smoother sailing
is the promise-
And the
Explanation,
The be all,
The Balm, salve, or
solution.

"I didn't mean to"
sometimes they did.
sometimes they didn't.

But I have no,
no real way,

to explain gravely
enough-
that in the real world
sometimes Sorry
just can't
doesn't
won't

cut it.

outside of myself
currently.
smoking a whole
cigarette in the icy night
pretending to Be.
The shell of
a woman wearing a grown up
coat doing the rules-
paying the dues of
a liar with a book,
a quill and a crown.
the liquor holds my lips
open and-
I feel hollow and full
in my head...
and I wonder where I'm
supposed to be.
and am hoping that maybe in this state
I will be able to tell
myself the answer-
since I'm telling
all,
Anyway.
My hair smells like
ash,  my fingers cold on
the filter.
The stars are too clear.
I should probably...

reality snaking in
to remind-

I'm
getting too
old for this.

Try.

It's a small word
divided into three
it becomes mightier.

the power of shapes
against the sword of a pen
for it, the shield of
defeat

the two letter 'no'
you would think three would
beat two

you would be wrong

'yes' also invokes
yet at it's strongest,

really means 'no' too.

when I go back
it is the same
and it isn't
I am me and
her now
we have memories
like two halves
of a lost
coin.
And I have the
same hands.
but the things
they carry
are burdens that
just couldn't
even be imagined
the last time
I exited this
stage.

feeling of wrongness
sheen of oil
power shower
can you get it for
a soul?

smash with your fists
bash the drum
slash the strings

hit harder
sing louder

turn it right up
but for the love of
god don't stop

I don't want to-

accidentally hear
my heart.

You were always afraid
your heart filled with pause
and your eyes touched by ghosts.
But,
your back stayed
soft
strong.
muzzle filled with wisdom
ears full of silk.

and the wind came
and I was defenseless
for I had not boarded up
my windows
in fact I
had opened up
my doors and welcomed in
the creatures of
plague
I invited the leeches
onto my ankles
beckoned the water snakes
into my hair
and sat in the chair
I had wrought of
moldy river reeds
and looked up at
the storm and the
ark and said
too late
this flood
that man
they've gone.
so I'll
just stay
right here
For as long
as I can.

It's not
strong as
some...but the
taste of a
garden stays on
my tongue.
lips wet
like grass after
rain, the
scent of flowers
leaves my breath-
the *** is empty.
time to join
the life outside.

a robot
approved my
card.
now paper flies
to the
wind
and I get to-
Live.

This rawness
The salt of life
In all my wounds.
Of this existence.
The obstacles and trials
Of being human.
Are too much but in one...
the same and
Enough.

Night and day melt in
A cycle of paradoxical yin
And yang
Up is down,
Sideways is wrong
And stopping is the fear of
Speed
The struggle is the
Map when searching for a
Key that you didn't want
to Need.

I see your wings.

even if You
Can't.

Unspeakable yet bursting on my tongue.
Keeping slow poison in my heart and knowing the map to potential misery I hold.
My feet steeling themselves for the treacherous path that I still only truly know.
[It's...]
The frozen moment before the window breaks.
[That...Knowing ...]
This jagged rock lies in my pocket--
everything that touches me feels as though it's about to shatter.
The false illusion that I can protect anyone from sadness.
I am  the eye of the storm.
An epicenter of grief.
Ripples in lava. But alas.

I have become Pompeii.
And no act of Earth
or sky can stop this.

So forward march,
And away we go.

I scramble to tally all
the things about this that are wrong
Clinging to
And clawing at
Careful pieces of
Someone else's song

Ringing harsh around me are these lyrics in my ears
Clashing, ripping, tossing feelings out of my eyes with
Traitorous ******* tears.

Somewhere there is laughter
Somewhere there is death
Somewhere someone is fighting
For their last and desperate breath

And here in our bubbles it's hard to see the trees
But the wind it still whispers
Catching me 'round the knees

You are mortal
You will be mortal
Your life is in a shell
Be grateful for what hits you
And what isn't- so
Guard this well.

Things that are dead
Vegetables
Fall.
So many ants.
We give and take life so
Frivolously.
Barbaric in our uniformity.
Mob mentality
House flies are a game.
Cut flowers, Christmas trees.
Beef in cream sauce.
A culture of mundane murderers.

It's ok.
All the kids are doing it.