Step 1. Delete everything. Delete her photos of her laughing, the picture of both of your shoes during a summer day you took after going to the book fair with her, the conversation you screenshotted of her saying "we are soulmates". It's too painful for you to bear now, you don't need a physical reminder of the void she left.

Step 2. Stay on routine. Wake up, get dressed, go to school, go to work, study, sleep. Be tired. Let your body ache as you lie down the cold mattress where the winter winds outside your window lulls you to sleep. Overthinking is your enemy.

Step 3. Write a letter for her. Tell her everything you wanted to say. How your heart broke a million pieces when she sent you her last text. How you thought she was going to be with you forever. Talk about the would've-been future you were going to have, the two cats you were supposed to raise, and the places you were supposed to see together. But don't ever send it.

Step 4.  Don't go back to the day when it ended. December 6, 2018 at approximately 9:38 p.m. You were standing in the rain, she tells you "I don't feel good." and walks away, leaving you to stand there alone. It's the day where you finally see the cracks, but realized it's too late to fix a week later when she finally messages you.

Step 5. Stumble upon a TED Talk about getting over a heartbreak, you cry for 12 minutes straight watching it. You do what the speaker tells you because you feel lost. He said to write down a list of why this person is unfit for you, and you finally realized that love has made you look at her through cloudy filtered lens.

Step 6. Don't open her friend's snapchat stories and see her there, smiling, and having fun. Don't wonder if her heart is as broken as yours.

Step 7. Fail. Miserably. But get up anyway, because only time can tell.

Step 8. Get out of your comfort zone. Reach out to people, start conversations. Go to the places you planned to see with her, and see those places by yourself or maybe with other people.

Step 9. Find new hobbies, and go out on your own. Make new memories with other people and enjoy your own company.

Step 10. Know that 7 years is a long time to spend with someone, so it will take some time. But one day you will wake up and you won't even notice the void she has left.

do not wonder why
she won't let you in
she's broken
can't you see?

at the end of the day
after everyone walks away
it is her alone who picks up the pieces

and those pieces gets stepped on,
stuck on a person's soles who will
never even bother to give it back

so everyday she lose herself
slowly
person by person
word per word
goodbyes after goodbyes

so i'm sorry
she says
because she is not the person
you loved a month ago

no, she's different
lost all her pieces
stuck on a person's sole

no, you cannot go in
because the house is broken now
you cannot make a home to her
she will never give you warm

and you ask yourself
why am i even here?
then you get up and take your leave

your warmth will be there,
but you are not
you took a piece of her
what a fool she has become

oh foolish, foolish little girl!
you have nothing to give
but still offered a home

and where's that piece you've been looking for?

it's stuck on another person's sole
never to be given back

bravery isn't just limited to fighting dragons
or wearing that armour of yours

bravery isn't all about protesting what you believe in
or using your fists to do the explaining

it's you at 6 in the morning forcing yourself to get up
because you stayed up all night crying

it's when you try so hard to keep that untouched blade
that you always kept hidden from your parents
away from your skin

it's when you always try to think of "happy thoughts"
and fake your smiles;
although it's  make believe, it's a sign you don't want to give up

it's when you feel all your bottled up emotions
rushing, begging to be felt by you
and yet you keep yourself from caving in completely
succumbing from your darkest fears

you always feel hopeless and alone,
but then here you are,
alive
breathing
grasping for that minuscule light

you think you have given up completely,
and that your dreams died a long time ago
but when you listen closely,
your heart is still beating
isn't that a sign of hope?

you are fighting your own wars,
so never believe them when they call you
weak
because you have your own battle scars as proof,
proof that you survive and still fighting

you are the hero(heroine) of your own story
so believe me when i tell you that
**you are brave

We are all paintings
We are painted with words that have been said to us,
the things we thought of,
the actions that caused us to succumb
and to cower in the dark.
The nice things we said to someone,
even the bad ones.
They're all painted on us.
We are the canvas of our life.
Shaped by tragedy and triumph.
Sometimes you feel like your canvas is painted black.
Maybe it is.
But you know what that's good for?
Painting a galaxy.
Because why look at stars and planets outside of Earth,
when there are wonders here that we have not explored.
Inside of us, there are galaxies to be seen,
and marveling sights to be delve into.
We are all explorers.

inhale*
heart cold as ice
exhale
I cannot feel emotions

You know those cliched romance movies,
and songs that sing of love that lasts forever,
and those poems that make romance so endearingly nice.
I know you said you're tired of it, you've seen it too much.
It makes you sick, and it makes me sick too.
But if it was you who I would do all those things,
and spend my life with you,
then cliched or not, it will be a dream come true.

