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Elli Dec 2018
Step 1. Delete everything. Delete her photos of her laughing, the picture of both of your shoes during a summer day you took after going to the book fair with her, the conversation you screenshotted of her saying "we are soulmates". It's too painful for you to bear now, you don't need a physical reminder of the void she left.

Step 2. Stay on routine. Wake up, get dressed, go to school, go to work, study, sleep. Be tired. Let your body ache as you lie down the cold mattress where the winter winds outside your window lulls you to sleep. Overthinking is your enemy.

Step 3. Write a letter for her. Tell her everything you wanted to say. How your heart broke a million pieces when she sent you her last text. How you thought she was going to be with you forever. Talk about the would've-been future you were going to have, the two cats you were supposed to raise, and the places you were supposed to see together. But don't ever send it.

Step 4.  Don't go back to the day when it ended. December 6, 2018 at approximately 9:38 p.m. You were standing in the rain, she tells you "I don't feel good." and walks away, leaving you to stand there alone. It's the day where you finally see the cracks, but realized it's too late to fix a week later when she finally messages you.

Step 5. Stumble upon a TED Talk about getting over a heartbreak, you cry for 12 minutes straight watching it. You do what the speaker tells you because you feel lost. He said to write down a list of why this person is unfit for you, and you finally realized that love has made you look at her through cloudy filtered lens.

Step 6. Don't open her friend's snapchat stories and see her there, smiling, and having fun. Don't wonder if her heart is as broken as yours.

Step 7. Fail. Miserably. But get up anyway, because only time can tell.

Step 8. Get out of your comfort zone. Reach out to people, start conversations. Go to the places you planned to see with her, and see those places by yourself or maybe with other people.

Step 9. Find new hobbies, and go out on your own. Make new memories with other people and enjoy your own company.

Step 10. Know that 7 years is a long time to spend with someone, so it will take some time. But one day you will wake up and you won't even notice the void she has left.
Honestly, this could apply to platonic and romantic relationships. Idk how to feel about this piece, I don't really like it. But here goes nothing.
Jul 2017 · 1.7k
Untitled
Elli Jul 2017
You sighed so much
your lungs almost collapsed.

Is existing the same
as living?

You tell yourself
that "today is the day"
day after day
after day
after day

But depression drags you
back to your bed.
It tells you
"there's another day"
haven't posted in a while b/c i was busy with uni. Actually I need to study for an exam on wednesday and I barely started. welp.
Dec 2016 · 517
Not love
Elli Dec 2016
For the longest time I thought that what we had was love
but it wasn't

Because I'm not supposed to feel scared and anxious when I miss a text or call
because I'm afraid that you'll lash out on me

It's not supposed to make me feel scared as if I have to tip toe around egg shells to make sure that I stay on your good mood

My friends aren't supposed to lose count on how many times I cried over you and yet they could count the times I was happy in one hand

And I was desperate to believe that you were the real you when you're happy
and that whenever you're mad it's actually my fault
because you say it is

When you say sorry I would always hang on to it like a man in the desert desperate for water,
because you always say that you didn't mean to (and because it was simply my fault)

Your anger started to become my punishments,
it became a way for me to burry myself with guilt and constantly blaming myself that I should've learned by now to know what you want
because ultimately it's my fault

The word "no" disappeared from my vocabulary because guilt and fear has eaten it away  

You used to ask me why I never get angry,
but being angry at you will just amplify your anger towards me

But it's been years now,
and I finally got my voice back,
It took me time to repair what was broken,
and get the missing pieces back together


It's been years now,
but I still get anxious when my phone rings
Aug 2016 · 549
Untitled
Elli Aug 2016
You asked me how much I love you
and I couldn't tell you,
not because I don't,
but because my love for you is something
that cannot be chained down by words
for it is something beyond the common tongue

