In a dusty pile of the past
A journal stained with time
A memoir of your childhood
An accumulation of arbitrary
thoughts and rhymes
cringe-worthy phrases
of yet evolving thinking
You'd wish you could erase
from existence & printing
Unlocks a chamber of nostalgia
whimsical feelings
& the scent of home
Unravels an eternity of memories
vaguely reminisced in monochrome.

I wish I was manipulative
-not to manipulate anyone
but to avoid manipulation
to identify corruption
look deception in the eye
& have the guts to say goodbye
instead of getting caught in the aftermath
- feel my heart sink in realization
these unapologetic moments of reiteration
to evade the soul being scandalized
Or a reputation - vandalized
By their merciless malignancy
- the wisdom to not be fazed or paralyzed.

flawed interpretations
unintentional messes
obliterates my mind
& the heart, it oppresses
decisions are risky
social constructs are fragile
interactions give anxiety
for some aren't as agile
confidence is a faulty machine
you never know when it'll collapse-
doubt is a burden to the soul
when the world is full of traps.

Perfectionism is
solely imperfect
We can't change
what is meant to be
This dimension's truly
a synchronized mess
& we're confused
to the worst degree.
Neither appearance
nor soul
will adhere to the role,
or that ideally flawless pitch
you've got ready in your head-
the stereotypical switch
that you subconciously await
the time you achieve perfection
-won't be met until you're dead.

Strangers; estranged to eachother
desensitize the soul of another
judgement & diversification -
forefront of a bad implication
you feel - so taken out of context
then you hypothesize the mind of the next
& memorize those objectified persons
but realize; these are empty aversions..
for that stranger too - is similar to you
in a complex existence, lost in the blues
faces complications,
the same symptoms of life
same alterations
of both bliss, sadness & strife
though it seems you're the cynosure
& them; the background noise
though they say,"I'm the protagonist"-
& you're just a little voice
Every stranger, every soul of your life-
whatever role-
possesses a mind as intricate as yours
a life as labyrinthine -
although not shown.

We find our sentiments
&  create our aesthetics
to reside in our minds
though we know it's pathetic.
Living in the reality of-
another dimension in our head
when in reality- soulless eyes &
a presence dead
haunts the present world
shifting phases, facing conversions.
The body grows,
as strangers take over
or is it the same soul
in different versions?

To never let my inner child die
or take responsibility
To never live a routine life
or let seriousness seep into me
To hold onto your childish thoughts
& let your childish desires flourish
honestly, seeking wisdom is the worst
when memes & pizza keeps me nourished!

Thinking contemplation
leads to revelation
seeking information
for a transformation
In a simulation?
this entire nation
an insinuation
of greater creation
or the ultimate narration
piques our fascination
less human conversation
more alienation
engenders more destruction
than annihalation
so, forget this complication
& make life a Celebration.

a tiring maze
a puzzle unsolved
a lightning phase
before your old
duty madness
weighs your soul
the human sadness
that can't be told.
an idle transcript
of ending time
oblivious to
your obscure mind
a hollow space
saved till you find
whats been missing-
The yet 'undefined'.

To stay out of trouble
is to live in your bubble
'Don't mingle'- not subtle
when you end in the rubble.
Became a social butterfly
only to hear the distant battle-cry
as arrows struck you from up high
& you began think, 'I'd rather die'
than carry the weight- 'misunderstood'
from societal challenges- understood-
risk your peace - do you think you would?
to become a figure - appearing 'good'.

Why the incessant heart ache
that comes with its persisting beat
the reiteration of menacing thoughts
-Inability to sit still in your seat.
a clenching jaw & those rapid eyes
implies the existence of a disturbed soul,
trapped between heavy walls of meat
at the pit of the minds' profound hole.
Are you in distress & unrest
in a state of mournful agitation
inflicted into lifes entangled turbulence
with no forewarning or invitation          
unwelcome thoughts linger to & fro        
pacing through the hallway of your head
from the livid past to a murky future    
Your senses awoke in - infrared.

