I prefer the night,
Dark over light.
Nobody else in sight.
But I can say I wish I was accompanied.
By something other then my thoughts.
Some one to share them with,
So to talk to.
Somebody I can kiss or be close to.
I need a soul beside mine,
To keep me company
3:49(AM)

I could have sworn
your eyes were hazel
when you told me
you loved me,

I could have sworn
they were never this shade
of rich mahogany-
but maybe they have lost
their intircate flecks of green
like the leaves do in Autumn.

I suppose winter was inevitable.

All the words you couldn't say
Crawled in under my skin
Devilish, found a way to pinch in
Heavy with their absence, weighing

All there was left was me fighting mine,
scratching the walls i put them in, confined.

What goes on in your mind
When you're up late at night, wanting more than anything
to roll over and die.
What is it that goes on in your head
when you should be sleeping, but you're awake instead

Do the thoughts take over,
Or do you just lay them out to decipher?
Does your world seem a little duller  
As the the sky begins to regain its color?

Have you ever thought that
you have the power to change lives
and all you have to do yourself
is learn to survive

because never have i known a person
that doesn't use their own life force
to better the lives of the people around them
and maybe even more

I want conversation and car rides,
long nights of green eyes.

I want pastries with whipped cream,
text messages that make me kiss the screen.

I want belted Frank Sinatra,
followed by Moonlight Sonata.

I want gifts I can't afford
that you bought when you were bored.

I want to be calmed and collected,
defended and protected.

I want knowledgeable open-minds,
loquacious words to be defined.

I want my hands to be called soft
and looked at more often

I want my neck to be smelled
then my face to be held.

I want impressed parents,
please share your organic carrots.

I want admiring looks
over the top of Ayn Rand's books.

I want a loss of words
over a song that you just heard.

I want minor disputes
over ideas that don't compute.

I want you to continue to listen
when I question your decisions.

I want button-ups and bowties
that make you different from most guys.

I want time to freeze
and for you to always need me.

I want envious stares
from people who shouldn't care.

I want effortless chemistry
to attract me helplessly.

I want tension filled days,
say you want me with a gaze.

I want my back to be a painting so scandalous
you brush your lips up and down the canvas.

I want clean, boring sheets
to be livened with heat

that I provided.

I want you to be excited

when I come around.

You may as well not bother hiding it
Because I see, I know
You are aware of me like you weren't before
Truth tends to do that
It changes transforms
Reveals
And you can't help but look

It all started with the end.
No need to pause or play pretend
All people close their eyes, my friend.

In the cold **** pavement the rain wrote my last words.
Our words never human
that only the birds
will remain to sing again.
My last words for you
are not for goodbye.

I never left you to die
as you had me to.

Forsaken our moments
shall never be
as today when you left
I ripped out from my chest
All that I am.

I am now more you than I am me
because you drowned me in pain.
Hope you shall come back again.

Your best imaginary friend,
Ben.

faces like yours aren't meant for touching
and i'm beginning to think that closed-casket funerals were created for you
and sometimes the overwhelming desire to share something of yourself with someone--with anyone--is too much to bear

and suddenly i understand every spraypainted feeling under every freeway
or sharpie sentences scribbled in bathroom stalls
or muttered comments or notes in library books or songs on repeat played a little too loud
and i understand why pretty girls write stories on their arms

you were never the type to tell the truth
you were always talking
you never understood the way i looked at my feet when you laughed or how i spoke in hushed tones


some days are better than yesterday and some days make me question tomorrow
some words make me question you

today i wonder what the bigger sin is

is it your lying?
or my hopeless belief in words i know aren't true?

words are meant to be spoken and hands are meant to be held and love and sorrow and anger are meant to be felt and enjoyed and EXPERIENCED
and everything has meaning
everything but you

Having to wait
leaving it to fate
with another day passing by.
Reality kicks in
while I'm thinking again,
is this all just a waste of time?
I wanna know,
is it true?
Can someone like me even be with you?
for that matter you want more,
you want the things i cant insure.
The things you want,
well that's to bad.
You should'v given me the time you had.
Well i hope your glad,
For now I'm sad,
because you never even cared to look,
and maybe.. just maybe, that's all it really could'v took.