carried on
and with my heart beat slow
I stopped
just to breathe
as my feet sank into the snow
When the car pulled to a stop
next to me
it could have been yesterday
or tomorrow
I didn’t know
But I was grateful for the ride
but wary of the unknown face
that smiled at me across the miles
no malice could I find a trace
until the question came at me
after Beethoven's Second Symphony
became just a distant memory

My child, why do you run, in disgrace?
What is really your fear?

And as my hands clench the seat belt
trying to stop it from strangling me
and as I count the mile markers
that carve a mountain between you and me
I can't answer the question
that sits so insistently in my ear
The unknown face beside me whispers

*I’m not the stranger here

two eyes to behold
two arms to hold
two legs to wrap tight
one soul to recognize
what is right
believe in it I must
love at first sight
one chance
to make it right
two opportunities
*Day and Night

breathe it like a talisman
experience it like a ghost
hang it around your neck
on leather, or fly it
on a summers breeze,
a flag upon a post
shout it on a Spring day
when joy is at it's norm
or whisper it on a Winters morn
to keep to you nice and warm

just speak my name

even if it's at the start of an email
I've been looking forward to
or in the context of relating
forging memories of me and you

just speak my name

for we are the same

The same people in a life
that is so far from perfect
The same people in the dark
who know where to reach

You once said to me

Never know a stranger when you speak my name

Those words are forever my truth
and I ask the same

*just speak my name

Many moons ago
In a simpler time
They danced in this ballroom
To music sublime
Stepping out in their finest
Dipping and swaying
Longing and touching to
The sweetest music playing
Lost in each others eyes
As they moved as one
Two halves of one soul
Since time had begun
But now the music is fading
And she’s turning to mist
Time is returning
This dance was on his list
Alone in the ballroom
Lost in the romance
The lonely old widower
Has his last dance

24/07/2010

Heaven sent
Tamed by Earth
So many things
She hasn’t learnt
Her angel thoughts
Hidden by disguise
Her angel wings
Hidden from his eyes
Her halo has slipped
Trying to live the dream
But all is reality
Or so it seems
It appears there is a reason
To hold on, to pray
That even knowing now
There won’t be another day
He knows that Heaven sends
And Heaven takes
He’ll hold onto all
Until his grip breaks
It’s too late for him now
What is there is not sane
A shell of a man
Nothing left to remain
He understands she’s not real
But he’s ready to take a bow
As he touches his lips to hers
His thoughts are
**** me now
He’s tasted heaven
And his heart sings
He’d rather be buried by earth
Than let his angel loose her wings

01/08/2010

he said
I'm sorry
she said
I'm fine
both knew
each other
were
*lying

the mirrors reflection
only ever spoke of her
as
weak, alone, a ghost
pitiful, mournful
wonder-less at most

it was her place to hide
but the mirror
LIED

she punched it
with her fist
until it was
shattered
and
broken
bleeding into the cracks
until it became
a
*reflection
                 truly
                          spoken

As my frontal lobe articulates
from the anterior, just under
my forehead, I understand
why sweat beaded upon my
upper lip and my eyes bled

Spilling words onto a sheet
of paper, ink stains shaped
like a swarm of angry bees.
Crisping like raisins too long
in the sun, angling on a hook
that captures May like a
golden sunset dying on a breeze

Messages in Cherry Red reflecting
on the mirror to be read back after
an intoxicating night. Never would
the words remain in the steam of
a quiet shower that washes away
remnants of sorrow or a quaking
knowledge that what the lipstick
says just might happen to be right

A table set for twenty six as only
one will attend to partake of seven
courses of molasses and fake hope
Pacing up and down, rearranging
the letters in a potion of epic…ness
that can only come from plucking
consonants from a burning lava,
scraping the bottom of the barrel
for a vowel in the Alphagetti soup

There is the napkin I blew my nose
into which only had a phone number
on it. It turned into 8 reasons why
I would never bother to call
And there is the corner of my duvet
that I dribbled on but the pattern
resembled all my shattered dreams
that poured out of my mouth while
sleeping and became my greatest fall

Here is the ultrasound that has a few
words that sum up what the world
means to me and a picture of our daughter
This is the 15 scraps of paper that you
wrote 15 different lines of love to me
and they are all in the box, being loved
just as everything else ought to.

There are books and printouts and bits
of cardboard and a piece of driftwood
that I used to scratch a few words in
with a rock along with the photo of
the words written inside a heart on a
beach that was one thousand kilometers
away from you but I was there and
you were not.

There is 3.4 gig on a computer and
a gazillion that are frothing inside a
compartment that is internalized and labeled
Someday To Be Said. No matter where or
how or why or now or latter on paper or
engraved in rock on a elaborately carved stone
or chasing their own tails in their own head
Folded like a paper plane and launched
into a rabid universe words will land where
they will, dressed as they are, happy the party
is still in full swing. They don’t wonder
if the landing is soft, they fall, and then
they become still.