But I do know that I love you as deep and vast
as the oceans that separates us,
and even though you can see the sun
while I see the moon,
it is comforting to know that we are
under the same sky
Written for the girl I was in love with who lives in a different continent than me.
Jun 2016 · 798
Measuring Worthiness
Elli Jun 2016
I used to be so caught up with the thought that
my worthiness is measured by how many people love me, or think i'm pretty.
Maybe that's why I try to make them fall in love with me and make them feel vulnerable.
I love having that power over someone because the more they tell me they love me,
the more drunk I get with the feeling of being worthy.
But no matter how much I get high with their love,
it does not fill the gaping void in my heart and soul.
I think that's why no matter how many I love you's roll out my tongue, it does not feel as real to me at the end.
But I've come to realization that it's okay if nobody loves me, or maybe nobody will ever love me.
Maybe that's not the point.
**Maybe it's not about being loved by somebody else.
I don't need someone in order to be happy.
Mar 2016 · 938
Undoing
Elli Mar 2016
How many boys do I have to kiss,
and bottles to drink,
in order to blur your face and forget your name?

But this is my destruction,
I've accepted it the moment I fell in love.

Because loving you is being vulnerable and naked,
it was my choice and never your fault.

I just knew you were destruction,
but worth sacrificing everything for.

But now that I have nothing,
what will happen now?
I know that’s a stupid thing to do but understand that I was madly in love with you. People tend to lose their instincts when they're in love.
Nov 2015 · 764
(un)wavering resolve
Elli Nov 2015
After two months of silence,
your name appears on my phone
quite randomly,
which is funny because a minute before that,
I decided to let go a small(huge) part of me who is still hoping.

It seems like you wanted to pick up where we left off,
but I burned that bridge a long time ago,
because I wanted to make sure that I wouldn't run back to you
the moment I said goodbye.
I love you and miss you so much, but it's too late to go back.

( thinking about you is distracting me from studying and finals is a week from now, so I just had to write about you, again. )
Nov 2015 · 820
overwriting you
Elli Nov 2015
Your presence seeped into every aspect of my life,
leaving memories behind
that seems to haunt me like tidal waves;
but I am no swimmer,
and my emotions drowns me.

I see you everywhere,
the memories of you is always on replay,
but the stop button is broken
and I am forced to watch it.

But that's what you are now,
just memories.

So as I walk alone at the path going home
that you and I used to take,
my loneliness tries to overwrite our moments together.

But my presence cannot overpower yours,
because you have imprinted yourself in every aspect of me.

You were part of my definition,
and now I'm simply a part of an explanation that used to be whole.
You will never read this because you stopped reading my poetry months ago.

p.s.

I need my heart back.
Nov 2015 · 863
Toxic
Elli Nov 2015
Our relationship is always a give and take,
except I always give,
and you always take.
Sep 2015 · 1.1k
sweater
Elli Sep 2015
I sniffed the sweater I took from you,
and I realized that your smell is gone
and so is the comfort of your smell that goes with it,

and I'm scared I might be losing you too.
I really love your sweater and inhaling your scent and how it makes me feel safe.
Aug 2015 · 290
who am i
Elli Aug 2015
We are so intertwined
that I can't distinguish where I end
and you begin.
Are your thoughts mine or are my thoughts yours?
I can't even recognize myself anymore.
Jun 2015 · 271
Untitled
Elli Jun 2015
He stands at your bedroom door while you're at the edge of your bed, staring at him. There are wilted white lilies on top of your bedside drawer. He sits at your bed, not too close to you, but close enough you can feel the heat radiate from his skin. You feel like this distance is too far, you want his skin to clash against yours, his lips at the nape of your neck. The street lights pour from your window, his face illuminated with it. His face looks so innocent, yet deadly because of the light. Red for passion? no. Red for blood. Red for deadly. This is not love. This is destruction and pain. He reaches out for you, and you moved too eagerly. He holds you without care, his nails scratches your back, too deep. You're in too deep. Red for stop. His lips crushes against yours, and he tears off your dress, and he kisses your neck, and you realized that he has your heart in his hands.  You didn't pay attention to details. Red for deadly. You're going crazy and wild, you are empty handed. You finally realized that his ribs are intact while yours is wide open. Red for too late. There's a broken vase with wilted white lilies on the floor, and his lips ******.
white lilies are used for funerals.

