when he laughs, and that tug of lips,
the smile lines of his cheeks
they spark a flutter in my chest,

a butterfly blushes at his sunflowers

all those happy sounds
that brighten the garden within me;
i can have a summer in december

and honey soft eyes drink me deep
granting me ambrosia
for a long and peaceful sleep

in his arms i feel at ease

I am aware
of all things present,
the pinch behind my eyes
the pressure in my nose
my deep, soft,
too loud–heavy–quiet breathing
(How?)
Give me back my bones
Give me back my sleep,
my dreams.
Too close, too much, not enough:
I am endlessly ending

Cry

Please let me sleep–end–cry–
somethinganythingplease

as if he knew
the peculiar pictures
behind my eyelids,
sleepless in sleep, ******* bruises
so bittersweet
to dream of you still
i hate you so much
and not at all, all at once

never trust him again
and he... he still misses me
he trusted me—he TRUSTS me
he trusts my steady quiet and
my shaking hands and
this and that of me
i missed him, i think
maybe, distractedly
but not really

only in a lie
and a liar isn’t me but
he makes me speak them so
since my honesty would hurt him
earnest and afraid, my admission:
i do not want to touch
his emotions
and so to curb the awkward truth
i missed him
and none the wiser

there's no honesty in honesty anymore, or at least that's how it feels
because you promised me a million things and i believed the words leaving your mouth were more to you than spitting gristle.
people like you are the reason i swore off meat; you always bite off more than you can chew then blame anyone except yourself when you choke
it took me fifteen years but i wised up to the poisons i was being force fed by people who said they wanted me healthy but really just wanted me to empty my pockets
i hope you made your fortune when you coined me false truths seasoned to look like everything i'd ever need to live,
because becoming self-sufficient was the kindest thing i ever did for myself, and now i'll never spend another penny trying to swallow self-hatred in the hopes of nourishing you with love

If the world
Stood still,
Stuck at 3am,

I'd be content
So long as
You were awake with me.

I've always known
That I'd die in a car accident
Someway
Somehow,

And beneath the
Silent flicks of lightning
Stretching across
A plaster sealed sky,

The world stood still,
Molded out of clay
And gasping for air
Like a drizzled flower petal
Suspended in time,

For a moment so fleeting
It nearly escaped me,
I hoped some drunken
Speeding car
Would smash right into me,

For once not because of the
Complexity and dismemberment of it all,

But because I was okay with dying
In some moment where it all made sense.

it really *****
that the ones i loved the most
have become the people i feel the worst around

i can't settle, so it's just stomach aches
and biting my tongue

i hope you notice the change

and i hope it burns you as much as it wounded me
​​​​​​​when you realise you lost the trust i put in you