Suddenly
the system
lacks in exhilaration
a desperate crave
for a joyful sensation-
begins to eat you up inside.
Your skin that 'once had been'
was so under-appreciated-
loses elasticity
& regretfully deflated-
becomes that youthful thrill.
& in the dark & loathsome
dusk of your life
you truly feel lonesome
a forgotten solitaire in the night.
And though we melt-
& take anomly forms
I hope we stick
with those lucid norms
that keeps us human
& merely sane
To still see the bliss
in this existential game.

The mind misunderstands
what's feign & what's the truth
reality keeps contradicting
awaited promises  - so uncouth
stirring melancholia-
Once a place of aspiration
replaced  by gerascophobia
residing in despondent contemplation.

a landfill of memories
at times seem grotesque &
sombre
life's alright- not electrifying
for my fluctuating moods in ombre
desolate human connections,
expectations that start to swell
fatigued like insomniacs
but we've been sleeping well.
a murmur of malaise
that has no sole origin
& console myself with the sad riff-
of a guitar that's lost ambition.

A cabin in the forest
far from the city- bleak
where the air so crisp
would cleanse your soul
as you breathe in the morning mist.
colossal trees tower over your presence
Let it be known human-
the landlords who reside;
are the grizzlies and the robins-
effervescent.
Tranquil silence & enigmatic sounds
Piques my curiosity all around.
The slight possibility
of a bigfoots presence
eery sensations & the moon in crescent.

Aren't we a minute   •
in this world?        
Just a moment     ▪︎
in the universe.
But, this moment
feels like a whole eternity  ■
to our tiny insignificant souls  
that we hold so grandly; entitled   ●
transfixed on playing roles
in this enigmatic reality  ○
Searching for meaning
in such a quantity ■
of the unknown¿

desire is the flame
that burns us from within
why give it more fuel?
when you know it only stings...
to fantasize, romanticize
give your hearts' glory & fame
to money & material things
when in the end- it's the same.
wanting to - needing-
to craving much more
a never-ending cycle
that ends in dullness & bore.
an inferno of desire
consumes the naive & unwise man
extinguish it & quench the quest-
and you'll find peace
at hand.

We meet once again
always standing face to face
with a questionable glance
and an unfamiliar trace.
emotionless and still
testing out a smile or two
in yet, a judgemental stance
curved mouths that don't feel true.
And of course sometimes we dance
& re-enact our favourite scenes
do extreme fashion shows
before stepping outside by all means.
A peculiar friend you are
& a puzzling character too
who makes me feel like a queen
or implies that I belong at the zoo.
We are one & the same
yet so foreign-
The being in the reflection
of my silver screen.

The teen-age finds
Infamy attractive
& the 'unlawfully fun'.
I heard that
There's no better feeling-
than being on the run.
Some made rebelling,
their creed
& saw thrill-
in ruination.
Amid the juvenile drama,
a thirst for-
retribution.
On top of
great parapets
& in thickets-
we hide.
Don't we all
want to be~
Infamous inside.

Thought you'd be the cynosure of this story
The protagonist, given all the glory
Instead you felt merely equal
To an extra in an unwatched sequel.


Imagined it to be Cinematic & song-like
Eons before that killjoy took the mic
Now certain sensations that you come by
engenders the exhale, of a melancholic sigh


Contrary to the rhapsody, in your mind
life is left indefinite & undefined
Until the mayhem ends in dysphoria
to the fool who long- awaited euphoria.


Are you a believer or sycophant to god?
-intentions of fulfilling desires, rather odd
So comes the unsolicited truth; the kalopsia
That triggers the many nights of insomnia

Out of breath
but I didn't run,
just sat here thinking
about the Sun,
about the Moon,
about the Earth
How life came to be
before my birth?
the eternal truth?
& what lies beyond....
Will  this  Wretched  Universe
Ever Respo-
                    -( fatigued panting*)

Next time you walk past a being unknown....

don't hold a judgemental gaze
or whisper a spiteful phrase,

Let go of your apathetic ways
for humanity & its 'brighter days'

for your words could...
bring another's world crashing down

a warm smile, a nod of acknowledgement
could remind someone, that they're seen

a malicious frown, a belittling glance
Or a patronizing stance
Could cause ones fragile self-esteem to collapse

Your kind eyes, a random compliment
has power to restore wonderment in the eyes
- Of the stranger who was on his way to that
forlorn bridge.