**Happy Landing

it's chilly tonight
the kids are sleeping
I came home late from work
you questioned the hours
I'm keeping
so I sit alone
outside, where I like to hide
you went to bed hours ago
alone in the space
where we divide
I'm going to come to you
after just one more drink
and a little pep talk to myself
I hope, I think,
you'll be asleep
and the awkward conversation
that's rotting on the beach
with each low tide
Is something we can
look forward to
tomorrow
when I've borrowed
some more pride

If there was an Eternity I would have believed it in your gaze, however, your eyes slid shut again and I'm left dazed, at 3am. A time for slumber, a time to forget, yet at 3.01am I'm silently weeping as you rolled over, still sleeping but whispering words that remain a powerful refrain, that keeps me awake inside my brain because you simply looked me in the eye, then sighed and uttered but one name...
Rhonda
a pretty name
but, all the same
*not my name...

she shut the pasts door
she shut the future door
she shut the present door
she shut out the voices
she stepped over, on the floor
she shut the bedroom door
she shut the downstairs door
she shut the car door
she shut the garage door
all doors closed
a midnight open road
with a tank full of gas
*it's her time to roam

in darkness, a world disintegrates
in hell, hope lenders feed the fire
interestingly, as you lay next to me
I'm burning beneath such desire
a little voice whispered wishes
that fell beneath shallow cracks
next to warmth, cloaking subterfuge
bruises appear on uncovered backs
in silence you sleep with the dead
in awareness you fear familiarity
your own cancerous consciousness
finds no utterable, plausible clarity
I'm stable upon the mountaintop
you created from a demons desire
when I descend to the depth of life
will you follow?
or be swallowed by the fire?

you don't understand how long some people have been here
you don't understand the changes we've seen
you don't understand how much we've longed for the people to
be who they be
you don't understand how it breaks our hearts
to see such infighting
bought to our world from other pages
used to back biting
you don't understand, for us
that have believed from the start
that Hello Poetry was once a place
where we always laid our heart
we gave over our life to this place
we endured every change
when you see something different here
know we have suffered more than this strange
once upon a time
in an awesome time and place
when people googled
Poetry
they found this space
they found inspiration
they found laughter that never ends
they found confidantes and a place
to plant
a never ending garden of friends
So if you're from another site
drawn here by the skin of tooth
sit a while in our midnight garden
and I'll speak to you a truth

Hello Poetry has been my best friend
for over 5 years, and all the friends
I've found on here, they've danced beneath my laugh, and held onto me so tight
that if I ever fall so wrong, they'll make
it all right

And that's the saddest thing
about Hello Poetry today...
is that most don't try
to make true friends
really real friends
or interact with them
in any meaningful way

I never intended to be
a writer of poetry
most times it simply
wrote me
alas, now just bleached bones
of a ship sailed too close to shore
a carcass of denial
forevermore

She ran towards the rocky cliff
that bit beneath her feet,
crying for somebody
to give her wings
so she could meet
her one true love, just come ashore
she promised him they'd meet
she flew across the rocky cliff
leaving a ****** trail
beneath her unshod feet

He stood upon the ships prow
praying for her arrival
He'd given up hope of arriving
nearly dead in his survival
Marching upon the broken backs
of bothers that had fallen
he stood upon the ships bow
hearing her sweet voice a calling

She dodged the farmers cart
and weaved amongst the miners
slipping and sliding in the muck
looking lost to the finders
skirting around the grubby children
chasing each other in the street
****** footprints in her trail
her one true love she will meet

Until she falls on cracked ground
and plants her hands in the mire
looking up to the ice cold sky
glimpsing the raining of fire

He saw the glow and felt the heat
of Hells very own righteous fury
far from home, knowing he was beat
but remembering his duty

She stands, this day, upon the cliff
waiting for his ship to sail in
He stands upon the ghostly bow
waiting for her to meet him

I don't have many of them
most are far from me
but I have this one friend
who means everything to me
This friend is not just a friend
but also a confidante
this friend knows my weaknesses
and also knows my heart
This friend is a piece of me
that feels like it is missing
the peace of me, my conscience
that is always insisting
you can do it, just believe
spirit be with you
If I could replay, a thousand fold
my friends wishes,
however true, I'd play them back
to them, because their wishes
should come true

