bravery isn't just limited to fighting dragons
or wearing that armour of yours

bravery isn't all about protesting what you believe in
or using your fists to do the explaining

it's you at 6 in the morning forcing yourself to get up
because you stayed up all night crying

it's when you try so hard to keep that untouched blade
that you always kept hidden from your parents
away from your skin

it's when you always try to think of "happy thoughts"
and fake your smiles;
although it's  make believe, it's a sign you don't want to give up

it's when you feel all your bottled up emotions
rushing, begging to be felt by you
and yet you keep yourself from caving in completely
succumbing from your darkest fears

you always feel hopeless and alone,
but then here you are,
alive
breathing
grasping for that minuscule light

you think you have given up completely,
and that your dreams died a long time ago
but when you listen closely,
your heart is still beating
isn't that a sign of hope?

you are fighting your own wars,
so never believe them when they call you
weak
because you have your own battle scars as proof,
proof that you survive and still fighting

you are the hero(heroine) of your own story
so believe me when i tell you that
**you are brave

i always feel helpless
even when i'm around you
because stars that seem to be
just right beside one  another
are actually separated
by a great,
great

d i s t a n c e

a bullet would've hurt
a bit less than this loneliness

Step 1. Delete everything. Delete her photos of her laughing, the picture of both of your shoes during a summer day you took after going to the book fair with her, the conversation you screenshotted of her saying "we are soulmates". It's too painful for you to bear now, you don't need a physical reminder of the void she left.

Step 2. Stay on routine. Wake up, get dressed, go to school, go to work, study, sleep. Be tired. Let your body ache as you lie down the cold mattress where the winter winds outside your window lulls you to sleep. Overthinking is your enemy.

Step 3. Write a letter for her. Tell her everything you wanted to say. How your heart broke a million pieces when she sent you her last text. How you thought she was going to be with you forever. Talk about the would've-been future you were going to have, the two cats you were supposed to raise, and the places you were supposed to see together. But don't ever send it.

Step 4.  Don't go back to the day when it ended. December 6, 2018 at approximately 9:38 p.m. You were standing in the rain, she tells you "I don't feel good." and walks away, leaving you to stand there alone. It's the day where you finally see the cracks, but realized it's too late to fix a week later when she finally messages you.

Step 5. Stumble upon a TED Talk about getting over a heartbreak, you cry for 12 minutes straight watching it. You do what the speaker tells you because you feel lost. He said to write down a list of why this person is unfit for you, and you finally realized that love has made you look at her through cloudy filtered lens.

Step 6. Don't open her friend's snapchat stories and see her there, smiling, and having fun. Don't wonder if her heart is as broken as yours.

Step 7. Fail. Miserably. But get up anyway, because only time can tell.

Step 8. Get out of your comfort zone. Reach out to people, start conversations. Go to the places you planned to see with her, and see those places by yourself or maybe with other people.

Step 9. Find new hobbies, and go out on your own. Make new memories with other people and enjoy your own company.

Step 10. Know that 7 years is a long time to spend with someone, so it will take some time. But one day you will wake up and you won't even notice the void she has left.

3AM and I wonder
If I'm good enough for anyone
Can happiness reach me,
When I'm in a really dark place
But I'm done waiting
There's no prince charming
Nor a fairy godmother
Because now I know
That I am my own hero
And in order to be happy
I must take action

we were all kids once
with small hands and big eyes
so full of love and innocence
and I'd be lying if i tell my younger self
to make sure she keeps her innocence
because this harsh world
will **** the life out of you
which is ironic because this is life
but if I were to say a message to my younger self
it would be to keep your heart full
full of love
full of care
and full of happiness
because this world may be harsh
but do not let it diminish the light in your eyes
or **** the curiosity
and maybe that adventurous streak you always have
they will surely call you foolish thinking that
you can keep all these things,
but look around you
you see dead people roaming around
with no fire in their hearts because they drowned
in this sea of madness
do not go with the flow but rather stay on top
and build a boat and sail where you want
don't let the coldness of others
affect you,
but rather let your warmness
affect them
this world is harsh
but that doesn't mean you have to be that way too

I sniffed the sweater I took from you,
and I realized that your smell is gone
and so is the comfort of your smell that goes with it,

and I'm scared I might be losing you too.

6 feet underground
their bones lie within

a slate on top of their heads
labeling they are the dead ones

sad yet beautiful
that they once roam this earth

we avoid the thought of death
but seeing this made me realize
and acknowledge that one day
my name will be on a slate
and I will be 6 feet underground

so sad, yet peaceful

so why should we wait for tomorrow
when we can do it now?

feelings unsaid, let them be heard
let them know, and let them see
because tomorrow might never come

you will inevitably be 6 feet underground
with a slate on top labeling
you're dead

I fell into the pit
Of sadness and doubt
All because of this thing
Called society

I tore out myself
And shredded the things
That used to define me
All because they told me I can't
Be who I wanted to be

But society doesn't change
They judge you for who you are
And who you aren't
It's a prison
And we cannot escape it

2:30 AM
How are you?
I miss you
I hope you're doing fine
I'm a lost cause without you
Darling, don't leave
I'm sorry
One more chance?
I love you

*deletes

After two months of silence,
your name appears on my phone
quite randomly,
which is funny because a minute before that,
I decided to let go a small(huge) part of me who is still hoping.

