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Fox Friend Dec 2017
The clear blue sky seems to stretch endlessly
Peace; all is calm
Countless blessings have been received
My heart is full
Gradually the dark clouds press down
The storm arrives
Memories of joy and comfort feel worlds away now
An unreachable light
Guilt consumes me for feeling weak and wanting to give up
Have I not been blessed?
Chaos consumes me and I am unable to stand for another moment
I fall to my knees
My cries - I assume - cannot be heard over the raging torrent
He hears me
The turmoil does not cease, but He has come to my aid once again
My strength is renewed
With restored hope and an invincible support bearing me up
I face the wind; resilient
The times I fall give meaning to each opportunity I have to rise
I am determined
Heavy clouds begin to disperse and the thunder is now a distant murmur
Calm is on the horizon
The gloom is disrupted by light piercing through the cloud’s heavy cover
A decision is to be made
Does the contrasting light give me the power to press forward?
I fear it does not
For my gaze is still fixed upon the churning storm
What little faith I have!
The storm is never going to pass, though it may rest for a season
My heart aches
I yearn for the blue skies to encompass me again
The desire to quit is unbearable
Tender mercies are sent to help me realign my will to His
My perspective shifts
As I allow myself to open my heart and lean on my Savior, I will be taught
His ways are higher
Frustration will consume me if I am not cautious and willing to listen
The Spirit is my constant companion
When the nights drag on and the merciless storm rages unceasingly, I will wait
Those piercing beams will return
Until the light breaks through though, I will look to my Savior as He lifts me
I do not know where we will go
But as long as I let God guide us, I know that our destination is Home
My trust is in Him
Fox Friend Dec 2017
Through the heavy darkness
My feet are guided; I am led.
To a certain calmness
I will arrive - it has been said.

My purpose is lost, I’m torn apart.
The Savior steps in to calm my troubled heart.

He is constant. He is kind.
My faith will be used to pacify this torrential sea.
Although I may fear that I’m falling behind
His grace is sufficient and He has carried me.

I have struggled so much, He has helped me every time before.
I must be a burden, I can’t do this anymore!

The destroyer yearns to attack my foundation.
Hopelessness consumes me, so I look to the sky.
Among the blackness live bright constellations.
He has said He loves me and He can tell no lie.

With mind still heavy, but heart so full
He needs me on His side; I feel the pull.

“I cannot do this alone!” I cry.
He reminds me that I am loved; “My child, I am here.”
The angels have been sent to Earth, my tears to dry.
I am humbled and realize I have not been forgotten this year.

Friends encircle their arms about me with love.
It’s always been familiar, and now I know it’s from above.

The Savior embraced me before I came to Earth.
My mortal company are angels sent to care for me.
In this life I struggle to remember my worth.
So when I am embraced by friends, I remember that it is what He did before He set me free.
Fox Friend Dec 2017
There seems to be a purpose and pattern
for everything lovely that God has created.
The pain is never in vain
it always happens
for a reason.

So where is my purpose?
Where is that pattern?

I cannot see far beyond all these tears
but what I am seeing does not add up
so either I am broken
or I am not one of God's
lovely creations.
Fox Friend Dec 2017
i hate that i flinch
you dont understand
laughter fills your eyes
when i jump at everything
i laugh with you because
im trying to hide the fact
that my throat is closing
my heart is racing
shaking hands are all i know
you say its cute
i want to cry
i cant escape the hurt
Fox Friend Dec 2017
I thought I found it, dad. You tell me my dreams are worthless, you say you have to tell me this because you love me and want what's best for me. You say I need to be realistic. This boy once told me what I loved was garbage, and it reminded me of you. I thought, this must be it.
He must love me.
When I brought you my awards and achievements, dad, you told me they were okay for a normal person but your daughter, I, could do better - these trophies weren't special enough. I'm not living up to my full potential and I never will in your eyes.
But you never let me leave without reminding me with your words that you love me endlessly, dad, so when I found a boy that was just as critical of me as you are, I felt that I had found the one.
Fox Friend Dec 2017
"Pouring everything into someone who doesn't have room to receive it
will only be wasteful."
- my brain
"Whatever it takes to be what he needs."
- my heart
Fox Friend Dec 2017
Watching the world wake up
when I want sleep
is the time in which sorrow’s stench
clings to my skin the strongest.
The persistent darkness will follow me
long after that bright day comes
and the sun peaks above us.
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