The decision is never really a choice
The low numbness and lack of feeling is fine
It can be contained and dealt with (Hidden)
Feeling is what triggers it
The sudden need to gasp, the jump in your heart
That believes it is hunted, haunted by the future past present
The hand in your gut, poking and prodding your intestines
Subtly and gently pulling your stomach

Feeling is what is unbearable
I have nothing to hit
No wounds to heal
Nothing to show for my inner turmoil
Except for the marks that I make
On the crook of my arm
That I hide only until they close
Because they never heal

You drop your promises like a porcelain cup;
Drink from it but you don't want to clean your mess up;
Well my heart was antique; an heirloom that's shattered;
Its pieces lie at your feet; not like that mattered.

Now that I'm broken, I'll always showcase the lines
That make up my scars; they'll decrease a hundred times
My value, to find a good home because I'm chipped;
And who on Earth would press those splinters to their lips?

They aren't just scars.
They are the demons
I fought at 3 am.
They are my insecurities,
my deepest fears,
and my lonely nights.
They are the insults I have received and the
emotions I cant contain.
They are a part of me
and are what I have become.

My body Screams for release,
It begs for never ending peace.
One cut and rest forevermore,
or a quick lay, bones on the floor.

i wonder what it's like to be so scared
of every decision

of every word, every action
every relationship, interaction
and conversation

i mean... I'm certainly not curious enough to find out

one, two
buckle your shoes

three four,
open the doors

five, six
seven more tricks

nine and ten,
writing in pen

eleven, twelve,
don't hurt yourself

thirteen, fourteen
fifteen years

sixteen, seventeen
eighteen pills

nineteen, twenty
and thirty will ****


I promise, sweetheart,
you'll be beautiful

so come on sing with me:

one, two,
three more pounds


a couple more,
you’ll be **safe
and sound

0 is only possible with water
1 sadly isn't possible and won't satisfy
13 is equivalent to that of an unappetizing snack
300 is starting to border between satisfying and too much
500 is a little out there
1,000 is unsatisfactory
2,000 is toilet time

She is
Thin
        Scrawny
They call her too thin
                                   flat chest
                        bony


She is
Chubby
     Big
  They call her fat
                              Ugly
                                    Overweight

Why
are they
so different?

Why
can't they
see
that they both are human
                                 girls

Why
do they
both long to be different
                             perfect

Why
can't they
see
how beautiful they are?

Why
do we
always
Tell them they aren't?

What do you want me to say?
That I feel like my friendship
is a lie? my suicidal friend may
leave me here and it kills me
inside? Or that the girl I like
feels wrong at my touch?
My friends want to see me, psych,
No one can see me when I
am good to see them, only when
I am not good do they want to.
and look at me, grabbing my pen
to write more lines like I have
an actual problem that cannot
be easily solved without a knife
a knife I have definitely fought
for way to long, maybe I would
be happier in hell, for pain and
darkness has always been more
like home then all of the land
of my home town and family.