No one wants a a piece of this heart

this heart is not one to be spared

to be spared is to be only one half

one half just can't compare

Compare two pieces left broken

left broken two pieces of heart

pieces of heart are just tokens

just tokens if worn apart

Worn apart like an infection

an infection that sits upon skin

skin left cold by rejection

rejection is just another sin

Another sin that wants no part

no part of being insane

insane is where lies this heart

this heart that won't play the game

wanting to see it all
from top to bottom
sitting in the stands
smelling something rotten
leaving a nasty taste in my mouth
a moue of disappointment
under appreciating surroundings
feeling a loss of entitlement
wanted to taste it all
wanted to speak its language
wanted to experience it's thrall
felt nothing except banished
saw nothing but heartache
saw nothing but fear and pain
felt nothing in my exile
wings beating hard, here I remain

Chapter 1
No one is ever going to look at you
like you're insane, only the mirror,
as you poke faces at it, while it stares at you, projecting blame, simply declaring you insane as you stare at the back of your head, in the mirror, because even your reflection could not look you in the face, it's not disgrace, it's just an automatic response to the pain.

Chapter 2
When in a grocery store, it's clearly not sane to ask the cereal box to prove their claim of bringing joy to the day, in a Special K way, nor appropriate to argue with said box as you tightly grip it's cardboard bits and demand it kiss you on the lips with its Special K brand.
It's just not okay.

Chapter 3
When tossing pennies in the fountain with a special wish, just let said penny float to the bottom. When wanting to take back said wish, it's clearly not acceptable to strip to your tighty whiteys and yell Never *****!!! will I spend one cent on you and a useless wish then execute a perfect swan dive into three feet of water then pretend to drown while trying to rescue your wish... Insanity does not work like this! (reference the criminally insane handbook titled I Stalk You For MY Pleasure)

Chapter 4**
Love is a bottomless pit of Insanity. It's like a honey jar that attracts nothing more then a colony of ants, one or two bees, (wondering where their honey went) and a rabid badger that can't ***** off the lid. Aforementioned badger will proceed to pound said honey *** against a rock, perhaps killing an ant or two an maybe a bee, but not gaining access to the honey in a jar that looks like glass but is actually clear titanium, the best protection against Love... see?
It's easy!

it's not a question that needs to be asked everyday, it's more an observation, something that can be noted in general conversation
if when at work, where you spend a third of your life, the person that sits next to you hasn't spoken a word of their life, in three days, maybe just reach out with an
R U Okay?
because that person that sits next to you and shares a third of your life may be mute with terror of the strife that manifests in their life.
those that need to talk aren't just sitting atop a bridge or standing on a ledge or scouting crossbeams for their ropes or holding a gun to their head.
they're the ones that hide inside themselves, not sharing their day with others they are around, in most significant ways, shut down against those that share a common path everyday, but never once asked
R U Okay?
it's okay to be bogged down by your own outside influences and it's okay to be all upside in your own head but it won't be okay if you sit in the back of a funeral where you ask yourself if you should have asked if they were Okay instead.

You don't get to judge me
by my outward appearance

Unless you live inside of me
and live what I experience

You don't get to laugh at me
or shed a tear at my pain

You don't get to know me
unless you live inside my brain

You don't get to know me
unless you appreciate where I stand

You will never get to know me
by ignoring my outstretched hand

He waited in the alley way
ready for a feast
She walked down the streets alone
not anticipating a beast
He licked his lips, closed his eyes
breathing deeply of his prey
She plodded on, in her ears a song
not caring she never walked this way
He pulled his frame up tight
tightly coiled for the pounce
She continued upon, walking blind
in her step, a little bounce
He waited an eternity in the cold
for just one tasty bite
She hardly ever walked alone
and never ever in the night
He saw her as she broached the alley
recoiling against her dewy scent
She simply kept her eyes down low
not perceiving the imminent threat
He let her pass then stepped beyond
the alley where he would choke
watched her shiver in the dew
then offered her his cloak
She startled at the deep rich voice
that rumbled in her ear
turning to face the mountain man
that crowded her, so near
He murmured his apologies
for frighteninging her this eve
She accepted his 'so very sorry'
putting one arm through the sleeve
He helped her on with his cloak
She scented his dissent
He motioned for them to walk on
She pretended to ignore his intent
He talked to her as he walked
She nodded and she smiled
He grinned at her responses
She giggled all the while
He bought her home, safely
forgetting she was his meal
She bought him back, from the brink
turned around to show her heel
He clasped her hand to his heart
whispered 'There are others, such as I,
while tonight, you arrived home safe,
it's more than likely you'd not survive'
She took his palm from her heart
pressing her lips dead upon its centre
then licked up to his fingertip
asking 'But, who would remember?
Who would ever remember the girl
found broken in some alley way?
If you're not the one to remember,
please... *Stay'

He stood in the open doorway, watching her. She stood before the window, her arms wrapped tightly around her body, her shoulders slumped with an agony that just would not let go. Her face, a mask of misery, glowed back at her. She slowly raised her hand, to trace a single raindrop rolling down the glass.
He realised, as the sun shone brilliant outside, she could only trace her reflected pain.