Everyones the protagonist
to their deceptive movie life
made-up delusional illusions
to distract us from the strife.
Delude ourselves into
the minds- 'Hollywood'
hallucinating surrealism
numb & evasive to reality
& the creeping white noise of realism.
We lose track of fleeting memories
as we chase feign & shallow visions,
end up reviling our true form
& make some of the worst decisions.
Are we humour to the gods?
& ideals to the slaves of hell
Are you living in your minds- 'Hollywood'-
       Or are you living your reality well?

They were toxic bestfriends
both of evil similarity
Annie thought Amy was a parasite
who manipulated her popularity
6 months were spent on careful conspiration
all the while they were still friends
till the fateful day of its execution
is where this story ends.

9am one Friday morning
Amy gossiped during Spanish class
Annie hated when she flicked her hair
& stole all her attention from the mass
while Amy spoke of Bessie-
saying she's dead weight- a waste of space
'so will you be' Annie whispered
under her breath with a demented face.

10pm that very night
the girls slept over at Amy's home
Her parents off on holiday
a spontaneous luxury trip to Rome.
Nearing 12 & the time feels right
the tv plays the ending scenes of 'Saw'
Amy dozing off in her seat
as Annie returns in a stance of an outlaw.

Fixated on the rise & fall of her chest
diabolical thoughts run through her head
Clasping a butcher blade at her own behest
she inches closer towards the dread.
Seconds away from agony,
her eyelids flutter open to a vile scene
as Annie pulls the knife down on her
lacerating through her skin.

Stab after stab
the gashes splattered gore
that stained the velvet couch
& trickled on the floor
she felt her rapid heartbeat
quiver through the knife
and stabbed her one last time
-enough force to end her life.

Blood sputtered everywhere
as she took her final gasps of breath
flailed her arms around
and faced her gory death.
Amy lay in a pool of blood
her favourite Crimson red
Its metallic fumes in her nostrils
started messing with her head
Annie stumbled over the corpse-
the knife slipped from her grip
as regret clutched her heart
across the hallway- made her trip
legs dragged feebly with lament
eyes dazed with disbelief
lightheaded and psychotic faced
stone in her throat gave no relief.

In the bathroom mirror
a sinner took the frame
white tee smothered in scarlet
gruesome was her image,with shame
trembling fingers at her sides
fixed on the bulging red
a sinister curve formed on her lips
'Just like in the movies' is what she said.

Murkey thoughts

of potential poems

                            lurk around

my heavy void                         of emptiness

the struggle to translate them into words

                     fires up frustration

an insinuation                       of a dulling passion......

once existed a mind of clarity-

               unbothered by the taunting past & present

& the future of uncertainty
                                        
Once when I wrote of       frogs   &    jellybeans

with much simpler rhyming schemes

once when confusing questions didn't   f l o a t  around

certainly not ones that were this
                                                         profound.

now insanity replaces curiosity

dysfunctional thoughts &
                                             distruaght rhymes

try to summarize

my ConfusiOn

the world is simple-
in the moonlight
my life sails smoothly,
in its daze.

                 I lay on my bed,
                 the phone in my hand
                 but the night out the window,
                 has stolen my gaze.

The hushed house is asleep
as I'm wide-eyed & awake,
menacing homework still unfinished
tomorrows problems can wait-

               for what matters in the morning,
               doesn't matter in this moment
                though the regret I feel at dawn
                  may require an atonement.

my procrastination has lead me
to the classic- stretch & yawn
I let the blanket comfort my soul
& welcome the 'moonrays' with the curtains withdrawn.