(idk what i'm doing with my life and exams are finally done. I'm going to be a university this fall. why)
Apr 2015 · 380
Untitled
Elli Apr 2015
There will be people like her
who will always belong to the sky,
because you know that her rightful place
is among the stars, and the galaxies,
because you are sure that she is above earthly things.

That's why no matter how hard you try,
she will never be yours,
not fully,
because she might be with you,
but her eyes will twinkle and you know she's gone,
she's in a place that you cannot reach.

So it's okay to let her go,
because you know that deep down,
she was never yours to begin with.
She's just a traveller from another universe.
Apr 2015 · 2.9k
hiraeth
Elli Apr 2015
I jolted awake and cold,
in an unfamiliar bed with a scent that is not yours,
and all I want is for you to welcome me
with your loving arms;
but I have no home now,
it crumbled when you said goodbye.
“hiraeth”
— (hɨraɪ̯θ), noun | A Welsh, untranslatable feeling, hiraeth is loosely described as a homesickness for a home you cannot return to anymore or a place, which never even existed. Connotations of sadness, yearning, profound nostalgia, and wistfulness are imbued into the state of hiraeth. Overall this beautiful, but painful longing is a an expression of an empty desire and grief over a past life or place. It is the ultimate signifier of a bond, which has ceased to exist.


(I saw this word, and I think it was quite interesting.)
Feb 2015 · 369
Untitled
Elli Feb 2015
I want to run so fast,
so fast that the monsters wouldn't catch me,
and their faces will just be a blur,
and the wind will wipe my tears away
and my heart will beat really fast,
but at least I know I'm alive

I know that stopping means death,
because their claws are always reaching for me,
and looking back will be a mistake,
because their sinister smiles will be waiting
and the darkness will engulf me

I feel like it's a race
to see if I reach my goal,
but I'm getting tired,
and I need to breathe,
but I know that if I stop
the monsters will swallow me alive
I'm just scared to see their faces,
because it's like looking at a mirror.
Jan 2015 · 674
Untitled
Elli Jan 2015
our love is like a game of hide and seek,
except I always hide,
and you never seek.
Jan 2015 · 798
darling, grow old with me
Elli Jan 2015
You know those cliched romance movies,
and songs that sing of love that lasts forever,
and those poems that make romance so endearingly nice.
I know you said you're tired of it, you've seen it too much.
It makes you sick, and it makes me sick too.
But if it was you who I would do all those things,
and spend my life with you,
then cliched or not, it will be a dream come true.

Our bodies will change,
and my hands won't be as smooth as you were used to,
but we will share everything together, and all the best and even the worst.
And we may face obstacles too tall for our love,
but then my love for you grows each day I look into your eyes
and see the universe unravel.
So those challenges are no match for us,
because we have a lifetime ahead of us,
and thinking about spending it with you,
is truly a dream come true.
I guess this is what immortality feels like.
Jan 2015 · 690
dinner
Elli Jan 2015
For dinner, you made asparagus and pork chops,
my favourite combination.

Do moms have a sixth sense when they know that something bad is going to happen?

You smiled and said, "I made your favourite."

I said, "I'm going to miss this."

But you didn't understand,
you thought I meant that there weren't asparagus left to cook for tomorrow, so you said "Sweetie, don't worry, I can make some more for dinner tomorrow."



I wonder if you and dad can finish food for three people,
when there will only be two people at the table.
Jan 2015 · 753
10w
Elli Jan 2015
10w
"she's just a friend"

but we started there as well.
Jan 2015 · 377
"why are you leaving?"
Elli Jan 2015
I'm losing you,
and I'm losing myself.

I don't know which one is worse.
Elli Jan 2015
I know you're confused.
You wonder how it could go from "i love you" to "i don't care" in just one day.
Somehow, between the lines of of his "sweet dreams" and "goodbye"
you became one of his forgotten dreams.

