it's not often that once is Only
and that last is really the End.

forever is only a little
and goodbye is "in theory."

starts and stops are just in the heart.

memories are in the mind.

and the choice is in my hands.

look for me when
there's light.
search for me from
the sidewalk.
peer up from the past
steer away from the
future.
but if you hurt, and
sting like fire...
I'll drop you here
splashing heat on my
toes
because ice can fix that.
but I
warn you now, memory
only
gets patched over,
not erased.

You asked for this door.
One foot through the
Other trembling in the stars.

You can[not] have balance without halfway seeking defeat.

Stone's on the water now.

Float or sink.

Tail like a river
heart like a soldier
eyes like wet stone.

Sleep now, Easy.
with the scent of honey
And guard the threshold
of the world beyond.

Push and pull
like a wave
tides to the moon
the way she goes-

All equators
on the line
in balance
and yet the colour is
off.

Twists in the
branches of fate
may break, fall in the
road, shatter on
the fork.

but with my plate
so full, I cannot clean
it.

I fear starvation
I worry for the coming winter
I cannot store
for I am already frozen.

A stone cannot hide
For it cannot
Feel.

I am not a stone...
But I wish
I was.

we can't see eye-to-eye
[literally]...
you mirror my smile.
whether it's because
it's like my own
or because we're
peas, I might not know
because
you're a book I
still can't read.

Sometimes,
I believe I can draw.
Really the
skill,  it sits
in my genes
like a bear.
Only spring
comes so rarely...
when  I have
a pen
and the page
a disguised cave
where my creativity
yawns, looks around
then goes back to sleep.
for another Season.

When you think about
All the sheep you wasted
counting on your pillow
Remember, you'll find them
later, lining your slippers.
And keeping them warm.
For the cold, Outside.

And if the stars still
fall away from your
grasp, step out into
the night, and touch
your face to the moon.
maybe then the universe
will take pity,
and grant you rest.

If still no,
lay awake, my love
find my forehead,
listen to the
waves in my
heart and I will
take the hours for
you.

I'm smiling quiet,
gazing at your face in my head
tracing the indents of your mouth,
behind the backs of my lowered lids.
in the distance we
are close,
laced in the fingers of our souls,
even when I'm empty,
you make me whole.

I didn't know that
this is how you see-
how you feel
how you do
how you survive...

Unaware of the fight
waging silently in your guts
or the marks of the years
upon your wrists,
like the partial rings of a tree.

I have the ears of a listener
The rules of a King
but still, all your words often fall deaf
on my nodding head-
What kind of guide, am I then?

I give you license and praise
to mark the stone
bearing mind that I feel false,
in my own direction-
a fault of my own.

the light won't
change.  It's cold
and I feel my
stomach rumble with
the times.  Somewhere
my past self
is tucked up beside
him, asleep already
wrapped in her current
state of affairs.
Future me is on
a plane. with peanuts on
her lap, sipping
ginger ale on
her trip
to Whatever's Next,
But now.  
As the cars
go, I'm still here
and it's still
not changing.
And as I ****
up my breath and
face into the wind,
I cross and
hope that neither
cars or
the whims of
fate hit
me too hard.

I'm in my own
Glass house

We cast the stones
we all
Cast The Stones
spider cracks
at first.  and I
can patch those
I'm a pro

then a dent
we'll go to Windshield World they're
the
best

And when the whole thing just
shatters

you'll sneer-
Well, why didn't you build a
castle?

and I'll reply simply,

why did you cast the first
stone?

I'm crawling to the ceiling
with my eyes.

No don't look-
I can't stand it.

Even a stranger who
brushes my elbow makes
me shy away.

I belong in
my own bubble
of Strange.

there's a
storm out
there inside
here too.
but mine
doesn't melt
on my cheeks
when they are
warm.
it crystalizes
in my chest cavity
poking up
painfully when
I'm scared and
trying to breathe in.
and when I turn
out the lights
and try and pull
my security around
my body
the wind howls
reminding me
that even if I
shut the windows
I can still feel
the burn
of air coming in
on the tiny rips
in the sides
of my shield.