I used to be one of the jerks
who thought depression wasn't real

But, lately I've been oblivious
to the strange sadness that I feel

These days I see no point in life
what am i doing here?

A soul gone hollow, empty existence
and a mind that's far from clear

Profound questions rack my brain
but the answers leave me shallow

I feel the formation of a void,
an endless pit so hollow

Things I used to romanticize
bring me joy- no more

Is this a 'perk' of growing old-
just to be filled with bore?

Not usually a downcast being
just vaguely melancholic

when reality punches you in the face
to the truth- far from euphoric.

Still 16 and flushed with life
Anticipating both glory & strife
In a safe haven, yet under wing
Magenta feelings & a freedom sting
Edgy thoughts, urges to be cool
Plenty of time to act like a fool
the paradigm of imperfection
Awaiting my great resurrection
Isn't youth the most beautiful phase?
Oblivious to reality, in an exuberant daze  

But, even Crimson roses will lose their petals
Shrivel up & as charred ashes settle
On the dulling ground, too far from the sky
of azure hues that now stare down to patronize
the once young spirit, who thought it was eternal
being so free & silly, with an unfinished journal
of my life that'll oneday come to an end
as the setting sun will inevitably descend.

mountains shadow,
the dark canvas of the sky
spotted with rhinestones-
starry winking fireflies
as the dreamy drifty clouds
are shyly shifting by,
the strange symphony of a hum & buzz
& the distant crickets cry
awakens other-worldly feelings.
Vaguely hypnotized by its mellow
cruising down this lonely road
mesmerized as the moons gaze follows-
me, sat at the back with the window rolled down
as the nights cool breath gently sways the weeping willows....
I want to live in this moment for eternity
In this nocturnal roadtrip to infinity.

I'm losing my sanity

with this unjust reality

who do you think you are?!

decieving us with profanities.

Of parties & concerts,

ways to please the 5 senses,

paradise awaiting,

these altered reality lenses.

We're all waiting deep down

for a grand surprise

the chest of eternal joy

to be unlocked ...is lies

the never-ending Mondays

the 9 to 5's

was it really worth it..

when you near your demise?

Forget about it,

take a walk outside

abandon this routine life

and never look behind.

we're phantoms lingering through,
lone streets at twilight

lost and decieved of what's perceived
to be life in hindsight

oblivious and unrehearsed,
sprinting through thick mist at midnight

deafened under blankets of white noise,
searching for the obscure insight.

waiting for the sole conclusion,
a purpose for this enigmatic life

where ecstacy inevitably,
ends in melancholy
at most times.

You'll never be this young again

That youthful bliss slowly fades away

You won't see miraculous things the same

Will my eyes glisten when I listen,
       to The Strokes on replay?


Your skin'll alter & your heart grows faint

Wisdom replaces & it chases
silly thoughts to grey

No, nothing will eternally remain..

An inevitable reality
     that drives me insane.


So don't let these days go to waste

Do what you couldn't do yesterday

Do what you can't do in a decade

No matter how old you are at this stage

That invincible feeling that neverends
         is ending as the sand of your hourglass descends.

& Though things are changing without your consent

You have the choice of forever remaining content :)

You exist, as the seconds tick

conscience on the words, being read

the world is still, your soul at peace

countless thoughts swirl inside your head.

But right this second, across the Earth

a being sleeps , caught in a dream

at the other end, where the sun's emerging

a child awakens, to a cuckoos scream.

At this very moment, in a different land

tears are flowing down anothers cheeks

& as you read, under a different sky

a human smiles, at a memory

soon this moment, you spend in time

will cease to exist, like fading mist.

& this split minute, spent like a dime

is a distant memory in your mind.......