Oh, and it breaks my heart more
to know that you spent all your time praying to God, if there is one
to take you back in time,
and you prayed really hard that day
even if you don't consider yourself religious.
Because you were lost and broken, so maybe God will take pity on you,
even just once.

You and I both know that deep within that broken self of yours,
it is being held by a sliver of hope.
That's why you didn't crumble.

You were taken aback so much,
that you didn't even cry.
You just lied on your bed, staring into the darkness that is engulfing you, like a mother cradling her child.
If monsters were real, you hoped that they come and get you that night.
But they didn't.
So you woke up in the morning, feeling nothing.
You were glad you had a reason to skip school that day.

And you finally cried,
as if your tears finally realized you needed to let out the pain.
You took three showers that day,
only because your mom caught you crying in your room.

Oh and I beg you, don't put that blade on your skin.
And I know you remembered how you promised to him that you wouldn't hurt yourself.
So you kept your promise,
you drew flowers on your wrists instead.

But it has to get better right?
You're going to run out of tears soon.

So this is why this letter is made,
letting you know that  poets write their pain on a paper,
not on their skin.
will probably delete this later because it just doesn't make sense.
Jan 2015 · 409
canvas
Elli Jan 2015
We are all paintings
We are painted with words that have been said to us,
the things we thought of,
the actions that caused us to succumb
and to cower in the dark.
The nice things we said to someone,
even the bad ones.
They're all painted on us.
We are the canvas of our life.
Shaped by tragedy and triumph.
Sometimes you feel like your canvas is painted black.
Maybe it is.
But you know what that's good for?
Painting a galaxy.
Because why look at stars and planets outside of Earth,
when there are wonders here that we have not explored.
Inside of us, there are galaxies to be seen,
and marveling sights to be delve into.
We are all explorers.
(idk)
Jan 2015 · 343
two autumns (10w)
Elli Jan 2015
as the leaves fall,
we fall apart from your absence.
Jan 2015 · 514
Gray area
Elli Jan 2015
We were laughing,
we were joking,
but the phone call ended it.

We rushed,
we panicked,
your mother embraced us.

There's too many white walls,
I thought this world was supposed to be
black and white.

Yet we sat there lifeless,
feeling like you took our souls with you.

We were standing god knows where,
we were lost, especially your cousin.

There's too many black umbrellas here,
and it's raining, as if the sky is mourning;
or is it your tears that were being shed?
I thought this world was supposed to be black and white.

Your cousin didn't come,
but he does his usual routine.
Eat, work, sleep.
But it seems you took more from him,
than you did with us.
He is lost,
and you are gone.
g o n e
you are g o n e
and we all want you back.
and I realized that there's two ways people take death,
they either move on and cope,
or you stay being lost.
Dec 2014 · 642
the pretender
Elli Dec 2014
Your eyes grew weary,
I can see that you're a bit groggy,
you realized i noticed
and you said "I'm fine"
but we both know why
you never got any sleep last night,
it's because the demons paid you a visit.
I pretended I didn't notice the way your voice wavers,
as if it's taking all your energy not to cry.
You pretended you didn't notice I saw the tear that formed in your eyes.
So you said "I'm fine" for the second time,
but were you convincing me or yourself?
I guess we both had our demons within,
we just pretended we didn't see.
We were both pretending because we didn't want to wake the demons up.
Dec 2014 · 242
I ran away
Elli Dec 2014
I'm sorry.
I am a coward, I know.
You said "I love you" but instead of saying it back, I choked on it instead. Like that time when my friend was crying so hard at 2am because her boyfriend said that he didn't love her anymore. So she choked on her tears, and I watched her fall apart.

Then I look at you at night, lying on my bed. I was holding your hand tightly, just to make sure that you won't leave. Because every time I see you sleeping on my bed, it reminds me how my old house shook when my dad closed the door one last time. He left in the middle of the night, with no warning. I held my mom as she try to pretend she's okay in front of me, but then collapse because her own body couldn't carry so much pain. She cried, she cried so much that she didn't have any tears left. She talked less, and you almost feel like she's invisible. I was afraid to blink because I might lose her. She was fading away.