It seems like you wanted to pick up where we left off,
but I burned that bridge a long time ago,
because I wanted to make sure that I wouldn't run back to you
the moment I said goodbye.

You know those cliched romance movies,
and songs that sing of love that lasts forever,
and those poems that make romance so endearingly nice.
I know you said you're tired of it, you've seen it too much.
It makes you sick, and it makes me sick too.
But if it was you who I would do all those things,
and spend my life with you,
then cliched or not, it will be a dream come true.

Our bodies will change,
and my hands won't be as smooth as you were used to,
but we will share everything together, and all the best and even the worst.
And we may face obstacles too tall for our love,
but then my love for you grows each day I look into your eyes
and see the universe unravel.
So those challenges are no match for us,
because we have a lifetime ahead of us,
and thinking about spending it with you,
is truly a dream come true.

everything is the past,
the time i wrote the first line is already a history.
the moment i blinked after this word is already gone,
they are all in the past.

the world you know changes constantly,

blink

blink

blink

the world you knew already changed once you finish reading this line
and life works that way.

so I don't see why you stress over something that happened an hour ago, or maybe a week ago, sometimes even 2 years ago.
they are already in the past,
simply a memory engraved in our minds,
haunting us from the future.

and then we have tomorrow
or maybe the next hour,
a history that hasn't been written,
shouldn't you worry about that?

I used to be so caught up with the thought that
my worthiness is measured by how many people love me, or think i'm pretty.
Maybe that's why I try to make them fall in love with me and make them feel vulnerable.
I love having that power over someone because the more they tell me they love me,
the more drunk I get with the feeling of being worthy.
But no matter how much I get high with their love,
it does not fill the gaping void in my heart and soul.
I think that's why no matter how many I love you's roll out my tongue, it does not feel as real to me at the end.
But I've come to realization that it's okay if nobody loves me, or maybe nobody will ever love me.
Maybe that's not the point.
**Maybe it's not about being loved by somebody else.

I thought you were my angel sent from above
to make this misery end,
and to be the bright light that shines upon my darkness.
But even lucifer was an angel too.

I was seven
When a guy from my grade pushed me
And I fell ******* the ground
But my teacher simply asked
"What did you do to provoke him?"
Instead of confronting him

I was twelve
When I saw a dress I really liked
But all my mom said
"the length is too short,  you can't wear it outside, you'll get ****"
Even though it was barely above my knees

When I started to high school
My parents kept telling me
"Don't befriend guys ok? they're not good"

We act as if humans are driven purely by desire
And no control
We're taught that men are predators
And we must be careful not to "provoke" them

"She was asking for it, wearing such a revealing clothes"
"She shouldn't go there at night, she was definitely asking for it."
Asking for it
Deserved it
As if women walk around the streets
Secretly wanting to be abused

I never asked for it
Nor was it my fault
I didn't choose to be born as a female
Or to be looked upon as a prey
I never wanted to be seen as
A meal for the people
Who are "sexually driven"

I never asked for any of this
Yet somehow they find ways
To shove that into my head
That I did deserve this
Just because I'm a girl

I can't wear certain outfits
Without feeling as if maybe
I do deserve to be treated like this
And to feel so unclean

"It could've been worse"
"You'll get over it"
As if those words can make it better
Or acceptable that it happened

This is our society,
Where we teach our daughters
To cower and give in
And never fight back
"Be the good girl"
Instead of teaching our sons
How to be a better man
And respect women

*** isn't right
And that we all should feel ashamed of ourselves
For women to want it, and say it publicly
We'll be called a **** or *****
But it's acceptable for men
To say such things
And still be respected

Why is it the worst thing you can say
And the most used comeback to guys is
"Don't be such a girl"

Being a girl is something you should feel bad
As if we had a choice of our own gender
Treated like we wanted any of this

Ladies and gentlemen(hopefully you still exist),
This is our society
Is this really the place you want
Your daughter to grow up in?

I blame the universe
which is ironic because
i never thought I would blame the entire universe
for something inevitable

But I still blame the universe
I blame it for his death
and it really hurts to see people walking on the streets
and the world still moving
even though he's not here anymore
1 person less in 7 billion,
It wouldn't make a difference like a grain of sand
lost in the ocean

And I am angry at the world,
for this man didn't deserve to die so early
they took our infinity together

To think that one day, I will die too
sooner or later
All the people he met, and loved
he will soon reach oblivion

And it hurts so much,
A dagger in my heart
That the memories he and I shared
will die with me,
lost forever

Because everyone in the world
deserves to know
how wonderful he really was

He made this terrible place
bearable

And as I lie at his unmade bed,
not to be slept in anymore,
his faint smell
slowly dissipating
and stare at the book at his bedside
never to be finished;
I feel as if I lost a part of me

Everyone knows that this battle
was not a war to be won
Because death will always await for us
at the end of the road

But still,
let me blame the universe for a while
as it ease the pain from my heart