It was the first time we'd seen each other
since we broke up.
We were sitting on a picnic table bench
at the last place we went on a date ,
crying our eyes out.
You saw the tears in my eyes
and you choked on yours.
"What are we?" You laughed through the tears.
"A mindfuck. A glorious, incredible mindfuck."
I bit my lip so hard I tasted blood,
and you pulled me into your arms.
You didn't let me go until I stopped crying.
"I never knew there was a such thing as an intimate hug," you announced.
I laughed.
You pulled back and put your forehead to mine,
and I didn't kiss you.
I stopped myself.
"Are we thinking the same thing right now?"
You chuckled, voice wavering.
I responded, "Yes."
That was the first time I didn't tell you I loved you when I felt it.
I wish I did.

Lost.
His golden brown eyes drew me in like a distant light I wanted so badly to touch.

His lips, so mysterious and with the slightest smile, made me smile back and feel like I needed to hide my blushing cheeks.

His hands, as they moved, where they wanted made my head spin in circles and all I could do was close my eyes.

All of these would soon fade away and all I could feel when it was all said and done was pain. Hurt that it couldn't last forever and that I wasn't enough for you. Used because you eventually wanted that with someone other than me. Broken because our daughter was created with so much love and you turned out to be so evil. Pain because that was the only emotion left.

I love Lightning when no claps of thunder trail it
I love the pitter-patter of rain outside when I am dry inside
I love you when feelings remain requited
I love everything until I see each layer

Love poem
Never read
In a letter
Never sent.

Self-inflicted torment.


-- Eleanor

Bad dreams stole the love you have for me piece by piece until you frown
Good dreams kidnapped your stranded body to the arms of a face unknown

There there my darling open your heavy eyelids to me
No more running around inside the compelling dreams where you cannot see
I will design your reality to be worth living than whatever dreams may be
With laughter as the original soundtrack and both of us as the main casts
where myself as a whole is meant to return to your rib cage
and when the time is properly given to stitch up the wounds I made

Give me a god who is Love

not like pink cutout butterflies
on the sad cinder block walls of
a Sunday school daycare

but like how you can’t sleep at 2 a.m.
remembering the first time you
tasted your girlfriend

or how you run inside during a
thunderstorm because you don’t
want to get struck by lightning or

when your foot can no longer
touch the bottom of the ocean
and you panic because
it’s all Just Too Big

don’t offer me your supermarket
god picked out to match your
buttercup kitchen curtains

give me a god who dances
naked and scandalously
in the rain

Blanket me with love
After you embroider it with hatred
Careful as not to pick your fingers with the needle
Your wrists show scars
Your knuckles crooked and broken
Your thumbs and palms the only remnants of daydreams without nightmares