Once I held all
the balloon strings
of a few colours,
some shifted, popped
with the wind.
others burst with a shower
of gold
others swirled with translucent
smoke.
but a monstrous gale came,
snagging its claws into my palm
cutting my knuckles with hail
painting my cuticles with frost
and I cried out, bleeding in
the cold and crying,
stepped out of the ring
let loose all the tails
and  so ended
that particular
song.

all I wanted was
your love.
now all I have

is your love

well played,
Fate.

beautiful orange
globe of fruit

golden juice
sunshine summer cup

offered to me
on your finger tips

shut/open my eyes
blink
and the fruit is

cold and tossed into the snow

what did I do to change
your seasons so?

and it was you
and it was me then,
stuck together it was us.  
in a vessel.  
full of stars.

miss what it wasn't,
[little dreamer]

forget how it happened,
[little liar]

focus on the Forward,
[little prophet]

but don't discount the After.
[little lover]

under the layers
of inky, endless night -

no stars
no planets.

only bitter dust.

Oh
the things we
see when

our dreams leave
us.

found my heart in
your hands.

didn't even know
it was missing.

but I guess now
I
do.

I want to
delete all the mistakes
in my life like
a typewriter
shove in a cartridge
ring of the bell
erased.
wouldn't that
be
so
lovely.

My fear is a pool
Ripples washing ; the wind is deepening.
This ebbs with the moon if I can freeze my reality
But
Radio is the enemy
TV is a liar
I wake up every minute wishing I were dreaming.
1984- 2017
a new world awakening and inside
I am
Screaming.

you sit on
my feet and
purr.
is it
because you
know I'll
always be
here?
or because
there's still
little bits
of food
to the
very top
of your
bowl.

I never liked
the way the puddles
felt, soaking my shoes
the icy pull on
my socks, the squelch
and the chill around
my ankles.
never trusted the
protection rubber boots
could give, because for
me they always sprung a
leak. and when spring showers
came, over the tops of
my cuffs and onto my shins
spat the water that
makes flowers weep
and bring forth more children.
but for all that rain...
my toes never sprouted
nothin' but backwards steps
into the wind.

I've touched the
lips that wax
and wane
the warm mouth
that sits in
the sky

show me the
one with a smile
like that who
walks on the earth
and I will
surely follow him
all the way to
the
sea.

And in the calm water, there
sits the seed of a story:

Green under blue -
the tale of a fish who flew,

Because the tree came to her.

when it lights up, and it isn't you...
and it's not. and it won't be.

I strain through the cloudy ether-
struggling to translate those fragmented strands,
crystalize them into some sense
but the swirls, and the void-
it's impossible to detangle

I see the shining pillar through the mist
but the fog around it-
is that your doubt, or is that the ultimate truth?

why did...?

maybe it's time I stopped...
tilting at windmills.

I don't come here often anymore.
I can't.

I  have grown to loathe the walls.
And the paper has faded,
just like the boards-
scratched, ugly
with flourescent
and no longer soft in
twilight.

I used to love
this place inside.
the notebook cubby of
creativity.
where my pen made
me beautiful.
An ego stretched and bared like
a bathing goddess.

But now I have lost my tongue
unable to translate fabric to
dress
and show my life, standing upright,
in verse.

Lyric hubris.
the Muse taketh away

Poet's curse.

you might be
'oh yeah?'
in a poem,
I said. with
the lights flashing
by, not
the cops but
a sign
proclaiming
something about
shoes changing
red, red
green, red, switch.

the things
that come out
came out of
my mouth,
I hope they
don't fly
back in.  
'cos
I just
may
want to
keep
those
golden eyes
for
a while.

I was scared
to turn up
the stairs
lest you be
waiting for
me
there.
who knows
what lies
in the dark
who tells the
truth when the
switch is un-
switched.
but when
big hands
turned on
the lights,
I opened my
eyes and
still
could not
see what was
hidden in those
shapes crouching
in the
shadows
of your
empty
halls.

Sometimes I feel it in my feet, a ripple
A puddle, then a pond
Windstorm rushing up my throat
Hurricane around my neck

Empathy Coat, wear me well

The openness of concrete space
casts a trance
Caffeine sings its drying song
A sheen smeared thinly across
already unsure synapses

Purposes lost
sit and wait for the time inside to go somewhere-
To do
Nothing

Hum of the machine
Touch of the sun
Cup
And a view, productive.

Liars,
all.

