I don't have any friends
I say im good with people
Always abled to communicate trends
You know, the stuff that's hardly lethal
But what about the stuff that matters really?
See I'm profoundly too scared
I can't express my emotions freely
Not matter how hard I try, I'll always use a laugh emoji or smirk and say I'm alright
But the thing is, I'm not
And I don't know if I'll ever be
And I don't know if I'll ever let them see
Hellopoetry is my salvation,
When I call my friends to tell them I'm hurting in portions
I can't, I pretend to laugh when they enquire
But cry so hard inside to my desires
I ask about  their wellbeing and as usual,
I try to be their salvation.
But right now
I'm tired
There's a growing lump in my throat
Or in my chest,
I don't even know
But it hurts so much
That I'm naturally tired
Just too tired to be alive

-fir.m

and I looked at you all the time
you were my best friend
but this was different
it was in that moment
through laughter
and inside jokes
when I looked up at you
and realized
by god
  
  I love this person

Tonight, I spoke into the darkness,
No stars to light my way,
       The black void all encompassing

   My words drifting up in ribbons,
          I waited for something, anything to happen

              I felt a rumble that was akin to ripples emanating from a drop of water hitting a puddle

        I was small next to the impossible,
And when it spoke back, it changed me
      
        The blank canvas of stark black was pierced by blades of light,
    The sky becoming a shutter in a rain storm
           Blowing open and closed
       The words came and wrapped themselves across my body in its entirety
        Constricting my air flow

             I felt myself shatter
  An implosion of feeble glass
       Ricocheting through a skeleton of paper, reflecting the brightness above inside ripped skin

                I was nothing.
                I didn't exist.
                I floated in an incomprehensible place that had no end, no walls

     No ceiling or floor

            Just illumination in every direction

                    I opened my eyes
  
    And was blinded by an incredible radiance

      I shut my eyes tight and swatted in front of me
        My hand struck something metal and I yelped in pain
          
          I shot up and stared downward
    Towards the desklamp unplugged on the floor
        
          Breathing heavily, I sat upright in my bed,
                 *Struggling to pull away words that had already sunken in

i don't believe that someone's sadness should be justified. in fact, i don't think that a lot of people's feelings/emotions should always be justified for that matter. feelings are just that, feelings. and sometimes, our feelings don't always have to manifest from a case scenario, incident, or situation. sometimes, they just pop up. plain and simple. we are people, and things like this happen to all of us. sometimes, i get sad. and i feel like an ocean composed of disappointment and heartache is filling up my lungs, and that's okay. and if i don't know why i'm feeling that way, it's okay. i don't have to always give you an explanation, and that's okay too. the mere idea that we always need to disclose the reasoning behind our sadness, or our anger, or our happiness, is absurd. yes, i totally agree with the fact that bottling in feelings all the time is nowhere near okay and that you should find some way to cope with them and help you deal with them in a non destructive way, but what i don't agree with is the fact that when you spill your insides out to a person, it's assumed that you need to justify yourself. you don't always have to. and that's just where the truth lies.