Then there was this girl in my grade. She was so vibrant and lovely. We sat together in math class. She only talks about her boyfriend and her love for music. One day, she skipped class. I saw her in the hallway, her hair wasn't combed, and she didn't even try to dress pretty like she used to. I remember going to the washroom and finding her there crying. She didn't go to school the next day. She drowned her pain with pills, and it worked. She will never feel any pain ever again.

That's why I have to run. It's not because I don't love you, but because I do.
(still editing)
Dec 2014 · 385
Untitled (10w)
Elli Dec 2014
The daylight is dying,
and the night swallows it whole.
Nov 2014 · 440
Fall
Elli Nov 2014
Everything started to fall,
from leaves turning into orange
and to the breeze that begins to feel chilly.
I think we started to fall too,
not with each other,
but apart.
The degrees were getting lower,
and you were being more distant.
I get shivers down my spine,
but it's not the weather that makes me feel cold at night.
Nov 2014 · 1.6k
self-harm
Elli Nov 2014
the most self-destructive thing i have ever done
wasn't the red slashes on my arms
or my bruised knuckles and broken walls,
it was the moment i made someone my happiness
and my beacon of light.
Oct 2014 · 353
a planned farewell
Elli Oct 2014
Tonight she will tell her parents "I love you" and hug them very tightly.
She will ask if she can sleep beside them just like when she was young and afraid of the dark.
Then she'll text everyone she cares about a "good night and thanks for being a great person :)" and call the person she really cares about and say "I love you".
All of them are clueless,
that she plans to sneak out at 5 in the morning,
before the sun rises
and walk to the bridge near her place.
And at her final moments she will finally cry, because she had to make sure everyone's last memory of her will be a good thing.
They couldn't see her like this, so miserable and pathetic.
No, she has to make sure that everyone will not see the side she despised the most,
so that's why she wrote on her note how her friends are amazing,
and how her parents are very loving;
because she has to make sure they wouldn't blame themselves,
it's just that she could not make it to the finish line.
Oct 2014 · 299
what is depression?
Elli Oct 2014
It's to know you're not sad,
because you have no reason to
especially when you had a good day today;
and that the thoughts aren't yours
but it's in your head
you can't stop hearing it
and sometimes it makes you cry
sometimes it makes you feel nothing
and then you lie on your bed
thinking it's another day without doing your work
because when you lift up your pencil,
your hand trembles
and you feel weak

And it's not like this everyday,
usually you'd go for days, weeks, even months
without these thoughts

but then you suddenly can't breathe,
and then you'd feel that the weight of your heart
is something you can't carry,
and then you cry for no reason.
You feel like you've been hit by a truck,
and it hurts.

that's why you want it to end,
but you don't want to stop breathing


but it feels like it's the only way out.
Oct 2014 · 737
"face your demons"
Elli Oct 2014
They say that you must face your demons
in order to conquer it,
but I face mine everyday
it stares back at me
as I stare at the mirror
and to destroy it
is to destroy me.
because I am my own demon,
it's inside my head.
Elli Sep 2014
she said "goodbye"
and he didn't realize that
she never really say that word;
unbeknownst to him that it will be the last thing she will say to him.
so he said "goodbye" too,  but didn't find out it was final until the next day.
Sep 2014 · 792
the past has passed
Elli Sep 2014
everything is the past,
the time i wrote the first line is already a history.
the moment i blinked after this word is already gone,
they are all in the past.

the world you know changes constantly,

blink

blink

blink


the world you knew already changed once you finish reading this line
and life works that way.

so I don't see why you stress over something that happened an hour ago, or maybe a week ago, sometimes even 2 years ago.
they are already in the past,
simply a memory engraved in our minds,
haunting us from the future.

and then we have tomorrow
or maybe the next hour,
a history that hasn't been written,
shouldn't you worry about that?
and it's okay to look behind from time to time,
just remember you are not the same even just an hour ago.
Sep 2014 · 738
my morning star
Elli Sep 2014
I thought you were my angel sent from above
to make this misery end,
and to be the bright light that shines upon my darkness.
But even lucifer was an angel too.
lucifer was referred as "morning star" in the Old Testament.
Sep 2014 · 385
both are the same
Elli Sep 2014
He loves the girl who smiles and tell jokes,
who would bother him from time to time
yet he still finds it attractive.
He loves the girl who is clever and creative,
someone whose ideas you will grow to love.
He cannot stop talking to her because she is simply charming,
who he finds so mysterious because he can never guess what
she's thinking.