Learning how to be alone
is an art.
I do not mean
with, without
a lover.

Learn how to
be alone in
your self.

feel the skin
the way your soul
fits in
your bones.

rest there

like water
and stay as
it tugs
for the
longer you
can stand
it,

the stronger you
will be
when you
journey to
Stars.

Bad news here-
and I have to let it settle and
diffuse
sprinkle it over the surface of my shield
like salt.
lest the slickness not melt
on the bumpy road to their
Path and force a crash.

What I hear...
I can feel it-
want to let sink into my heart- but
To be their defender... must hide my eyes,
avoid their wounds.
Lest I faint, fall, falter.

So instead I send it
to heaven
Courage, Strength, Hope

Hope someone up there can...

is listening...

you will never
know and yet,
neither shall I,
what bruises  the wind makes
or the sorrows we
hide-

the skin shields we hold
the bone arrows we forge
for ourselves, by our kin
or the world at large.

So it is vast, and it is wide
it is small, it is fair
but I have no glass
nor other magic means
by which to
take you there.

waiting
for you...
I should
get a
better watch.
because this
one doesn't
tell me things
I wanna hear.
like
"he's never
coming
back".

and it is undone
plucked from the snow

with the glasses
of a rose
back on the bridge

I saunter on
til the next doubt
comes along
and tries to *****
my thumb.

and they did come, like rain, after a time
over the planes and rocks of her cheeks
pooling in the crevice beneath her nose
shining upon her lips in limpid drops

and in their wake

the promise of someday-sunshine on a sea of glass

you're so
utterly
lovely
why can't you
be good?

the way you
promised
your mama
you would.

Sometimes there
Isn't-
A right way to live to
Do.

We beat our bones against
The rock
We hurt our hearts saying we
Deserve this.
We swim up a negative stream.
It's a channel I know well-

Yet False, I say.

A spark- it's all you have.

Small butterfly- save your wish.

It's not too late.

I don't know you
I didn't know you
but you make him hurt
on a memory
from a picture I
only saw once
there were trees
tiny smiling eyes
and you were a
name that used
to make him happy
or so I was told.
I am sorry
that you are gone
now, and
I can hear his
I heard his tears
on the phone
bringing mine up
for a stranger
who is part of
my father.
please let him
dig away your
image. and bury
the spaces you put
between all of
the people you were
supposed to love.
let him not be
weighed upon
by ties you broke
without even
building them.
I hope you rest
in peace without
pain. and I
hope you make
me stop crying
for the little
brother you
stopped remembering
when you
forgot the importance
of
yourself.

this is
old and salty
torn broken lost.

Page from
your diary?

your list-
a cheque book...
so Important.

but evidently
slipped your hands.

Isn't it all.

By the way...
you're out of milk.

if I could only have
one part
my eyes
without that
a face like an empty
plate, who would
know me
how would I know
if they did
I can touch
and see strangers
with these shining
globes.
take them away
and I am walking
alone
in the dark
a stranger inside
myself.

Stone waits
in the Rain

it will move

just
give it
Time

I hate it
when I lock the
door and you
take that pick
and set it
right in the
center of that band-aid
bit that I keep covering
I told you once
that I let you
in.
but that it's
not  for many
people.  Don't.
so now
that you're
back in the cold
best to get a sweater
because little red just
can't tell the wolf
from grandmas
anymore.

slipping gravel grains
through my fingers
bits caught sly, in the creases
briefly.    but this
sandbox-
it's just a
garden for fools.

I need your hug
I need your smell
I need the things
that I think you do well
hands on my feet
hands on my hips
kisses on my shoulder
kisses on my lips
I haven't even seen
you and the things that
got between
[you and I]
are backwards and
forwards
confusing, no lie.
but we just couldn't go
back even
if we tried.
so to save some time
and make the pain go by fast
I'm going to destroy
my values with rhyme
and just try
and bury my memories
of our past.

Too right-
a cup so full
cannot hold
cannot comprehend
focus or push back

a cup will spill, trembling
when held in unsteady fingers
knuckles white, nail beds stark

a soul pushed
a soul stretched

has no balance left

I need
a new notebook
or to engage
on the phone with
Life and
tell it to
slow down.
I can't write
fast enough
with these
feeble hands.