Our bodies will change,
and my hands won't be as smooth as you were used to,
but we will share everything together, and all the best and even the worst.
And we may face obstacles too tall for our love,
but then my love for you grows each day I look into your eyes
and see the universe unravel.
So those challenges are no match for us,
because we have a lifetime ahead of us,
and thinking about spending it with you,
is truly a dream come true.

Everything started to fall,
from leaves turning into orange
and to the breeze that begins to feel chilly.
I think we started to fall too,
not with each other,
but apart.
The degrees were getting lower,
and you were being more distant.
I get shivers down my spine,
but it's not the weather that makes me feel cold at night.

You said you love me and that you care
I really thought you did
but friends shouldn't make me feel bad
for being sad

You always want me to be happy
but that's unrealistic
because we are sad beings
in this lone universe
isn't that why we always crave to be with people?

I thought I was happy
but I was wrong
I simply forced myself to be
because I know you'd leave again
and you are a drug to me
I simply cannot live without

But you demand so much from me
you crush my bones into dust
and you like to take control of me

In a simple sense,
you have the wheel
and you never let me learn how to drive
and when we reached a wall
you simply jumped off and deserted me
instead of taking a turn

6 feet underground
their bones lie within

a slate on top of their heads
labeling they are the dead ones

sad yet beautiful
that they once roam this earth

we avoid the thought of death
but seeing this made me realize
and acknowledge that one day
my name will be on a slate
and I will be 6 feet underground

so sad, yet peaceful

so why should we wait for tomorrow
when we can do it now?

feelings unsaid, let them be heard
let them know, and let them see
because tomorrow might never come

you will inevitably be 6 feet underground
with a slate on top labeling
you're dead

I hear my heart beating
I am alive

I can feel your hands
intertwined with mine
I am alive

The cold of winter morning
Stings my skin
I am alive

The non-stop chattering
About unimportant things
From unknown people
I can hear it
Because I am alive

Past filled with
Broken hearts
And empty promises
Yet here I am
Alive

I blame the universe
which is ironic because
i never thought I would blame the entire universe
for something inevitable

But I still blame the universe
I blame it for his death
and it really hurts to see people walking on the streets
and the world still moving
even though he's not here anymore
1 person less in 7 billion,
It wouldn't make a difference like a grain of sand
lost in the ocean

And I am angry at the world,
for this man didn't deserve to die so early
they took our infinity together

To think that one day, I will die too
sooner or later
All the people he met, and loved
he will soon reach oblivion

And it hurts so much,
A dagger in my heart
That the memories he and I shared
will die with me,
lost forever

Because everyone in the world
deserves to know
how wonderful he really was

He made this terrible place
bearable

And as I lie at his unmade bed,
not to be slept in anymore,
his faint smell
slowly dissipating
and stare at the book at his bedside
never to be finished;
I feel as if I lost a part of me

Everyone knows that this battle
was not a war to be won
Because death will always await for us
at the end of the road

But still,
let me blame the universe for a while
as it ease the pain from my heart

3AM and I wonder
If I'm good enough for anyone
Can happiness reach me,
When I'm in a really dark place
But I'm done waiting
There's no prince charming
Nor a fairy godmother
Because now I know
That I am my own hero
And in order to be happy
I must take action

Fall in love with the guy who plays with hearts
As if they were toys
Love the boy who doesn't even know you exist
But you spend as much time writing about him
As much as he spends time ignoring you
Listen to the voices in your head, from time to time
Let them take over you, but not fully
But let them make you feel utterly hopeless and sad
To the point you tremble
It hurts, doesn't it?
But that's the point,
Hurt yourself, and learn
From loneliness you understand how to be a true friend,
And from a broken heart you learn who to avoid
Let them hurt you,
Because with destruction, creation begins
And one day, you will meet somebody
Who will use your pain to create something marvellous
And he will call your pain his greatest art known to mankind
He will pick up the pieces of your shattered heart
That was lost from all the trauma you've experienced
And then, then you will be thankful for the suffering
Because it all led you back to him

a bullet would've hurt
a bit less than this loneliness

I used to be so caught up with the thought that
my worthiness is measured by how many people love me, or think i'm pretty.
Maybe that's why I try to make them fall in love with me and make them feel vulnerable.
I love having that power over someone because the more they tell me they love me,
the more drunk I get with the feeling of being worthy.
But no matter how much I get high with their love,
it does not fill the gaping void in my heart and soul.
I think that's why no matter how many I love you's roll out my tongue, it does not feel as real to me at the end.
But I've come to realization that it's okay if nobody loves me, or maybe nobody will ever love me.
Maybe that's not the point.
**Maybe it's not about being loved by somebody else.

Every passing year
My memory grows weaker
But I don't want that
Because I know that
One day I will forget
What exactly the colour
Of your eyes are
Or the little things
That you always do
Which I grew to love
So I try to write
And write with all my might
Every detail,
Every word
But still
The memories are
Starting to to slip away
From my grasp