I am sad and pathetic,
totally not clever or charming.
My mood is a roller coaster that seems to bother you so much.
Smiles that don't reach my eyes because they're filled with tears.
I am nothing but trouble,
and a wreck whose life has no direction.
but I am her, and she is me.



(i'll probably delete this later b/c it's not good)
Sep 2014 · 240
Missing you
Elli Sep 2014
When I miss you at 3 AM
I don't want to go to sleep
because at times like this
my dreams would be the same,
I would dream of kissing you
and holding your hand,
I'll tell a joke
and I wake up to the sound of your laugh
as if you were actually in my room
but it's just a dream,
yet i'm still breathless
because it felt so real;
and I wanted to call you
to simply hear your voice
but it's 3AM
and you're probably asleep
and you're the reason why I haven't sleep well in a week
Sep 2014 · 591
Untitled
Elli Sep 2014
"Sorry isn't enough"

Then I am sorry for being insufficient
for i cannot fix a broken heart
nor give back the time we lost

all i can offer is myself
and even i am not complete

but this is all i can offer
and this is my everything
but sometimes everything isn't enough
Sep 2014 · 317
Untitled
Elli Sep 2014
He will love you as if it's the most important thing he will ever do,
and he will love you hard.
You will feel his presence with you all the time,
so used to his body heat that his absence on a summer day will suddenly make you shiver.
He will accompany you to your favourite cafes, sipping on your favourite drinks and his laugh will echo in this tiny little cafe of yours,
and when you only hear your silence, sipping on your favourite latte doesn't seem so relaxing anymore.
You will always go to the parks, because malls aren't really your thing,
and he will lie down with you and just stare at the sky while you familiarize yourself with his breathing,
and the sound of his heart will suddenly be your music.
When he's gone, you will feel that the silence in the park is so excruciating that you would rather go to a mall and try to be lost in the crowd, drowning your pain with endless chatters.
You never saw the harm of sharing the things that you love with someone, until you hear him say your name one last time,
and you grew to hate everything.

Because the person who made you feel alive is gone,
and you will feel that you are invisible again to the world.

But it isn't the end of the world, even if it seem like it is.
Because one day you will be able to drink your favourite latte, or go to the park, and you wouldn't mind the silence anymore.
One day you will forget how his heartbeat sounded like, and you will think all heartbeats sound the same.
Until you forget how he pronounced your name one last time,
because it's all in the void of forgotten past.
Within those silence you finally grew to enjoy,
a "hello" will break through and someone will share
their favourite lattes with you, or the best spot to lie down at the park.
(editing)
Aug 2014 · 313
Untitled
Elli Aug 2014
you were my eternal bliss,
my sunshine,
my moon,
i would've reached the stars for you
and i thought you would do the same

you were my river
endlessly flowing
my heart beats for you
yet somehow yours didn't beat for me

you are my own destruction
the clouds that covered the sun
and the storm that poured forever;
the stars stopped shining
and i stopped reaching it
because i realize i was standing on a cliff

you are the rock that constricts my river
the one that blocks the blood in my veins
and i have a heart
that already stopped beating
the river was only an illusion
it was simply an arroyo
who never saw the rain
arroyo-(Physical Geography) a steep-sided stream bed that is usually dry except after heavy rain
Aug 2014 · 349
mutual destruction (15w)
Elli Aug 2014
You broke my heart with your harsh words,
and I broke yours with my silence
Aug 2014 · 395
"You're beautiful"
Elli Aug 2014
Don't tell me I'm beautiful,
because I've heard that a thousand times
and I bet you've said that to other girls before me;
Like an old shoe, tainted with mud,
or worn-out clothes.