A blue blanket crystalline
                         stretching out to infinity
glistens in the limelight
                         of the sun's affinity.
The horizon paints its' golden rays
                                upon the august rippling waves,
& feathered fiends all sail upwind
                                       For the spectacle the sunset gave~~~

I wonder if in years & years
after my demise
someone would read my written piece
& look up to the skies
& wonder how my life had  been
or where I am today
& keep my soul a memory
a million miles away.........

restricted behind the bars of reality
strangled by deafening ethics & rules
deprived of the freedom of choice,
to be what you want, when you wanted to.
To be the sovereign to my kingdom of thoughts,
the monarch to my souls enterprise
I feel my insouciant youth evanesce
a passionate mind being scandalized
-encaged in rage with the worlds deception
that independence comes with age & time
soon only to be racked with the revelation
that responsibility replaces what freedom aligns....

I love cryptic sentences
That make me seem profound
When sometimes I am clueless
to empty words all matched by sound.
My mind to me is ambiguous:
Is it brilliance or pretense?
For all I know my insight could be
- a load of great nonsense.
Intelligence or creativity?
Much too confused to judge
No interest in it's dichotamy
I'd rather have some fudge.
To me it's all insanity
for not everything requires definition.
The end comes faster than the answers
So, indulge in the nonsense that is written.
Our world's enigmatic afterall
This mysterious creation - holds our presence
All that matters could be what you enjoy
So what's life without some ~ Nonsense.

Another facing the screen
writing profanities
thinking insanity
stitching verses acrimonious
or playing pungent words-harmonious
fabricating delusive fantasies
in feelings of pure ecstasy
melancholy or malignity
forged in the bliss of minimalism
or the complex art of maximalism
inspiring poetic athleticism
pressing keys with blazing passion
in an 1880's typists fashion
or pondering by the window
creating a marvelous crescendo
evoking curiosity,
a poetic monstrosity
of thought provoking quality
for questioning our entity
or embracing the obvious,
in whimsical simplicity.
A poetical society
behind my pixelated screen
indulge in poetic impropriety
in Hellopoetry!

Your heart is as cold
as Alaska
your thoughts flow,
like river Nile.
Your mind is as lush
as the Amazon
& eyes reflect the soul
like the sea & the sky.
                     Yet, your heart is as cold
                      as Alaska.
But, when humanity seeps
into your frozen core
As if the Sun shone down
& scorched the ice
your heart would bloom
like the tulip fields
& the night, a coliseum
playing the Northern lights.

Isn't everything in life untitled?
no header for the chapter ahead
the plot remains an enigma until-
the ****** & the closure is dead.
Time flies like the pages of an open book
kept outside in the howling wind...
yet untitled remains the book of my life
till the ending words are inked in.

From an abyss of oblivion.
with no existence of a past.
My soul was dragged to a worldly place
& into a body I was cast.

From birth you piece of mobile meat
I've learned to call my own.
When really I have an incomplete-
identification of who you are.

Are you an anonymous delusion?
Or a master of deception?
Who was created in clandestine-
meant to be my feign depiction.

From the moment I came to this dimension
& till this journeys end
You carry a soul piqued with confusion
as your own & as a friend.

An enigma from the day we met
Your identity never gets clearer..
For everytime I glance at my reflection
A stranger stares back from the mirror.

Before my bare soles touched the Earth
before the moment of my birth
  before my species had evolved
   before the moon had first revolved
    before this world came to be
     before the magma, air & sea
      before our solar system spun
       before the great colossal sun
        before the starry Milky way
         before infinite galaxies
         Beyond the depths of this universe
         beyond the mind blowing multiverse
        beyond the trace of all beyonds
       beyond what logic corresponds
      who lies behind this splendid mess?
     come out creator & confess!
     if it is God, who created him?
    & the creator beyond that rim.
   As if a secret, forever hidden
  from human knowledge, strictly forbidden
what lies behind the mind's invisible wall?
the truth, the purpose of our soul?
               For I seek a beginning beyond history
               the great Beyond that remains a mystery.....

The eye is the mind's window
that portrays all beyond imagination
it feeds the mind with a key of thought
which we indulge in continuation.
But if one had never seen the world
through a window quite so splendid,
& had lived in the abyss of darkness
How'd they know this world exists?