A word that simply scratches the surface,
but barely reaching the inside.
It hangs in the room like dust,
so used and common,
being thrown as if it's the ultimate prize.
As if it just slips out of your tongue,
a word you've always used.

Tell me I'm breathtaking,
as if you hold your breath whenever we're not together
waiting to taste the air again the moment you laid your eyes on me.

Tell me that even the thunderstorms clear out when I'm around you,
or maybe that you feel the sun shines brighter.

Say that I am intelligent,
that you always feel at awe when I speak
because it seems as if the angels were the one
who spoke the words.

Tell me that my voice is sweeter than honey,
and that my laugh is contagious even to strangers.

Because these are the things that I am dying to hear,
metaphors that are waiting to be used.

This word has been splattered on me like a paint,
and I cannot be a masterpiece if it's simply white.

So paint me with words and metaphors that you haven't used
and make a galaxy out of me,
because surely everyone is a masterpiece simply hiding beneath the white paint.
(still editing)
Aug 2014 · 266
Untitled
Elli Aug 2014
I feel like dying,
but that doesn't matter.
I feel nothing,
but that doesn't matter.
I feel unimportant,
but that also doesn't matter.
I go to sleep wishing to never wake up,
but then again, it doesn't matter.

I guess a smile and "i'm fine"
is all that matters.
i don't know. i'll probably delete this later.
Aug 2014 · 258
the city where i died
Elli Aug 2014
oh darling, darling
bury me with the earth
i grew to love

sing me a song of sadness
let it make you insane

let me see your pain,
the city must mourn

bury me here,
the city where i died

the place where you broke my heart
where everything collapsed

no, this isn't the city i lived in
but rather where i died
Aug 2014 · 318
losing the light
Elli Aug 2014
Before:

The world can crash and burn
and everything would still be fine,
because I still have the light that guides me
and warms me to the bones.

After:

The world can go to hell for all I care,
and darkness lives within me
for I am lost;
Sharp cold protrudes my lungs,
and I feel death is beside me.
(still editing)
Aug 2014 · 8.2k
mood
Elli Aug 2014
sometimes you're the sun on a bright and sunny day
and sometimes you're a raincloud on a gloomy day
but nonetheless they are both needed for flowers to grow
under your feet

I've seen the worst of your thunderstorms
and the best of your radiant days where you shine the brightest
and I choose both
because I love you nonetheless
and I will be the rainbow after your storm
and the stars that will keep you company at night
Jul 2014 · 250
nothing lasts forever (10w)
Elli Jul 2014
they asked us what is our relationship,
you answered "nothing"
Jul 2014 · 503
the owner of the shoe
Elli Jul 2014
A mother would cradle a shoe
it is not a pair for it was lost,
and still damp even after a year.
Every night she takes it out of her special box,
a picture of a girl with a bright smile was inside,
including cards she gave her, with poems within them.
She hugs the shoe as if it's her own child,
remembering how she bought it for her as a christmas gift last year,
too bad it is not a pair anymore.
The mother can still hear the splash of water as it hits the rocks,
carrying this pair of shoe.
She lulls the shoe as if it's the most important thing in the world,
only because her real treasure is long lost gone.

The other pair is still lost and buried underneath the pebbles and dirt
of the raging river,
and this is the only way it gets to be with its owner.
Jul 2014 · 284
again
Elli Jul 2014
I've been here before
grey and tattered walls
secluded and small
where i stay up all night
playing sad melodies

pray for me dear,
that i may break the surface
pray for me,
even a smile will help

because i'm all alone again
stuck in this place again
no one to go home again
Jul 2014 · 4.1k
stars
Elli Jul 2014
i always feel helpless
even when i'm around you
because stars that seem to be
just right beside one  another
are actually separated
by a great,
great

d i s t a n c e
and i can't reach you
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